ENTRY # 12

Dear Future Self,

     Well, that was really awkward to say the very least. I don’t even know what to say about this whole debacle with Siwon and now that Yesung is living with me, it’ll be a trainwreck.

Kyuhyun.

As soon as Kyuhyun felt Yesung’s lips on his forehead, his face went hot. Maybe Yesung is just that caring but the second he felt Yesung’s lips on his, everything went red. He couldn’t move. Somehow, it felt warm and cozy. Kyuhyun did not dare to open his eyes because he knew that Yesung thought he was sleeping because if Yesung knew that he wasn’t, then he wouldn’t even kiss Kyuhyun.

When Yesung was finally settled on the floor Kyuhyun touched his lips with trembling hands. He really doesn’t know what to make of it. He remembered how Siwon kissed him. It was not the same. Yesung was gentle and caring and Siwon was passionate and dominant. Kyuhyun wanted to scream but he couldn’t. Now that Yesung is in the mix, he’s sure that everything will be even more complicated and he is not looking forward for tomorrow, especially with how Siwon would react waking up in a different place.

As Kyuhyun was thinking about this he suddenly felt sleepy and finally dozed off to dreamland.

“Crap, my head hurts so much…” Siwon muttered as he touched his head and woozily sat up. He immediately felt his back aching and he winced in pain. It felt like he slept on a rock instead of his custom made soft mattress with thousand thread count bed sheet. Then he looked around and realized that he wasn’t in his apartment. He was in a room filled with stuffed animals. He woozily stood up and opened the door. He squinted his eyes a little because the sun was already shining.

“Here you go Kyuhyun, my special cheese omelet with spring onions and French fries.”

Upon hearing that, Siwon’s vision zeroed in on Kyuhyun who as sitting comfortably on the dining area and a man who had his back him.

“It looks delicious, hyung, thank you.” A Cheshire like smile formed on Kyuhyun’s lips and it made Siwon smile as well. He was about to walk over when he realized Kyuhyun called the other man Hyung.

Who is this hyung?

Siwon cleared his throat to get some attention. Kyuhyun looked at him and the man who previously had his back him faced forward. Siwon suddenly felt his blood boiling. For the first time ever, he’d finally Kim Yesung—the man whom he destroyed in high school because of his unrequited love for back then Sungmin.

“Oh, so, you’re awake.” Kyuhyun stood up and pulled out a chair for Siwon. “You can eat with us, Yesung made you some hangover soup.”

Siwon turned his attention back to Yesung. He gave him a very icy stare but the other man just looked at him with a blank face before turning to Kyuhyun and smiling. “Hey, uh, I’ll see you later, I have to go to the grocery because your fridge is almost empty.”

“You don’t have to do that, I mean, you already offered me to stay here for the time being, so it’s the least I could do for you.” Yesung ruffeld Kyuhyun’s hair up and gave his forehead a kiss much to Siwon’s dismay.

What the heck is this guy thinking? I may not like Kyuhyun but he can’t do this in front of me, Kyuhyun’s my employee…we have a contract and all. And

“I’ll get going then.” Yesung grabbed his wallet on the kitchen counter and passed by Siwon without even giving him a smile.

When Yesung was finally out of the door, Siwon walked towards Kyuhyun and slammed his hands on the table making the plate topple to the floor. “That was my breakfast, you dumb jerk.” Kyuhyun glared.

“What is he doing here?” Siwon didn’t bother addressing Kyuhyun’s complaint. “And why did he just say that he lives here, with you?”

Kyuhyun barked out a fake laugh. “Since when did I have the responsibility to tell you who I hang out with? I don’t think we’ve ever established that.”

“When you signed that contract, you’ve already given me yourself.” Siwon sneered as he lowered his face towards Kyuhyun and tried to kiss him but Kyuhyun moved away and slapped the taste right out of Siwon’s mouth.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kyuhyun demanded as he stepped backwards.

Siwon couldn’t believe Kyuhyun had the guts to slap him. “You’re my property!” He practically screamed and it really frightened Kyuhyun because he’d never dealt with someone like Choi Siwon.

Kyuhyun’s eyes went wide as a whimper escaped from his lips as he felt Siwon wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s waist. “Let go.”

Siwon just smiled at him and pushed guided Kyuhyun roughly towards his lips. Kyuhyun whimpered into the forceful kiss. He tried pushing him away but he really didn’t match up to Siwon’s strength. He groaned in protest as tears started to prick his eyes and he was feeling very light headed from the lack of oxygen.

“Hey, stop it, you’re hurting him.”

Kyuhyun felt Siwon being ripped away from him and as soon as Kyuhyun regained his breath, he looked up and saw Yesung.

“You want to mess with me, huh?!” Siwon so angry and it intimidated Kyuhyun but when he turned to look at Yesung, he saw the man standing tall.  Suddenly Siwon grabbed Yesung by the collar and tossed him to the side and the poor man hit the floor with a loud thud. Siwon grabbed Yesung by the collar once again and punched him but the latter never fought back, he just allowed Siwon to hit him forcefully.

“Stop it!” Kyuhyun said as he grabbed Siwon’s arm to try and stop him but once Siwon is on a roll, no one can stop him. Siwon shoved Kyuhyun away making the other man fall down to the floor hard. When Siwon stood up and walked away from Yesung, whose mouth is bleeding and had a few cuts on his cheek he  turned to Kyuhyun whom was now trembling in utter fear.

Then, it dawned to Siwon what he had done. He felt his limbs shaking as well as he looked as he bloody hands. He looked at what he’d done and couldn’t believe it. “I…I…I’m sorry.” He stammered as he shot towards the door and left the two people he’d physically hurt.

“Ahh…ouch….” Yesung wrinkled his nose at the sudden pain as Kyuhyun dabbed ointment soaked cotton ball on the other man’s face.

“Hold still.” Kyuhyun said.

“Why did he force himself on you anyway?” Yesung asked as he worriedly eyed Kyuhyun.

“I honestly don’t know.”

“You have Intermitent Explosive Disorder or IED, Siwon.” Dr. Nam said as he tapped his Parker Ball Point Pen on his clipboard.

Siwon looked at his psychologist with a confused look on his face. “What…what does that mean?”

Dr. Nam adjusted his eye glasses as if trying to figure out a way to answer Siwon’s question. “You see, Siwon, with IED, you will never know when you’ll get a sudden outburst. It’ll just come to you in a snap or if something triggers it.”

“Did the accident I was in played a part in me having develop this?” Siwon sounded afraid because this was something new to him.

The doctor nodded. “But why didn’t it occur when I was growing up? When I was a teenager? Why didn’t it occur when I was rehabilitating my arm?”

Dr. Nam sighed. “Look, Siwon, like I said awhile ago, it just bursts out of you if something triggers it. So I suggest, you and I have a one on one session once a week so we can talk about this and how we can work through it, okay?” The doctor waited for Siwon to answer but when he didn’t, he spoke again. “Hey, I know that this is scary but you have to be strong, okay?”

Siwon nodded agreeing to what the man before him said but the fact is, he may never be able to be with anyone else because he may end up hurting them. He closed his eyes as he pictured Kyuhyun’s frightened state earlier. It scared him that if it happens again, he might physically hurt Kyuhyun again and he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if that happens.

END OF ENTRY 12

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