Yoona was speechless when she was finally standing in front of a grave which has a lot of flowers and wreath on it. In addition, there’s a picture—if Yoona didn’t know that there are two of identical persons, she might think that it was Jonghyun’s picture, at a glance—of Jaehyun with his name beautifully written under the picture.

“It’s been six years since you left us, dongsaeng.” Yonghwa started to speak to the photo. “How are you up there? I hope you’re getting happier and happier every day…” he smiled. “Jonghyun is here, too. As you know, he always couldn’t talk a lot whenever he came to see you, right? But let me tell you, today it seems like he will talk a lot. Or at least, he’ll talk properly. He brought someone. I think he will introduce her to you. You have to listen carefully…” Yonghwa paused then stared at Jonghyun with a ‘hyung-look’ on his expression as he patted Jonghyun’s shoulder, giving him support.

“H-hi…” Jonghyun finally managed to speak. His voice is husky and shaky at the same time. “Just like hyung just said… it’s been six years since you left… is it good up there?” he paused a little while his eyes are still staring at Jaehyun’s picture. “I’m… I bring someone today… I want you to see her…” he paused again to manage his breathe. He knew his PTSD is coming up, it always like that, no matter if he already took the medicines. The memories are too strong. “I know I have no right to live so freely in this world after what I’ve done to you, Jae… I… I apologize… You must be hate me… more and more… I ever promised that I won’t let you alone up there for too long, but now I also have someone that I can’t leave here…” he started to lose his breathe, but he ignored it. He even ignored that Yonghwa and Yoona already gave him a warning to stop. But he just can’t stop. His chest feel so tightened and hurt as his brain started to recall all about Jaehyun into his memories. “Jae… what should I do? What should I do, please tell me. I can’t ever forgive myself because I let you go without me, but I also won’t forgive myself if I left her, Jae… What should I d—“

“JONGHYUN!!” Yoona couldn’t help but squealed when Jonghyun’s body suddenly leaned on him. And she can feel that he just lost balance—and perhaps his consciousness also because his eyes were closed. It didn’t even need a minute when three people that Yonghwa called from afar—which just followed them since beginning when they arrived in NY, later Yoona knew that it was the personal staffs for Jonghyun and Yonghwa.

“Bring him to the car. He lost consciousness. You guys know what to do, right?”

“Yes, Young Master.”

Yonghwa nodded. “Doctor Im, let him alone first.” He spoke up again when he saw Yoona was going to follow them. “He’ll be okay. It always happened everytime he went here. The staffs already know what to do. We always prepared an oxygen supply there. He will be okay. Just like what you saw for the first time in his house.” He nodded, try to make Yoona feel reassured. “Beside, this is the right time to tell you about what we’ve talked before and… you should introduce yourself to Jaehyun also.”

“W—which one I should do first, Yonghwa-ssi?” Yoona asked, still a bit trembling because she was so panic when she saw Jonghyun’s condition.

“Listen to me first, Doctor Im.” Yonghwa took a deep breathe before he started. “Six years ago Jaehyun died without leaving any messages to anyone. Although his caused of death is an accident but… there’s something strange with the accident, Doctor Im…” he stared at Jaehyun’s picture who was smiling and really look a lot like Jonghyun. “The witness said that they saw two cars were speeding in a road, but the distance is a bit far. And that time the road is quite empty… then they saw the front car—which is Jaehyun—suddenly speeding up more than before and it happened in a flash when it crashed into a roadblock, while Jonghyun’s car is not even that close to cause it.”

“What…” Yoona was completely speechless with the information that she just heard. “What is that mean, Yonghwa ssi?”

“We have a doubt… that it was a pure accident…” Yonghwa muttered. “That time, we gave it to the police and detective to look after that, without being noticed to public because we just don’t want to make another mess after Jaehyun’s death.”

“And the result?” Yoona asked with shaky lips as she was too surprised and shocked with the recent statement from Yonghwa that she never expected.

Yonghwa shook his head, look so hopeless. “We couldn’t find anything. Only two witnesses and they even couldn’t give us many clues because they weren’t that near from the location when it happened. And there are no other clues. Actually Jonghyun… is the one who witness it all. Very detail. But you know it’s impossible to ask him with his condition…”

“Did he know about these all?”

“No,” Yonghwa shook his head as his face is bitter. “Until now, we never had any proofs to say that it was not a pure accident. All of those are just an assumption, Doctor Im. If we told him, he won’t believe us and perhaps he will think that it was just for his sake to forgive his mistake. Even the doctor said that it’s not good to tell him if it’s just an assumption, it probably will make his condition is getting worse. That’s why… until now… we keep it from him.”

