I know, this is a random update from outta no where but who cares?! (Certainly I don't hehehe) so anyways... I hope you enjoy this chapter~

"...Why don't I just kiss you, instead?" Baekhyun asked.

Before Chanyeol could do anything, Baekhyun took that chance to stand on his tip toes as his arms wrapped around Chanyeol's nape. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips onto Chanyeol's, connecting them in such a way words could not describe.

Chanyeol couldn't even pull away if he wanted to, it was such a simple kiss—just lips pressed against lips, but it held the most emotion. Baekhyun, on the other hand, wished, deep in his heart, that this small kiss told Chanyeol the words that could not be spoken by himself.

He couldn't say those three words to Chanyeol... Before, he didn't know why he couldn't but now... He knew.

He couldn't say I love you because he was afraid.

Deep inside, he knew that if he said those three words to Chanyeol, they would become true.

He'd been not only lying to everyone, but also to himself. He kept repeating that the taller's smile didn't make his heart beat, it was only because he was scared of being revealed as Baekhyun. He kept telling himself that Chanyeol would only ever look at Baekgyu—but on the inside, he wished that Chanyeol knew that he wasn't Baekgyu.

If he ever, for some reason, told Chanyeol that he loved him, Baekhyun was afraid that he would really break, and the monster inside of him would come out. The horrible and selfish creature that had been growing inside of him ever since Chanyeol first kissed him would finally be free and he'd want Chanyeol—a completely innocent and taken person—to himself.

Never in his life had he felt this way; so greedy and jealous of things he shouldn't even touch. Of course, he had already been jealous of Baekgyu, but it had never amounted to this level.

Baekhyun pulled away and stared at Chanyeol, his heart beating in a strange manner—as if he had just fallen even further.

Baekhyun smiled and Chanyeol just stared at the smaller as if he was dumbstruck.

The smaller laughed at Chanyeol and he snapped out of it, a big smile making its way onto his face.

It wasn't the type of smile someone would fake at a party or a smile in relief after a big project was over—no, it was the type of smile the groom would have after slipping the ring onto his lover's fourth finger; it was filled with love and adoration for the one in front of him. 

When Baekhyun saw the way Chanyeol's eyes crinkled at the side and the way his mouth seemed to try and show off as many teeth as possible, Baekhyun remembered the conclusion he had come to after he woke up this morning to find Chanyeol gone a second time.

He wasn't going to tell Chanyeol he was Baekhyun—and he never would.

It would be a secret that he kept... For Chanyeol's sake.

For the sake of that specific smile on the taller's face, Baekhyun was going to keep quiet.

~

"We'll be heading off now!" Chanyeol waved at his parents who waved back at him from the front door, looking happy and pleased with their visit.

Baekhyun made sure to bow at least a dozen times more before he entered Chanyeol's car, settling himself inside after throwing his backpack in the back like he had done a few days back.

"Ready to go?" Chanyeol asked as he buckled his seatbelt.

Baekhyun did the same and nodded, giving Chanyeol's house one more long, lingering look.

It was probably the last time he was going to see Chanyeol's house, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

Chanyeol pulled out of their driveway and they were officially on the road, the white snow outside blinding them even from behind the tinted car windows.

It was on instinct for both partners as they threaded their fingers together, not looking but somehow knowing that they felt the same.

They both felt at ease.

Baekhyun—even though it might not have seemed like it—felt much better about things after he cried to Chanyeol.

He felt like a third of the weight was taken off his shoulders, and maybe it was because of the comforting words Chanyeol whispered to him when he was busy worrying.

That morning when he 'confessed' to Chanyeol about why he had cried, he had done it for three reasons. 1, because he didn't know a different excuse. 2, because it could solve Baekgyu's problem. 3, it was something that Chanyeol could actually believe.

He had started crying because he felt so bad—for lying to Chanyeol. But at least now, Chanyeol wouldn't question why he was acting a little different, or so he hoped.

The rest of the car ride was filled with random conversations and blocks of silence, but it didn't bother the two at all.

