I just realized how dramatic this story is whew why does this exist

PART TWO
"I W A N T Y O U"
II : V

Baekhyun couldn't take it anymore.

The only time he had ever felt jealous was when Jongin and Sehun used to be something Baekhyun longed to have, but it had never been this scale of jealousy. The pastel-haired man felt a little sick, watching as Chanyeol interacted with her with a smile that Baekhyun wished was directed at him.

"I need to go," Baekhyun said when Kris began talking about the galaxy. It wasn't like he wasn't interested in their conversation—the galaxy was a nice place, but Baekhyun needed to leave. Right now.

He grabbed all of his stuff and repaid Kris half of the bill, even if Kris insisted that he could pay for the entire thing.

Baekhyun left the store quickly, letting out a breath before entering his car.

This date wasn't supposed to spiral down the drain like this—he wasn't supposed to see or talk to Chanyeol at all... but getting over somebody was a lot harder than expected.

Well, that wasn't all true.

Getting over Sehun wasn't hard at all; when Baekhyun learned all of the terrible things Sehun actually did. He was in on the bet with Jongdae and he didn't get anything out of it, he only dated Baekhyun for the kicks. Baekhyun wondered why he was so naive and idiotic, questioning why he hadn't opened his eyes sooner and now regretting it all.

He started the car and was about to drive away before Kris suddenly ran out, putting his hands on the hood of Baekhyun's precious baby to stop him.

"Wait wait!" Kris exclaimed and Baekhyun swore under his breath, wanting to go home to finish the damn paperwork he had and to sleep away some of this uneasy feeling. Kris ran up to Baekhyun's side as the shorter rolled the window down, staring up at him. "There's a staff party at Viva Polo in three days and I get to invite one person. I was hoping you could go with me?"

Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows as he heard what Kris said, realizing that he was going to have to meet Chanyeol again. He tried to think up of some excuse as to why he couldn't go, until Baekhyun remembered all of his past dates. They all ended up terrible, because Baekhyun kept claiming that he was busy when in reality he just didn't feel like going out—it wasn't his fault that he was a homebody. None of his dates had understood that Baekhyun liked staying inside and cuddling instead of going out on some perfect, intricate date.

"I..." Baekhyun trailed off, seeing that spark of hope in Kris' eyes. Baekhyun sighed and nodded, "Fine, what time?"

"Great, it's at 6 PM. Make sure to dress smart casual—the clothes that you have right now are fine," Kris smiled at him and Baekhyun returned it, albeit a little uneasy. He wasn't looking forward to having to spend an entire evening in the presence of Chanyeol and the date that he was most likely bringing. It was probably going to be that girl again. "Oh, and can I have your number?" Kris asked as he held out his phone.

Baekhyun exchanged numbers before finally driving away, reaching his home without any interruptions. He called Luhan over and they spent the rest of their day working in silence and sometimes starting small conversations about meaningless things. He was glad that he had met Luhan, or else he'd only have alcohol to consult when he was feeling bad.

"I think he's dating someone," Baekhyun suddenly spoke up, not looking up from his laptop. He typed a few more lines about how the income in his dad's company had increased and about why, almost forgetting about what he said before Luhan sat down across from him, setting his papers on Baekhyun's desk.

"Why do you think that?" Luhan questioned.

Baekhyun finally looked up, his expression neutral but his eyes giving away how tired he was. "There's this... girl, and she's with Chanyeol a lot. The way he stares at her, it was like how he used to stare at me."

"But how would you know what he stared at you like?" Luhan asked, scribbling a few words into the blank spaces. "You told me yourself that you didn't care about Chanyeol when he was actually yours."

Baekhyun paused, realizing that Luhan had a point though he could answer that. "There was this one time, back then... When I actually did care. We were on the bridge and, yeah, we kissed and I freaked out." Baekhyun's gaze dropped when he remembered that day, cursing himself for walking away. "And he stared at me like that."

