THE FINAL ENTRY

Dear Future Self,

      Since this is the last few page, I decided to make things right. To make things the way their supposed to be; It might be contrite but one thing is for sure: I have no regrets.

     Whatever challenges life may bring, I will face it with my head held up high and with my confidence very much intact. The things that I went through my not have been the easiest challenge that I’ve experienced but with all the things that I have experienced, one thing is for sure: I am not afraid to fight for myself and for the people that I care about no matter how tough the going can get…

“But Sir, I didn’t do anything wrong!” Yesung reasoned out as Mr. Nam looked at him exasperatedly.

“I know you didn’t but I’ll be dead meat if I don’t do this. You’re a great chef Yesung but I can’t afford him taking my precious restaurant…” Mr. Nam blurted out before he could even stop himself.

Yesung looked at his boss with an incredulous expression. “Him who?”

“Forget what I said, it was nothing.”

“Who?” He pressed.

“Do you really want to know?”

Yesung nodded, he’s got an idea as to who it was but he wanted to make sure that he was right to make an assumption.

“Okay, suit yourself,” He paused as he cracked his knuckles and sat down.

“His name is…”

“Please, Kyuhyun, just talk to me.” Siwon banged on the door multiple times. It was a very strange thing that his neighbors weren’t checking things out because of all the noise coming from the hallway.

He didn’t really bother answering Siwon because he’s very angry right now, especially after what he learned about Siwon making Yesung lose his small restaurant.

How can someone be so heartless?

“I don’t want you to hate me.” He said from the other side of the door.

I don’t want to hate you either but you’re making it hard for me not to. Kyuhyun wanted to answer but he didn’t because it might trigger Siwon’s disorder and he didn’t want that to happen.

“Did that Kim Yesung say to you?”

Kyuhyun couldn’t fathom why Siwon hated Yesung so much. Yesung is sweet and honest and never really said anything bad about anyone.

“Did he tell you what I did to his restaurant?”

Kyuhyun heard a frustrated chuckle from the other end. How could he laugh about ruining someone else’s life?

“I didn’t mean to do that. I was just….jealous…of him…because…I was afraid of losing you…”

Kyuhyun’s attention suddenly piqued. He went to the door and opened it, much to Siwon’s surprise. “You were jealous of Yesung?” He asked.

Siwon bit his bottom lip and nodded. “I am.”

This made Kyuhyun get angry. “Wow, you sure are good at blaming other people. I still haven’t forgiven you for not helping me out with you mother a few days ago and now, you’re up here, in all your mama’s boy glory telling me things like these?” He took a deep breath and looked at Siwon with eyes glaring with anger, sadness and confusion. “I don’t want to be with someone who’ll end up hurting me.”

“I won’t hurt you…” Siwon said quietly…deflated…defeated.

“News flash Dr. Choi Siwon, you already did.” Kyuhyun looked at Siwon one last time, trying to hide the fact that he’s getting hurt as well.

“Kyuhyun I…”

The younger man shook his head. “No more, Siwon. No more…please…” he turned away and closed the door silently as tears slowly trickled down his cheeks. When he heard Siwon’s footsteps and the quiet ding from the elevator, he slowly curled up in a ball and sobbed. He wanted to be with him as well but everything that has been happening to him just tells him that he’s tired and he needed time rest up…to heal…to change…and he won’t be able to do so if he would be with Siwon.

Someday, he may be with him but not today.

And if it’s not meant to be then there really was nothing that he could do.

Siwon couldn’t help but walk like his energy was wasted. His shoulders were slumped, his posture rigid, and his walk was really unbalanced. He knew that he had done bad things but still, it hurt that Kyuhyun doesn’t want to be with him anymore.

Can I really blame him for that?

Can I blame Yesung for this?

There is only one answer for those two questions.

No.

I’ve been living life selfishly, not really caring about the people around me…whether I manage to hurt them or whether I destroy their livelihood? When did I become a monster? Why had I not fought for Kyuhyun when my mother was berating him? Was I really that traumatized about that accident several years ago that I couldn’t say anything to my parents no matter how much they made me feel so bad because of how they treated me in the toughest days of my life as a twelve year old boy suffering from a very serious injury?

All of these things came to mind but the answer is pretty much the same.

I am Choi Siwon and I wanted to feel love and be loved…and show someone that I could also love deeply.

I wanted so much to show Kyuhyun a gentle side but whenever I try to show him my vulnerability, I end up going to a masquerade. I end up pretending. I end up hurting him and the people around him.

I guess I deserve this.

Maybe it’s high time that I try to change who I am.

Yesung was in outside Choi Siwon’s apartment and he couldn’t really put his finger on the reason as to why Choi Siwon is doing this to him.

That man basically treated everyone lie trash and after he disheveled Yesung’s restaurant, he’s now scheming to get Yesung fired from his job as a sous chef? How could anyone be so cruel?

Yesung was basically trying his best to keep his composure intact because he knew that violence will never solve anything and he really did not want to get his hands dirty by punching some scumbag. It’s not worth it.

The was  a ding from the elevator and its double doors opened up. Yesung looked up and saw Choi Siwon coming towards him but the man seemed out of it. When Siwon looked at Yesung’s direction, he had this really surprised expression on his face.