"I might as well take this chance to drive you home," Chanyeol mentioned as they neared the University. "If I just take a turn and drive for another half an hour, we'll get to your house, right?" Chanyeol asked.

"No!" Baekhyun exclaimed before he stopped. "I um..." He trailed off nervously, knowing that if his parents saw them together it would be huge trouble. "I haven't told my parents about us..."

"Wait, really?!" Chanyeol exclaimed and Baekhyun laughed anxiously.

"Yeah... The thing is... I don't think they would really support us," Baekhyun explained, saying half of the truth.

The other half was that—obviously—they would begin calling Baekhyun by his real name and Chanyeol would begin questioning what was happening like he'd done so many times before. Baekhyun couldn't risk being figured out now, after everything that had already happened.

"Why don't we just change their mind?" The taller questioned as he flicked on the signal to turn left.

"They're really busy right now," Baekhyun lied, trying to make it seem like he wasn't super nervous.

Chanyeol had a questioning look on his face and the car didn't move one bit. Luckily, there was no one on the road at that moment. "How about I just drop you off? I won't go inside or anything," he tried and Baekhyun gnawed on his lip.

"Okay..." He agreed hesitantly and Chanyeol finally began driving again, going down the roads that Baekhyun was familiar with.

They arrived at Baekhyun's house in 20-some minutes and Baekhyun almost bolted out of the car, forgetting that he even had a seatbelt on.

His parents would most likely greet him if they noticed the car in their driveway, and Baekhyun wanted to avoid that as much as possible.

He left the car and opened the back door, taking his backpack and slinging it onto one arm. Just as he closed the door, Chanyeol arrived beside him and pulled him in, pecking him on the lips.

Baekhyun was surprised, but for some reason he felt like he was slowly getting used to Chanyeol's impromptu kissing.

"Thank you for coming." Chanyeol smiled and Baekhyun's eyes flitted to his house's window, just to make sure no one was watching.

"You're welcome," Baekhyun answered and he pulled Chanyeol down for another kiss. "I had a lot of fun."

For the next minute, they had their fill of each other, kissing sweetly and deeply so that they wouldn't miss each other too much for the remainder of the break.

When Baekhyun slowly walked away, their arms stretched as they tried to hold their hands together longer, not wanting to let go. Ultimately, they separated and Baekhyun walked the remaining distance to the door. He turned around with a smile, waving at Chanyeol who was still just watching him. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, spinning around one more time to wave before entering.

He closed the door and before he knew what was happening, he heard loud voices.

"Baekhyun?!" His mom's familiar voice screeched and he flinched. "Who was he?!" She yelled and Baekhyun's eyes widened before he quickly looked at the ground, not able to look at his mom in the eyes.

"U—Um, he was just—"

"Is he your boyfriend?" She asked, her eyes filled with incredulity.

Baekhyun could just see what she was going to happen next, how she was going to say she didn't support them and about how she was so disappointed in him. He was most likely going to get slapped in the face like he had seen in his nightmares before.

It was sort of a normal thing for Baekhyun to have nightmares like those, where his parents figured out his and Baekgyu's uality and ended up throwing them away because of it.

"He's..." Baekhyun trailed off, thinking of what to say. "He's just my—"

"I'm so happy for you!" He suddenly heard and Baekhyun's head snapped up to look into his mother's happy eyes. "Finally, you got someone for yourself!"

He stared at his mom in disbelief, the look on her face filled with happiness and not disgust like he was expecting.

She didn't look like she was lying, after all, that face was the face she'd have on her face when her favourite basketball team won.

Am I dreaming?

"You're not mad?" Baekhyun asked in a quiet voice and his mom started laughing, which brought Baekhyun's dad out of the kitchen.

"Well, what do we have here?" His dad asked and Baekhyun felt the panic come back in less than a millisecond.

No way in hell would his dad ever let him have a boyfriend.

"I hear you have a significant other?" He asked, one of his eyebrows raised.

"No!" He protested and Baekhyun's mom quickly cut in.