Luhan gave Baekhyun a gaze that he couldn't decipher, the older not saying anything for a while. They sat in comfortable silence for the next few minutes, Baekhyun's mind on everything but his work.

"You should give up on him, for real, now," Luhan said as he stared at Baekhyun in the eyes, and the younger felt a little hurt at all the sympathy Luhan's eyes were communicating. The situation was helpless.

Luhan was telling him that it was impossible for anything to happen between them ever again—and Baekhyun understood, yes, he understood but he couldn't help himself. He had been put under a spell, being under it for all these past years, and it had only become more difficult to escape.

"You can't get over someone when you're still alone, seeking for company. It just makes you want them more," Luhan explained, "It doesn't have to be Kris but just find someone that could whisk you away from all your stupid fantasies with Chanyeol. Don't make it all about you, don't think of that person as a replacement, but as someone who's helping you fight your own problems."

Baekhyun nodded, taking all of Luhan's words into consideration. He was much better with advice than Jongdae.

"I'll try to get over him... For the hundredth time."

"Hopefully it works."

~

The morning sunlight was beginning to become Baekhyun's least favourite thing—at least, when he's had a night of drinking with Luhan in his apartment, it was. 

After their afternoon of working, they pulled out Baekhyun's cheap beer and drank until they had no filter, insulting each other back and forth and crying about their mistakes and failures. Baekhyun barely remembered the night other than the fact that at one point, he had leaned on Luhan's shoulder and told him to send him to hell.

Baekhyun woke up without any arguments, needing a shower to wash away the feeling he knew he got whenever he didn't shower for more than 24 hours. He was kind of a clean freak.

When he was finished washing up, he noted that it was 8:20, which meant ten minutes before Chanyeol went to the vending machines, if he even went today.

Baekhyun contemplated just ignoring Chanyeol's existence but decided that avoidance was the best route for himself, having breakfast first instead of after his jog, like he usually did.

He left his place at 9 AM, stepping out into the hallway and greeting Zitao who seemed to be going back into his apartment. Zitao gave him an unenthusiastic nod and he realized how Kris and he would be a good couple. He glanced at the other door on their floor and wondered who lived there, having never seen them up till now.

Baekhyun brushed it off and made his way to the elevators, his eyebrows raising when he saw that it was currently on floor thirty. He was finally going to figure out who had snatched the penthouse suite from him.

The ride stopped at his floor and Baekhyun waited for the doors to open, holding the water bottle in his hand that he had invested in recently. He decided that vending machines were just a waste of time now. The doors slid open and it was almost slow-mo the way that it revealed the two people inside. The moment Baekhyun saw the blonde hair next to the black hair, Baekhyun's body immediately screamed at him to run away. Even if his mind was screaming, his body was entirely uncooperative, rooting him in place while his hand squeezed his bottle tightly.

It seemed like an eternity where Baekhyun stood there but in reality, it was only one or two seconds, having snapped out of it just before it got awkward.

He stepped inside the big elevator, taking his place beside the girl instead of beside Chanyeol.

The two were already heading to the lobby so Baekhyun didn't bother pressing any buttons, standing with his gaze to the ground. Who knew that Chanyeol's so-called girlfriend was living one floor on top of him?

"Hi, I believe you're my neighbour?" she spoke up and Baekhyun turned to her, accidentally catching Chanyeol's gaze when the two stared at the girl in between them. "Well, my closest neighbour, since I live up there by myself," she laughed.

Baekhyun nodded, smiling at her as nicely as he could. "I'm Byun Baekhyun, you?"

"Son Sweungwan, but everyone calls me Wendy since my name is so long," she introduced herself, holding out her hand.

Baekhyun shook her hand firmly, noting the tension in the air. The way that she stared at him... it was like she recognized him or something.

"Oh, and this is Chanyeol," Wendy said as she gestured to the taller behind her, prompting them to meet each other.

