The tears were still streaming out of Baekhyun's eyes as he held his hand to his chest, leaning back against the desk leg. It didn't even matter that his hand was bleeding, for the pain that he felt on the inside was much worse.

He felt like he was suffocating and breathing poison at the same time as he choked on his sobs, Chanyeol's words repeating in his mind.

"I don't even know you! , it makes me sick!"

Chanyeol couldn't possibly understand how those words had affected Baekhyun.

It made him feel like a fool for ever admitting to actually loving Chanyeol.

Why didn't he completely banish those feelings? Why did he let them reside in his heart, where they would bubble and simmer until everything became too much and he ended up burning himself?

He was so, so wrong for ever hoping that Chanyeol wouldn't react like this. It was just like that nightmare that he had, but it was so much worse.

It was worse because in his reality, Baekgyu was there, and because Chanyeol had pointed out everything that Baekhyun was guilty of doing.

He wouldn't have cried so hard if Chanyeol had just told him that he hated him and left, but no... Chanyeol just had to hit him where it hurt.

"Did you think that one day, I'd actually love you back?"

And the look on his face when he said it, god, Baekhyun felt like burying himself. But that wasn't even the worst of it all, the worst was when Chanyeol had that expression, the one where he just looked so broken and devastated; the expression Baekhyun was the most afraid of seeing.

"You hurt me, just like you wanted to."

Baekhyun had the urge to laugh but it would end up sounding morbid and sorrowful because he thought that it was funny that he was still worrying about Chanyeol when the taller had just spit molten lava on him.

He was so dumb, what was he thinking? Was it really possible to stay with someone for one whole year and not fall in love?

Well, it could've been, if not for the fact that Baekhyun had to stay with someone who was just so delightful, astonishing, breathtaking, and just—absolutely beautiful...

Why did I have to fall in love with him?

Why did I have to meet him?

Why did this have to happen?

All those questions were swirling around in Baekhyun's head, but there was one that stood out the most:

Why did I have to lose him?

It stood out because it was the question that hurt the most.

Baekhyun, all those months ago, never even knew what it felt like to fall in love; to fall so deeply that he couldn't even escape anymore.

It's crazy how in only half a year, he met someone who made him feel things he'd usually call 'over-rated'. He met someone who made him feel so alive, someone who knew exactly what to say when he was sad, what to do to push his buttons, how to give him just the right amount of happiness... And to think that Baekhyun just lost him.

It flipped his entire world upside down, and he didn't even know how to distinguish between wrong and right; happiness and sadness; love and hate.

Baekhyun had just lost something so important to him, and the realization that he could never get Chanyeol back was finally getting to him.

"You," Baekhyun spoke up, looking up at Baekgyu who was sitting on the bed.

Baekhyun wanted to laugh again, because not only did their personalities show how different they were in luck, but also what had just happened. Baekhyun had been pushed into the desk—which he didn't remember clearly, he only vaguely remembered hitting into it and crumpling onto the ground—whereas Baekgyu had been pushed onto the bed, completely uninjured unlike Baekhyun with his cut hand. He didn't know how it was possible that he had hurt himself, but by the deep gash in his palm, it proved to be possible.

Baekgyu was looking at him in confusion, like it was odd that Baekhyun gazed at him so angrily at the moment.

"You did this," Baekhyun said after a moment of silence, his brain trying to catch up with his mouth, although failing because of the state his mind was in. "If you'd never been so stupid in the beginning, this would have never happened," Baekhyun added as he only got angrier when (for what seemed like the millionth time) Baekgyu looked as if he didn't understand what Baekhyun was saying.

"It wasn't my fault that Chanyeol figured out," Baekgyu declared, "If anything, it was yours."

Baekhyun gritted his teeth as he shakily stood up, holding onto the desk lightly to help him balance. "It couldn't have been mine. I did everything I could to make him not figure out."

"Like falling in love with him?" Baekgyu questioned, and Baekhyun's mind blanked for a second, before he was completely blinded by feelings that he didn't even know how to describe.

