As soon as we arrived back at the dorm, I quickly got of the van and ran as fast as I can to my room. As I ran I felt my tears were dripping from the edge of my eyes and down to my cheeks. I felt really hurt and stupid at that moment. Why did I let myself fall for him? When I’ve already known that our relationship was not even real. It is a make believe relationship. Why? Why? Why? I kept on asking myself.

My act that night had made the other members talked about me. Question fills each and everyone’s mind.

“Khun hyung, what’s wrong with Wooyoungie?” asked Junho.

“I don’t know” said Nichkhun answering Junho’s question just now.

“Is there something bothering him?” Chansung asked full of concern. “Do you know anything that might be bothering him Taecyeon hyung?” added Chansung to his first question.

“I have no idea” said Taecyeon. Even though he actually might have some sort of clue on what was going on with Wooyoung, But he decided to ask Wooyoung himself to make sure what was on his mind was correct or not.

When the other members were busy discussing in the van that were parked in front of our dorm, at the same moment I was busy trying to drained out all of this disappointment through all this tears which seems to be flowing non-stop down my cheeks. I felt awful at that moment.

Scared that the other members might saw me like this, I quickly grab my towel and head straight to the shower. I continued crying under the hot pouring shower. At that moment, I felt that my life is so miserable. I got no one to share all of this pain. But deep inside in my heart, I really hoped that that he knew. So that I don’t have to be in this situation in the first place, but I guess dreams will always be dreams. It will never come true.

Under the hot shower, all of my happy moments with my pretend lover came flashing by like a slideshow in my mind. I cried much harder when I remembered all those happy memories. I couldn’t care less if the other members could hear me crying. I just want all of these feelings to flow out of me through my tears.

Without even noticing just now, as I entered the bathroom before. The other members also entered the dorm after their long discussion about me in the van.

“Let me go and ask him, what’s wrong with him.” Said Khunnie to the others and he started to make his way to his room. But before he could go far, his wrist was pulled by Taecyeon.

“Can I go and ask him instead? I think I might know what is going on with him. So if you allow me to ask him, I can make sure whether what’s on my mind is correct or not. Please..." said Taecyeon to Nichkhun in a soft tone. As if he was begging for it.

“But hyung. I think I know him more than anyone of you, we are best friend. If he had anything to tell, anything at all, I will be the first one to know” said Nichkhun to Taecyeon.

As he is uncertain whether to let another person asking his best friend and also his dongsaeng about their problems compare to Khunnie himself.

“Please Khunnie, only this once. Besides, you still can ask him afterwards as so guys stays in the same room right. So can I?” begged Taecyeon to Khunnie.

“Hmm, I guess so you’re right. But don’t forget to tell us all about it once you’ve done, OK!!” Khunnie gave an instruction as a term and condition for this agreement.

“OK” Taecyeon gave a big smile to everyone while doing the OK sign with his fingers like a cute small girl, despite his beastliness.

All of them can just give Taecyeon a half smile as they are much more concern about Wooyoung compare to Taecyeon’s cute action.

After a long shower which is full of emotions. I managed to calm myself down. I got out of the bathroom and walked straight to my room. My plan was to get in to the room, get dress, and hide under my blanket and then sleep. I don’t want to make any eye contact with Khunnie. But as soon as I entered the room, I was surprised. The person that I thought would be in there was not there.

“Taecyeon hyung, what are you doing here? And where is Khun hyung?" I asked.

“Ahh Youngie, you finally came out. Having fun by your own in the bathroom is it?" asked Taecyeon while smiling with his eyebrows raised on one side.

I scratched the back of my head and my face turns red of embarrassment. “Was I in the bathroom for a long time?” I asked as I’m not sure how long I had been in there.

“Oh not really, you were in there for only two hours only” said Taecyeon in a sarcastic way.

I just smiled, lowered my head and my face is getting redder by the second.

“Anyway, this couple bed of yours is so comfy eii. Done anything on it already?" asked Taecyeon while he roll over my bed to feel the comfort of my bed on his body.

“Huhh?? What do you mean by anything hyung?" I asked seeking for explanation on why out of sudden Taecyeon asked me those questions.

“Well you know what I meant. You and Khun hyung?”

“Ohmo! What do you mean me and Khun hyung?” I laughed to cover my true feeling. I was shocked by Taecyeon’s question. Why suddenly he asked me this question? Was it to obvious that I love him? Does everyone else know about me now? More over does Khunnie knew? A thousand question plays on my mind now.

