PART TWO
"I W A N T Y O U"
II : XV

Baekhyun tossed his keys onto the counter, taking a few steps before he flopped face-down onto his couch, his phone in hand all the while. Clenching his fingers onto his device, he was reminded of what Chanyeol had texted him a few minutes before his return to the apartment (admittedly, Baekhyun checked while he was driving).

Chanyeol had only sent one sentence that read: "Sorry, emergency came up."

There had been no explanation of what the emergency was and Baekhyun could understand that people needed their privacy—but after the entire situation where it seemed that Chanyeol had run away from him this morning, he wondered if there was something really wrong.

Baekhyun's spirits were incredibly down; a complete opposite to how he had felt when he was searching for Chanyeol in the store.

With a little difficulty, Baekhyun rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling that had yet to be illuminated. He wondered if Chanyeol was okay, the hands on his chest holding his phone dearly, as if that was currently the only thing that connected him to the taller.

It was evident, how Chanyeol was acting different these days. If Baekhyun hadn't been watching so closely, he wouldn't have noticed that Chanyeol's touch always lingered for a second longer and his eyes always had an underlying tone of sadness—it was like he was waiting for something to happen. And that morning, just the way he had interacted with Baekhyun felt like some type of goodbye, even if the shorter himself was prepared for forever.

It was like... Chanyeol knew that something would push them away. Baekhyun could tell because that was what he felt back in high school. He was the one with the lingering touches and sad eyes, because he knew that Chanyeol had only been used for his little game to get Sehun.

Baekhyun sighed, the thoughts causing a headache to form and he closed his eyes, only intending to do so for a few seconds.

Before he knew it, he was out cold, dreaming about warm hugs and soft smiles, his body subconsciously wishing for the warmth that those gestures would bring.

~

The brunet woke up to a bright light, grumbling as he tossed an arm over his eyes to cover the thing that dared ruin his sleep. Minutes later, when the realization that sleep was impossible to achieve again, Baekhyun blinked his eyes open.

Staring at the ceiling, he tried to empty his mind and ignore the dull ache in the center of his chest, but alas, it was impossible when it was the only thing he had been thinking of.

That dull ache was the cause of none other than Chanyeol, whom he hadn't seen in a while.

Swallowing the feeling of worry when he realized it had already been a week, he sat up, his blankets falling to his lap in the process.

After Chanyeol disappeared that night, he hadn't said anything other than that last text. Baekhyun had tried texting him but never got anything back (his texts weren't even read, either). After a few days of unanswered texts, he gave up on texting Chanyeol altogether, hoping that maybe Chanyeol would come see him himself.

His hopes had never been answered and Baekhyun never saw Chanyeol on his morning jogs anymore, which he speculated that he must've changed schedules or started working out somewhere else. The thought of meeting Chanyeol at Viva Polo or his apartment passed by him completely, because he knew he would only get choked up if Chanyeol made it evident that he didn't want him there—and Baekhyun would rather stay in his home than walk out after Chanyeol told him to get out.

At least Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol was okay.

Minseok, Luhan's now boyfriend, had told him a few days ago that Chanyeol was coming to work like usual, seeming completely normal. That fact made him relieved but it also shot him straight in the heart, because he now knew that Chanyeol was ignoring him for a reason that did include him. That thought alone made Baekhyun's heart ache even further, and he now knew that he wouldn't have been able to face Chanyeol in his state of mind. He was sure he would start crying or, even worse, beg Chanyeol to explain why the hell he disappeared and was ignoring him.

Baekhyun turned, letting out a deep sigh as he dropped his feet onto the ground, thankful for the socks that he hadn't taken off last night. His place was cold—so much so that he had goosebumps on his arms and suspected that they had been there for the entirety of the night.

He dragged himself across the room to the thermostat, pressing the screen a few times before he set it to a warmer temperature, finishing his task and making his way over to his room. The moment he landed in his warm bed sheets, he fell right back to sleep, having no care in the world even when he knew that his father would scold him for his absence at the workplace.

When he woke up again, it was around two in the afternoon and he knew that he'd have to get up someday, promptly throwing himself in the shower to wash away the terrible feeling crawling up his spine. The rest of the day was as dull as the light he had woken up to this morning, arriving at work to go through exactly what he had expected; his father reprimanding him for being so irresponsible and showing up late. As usual, he didn't care if Baekhyun looked like a train had run over him—hell, Baekhyun was sure that if he arrived in a hot dog costume, his dad would only shake his head at his immatureness and shove him into the office to continue work.

After his day at work, he called up Luhan, wondering if the boy was free to go out to get some drinks. He was feeling in need of company because, until that point, there was still no sign of Chanyeol. No call or text, and still, Baekhyun felt as if meeting him at Viva Polo was the wrong choice.