"Of course! I'd say that it helped that I fell in love with him, that way I'd act more like you—oh wait. Chanyeol noticed so many differences..." Baekhyun stopped for a second before continuing with a slight tilt to his head, "I guess that means that you never even loved him? "

Baekhyun knew it was a low blow, but everything was just so jumbled up that he really didn't care anymore.

The younger knew his words had hit Baekgyu when he also stood up, his eyes narrowed as he stared at Baekhyun judgementally. "You have no right to say that," he hissed.

"And you have no right to tell me to stay away from Chanyeol," Baekhyun retorted, his voice filled with as much spite as the others.

Earlier, Baekgyu had knocked on their dorm room and came in after Baekhyun let him in, shocked that he saw his twin 6 months earlier than what was planned.

The initial shock washed over, though, when Baekgyu told Baekhyun that he had come because he thought—or more like knew—that Baekhyun was getting too close to Chanyeol.

After that, they had argued about how Baekhyun had to stay away from Chanyeol, and things of the like. The argument had abruptly stopped when Chanyeol had come in, and the shock Baekhyun had was double the one of when Baekgyu had come in.

Now, it seemed as if their argument from earlier was just going to continue, and Baekhyun wondered if there was ever going to be an end.

"How many times do I have to tell you this, Baekhyun?" Baekgyu asked, his voice filled with incredulity, "I have all the right because he's my boyfriend!"

Baekhyun didn't even wait to breathe before he answered something he would've thought was idiotic at least 4 months ago. "That's where you're wrong! You broke up with him, Baekgyu. I've been dating him these past 6 months, not you. Hell, I bet you've actually already moved on from him; found some other guy like Kris or whatever."

"You can't bring Kris into this—"

"Sure, I might've been with Chanyeol less than half the time you have, but at least I didn't kiss another guy while dating him."

Baekhyun knew Baekgyu was angry, actually, he knew that Baekgyu was furious, right now but he couldn't stop himself.

"You already have everything that you need in life, so why do you have to have him? Can't you see that I love him so ing much? I need him, Baekgyu..." Baekhyun trailed off with a sad tone in his voice, but when he saw Baekgyu's face, he just felt angry again. "You were partying in Tokyo this entire time, when I was suffering with the stuff that your 'ever-so-perfect-self' dumped onto me! Would you—"

Baekhyun was interrupted when he felt a sharp pain on the side of his face and he stumbled, holding onto the desk to keep from falling, hissing when he dug his injured palm into the corner of the surface.

It took him less than 5 seconds to spin back around, raising up his uninjured arm and throwing his fist into Baekgyu's own face (though, he missed his target of Baekgyu's jaw and accidentally hit Baekgyu in the eye).

His knuckles stung from the impact, but he had little time to care about that when Baekgyu recovered and lunged at him, his fingers and nails resembling a cat's claws as it came for his face. One of the older's nails dug into Baekhyun's cheek as Baekhyun hit Baekgyu again on the other side of his face, successfully getting him off but tripping over the mess of legs, almost falling but catching himself.

Before he even knew what was happening, Baekhyun felt a hard tug on his shirt and he was spun back around, his back slamming into the wall. Baekhyun's world was spinning around him, and he barely registered Baekgyu's fist coming at him. He was punched hard on the jaw and Baekhyun blinked back the stars threatening to appear in his vision, shoving Baekgyu back until they both fell onto the bed, one on top of the other. Baekhyun punched him in the same place Baekgyu had hit him and raised his arm for the second blow. His fist never connected with Baekgyu's face, because in the next second, his twin lifted his legs and gave Baekhyun's stomach a hard kick, making Baekhyun choke on what he could only guess was blood. The impact had sent him into the wall again, but this time, his head was the first thing to hit the solid divider.

Baekhyun slid down the wall, his landing onto the ground as he groaned, shutting his eyes to try and block out the high pitched ringing he began to hear in the background. His limbs felt like lead, and all he could do was sit there to try to will away the pain he was feeling everywhere.

There wasn't much action after that, and the entire place grew quiet with the absence of their yells.