What's up with people and thinking that they didn't know each other?

"Hi," Baekhyun greeted, staring at the giant for less than two seconds.

Chanyeol did the same but with 'hey', the person in between them noticing this weird exchange.

"Well..." she trailed off, clearly not comfortable with silence.

Baekhyun tried to seem natural but it was a little uncomfortable being in the same elevator as your ex and their new partner. At least, Baekhyun believed that she was Chanyeol's girlfriend. Maybe this was the only time Baekhyun would ever figure out.

"'You guys dating?" Baekhyun asked, feigning innocent curiosity.

She paused for a second or two before nodding, a sweet smile on her face. "Two years now, I'm quite shocked since Chanyeol says he doesn't have good history with relationships."

Baekhyun inwardly winced at the words, knowing that Chanyeol had been talking about their mishap when he told Wendy. Nonetheless, he congratulated them with a forced smile, trying to seem as normal as impossible even if he felt like his heart was being eaten alive.

They all stepped out when they reached the lobby, the two walking in the way that Baekhyun planned to go but the shorter male decided to go the opposite, exiting the building through the back door.

When he was finally out, he spotted the big field that resided behind his building, stretching far until the city's river cut through it. Baekhyun leaned against the wall and let out a breath, trying to ignore the way that his heart ached when he thought back to what happened.

They were together.

Why did Baekhyun keep hoping for impossible things?

Baekhyun shook his head, knowing that he should be happy for the person he was currently trying to let go. Chanyeol had somebody new; someone amazing and so much better than Baekhyun and he should be glad that at least one of them was over their relationship but...

Baekhyun slid down the wall, hugging his knees to his chest as the soft wind rustled the field's grass, sending a few stray leaves flying towards Baekhyun.

He turned his head and rested his cheek against his knees, playing with the leaf that had settled beside him and deciding that he didn't need his morning jog anyway. He only ate breakfast and beer yesterday.

At the reminder of terrible nutrition, Baekhyun winced when he remembered his brother, dropping the leaf and burying his face again as his arms wrapped around his legs. He missed him.

Baekhyun missed his brother and the elder's friend, wondering when he'd ever see him again. All of a sudden, Baekhyun was thinking about all the things that had happened and how they were unfixable, no matter how many times Baekhyun wished to go back in time.

It was stupid.

He still had Luhan and... well, Luhan, but he shouldn't feel like this.

He shouldn't feel so alone.

Funny, how the entirety of his high school was spent trying not to be alone, putting himself into friend groups that would eventually hurt him—but look at where that brought him. Curled up against his apartment's wall, feeling a hole in his chest and longing to be with someone.

Baekhyun didn't know why he even tried, to be honest. What was the point? If everything would just end up crashing down in the future, why should he even try to better it?

Baekhyun didn't understand why he began crying, but it was perhaps the fact that his life was just too much for him. He got it; he understood that he did this to himself, pushed away people that he cared about, crossed many lines that he could never come back from and that he deserved this and he wasn't supposed to be crying because of what he himself caused, but the feeling that had been in the corner of his heart, only growing every time Baekhyun did something he could never take back, it was too much.

It was slowly starting to become Baekhyun's everything, and even if Baekhyun's fought it, he wanted to give up. The multiple times where he was reminded of how rotten he was, Baekhyun wanted to send himself far away where he couldn't hurt other people but the past always repeated itself in the future.

No matter what he did, all the different paths he took—the one he was taking right now, listening to his parent's wishes, it always didn't work out. Baekhyun felt so worthless because he could never do anything right but he kept lying, keeping up a front and telling everybody that he was okay when he felt the complete opposite. He wasn't okay, but it was okay because Baekhyun knew he deserved it. Like the people around him always told him, he deserved all the terrible things that came his way.

And even if ten years ago he would've never submitted to the darkness, he now felt as if he could accept it.

It wasn't that Baekhyun couldn't fight, it was that he had been hit too many times to stand up again.