[yoona__lim]: Hello, this is Im Yoona.

This might sound sudden, but I have to give it a go.

Everyday, I asked myself how could I be so lucky.
So lucky to find someone that loves me, that adores me.
You may not know, but I always thank God for you.
For appearing in my life, for falling in love with me. 

Because we decided to keep it a secret from the start,
We rarely go out for dates, maybe close to none even.
Yet, you always have the ability to make each date memorable.
I praise you for that, but you only fool around, telling me to call you G.O.D then.

I know you'd wanted to protect me,
But I had enough.
Enough of antis, enough of media.
I just want to say how much I love you.

I know I had broken our pact,
But you'll forgive me right? You always do.
Like how I doodled all over your Chanel bag, you could only glare at me.
Like how I damaged your Jeff Koon's painting, you could only sigh and ruffle my hair hard.

Thank you for everything.
No matter how ridiculous my requests were, you fulfilled them all.
Remember how I called you at 2AM, asking you to buy me a bag of flour? You did.
Remember how I called you at 1AM, saying that I want to eat Gangnam's deokkboki? You searched high and low in the middle of the night.

Due to work,
We could only mainly text & call.
You would always be the one to reply instantly whenever possible.
Yah, but where are you now? I've called so many times, none were picked up.

I can't believe this.
It's just... too hard. Too hard.
But I know I've to do this.
For, you told me to live for myself, isn't it?

Media, fans, please do not ask me any questions.
I'm only announcing this so that I can mourn properly and openly.
No more hiding, no more pretending.
I would not answer any question nor make any response.

I love you, Kwon Ji Yong.
Can you stop playing game with me already? This is not funny at all.

No...

I don't know who the hell said it would get easier as time passes by. 

It certainly didn't work for me. Each day, I did the same thing; I cry and wake up, wake up and cry. It didn't make myself feel better, it only made the void in my heart bigger. Perhaps, there's one thing that was better. I was all cried out by the end of day 2, leaving no tears to fall, which is a good thing? 

Ding Dong! 

"Girls?" 

"Unnie..."

The BLACKPINK girls came flooding in, enveloping me into a tight hug as we stumbled back into the house. Within seconds, they were already crying, shoulders heaving as they hugged me tight. 

No Im Yoona, not in front of the little sisters. Catch a hold of yourself.  

I took a deep breath, rubbing their backs, trying my best to perk up. "What brings you girls here?" 

Lisa broke away from the hug and sniffed, "Taeyang oppa sent us here. He said you're not answering their calls at all."

"Hey, that oppa," I gave a light chuckle. "I did let TOP oppa take a look at me a day ago when he brought a bottle of wine over." 

Truth was, I shut all my closed ones out. Everyone including Soshi and BIGBANG oppas. It's just that after the entire ordeal, I came to a realisation that everyone would eventually leave. Like how I've become numb to crying, I'm used to getting hurt over and over again, used to people leaving me. 

"They're worried about you," Jisoo held my hand, giving me a tight squeeze. "Unnie..."

"Yah yah, don't look at me like that," I pouted, trying to be the stern unnie. 

Silence trailed along thereafter and it was so defeaning that I thought I could hear the sound if a pin dropped. 

"So... I heard your first album!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands. "It's really good. The title song really suits me now, isn't it. Lovesick girls~ Though, I'm no longer considered a girl now." 

"Unnie..." 

"No, really," I gave a bitter chuckle, "Like I'm born to be alone, but why am I still looking for love?"

"Unnie...' Jennie was trying hard to hold her tears as she came to sit beside me.