It was a short brawl, but it had never happened before; Baekhyun had never actually punched someone before... He was pretty sure he did it wrong because his thumb felt like it was broken. His palm stung, but not as much as his face when Baekgyu had punched him.

He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he had actually punched Baekgyu thrice, and it made him giddy and mortified at the same time. He wondered how much pain his twin was in, and that was when he realized that he had punched Baekgyu because of another guy... God, Baekhyun remembered how he thought those pointless fights in books were terribly childish and completely unnecessary, but look at him now.

He wondered if his cheek was actually cut because of Baekgyu's nails and he his lips, recognizing the taste of blood.

Baekhyun just wanted to sleep the pain away, but he couldn't do that when Baekgyu was here.

Baekgyu coughed a bit and Baekhyun opened his tired eyes, looking at Baekgyu's figure laying on the bed. "I... Never went to Tokyo to study," he stated, and Baekhyun felt a little bit of his tiredness fly away, getting replaced by curiousness (although, he still felt like fainting), "Sure, I did study there but... There was a bigger reason."

"What, was it to get the boys?" Baekhyun asked, his anger still slightly evident even if his head felt like it was floating.

"No..." He trailed off, as if unsure if he should tell Baekhyun or not. "You know, you make me seem like I'm the luckiest person in the world, when I'm probably the opposite."

Baekhyun was about to interrupt, but Baekgyu, being his twin and all, spoke quickly to avoid being cut off.

"Our parents don't love me; they pity me. My friends don't like me, they only use me because I'm popular. The reason I'm popular? Chanyeol." Baekgyu sounded like he was reading off of a list that he had been building his entire life, stating facts about how everything wasn't how it seemed. "I'm not smart, but I went to Tokyo to suffer anyway. The teachers don't like me, they think the same as our parents... And my own twin wants me gone."

Baekhyun kept his lips shut, his gaze lowered, because he had to admit that the thought had flown through his mind before.

"And the worst of it all... I'm dying."

Baekhyun looked back up at Baekgyu's figure, his eyebrows furrowed. "I only punched you around three times, stop over-exag—"

"No... No, no, no, Baekhyun. I'm not talking about right now," Baekgyu took in a deep breath, "I've known for more than half of my life. I'm going to die."

Baekhyun sat up a little higher on the wall, wanting to stand up to see Baekgyu's face but not being able to because of his worthless limbs. "W—What are you saying?"

"I didn't go to Tokyo to study or party. I told you, I only went to suffer."

"Get to the point, Baekgyu," Baekhyun ordered, growing more anxious.

He could only wonder what Baekgyu was saying; it didn't make sense whatsoever.

With a sigh, Baekgyu said: "I went to Tokyo for treatment."

Baekhyun felt like everything was twisting and turning around his already upside-down world—Baekgyu's words sounded ridiculous, but now that Baekhyun thought about it, it made sense.

Back then, sometimes he'd overhear his parent's words from behind their bedroom door, hearing little snippets about how they wonder if Baekgyu was going to make it past the age of 25.

Baekhyun always thought it was about if his twin was going to pass school but still, that didn't make sense how his parents would have to talk in private.

And the beeping sound Baekhyun always heard in the background of Baekgyu's calls—and the reason why Baekgyu was always free to pick up his calls...

"I was sitting in the hospital for more than half my time there. Of course, I went to school, but it was for only around an hour each day... The reason why our parents always gave me everything I needed was to make up for the fact that I have a chance of dying any time soon," Baekgyu mentioned, and Baekhyun felt as if his heart was sinking into the bottom of his stomach.

All those times where Baekhyun was jealous of Baekgyu... What kind of a brother was he? Baekgyu was suffering, and all Baekhyun did was get angry at him for getting things that he didn't have.

"Chanyeol," Baekgyu said all of a sudden, and Baekhyun recognized that tone of voice, "he makes me so happy," the older sobbed, and Baekhyun felt a crushing weight on his shoulders.

What have I done? He thought as Baekgyu continued.

"I loved him so much that I was so afraid to lose him... I was so scared that he'd fall in love with you, so I never told him about you."

