Rosé

"I won't give up on you because you're worth it."

True to his words, Jungkook has been constantly making a lot of effort towards me ever since our little--okay not really little but huge actually--moment we had after the first show.

It started the day after when I woke up feeling so tired from sleeping late because of overthinking about him. Once I was ready to go, I hurriedly went down only to see a dashing man by the name of Jungkook leaning on his car that was parked in front of my condominium. 

He didn't even wait for me to react as he takes my hand and nudges me inside his car. He then buckled my seatbelt for me, his face was so near that his nose almost grazed mine. 

In that proximity, he winked and smirked at me at the same time and greeted me in a sultry voice, "Morning." 

I swear I heard the fangirl in me swoon busily over this (so y and so good-looking) guy that I forgot my original plan of ignoring him (because I'm not going to be persuaded by sweet empty words anymore) and simply nodded, "Morning."

And that didn't happen just once (I mean, Jungkook driving me, not the me swooning part). He would always take me anywhere I had to be even though I protested that I have my own car.

Some occasions, he would personally give me a bouquet of flowers. Sometimes they were single-stemmed roses that I'd randomly find in my bag, in my car (when he can't drive me because of his schedule which he will tell me early in the morning), etc.

But regardless of everything Jungkook did, I remained obstinate. I mean, yes, I do go with him whenever he appears uninvitedly at the front of my condominium, but that's only because he threatens to make a scene if I don't. And as for the flowers that are gracefully arranged in my glass vases (which are newly bought because I didn't expect to get tons of bouquets while I'm here in Korea), it would be disrespectful to Mother Earth (and they're just too pretty) to throw them out.

Yes, every little thing he did was seriously heart-melting. 

But yes, I also have a lot of doubts still.

First of them is Lisa. I know that, based from his confession, he likes me more than Lisa. But how can I really know that? I don't even know if he really likes me, or he's just used to my presence that's filling the void, or he only likes me more now because I'm the available one.

And if...

Just if.

If I finally feel secure about his feelings for me, am I really just going to pass up on this golden ticket?

So because of these concerns, I reacted nonchalantly towards Jungkook. I pretended that I was sleeping every time I was in his car (even though I couldn't because he was practically serenading me as he kept singing along with the love songs on the radio). And whenever he tried to talk to me, I would always just shake my head in response.

Because of these, Jungkook added another strategy to his gameplan a week after. He did something I wasn't expecting at all. Something that made my stubborn wall brittle bit by bit. Something that made my heart flutter more than ever.

He started sending me handwritten letters. Every single day without a miss (but of course I'll show you only a few).

June 21, 2017

Dear Rosé,
Because you won't talk to me, 
here I am with a letter instead.
I've already told you before, 
I'm no good with words.
But you know, for you, 
I'll always try,
because I'm serious.

Yours,
Jungkook

June 22, 2017

Dear Rosé,
Today the weather is good.
It would have been better 
if it was spent with you.
By the way, when I said I was serious,
I mean, I seriously like you.

Seriously yours,
Jungkook

June 30, 2017

Dear Rosé,
You'd think by now
I would have stopped, 
but no, not today.
Never ever.

Still yours,
Jungkookie

July 3, 2017

Dear Rosé,
If you still won't budge,
I'm going to start calling you 
Orange again. 
In public.

Missing you,
Coco Kookie

July 9, 2017

Dear Rosé,
It's only a week before the show's run
will finally come to an end.
Are you really going to leave 
without even properly talking to me?
Why? Does it still look like
I'm not sure of what I feel for you?
Because I am. I like you Rosé.
As hard for you to believe, I do.
I really do.

So please stay,
JungKook

July 10 2017

Dear Rosé,
I'm sorry if I seemed mad
on the previous letter.
I just... I just really miss you.
Your blinding smile and soothing voice,
your adorable sarcasm, your warmth...
Just the very essence of you.
I miss you.

Please talk to me,
JungKook

"He wrote you all these?" Jennie says incredulously while flipping over the collection of letters from Jungkook.