“HAHAHA!! You are funny hyung. How can I possibly love him, we are brothers. This is just made believe and this relationship is just a pretend relationship. It’s not real” I said to Taecyeon. It hurt me deep inside listening to myself lying about my true feelings towards Nichkhun.

 “Jitjaa?? are you sure that all of this is pretend and make believe? I don’t think so. Come and sit beside me Youngie” said Taecyeon to me.

I was shocked listening to what had been said by Taecyeon just now. How on earth does he know? Is this real? Should I tell him the truth or should I just keep this to myself? But I can’t bare this burden by my own anymore. But what will he think if he knew the truth? Gosh what should I do? Millions of questions linger in my mind now. At last I was sitting beside him; I looked at him and said to myself. Should I or should I not?

“Why did you are asked me this hyung?” I said to him in a soft tone as if I’m crying. I lowered my head and wait for his reply.

“So, is it true? That you actually love him for real?” Teacyeon asked me to make sure that what was on his mind all this time was true.

I shocked my head in agreement to what he just said to me.

“YAHH!!" He shouts at me

“I’m dead meat” I said to myself and starts to cry.

“Don’t leave me hyung. Please don’t hate me; I don’t know what I was thinking. Please don’t leave me” I begged him while crying.

“HAHAHA” he laughed looking at me acting so scared.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why you had to carry this entire burden by yourself? You stupid kid, what is the purpose of me being here as a brother to you?" He raised his voice at me.

Then he lowered his voice and said “Remember, family doesn’t keep secrets from one another. If you have any problems, any problems at all, you should just share with us. That’s what family is for”. Taecyeon said to me.

I cried listening to what had been said by Taecyeon just now. “But will you hate me and start to avoid me after this?” I asked to make sure that he will not do all of those things which I scared the most.

He pulled my chin up and he wiped my tears with his thumbs and he said to me “Why should I? You are my brother and I will love you no matter who you are or what you are.  Even if you decided to be an alien also I will still love you. HAHAHAHA” he teased me.

 I stopped crying and laughed a bit after listening to his teased.

“Thank you hyung, thank you for all of this” I hugged him as tight as I can and I cried again. I can’t believe it; at last I have someone to talk to. I don’t have to cry by myself anymore. Now I knew that I had a brother that I can share everything with. A brother that will always love me no matter what, I felt so happy at that time.

“Now, stop crying. You look much uglier if you cried, if you cry much more sooner or later you will literally transform to an alien, and for your information I lied just now when I said that I will love you even if you are an alien you know” and he laughed his lung out. Taecyeon love to tease me all the time that is what I love about him. He is a loving and a caring brother, even though he is sometimes can be a pain in the and can also be the most annoying person ever in our group. But we still love him as a brother like how he loves us as his.

“So, does he know about this?” he asked me.

“No, he doesn’t. He still thinks that all of this was just still a game that we do for the fans and reporters. I can’t take it anymore hyung, it hurts me deep inside. All of this pretends hurts me; I wish that all of this was real and not just for the sake of our fans and reporters. What should I do hyung?”

“Hmm, let me think. Do you think he has the same feeling as you? Or do you want me to ask him?” said Taecyeon giving his suggestion to me.

“AHHH!! NO!! Please don’t. Not yet that is. I can’t take it if I lose him suddenly. If he were ever to know about this, I think it would be best for it to come out from my own mouth and not others. I hope you understand hyung. Owh ya, one more thing, I hope that you could keep this as our secret. I’m not ready for this, when the time is right, I will tell all of them by myself. So for now, let’s just make this as our secret, secrets which only the two of us knew. OK?” I said to Taecyeon in hoping that he would understand.

“Ok then, if you said so.” He stood up and walked away to the door, he turned back and gave a smile to me and said “You take care of yourself ok. If he ever tried to hurt you just let me know, I’ll kick his of”

I smile to him and said “Ok hyung, don’t worry. You’ll be the first to know about anything at all form now onwards.” I said to him.

Taecyeon left the room and I was sitting alone on my bed smiling by myself. “Finally, I’m no longer alone in this world. Now, I have someone to talked and share all of my problems with. Thank you God for this miracle of yours”.

Hi Guys!!

Finally I managed to finish up chapter 4. Do let me know what do you think about it ok..

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<3 MIrSyah <3