"He's just embarrassed, that little dummy was kissing his boyfriend less than five minutes ago," his mom explained and Baekhyun flushed. Just imagining his mother seeing him kissing Chanyeol made him feel so flustered. "They look really cute together," and in a lower voice, she added, "his boyfriend is very handsome."

His dad stared Baekhyun down for countless long seconds and Baekhyun tried not to burst into cold sweat.

He was so anxious about what his dad was about to say... Because knowing him, he'd probably kick Baekhyun out of the house.

"I see..." The older man began and Baekhyun looked away from his gaze. "So... Does he treat you well?"

Baekhyun was surprised for the umpteenth time that day and his words came out quickly. "Yes! He loves me very much."

He immediately regretted saying that when his parents began talking about how they were glad someone was taking care of Baekhyun.

What would happen when Baekgyu came back and Chanyeol was with him?

Those thoughts were quickly pushed away and he was filled with joy that his parents weren't planning to throw him into an adoption home.

They looked genuinely... Happy... For him.

"I thought you said you didn't want me to... Like the same gender, though?" Baekhyun questioned carefully, not wanting to ruin the mood but wanting to know the answer.

Baekhyun's mom smiled gently at him. "I was only saying that because it might be a little hard for you to live in this society when you like men... But us two, we don't mind at all. In fact, it kind of makes me happy." 

When his dad agreed, Baekhyun felt like collapsing from relief, but flying because of this nice feeling coursing through him. It was a mixture of ease, comfort, and peace. He never thought his parent's reactions would be like this.

Now that he figured out how his parents felt, it seemed as if the person above was telling him that it will be alright.

Not everything in his life was screwed.

It made him that much happier, and he wondered if things were finally looking up from this point onwards.

He hoped with all his being, that every day that passed from then on could make him feel as happy as he did right then.

~

Baekhyun laid down on the bed, holding his phone up to his ear as he waited for the person on the other side to pick up.

"Baekhyun!" Baekgyu exclaimed cheerily and Baekhyun smiled lightly.

"Hey..." He trailed off, not knowing where to start.

He knew what he wanted to talk to Baekgyu about, but he didn't know if it was insensitive for him to bring it up.

Baekhyun thought back to the time not too long ago where he thought Baekgyu wasn't absolutely crazy and about how he thought Baekgyu was more rational in between them.

Wow, he was so wrong.

"Can you tell me why you did it?" Baekhyun questioned, deciding to just go for it. "Why you cheated on Chanyeol, I mean," he said in a lower voice, knowing that his parents could hear things from the hallway.

Baekhyun waited for Baekgyu's answer, playing with his blanket while he listened intently.

"I don't know, to be honest..." Baekgyu replied, "I think I was just... Sad that I had to leave Chanyeol..."

"That doesn't make any sense," Baekhyun reasoned. "If you really were sad, you would have spent every second you could with him..."

At least, that was what Baekhyun would do if he ever knew he was breaking it off with the person he loved.

"It's different... No, I'm just different from you," he stated and Baekhyun nodded along, knowing that what he said was 100% true. "I thought that maybe if I found someone else, I wouldn't be so sad about leaving him."

"So you were only thinking of yourself again?" Baekhyun pointed out and Baekgyu agreed almost guiltily. Baekhyun let out a deep sigh and rolled onto his right side, laying his head on his phone so that he wouldn't have to hold it. "You know, you can't love someone if you act like that."

"I know. I really regret doing that. I want to apologize to Chanyeol but... I couldn't and still can't..."

Baekhyun looked out of the window at the dark sky, unconsciously thinking about what Chanyeol was doing at the moment; if he was having fun, eating supper, hanging out with his family or just being bored.

Baekhyun felt a little sad all of a sudden because he remembered that Chanyeol had driven Baekhyun back to his house only to have to drive back to his own. The taller had wasted a good 3 hours on driving Baekhyun back when he could've stayed home and let Baekhyun take some train. It was a waste of gas, and Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol would be tired by the end of it all.