Right now, we're having a girl's night at my condominium unit with SinB because it's a free Monday--we didn't have a show today because of yesterday's matinee show--and we haven't done this in quite a while.

"I know, they're just short and very random--"

Jennie interrupts in a teasing tone, "And very sweet and old-fashioned--"

"And very you," SinB finishes as she reads a handful of letters too.

I open my mouth to deny it but only the sound of breath comes out because deep inside I know it's true. I'm a er for sappy, cringe-worthy, disgusting bygone romantic gestures. And I can't even resist it more knowing that it's coming from Jungkook, the person I probably fell for the most (that's why it's scarier as well).

SinB continues, "So why are you still ignoring him?"

"Because--"

Jennie cuts me off (God why do they always cut me off), "Because you know Rosé, too scared to trust someone. Now she can't handle it when someone actually likes her."

"It's not just that." I bit my lip and confess to them, "It's because he likes Lisa too."

Jennie snorts, "No he doesn't."

I flatly say, "He didn't deny it."

SinB then sighs in exasperation, "Because he's just stupid. He just doesn't know it."

"That?" I ask, not getting what they are saying.

SinB exclaims in frustration, "That he only likes you."

"True! Lisa is the past already, if she ever was his romantic interest," Jennie comments on the side.

I look at the both of them who have no indication of doubt in themselves at all. "How can you guys even be sure?"

"Are you crazy?" Jennie says while pointing her index finger at the side of her head and making circles with it. "You're really asking that?"

"Look around you." SinB points then to the presents I received from Jungkook, "The flowers, the letters, the personal chauffeur , and just all the little things--"

Jennie intercepts (again), "He isn't even hanging around Lisa anymore--"

"If that's not enough evidence," SinB copies Jennie's previous action, "then you're really crazy and even dumber than he is."

"And if there's someone who should be confused on whether the guy likes her or not, it should be me."

"Jennie, Yoongi has been with you for years now," I remind her. I think that's the most evident sign anyone can have.

"And yet, I've never receive anything like this nor heard a proper confession from him," Jennie says, full of resentment. She's obviously envious of what Jungkook has accomplished within the five months we met.

"That's probably because Yoongi's so sure you like him that's why he thinks it's unnecessary," SinB says bored, as if she have said this for the millionth time.

"Why don't you try making him jealous?" I ask somewhat as a suggestion, but in reality I just want to see how jealous Yoongi would react.

"You think I haven't done that yet?" Jennie shoves her hands to my face and SinB's, "I've tried that more than my fingers can count. But for some reason he knows they're all fake."

SinB then mutters, "Just be thankful he's pinned to you, not glancing and flirting to random girls every chance he gets."

I coo, "Oooh, I hear a story behind this very, very bitter remark."

"Which you won't hear today," SinB flatly says.

"But--" I look at Jennie for support but she betrays me and just shakes her head in agreement with SinB.

"Anyway," SinB defiantly says, forcing us to shift attention and change the topic, "Have you really made up your mind? Are you really going to New York?"

"I, uh, uhm, I," I stammer because I don't know what to say. I tell them instead, "Maybe? I--I don't know." 

If you asked me weeks ago, I would have immediately said yes. I would have said that that's the only acceptable path anyway. But now, it's different. I'm not very confident anymore that I won't regret it if I go.  Because... because...

"Oh my God!" Jennie shouts in high enthusiasm and embraces me. "She's not as dumb as we thought!"

"What do you mean?"

"She means you're finally accepting it." SinB smiles at me and joins in the bear hug, "Jungkook's genuine feelings for you."

The girls squeal in happiness for me while I continue to drown myself in the revelation that seems like a light bulb, enlightening every question in my mind. As if everything makes sense finally.

Am I...

Am I really finally allowing myself to believe in love again?

"I know I told you that I would go if I was in your place. But that's me Rosé," Jennie clasps at both of my hands. "Because that's the choice