He remembered a time like this when he was the one who randomly disappeared—like at their first date. Maybe this was Chanyeol's way of repaying him or something...

Baekhyun shook his head, reminding himself of how Chanyeol had smiled at him when he said that he wanted to forget about all the stuff that Baekhyun had done.

The couple of best friends arrived at the bar at the same time, already striking up a conversation. Sitting down at one of the stools at the bar, Baekhyun glanced at his best friend, realizing how long it had been since he had seriously talked with Luhan—let alone have one of their alcoholic nights.

"Aw I've missed this. These days you're always hellbent on spending your night with Chanyeol," Luhan pointed out, stirring the fruity alcohol that he had ordered. When he heard nothing but silence, he looked up at Baekhyun who was simply staring at his drink, watching as the ice clinked together when the room's warm temperature melted it.

Luhan's eyes narrowed, wondering why Baekhyun didn't go off on a blurb about what Chanyeol and he had done the other day (or the other week, or the other month). Luhan was nearly one-hundred and fifty percent sure that Baekhyun was in love with the guy—but whenever Luhan brought it up, Baekhyun would only laugh and talk about something else.

When still, Baekhyun didn't say anything, Luhan connected two and two. Baekhyun asking him out to drink and then being eerily silent—if that wasn't the biggest indication that something happened with Chanyeol, Luhan didn't know what was. "Are you and Chanyeol... okay?"

Baekhyun didn't answer. Luhan was pretty sure that he hadn't even heard him, so the male snapped his fingers in Baekhyun's face, the latter jolting when he was taken out of his thoughts. "Yeah—probably... I... I think we're okay."

Luhan didn't seem convinced, his lips pressing into a thin line. "You didn't ask me to come out only to stare at your drink. You obviously have something on your mind, so speak up before I force you to."

Baekhyun exhaled, shaking his head. "I'm just overreacting," he said, smiling, "You know me."

"I do," the other pointed out, "And I know that even if you're overreacting, it's better to let it out."

So after a few reluctant seconds of silence, Baekhyun told Luhan that he had a bad feeling about his relationship with Chanyeol, explaining what he had seen and what had happened the other night. He then moved on to the fact that he hadn't seen Chanyeol in a week, and it was disheartening how even Luhan's face fell when he heard that news.

By the end of it, Baekhyun had already gone through two more drinks while Luhan was contemplating Baekhyun's words, running them through his mind.

"I can't say that you're overreacting," Luhan spoke up after a while, watching as Baekhyun leaned down to place his cheek against the counter's surface, facing away from him. "But this is Chanyeol," Luhan reassured, smiling as he patted Baekhyun's head. He felt a pain in his heart—one that he tried his hardest to ignore, when he saw how much Baekhyun cared about his boyfriend, "If he's anything like what you described him as, I'm sure that his worries don't involve you."

Baekhyun let out an overexaggerated sigh, about to speak again before he suddenly cut himself off. He turned to face Luhan, the right side of his face still smushed to the counter even as he spoke again. "I love him, Luhan."

"ing took you long enough," Luhan mumbled under his breath. Baekhyun, in his inebriated state, somehow caught the words, his eyebrows furrowing in distress.

"You knew?"

"You made it a little obvious."

Baekhyun grumbled a few words, leaving space for Luhan to drink his water (he had decided to get sober before both of them would be tripping over their own asses) and to think about what was happening. The signs that Baekhyun pointed out could've simply been over-analyzation—a week could pass by in the blink of an eye and Chanyeol didn't seem to be one who kept track of time—but even if Baekhyun denied it, the guy knew what people were feeling because of what he had been through.

Baekhyun was usually accurate when he observed someone's compartment. If Luhan hadn't known that his father would kill him if he so much as thought of leaving the company, he would've told Baekhyun to become a psychiatrist.

"Do you think he loves me, Luhan?"

Luhan looked down when he heard the softly spoken words, smiling at the hope shining in Baekhyun's eyes. He found it oddly endearing, even when Baekhyun was drunk and still stuck to the counter.

Out of all the Baekhyun's that he had encountered, he believed that the Baekhyun in love was his favourite.

And from the bottom of his heart, he hoped that Baekhyun's speculations and thoughts were wrong... He didn't think he could stomach the look of sadness on Baekhyun's face if Chanyeol and he ever broke up.

"I know he loves you, Baek."

~

It had been three weeks since Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol.

A week and a half since Baekhyun had randomly started crying when he was eating dinner alone at his place, cursing his body for acting without using its conscious.

Up until then, he had made no moves to meet up with Chanyeol—which could've been a mistake in itself. Maybe Chanyeol was waiting for him to make the first move, but whenever Baekhyun was standing in front of Chanyeol's apartment door, he couldn't find it in himself to move forward. He'd only stand there, frozen in his spot as he stared at the room's number aimlessly. And then, every time, without a fail, he'd turn and run away.