“And can you tell me how it can related with… asking him to visit the main house, Yonghwa-ssi?”

“We did all our best to find any clues to find the truth behind these all. Searching for the clues that Jaehyun might left in his room is also included. But we found nothing. But perhaps it will be different if it’s Jonghyun who did it, Doctor Im. After all, he is the only one, the closest person to Jaehyun. Jaehyun always told everything to Jonghyun. We actually hope... that perhaps Jonghyun could find something there. Although we never push him too hard to do it. Because he might feel suspicious and we also tried not to put our hopes too high because the possibility is also 50:50 of found something or nothing at all.”

“Yonghwa-ssi, why… it sounds like you believe that actually it was not a pure accident?”

“Because I know my twin dongsaeng very well, Doctor Im. They won’t do something that will hurt each other. Jaehyun… is not the type who will put his life in danger when Jonghyun is only the one person with him.” Yonghwa said in firm tone. “And he won’t leave Jonghyun just like that…”

“So… I have to ask him to go there… without being noticed what is the real reason?”

“Yes.” Yonghwa nodded. “Just act like I never told you about this, Doctor Im. I’m sure, once you succeed to bring him back to main house, he will go to Jaehyun’s room, absolutely. And perhaps…” Yonghwa smiled bitterly. “Perhaps he can found something… to free his own life…”

“I know it may sounds inappropriate of asking you this question, but I just really want to know your answer, Yonghwa ssi. Do you actually like Jonghyun better than Jaehyun…?”

It took a few seconds before Yonghwa answered. “I love them both. They are truly my brothers. But… if you’re asking me which one I prefer right now then my answer is Jonghyun, Doctor Im.” He stared at Yoona. “As the famous quote said—and I realized it was more than just a quote but it’s the truth—don’t pity the dead, but pity the living, especially for all those who live without love. He was, Doctor Im. Jonghyun was. At least before he meet you. That’s why I’m very thankful to you…”

Yoona couldn’t help when the tears escaped from the corner of her eyes. “One more question, Yonghwa ssi. When you said ‘we’ during your story… it means there is another person beside you?”

“There are, Doctor Im. There are people beside me. And I think maybe you already have a thought who those people are.” Yonghwa smiled.

*

“Where is Yoona?” Jonghyun asked in very weak tone when he saw Yonghwa just entered the car and sat beside him.

“She wanted to talk with Jaehyun alone.” Yonghwa answered while checking the oxygen mask that Jonghyun already took off from him. “Are you okay now?”

Jonghyun nodded, although his breathe isn’t back normal yet but he can manage it already. “I hate myself… I always be a coward whenever I visited him…” he muttered while looking outside the car’s window.”

“That’s something that you couldn’t deny. Your PTSD. Just consider it as his punishment for you…”

“It can’t even be compared with the pain that he felt…”

Yonghwa sighed. “Of course it can’t be compared. But it doesn’t mean you also have to feel that. Maybe the punishment will not fully come to you yet… or maybe God think that it’s enough already.”

Jonghyun didn’t answer him and just kept staring at the outside. “What should I do, hyung?” he almost whispered when he talked again.

“Anything that ever crossed you mind and you ever consider to do, I just have one thing to say. Please think about people who you loved and loved you when you want to do something… I beg you.”

* * *

“I heard that Jaehyun loved to write?” Yoona asked when Jonghyun and her are having a lunch together after they went back from visiting Jaehyun. Yonghwa was already heading back to airport. And since Yoona saw that Jonghyun’s condition is finally stable, so she finally bring Jaehyun again into their topic of conversation.

“Yes, he did.” Jonghyun nodded. “He had a lot of books under his name. Not literally his name, since he used an ‘author name’ but yes, those all were written by him.”

“Wow, it means he’s a good writer. Do you have his books?”

“No.” Jonghyun shook his head. “He never gave me since I was always the first person to read it from the first copy. You know the author always got the first copy of the published book, those are. I never owned those all. And those all are still in Jaehyun’s room.”

“Then… can I see those all?”

Jonghyun suddenly frozen when he heard Yoona’s request. His face also turned stiff. He put down his fork and spoon then stared at Yoona straightly with his profound eyes. “You’re aware that Jaehyun’s room in Lee’s main house, aren’t you?”

“Yes…” Yoona nodded, tried not to look so nervous.

“And I think I ever said that I left that house… and never return even for once.”

Yoona bites her lips. “I know, I’m just asking…” she gave him a small smile. “I talked with him this morning, also Yonghwa ssi told me a few things about him and I also heard a few things about him from you… I just feel like… I want to know him more. I mean, I already introduced myself, but I think it’s not fair if I didn’t know him that well also…” she explained carefully. “But if you can’t, then nevermind. After all, I can’t see you forced yourself like this morning. You don’t have any idea how worry and panic I am when you suddenly lost your consciousness…”

“Why it’s so sudden, Yoona?” Jonghyun still looks stiff.