Baekhyun was feeling so terrible that he felt his own vision blur with tears of guilt and remorse as he remembered the memories he made with Chanyeol—they were rightfully Baekgyu's.

Baekgyu was right, Baekhyun never had a choice to fall in love with Chanyeol and now that he had, he had just committed the worse crime.

"You took him away from me, Baekhyun."

~

Baekhyun had to busy himself with the fear that if he didn't, he'd burst into tears in the next second.

Baekgyu was sleeping in his bed, and Baekhyun was cleaning up the remnants of their fight earlier. 

After Baekgyu calmed down from his crying, he explained to Baekhyun a little more about what happened before he went to Tokyo.

Baekgyu told him that his parents had planned to let him stay over two years, in hopes that it would get better to a point where he could go back to Korea and get ordinary treatment there. Obviously, it didn't work in that span of time and he had to stay for another year. 

Baekgyu explained how he left the hospital early on his own will, and how it won't really affect him if he just continued treatment in Korea.

He told Baekhyun about why he was there, and the reason was because he had lung cancer. It was a mystery how it got there, but the doctors said it could've been because of genetics or the like. 

"Our parents said that I'm going to get better," Baekgyu snorted, "I know that's not true. I'm going to die in a couple of year's time." 

Baekhyun grimaced when he remembered Baekgyu's words, wondering how someone could be so negative about their own life. It made him even sadder that Baekgyu felt like this, and about how Baekhyun had ruined everything for him.

He picked up the glass shards from when Chanyeol had thrown the picture onto the ground, and he felt tears prick his eyes once more as he remembered that Chanyeol hated both of them.

Why can't he just hate me? Does it have to be Baekgyu?

Baekhyun felt so bad, that he wished Baekgyu and Chanyeol would get back together so he wouldn't have to feel so terrible anymore.

Sure, the feeling of losing Chanyeol would still be there, but at least the crushing guilt wouldn't be weighing down on him anymore.

He wished that he was never so stupid; that he had never felt that way about Chanyeol. Hell, he even wished that he hated Chanyeol's guts—but whenever he thought about Chanyeol, he'd just see his smiling face and Baekhyun was brought back to the decision that he could never hate Chanyeol.

"Ow," Baekhyun hissed as he cut himself while picking up one of the pieces, inspecting the little injury on his finger and spotting the even bigger injury on his palm.

When he looked at it, he was reminded yet again of what Chanyeol had said and he came to the conclusion that Chanyeol hated him more than Baekgyu, and that Baekgyu had a chance to get back with him.

Even though just thinking about Baekgyu and Chanyeol really hurt, Baekhyun knew that this was the only thing that he could do to make Baekgyu happy.

Baekhyun turned and looked at Baekgyu's sleeping form, laying as straight as a log while his front faced the ceiling.

Baekhyun snorted because how does anyone sleep like that?

But seeing the twin he knew since he was a baby, he realized that he actually kind of missed him after all this time and he felt that same sort of regret fill him up.

He knew he couldn't leave things like this, he had to do something.

But what do I do? Baekhyun wondered as he bit his lip, deeply in thought.

A sudden idea flashed in Baekhyun's mind and he stared between his cosmetics and Baekgyu, the plan forming in his head piece by piece.

It was a stupid idea—anyone could tell that it only had a 30% chance of succeeding, but Baekhyun decided to do it anyways.

He decided to act as Baekgyu one last time.

And he was betting on that 30%. 

I know, bless me. I updated and it's just cuz I love you guys~ (And I also want you guys to catch up with all the chapters that I have whoops).

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this and OMG are you guys surprised? Baekgyu has cancer ahhhhhh!

I'm in school, and I read this really angsty fic and I was crying HAHAHAHA... If anyone saw me that would be bad. Yeah, I'm feeling so relaxed right now, it's weird ahhh. 

But I'm super tempted to write a super angsty Chanbaek fic hoooh that's gonna be fun I'm so excited. I wanna wreck people's hearts <3

Have a good week, bye~