Luhan tried reassuring him, but Baekhyun couldn't see the light in their relationship anymore. Of course, there was still that stupid flicker of hope that appeared when Baekhyun left his place every morning, wondering if he would see Chanyeol, but that hope was never answered.

This was probably that turning point that all couples faced, and it was only a shame that their relationship couldn't get through it.

"I don't even care anymore," Baekhyun had announced when Luhan and he were eating dinner together. "I shouldn't care anymore. The first week, I kept trying to meet up with him but he said nothing. If he's expecting me to talk to him first now, then he's definitely wrong."

Luhan smiled sadly, watching how Baekhyun took his anger out in his actions, which were unnecessarily aggressive. He knew that even if Baekhyun showed that he was angry, he was actually dying inside, the scowl on his face only a representation of the amount of sadness he was feeling.

"Chanyeol's a real idiot, isn't he? If he thinks I'm just going to crawl back to him then his head's simply up in his ."

The night continued on like that, their plates remaining identically full as Baekhyun swore his way out of the feelings he knew would eat him out alive. They both knew it was a waste to let the perfectly-made steak get cold, but they were both too busy thinking about other things.

"His food wasn't even that good, either, and his smile was weird when he laughed too hard—"

"Baekhyun..." Luhan said when he noticed where this entire talk was leading up to. Baekhyun was just going down memory lane, turning everything into a sour memory instead of letting it affect him in any other way. "Do you want me to talk to him?" he offered, willing to do anything to solve their relationship.

Baekhyun stopped his little rant, turning to look at the worry in his friend's eyes. He realized what he had been doing and decided that the entire thing was worthless—because it wasn't like Chanyeol could hear it, anyway.

"No, don't..." Baekhyun sighed, his shoulders slumping as he leaned back in his seat. "I'm just... This entire thing is just..." 

When he thought back to Chanyeol again—without the contempt so obviously placed there as a ploy—he realized just how much he missed the so-called idiot. Those past days had been terrible, and he couldn't blame himself for feeling awful half of the time.

"I thought that I finally did something right, after all these years," Baekhyun admitted, his bottom lip quivering.

The brunet felt tears surfacing in his eyes again, the quality of his words quickly diminishing when the salty substance overflowed and his hands went up to cover his face, his speech halted when Luhan stood up quickly and set himself next to him.

Baekhyun cried like that, with Luhan telling him to let it all out with comforting words, convincing him to cry as much as he wanted.

The younger felt like he was being stupid, crying so much over somebody that had been the one to leave him without so much of a word. Even if Baekhyun was ashamed of what seemed to be the dumbest thing he had done in his life, he couldn't stop crying even if he wanted to.

Baekhyun wondered if this was how they would break up—silently, physically close to each other, but so mentally far away.

He came to the conclusion that Chanyeol had noticed that he was about to confess to him that night a few weeks ago, and when he realized that he didn't return the feelings, he decided to get away.

But maybe it wasn't even that complicated. Maybe Chanyeol didn't even know what Baekhyun felt.

Maybe he just didn't love him like he loved Chanyeol.

I know he loves you, his best friend had said.

 

"You lied to me, Luhan."


 

The next day found Baekhyun sitting at his breakfast table, his eyes alarmingly puffy, staring at the remnants of dinner that he hadn't cleaned up.

Luhan had to leave the other night, making sure to tuck Baekhyun in before going over to tend an emergency at his parent's company.

His bedsheets had been extremely warm and cozy, but even with the seemingly serene atmosphere, Baekhyun couldn't sleep.

That was probably why Baekhyun was feeling worse than normal, his movements sluggish when he threw away the food and tossed the dishes into his otherwise pristine sink. Much like the plates, he needed a shower, deciding that the dishes could wait as he washed himself up first.

He would've done something about Chanyeol back in the day, but now, Baekhyun didn't want to push it.

If their relationship would end silently, then he'd allow it to. He didn't want to confront Chanyeol if it would only bother him.

Lately, he had been meaning to meet Jongdae somehow and talk to him, because the last time he had seen him shocked Baekhyun completely. He wanted to see how much Jongdae had changed for good.

When Baekhyun was finished his shower and looked relatively normal, he made a simple breakfast that he had learned from Chanyeol, refusing to acknowledge that without Chanyeol, most of his meals would be instant "healthy" stuff that he bought from the store. Like Uncle Ben's Rice or some Kraft Dinner. Admittedly not the healthiest.

He pushed the greens on his plate mindlessly, his place eerily silent like it had been as of late. The other day, his dad had announced to the company that Baekhyun would now be taking over the role of CEO, and he should be ecstatic that his dad wouldn't be watching over his every move, but he couldn't feel that emotion because he had always thought he'd be sharing the news with Chanyeol. 