He briefly thought about what he could do to make it back to Chanyeol—even if that giant wouldn't allow him to.

Maybe he could throw him a party? Draw him a picture? Or maybe he could—

"Baekhyun?" Baekgyu's voice brought Baekhyun back to the real world and he blinked, realizing that he had just been thinking about Chanyeol when his supposed boyfriend was calling him.

"Y—Yeah?" Baekhyun stuttered.

"What happened with Chanyeol's family and you?" He questioned and Baekhyun thanked the lords that his twin didn't question why his mind suddenly blinked off the existence of this planet. "Be descriptive..."

Baekhyun began explaining what had happened from the beginning to the end—from the ramen store to the shops they had visited and to the park that they went to on the last day. At some point, he completely forgot that he was talking about things he was doing with someone taken, and he just remembered about all the nice things that happened.

"We celebrated Chanyeol's birthday with a surprise party and he ate his favourite cake. He got some really good presents—oh, and I gave him some books that I remembered that he liked. They were from a really long time ago but he still recognized them," Baekhyun went on and on, talking about things that made a fluttering feeling appear in his stomach. "On the third day, we went to the park and when we walked back together it was snowing. He told me that it looked really nice—"

"Baek..." The older spoke up, distress apparent in his voice. Baekhyun stopped his story telling as he questioned in his head why he was cut off. "You sound... Really happy." 

When Baekhyun heard those words, he suddenly realized that he had been smiling to himself and he immediately stopped, noticing how he had been weirdly petting his rilakkuma the entire time. He stopped that too and pushed the plushie off of the bed, sitting up with his phone in his hand.

"I just really like snow," Baekhyun said and he got silence as an answer. "Baekgyu..." He sighed, "I'm sorry, I can't help it. When someone has fun, they have fun, no matter who they're with... I—" he hesitated unknowingly and gulped before he continued, "I promise I don't like him like that..."

"You promise?" Baekgyu asked with uncertainty in his voice.

"Yeah... You said it before: I can't fall in love with Chanyeol."

Baekhyun temporarily forgot who he was talking to, where he was and what he was doing because he realized that those words he had just said... They were only to remind himself.

See, there was this little something that Baekhyun had realized on the drive back to his home.

He was possibly the worst person out there. He was awful and wretched, and he only covered it up with lies.

He told himself that he wouldn't tell Chanyeol he wasn't Baekgyu because it would break Chanyeol, but that wasn't it.

He didn't tell Chanyeol because he was selfish.

He didn't want Chanyeol to push him away because he wasn't who the taller had hoped him to be—he wasn't his lover or boyfriend... He was just a fake.

Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol for longer, he wanted to occupy the spaces in his mind and have the knowledge that it was his actions that made Chanyeol's heart beat.

He wanted Chanyeol to think that it was him that he loved, and even if he had a different name it was still him on the inside...

It was terrible, Baekhyun knew, but he couldn't help it.

Because after all, when someone loves, they love—no matter who it is.

Guys, holy heckie, CBX's music is honestly one of my favourites out there because BAEKHYUN'S VOICE! I've always liked it when Baekhyun sang this style of music (like, this one time he made a cover of SHINee's 'Why So Serious' and I honestly fell in love with that type of singing with his voice) and CBX's album is just FILLED with that type of singing and I just ahjgrak;hgia;l jifl;ajsakl;da. I don't know how to explain what type it is... Maybe sassy, goofy, and a little overconfident singing? I love it on Baekhyun (but I also love his super deep and emotion-filled singing). 

AND OMG IS IT JUST ME or have Chanyeol and Baekhyun been looking extra beautiful + cute?! I don't even know why! Baekhyun's red hair is BAE and Chanyeol's black hair just makes me hyperventilate but it isn't even because of their hair styles, they just look so happy idfk ughhh... I still have to watch Chanyeol's night broadcasts but I haven't been able to because they're 1 hour or more and I don't have time.

If you somehow read through that horrendously long A/N, I'm just gonna wish you a happy week and a great day <3