Jungkook

Rosé and I become closer and closer as we continue to spend our time together. In fact, people now tease us that we're like an old married couple because we can't stop bickering and mocking each other, yet we go home together every day with smiles on our faces.

It's funny and weird because we aren't a couple but sometimes... sometimes I can't help but imagine the two of us strolling in the park while I'm holding her hand. Sometimes it was spoonfeeding each other as we share a big bowl of patbingsoo. And sometimes it was riding the ferris wheel, kissing her as we reached the top. Well almost, as I snap out of this thought because that's just not what I truly feel, or is it?

I really should not get carried away, it was just a song. It's just that I'm sad because Lisa has kinda left me, and Rosé, Rosé's the one here with me.  But do I really feel lonely without Lisa? I mean, I don't really think of her as much as before. Right now, my mind... it's all Rosé.

A few minutes before the rehearsal starts, Lisa walks up to me which is such a big surprise because lately all I've seen her do is cling like a koala to Taehyung. 

She smiles at me shyly before he calls my name, "Jungkook."

I just smile back because really, what do I even say or do?

"Jungkook," she repeats. "I miss you," my eyes widen in shock, my brain hurts with confusion until she adds, "i miss my friend Jungkook."

I want to laugh. Friend? A friend, huh. Is that what she only thought of us? But what's funnier though is, I'm not really affected. It doesn't sting.

"I feel really, really bad since I haven't been hanging out with you ever since, uhm, ever since Tae-Tae came," she says, her downcast eyes show how genuinely apologetic she is.

I tell her not to worry, "It's okay, I understand," I pat her head.

And I do, I do understand. Which is weird because I should be upset that she refers to me as just a friend after everything I did for her. I should be mad that we're going so well but when a guy from her past suddenly shows up, she just casts me aside. But I'm not. I don't care at all even. I mean, I still like Lisa and I do miss having her around. But somehow it feels different...

I pinch her cheeks, "I miss you too." 

Lisa finally unleashes her smile that makes her cheeks so squishable. She suddenly looks over me and speaks, "Oh hey Rosé! You're here, that's great. I wanted to ask you something too..."

I suddenly feel jumpy even before I see Rosé. I can't help but think what if she heard me say that I miss Lisa? She wouldn't misunderstand it, would she? But why does it matter if she heard that, we're supposed to be just friends anyway right? Right.

But why can I hear my subconscious scolding me, "Then why do you want to kiss her?"

Rosé

I don't know what to do. 

I'm so confused. I'm not in the right mind. I just--I need a friend. I need Jennie. Jennie's the one I can forever rely on and ask for an advice. She's the one who will tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. And that's perfect because that's the one I need.

I call Jennie and ask her if she can spare me some of her time. She must have heard the anxiety in my voice as she easily agrees to meet me in the coffee shop near CoA.

As soon as she arrives, Jennie takes a seat and asks, "What's up?"

I take a very deep breath and without beating around the bush, I reveal to her, "Jiyong saem talked to me a couple of nights ago. He told me that a friend of his currently resides in New York. That friend is part of a team that will create an original musical production that will be staged on Broadway. And that friend wants me to move to New York to join them."

"Oh my God! Are you ing serious?!" Jennie gasps excitedly from what she just heard. But when she sees that I'm not as thrilled as she is, she asks, "What's the problem?"

I let out a tired sigh, "I, uh, I can't decide whether I want to go or not. I know it's such a big deal but I, I just moved into Korea, Jennie. I just started feeling comfortable here. And the people that matter are here."

Jennie holds my hands and squeezes them, "Personally, I don't want you to leave. I've never seen you this cheerful until Korea happened. You just seem more alive now which I don't know if it's the work, or your friends or because of that person," which would be in the name of Jungkook.

Jungkook, a friend that seems like more but not really. Jungkook who seems happier still when he's with Lisa even though it's me who's been there for him for weeks now. 

"I miss you too." 

He misses her, I heard it loud and clear. 

He still misses her even though I've been trying my best to make him happy. Still not enough, huh. I've known it way before, but why, why does it hurt even more now? Is it because I--even though I was really trying hard not to--am expecting more out of this friendship since it doesn't really feel like one? Because this, this is actually a some relationship, right? 

But can you blame me? 

Can you condemn me when Jungkook has been acting extra sweet lately?

He texts me every morning, and calls and sings to me at night until I fall asleep without a miss. Every time we walk on the streets, he would suddenly go down on his knees and tie up my loosened shoelace. And on days I feel so tired, even though I didn't inform him about my condition, he would just pop-up with a cup of coffee and a set of silly jokes.

Jennie interrupts then my train of thoughts, "But, it would be very selfish of me to want you to stay when a golden opportunity is presenting itself to you. Especia