Baekhyun scowled when he felt his mood drop, trying to banish any thoughts of Chanyeol. He was still sad—he'd always be some type of sad when thinking about whatever they were, but he stood by his earlier words. He shouldn't care anymore. Chanyeol didn't put in an effort to fix what was happening, and Baekhyun had already tried (though only half-heartedly because he was afraid,) so he should just try his hardest to forget.

He whipped out his phone and texted Luhan, knowing that he was being overly clingy but he was needing some company. Not even a minute later, he got a reply.

Luhan's text was filled with sad-face emojis and Baekhyun rolled his eyes, texting his best friend that he knew he was only stalling before telling him that he was on a date with Minseok. After Luhan confirmed being busted, Baekhyun set his phone back on the table, trying to finish the breakfast that was not as good as he remembered it to be. He wasn't all that sad that Luhan couldn't hang out with him, because he understood that Luhan had his own life. 

A few minutes later, the disgruntled brunet heard a series of knocking on his door, his attention momentarily taken away from the bunny-looking shape he had made out of the vegetables.

He stood, the chair scraping the ground behind him as he made his way over to the door, wondering who would need him on a Tuesday morning. He slowed when he realized that the person on the other side could've been Chanyeol, who came to do... who knows what. 

Baekhyun stayed frozen there, his hands balling into fists as he gathered the courage he had left, trying to convince himself that it was just the mailman or maybe one of his other friends (okay, that second one was incredibly improbable). Walking up to the door, he took in a deep breath before he unlocked and opened it in one beat, the little hope that was remaining dissipating into thin air.

His lips formed a tight line when he saw Chanyeol standing in the doorway, staring at Baekhyun in such a way that made his stomach twist. Chanyeol looked as perfect as ever; his skin clear and his style impeccable. The dark bomber jacket he currently adorned fit him so well that Baekhyun was actually a little jealous.

Baekhyun's emotions were in a twist, one side of him—the stupid side—wanted to jump into Chanyeol's embrace and hug the living daylights out of him, whereas the other wanted to just stay rooted in place, staring at him.

Both of the options were crazy, but he still had a mind to choose the more normal once, which had subsequently been the latter option.

Chanyeol was beginning to look aggravated standing there, because Baekhyun hadn't done anything but stare the entire time. But it wasn't like he could tear his gaze away, because Chanyeol's previously black hair was dyed to a fiery red. Baekhyun felt his heart beat speed up the littlest bit.

"Can I come in?" he questioned, his tone surprising Baekhyun entirely.

He didn't sound like he was there to explain why he had disappeared for two and a half weeks, and he didn't sound like he was going to apologize either.

Baekhyun merely nodded, turning and letting Chanyeol invite himself in. He wondered how sad his apartment currently looked, with one set of breakfast on the table and work-related papers everywhere in the living room. Not to mention it was still cold, because November had just rolled in and Baekhyun wasn't in a good enough mood to turn up the heater.

He turned when he figured that Chanyeol had gotten a good distance inside of his place, one of his hands clutching his other arm awkwardly as he bit his lip.

"So um... did you have something to tell me?" Baekhyun questioned, his voice smaller than what he had intended it to be.

He wanted to be angry, because it wasn't fair how Chanyeol just disappeared and decided that it was okay to show up at his place unannounced. After completely ignoring his texts and any other form of communication, he thought that he was still welcome here—and... and with that gaze, too?

Baekhyun was staring into that gaze right at that moment, and Chanyeol's eyes were expressionless. Countless hours of staring into Chanyeol's tender-filled eyes made the difference noticeable, if not obvious. It was so different that Baekhyun felt that if he moved a step, his knees would buckle and he'd be rendered useless. The weight of that stare made him realize what Chanyeol was here for, and the shorter had to lower his head, his eyes downcast to hide the tears slowly building.

Even if he wanted to be angry, all he could feel was sadness, the pit in his stomach growing as seconds passed by without Chanyeol saying anything.

He said he didn't care about Chanyeol a day ago—hell, ten minutes ago he said that he'd let their relationship finish silently, but now that he felt the end was nigh, he was suddenly reminded of all the regret he had felt when things had ended before.

Flashback to the moments he had passed with Chanyeol, and all of a sudden Baekhyun was mentally berating himself for staying cooped up in his place. He should've forced Chanyeol to meet him. He should've tried to talk to him; text him more. He should've gone to Viva Polo and confronted him. He never should've ignored Chanyeol like Chanyeol was ignoring him.

He never should've left him in the first place.

And now, he didn't want it to happen again.

He loved Chanyeol too much to let him go again.

"Baekhyun..."

Please don't say it, Baekhyun prayed, the tears already falling from his eyes before the taller had a chance to say anything.

"Let's break up, Baekhyun."

Of course, it was never his choice in the first place; whether or not they'd be leaving each other again.