“We need to talk.” Yeasung said rather calmly.

Siwon sighed. “If it is about you getting fired from that job, I’ll talk to the owner and all is better? Are you okay with that?” He paused looking at Yesung with a defeated expression. He’s way too tired to deal with the man before him. “If you have nothing more to say, I’ll be going inside my apartment.” Siwon turned to leave but Yesung spoke up before the other man could even open the door.

“You really are self-centered, you know that?” Yesung said trying to bite off the anger in him.

Siwon whipped around to face Yesung. “If I’m so self-centered, then what are you doing here? If you hate me that much, why don’t you just leave me be?”

Yesung sighed heavily. “I don’t hate you.” He paused looking at Siwon. “I pity you.”

Those words stung.

He pities me? For what?

Yesung might’ve had an idea what Siwon was thinking about. “I pity you because I feel like you really need a friend. I want to be your friend but the way you’re acting is just way too much. I can handle what you’re doing but for Kyuhyun to suffer because of it, I won’y stand for it. You say you like him? Prove it? Because I don’t like him…I love him, and if you really like him, show him and I’ll gladly let go of him. If you don’t know what to do and just wind up following what your mother wants you to do, then, just do it by all means but don’t let  Kyuhyun get hurt in the process.”

“I…”

“No, Siwon, what you did to me because of Sungmin, I’ve already forgiven you for that…what you did to my restaurant, I’ve forgiven you for that but doing it repeatedly, I just don’t understand. Yes you have a mental disorder but that does not give you the right to treat people that way…especially someone who is very special to me…someone like Kyuhyun.”

Siwon looked at Yesung. Dumbfounded.

Yesung looked at Siwon before turning away and leaving.

He’s right.

• EIGHT   M O N T H S  L A T E R –

Kyuhyun woke up with a smile on his face as he got ready for his morning jog. He sat up and stretched a bit but was pulled back under the sheets.

“Stay with me here…I want to snuggle with you…”

Kyuhyun let out a laugh when he felt the man next to him tickle him. “Stop…you’re going to make me wet my pants…”

“You know you love it when I tickle you, Kyu.”

Kyuhyun pulled the sheets tighter around himself and then he kicked the man out of the bed.

“Ouch, that hurt!”

“Did it?” Kyuhyun smiled. “Did it really Kim Yesung?”

Yesung went up on their bed and enveloped Kyuhyun in a hug. “I love you, my little Kyu..”

“I love you too…”

Choi Siwon just finished his shift at the hospital and after being in the operating room for nine grueling hours, he managed to successfully do the operation without any hitches. As he was pulling his coat back on, someone tapped his shoulder.

He turned to look and saw Kyuhyun before him. It had been awhile since he last saw the man and a smile formed on his face. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So what can I do for you, Reporter Cho?” Siwon asked as he crossed his leg over the other in a very professional way. Kyuhyun tried so hard to stifle a laugh because of how stiff the man looked.

“Well, I’m doing an article about Dr. Choi Siwon again. To see what he’s like after his eight month sabbatical in Reykjavik, Iceland.”

Siwon looked at Kyuhyun and grinned. “Well, will this be slanderous like the one before?”

Kyuhyun chuckled. “Nope. This is more like a very well written article about a doctor who did a lot of wonderful things in Iceland.”

“Really?” Siwon had the confident expression on his face he always has whenever his achievements were being brought up.

Kyuhyun playfully rolled his eyes. “Yes. Really.”

“I’m going to have to clarify that to you Boss, Kim Heechul then.”

“Be my guest, Dr. Choi.”

Siwon chuckled and decided to change the topic. “How’s life though?” He asked.

“Blissful.” Kyuhyun said.

“Is Yesung treating you well?”

“More than well. Great actually. He’s the best.”

“Are you trying to dent my confidence?” Siwon flashed Kyuhyun a faux pained expression to which the reporter played along with.

“If you treated me right I would’ve chosen you but you didn’t so…” Kyuhyun clucked his toungue out at Siwon.

“How about you though? Any love life?” Kyuhyun asked inquisitively.

Siwon smiled. “Yeah.”

“Who?”

“I met him in Iceland and he’s here living with me as well.” Siwon said.

“Wow, you caught a blond with blue eyes then, huh?”

Siwon shoom his head. “Nope, he’s from here too, he was just on vacation there and it ended up an eight month vacation because of me.” A playful smile crossed his face.

“I’m happy you’re happy.” Kyuhyun said finally as they resumed their interview.

“Thanks, my friend.”

Happiness is being with the one you love…that one person you’d want to protect for all your life. Siwon and I may not have ended up together but that’s okay because I found Yesung and he’s the best person I could ever imagine to be with me. I’m very happy that Siwon found someone else (He’d better treat him right because you know how jealous that man gets…)

I’m happy that the three of us resolved everything.

It was awkward and hard at first but we manage to weave through it and form a bond that will make us friends forever. I’m really happy that in the last few months, Yesung and Siwon bonded. I’m thankful that my boss, Kim Heechul loved my article and praised me for once in my life as a reporter.

In times, life can bring us series of grievance and pain but with determination and love everything is going to be alright.

With that, I’ll start a new chapter of my life a  life filled with love and happiness, ready for challenges along the way…

Kyuhyun.

THE END