“No, it’s not so sudden. Actually it’s been a long time that I want to know more about Jaehyun but I restrained myself. I mean, I can’t ask you too many questions about him, although you will say that you’re fine but I know it must be hard and hurtful for you…” Yoona truthfully spoke up. “And here we are… in NY. The place that Jaehyun spent his life mostly… I think I might have a chance to know more about him… He is the most important person to someone that I love. So, he is also very important to me…”

No, it’s not about the request anymore. What Yoona just said now is really the honest feeling of her. She just wanted to make Jonghyun opened about his life to her more than before. Especially about Jaehyun.

Yoona touched Jonghyun’s hands and gave him a smile. “But if you can’t, then you don’t have to force yourself. There is still a lot of time in the future.”

Jonghyun sighed loudly. “Sorry, Yoona…”

* * *

“Woah… I wonder why you choose to move out from this country…” Yoona started to talk when they were walking side to side on Broadway road, exploring the Times Square. And she fell in love as soon as she’s there. “This country is amazing.”

Jonghyun just smiled calmly as he kept walking while holding Yoona’s hands. “I agree. But there’s something special that Seoul has but this one doesn’t.”

“What’s that?”

“You.”

Yoona squinted while hissing, although she couldn’t hide her smile. “Where did you learn that sweet words?”

“Since when ‘you’ became a sweet words?” Jonghyun asked back while putting an innocent expression, but slightly smiling. “This country is beautiful and hurtful at the same time, Yoona. For me.” He finally answered truthfully while looking away.

“But why you choose to leave now? Not earlier?”

“A responsibility.” Jonghyun replied in heavy voice. “As a doctor.” He stared at Yoona who didn’t let out any single words and made him sighed. “A responsibility for being a doctor in Lee family. Because a member of that family is sick.”

So it’s true that he’s back because of his father… Yoona thought soundlessly. She has been thinking about that because she knew from her father that CEO—now he’s a chairman—Lee’s condition started to drop around one year ago. She stared at Jonghyun. Despite of the ‘bad’ relationship between he and his parents, he still care a lot about them…

“Doesn’t mean it makes the situation is better in that family, though. Not at all.” Jonghyun added. “Just a pure sense of responsibility. And for the sake of public appeal.”

Yoona just nodded. No matter what the reason is, for her, it’s still a thankful that Jonghyun still care about his family. “Whatever the reason is, I’m happy that you choose to move out, though. If not, I might won’t ever meet you.”

* * *

Im Yoon Ah : Yonghwa ssi, I’m sorry. I’m afraid if I can’t ask him…

Jung Yong Hwa : Nevermind, Doctor Im. I know it’s very hard. If it’s easy, I might already did it since few years ago.

Yoona sighed and put down her phone on the table. She really didn’t have any idea how to convince Jonghyun without being noticed that actually there’s another reason behind those all. Her hands back to scroll the mouse to read the page that she just searched on the internet.

He never showed his real identity… Yoona talked in her mind when she saw only a very short description about Jaehyun—Jonghyun told her that his author name is “Josh L”. There is no real name, picture, address, social media account, etc. Only an email, but it’s also the publisher’s email. He tend to become a mysterious writer.

“What are you looking at?” Jonghyun’s voice suddenly heard behind her. And before Yoona answered, he already there beside her while staring at the screen.

“His books are still being republished due to high demands. So, the readers didn’t know that he already… uhm…” Yoona found it’s hard to complete her question.

“Passed away? No.” Jonghyun completed it while shaking his head weakly. “But he did a very great job. Although he already passed away, the royalty that he got went to the orphanage that need it.”

“Who choose it to be that way? Is it you?”

Jonghyun just nodded slightly. “I think it will make him happy even for a little bit.”

“You did great.”

“I am not. He did.” Jonghyun showed a bitter smile again and pulled a chair to sit beside Yoona. He stared at her who continued to look at the screen.

“You have a lot of pictures of him here, right?” Yoona asked while pointing at the laptop that she’s using right now. “Can I see?”

Jonghyun nodded and showed the folder which contained a lot of pictures. Some of those pics have been seen already by Yoona back in Seoul.

“Who’s this woman?” Yoona pointed on a picture of Jonghyun, Jaehyun and a middle aged woman between them. Three of them were smiling widely while hugging that woman.

“Oh…” Jonghyun was silent for a while. “Anny. She took care both of us since we were born…” he smiled while looking at the picture. “She’s very kind. We love her so much.”

“Where is she right now?”

“Still in main house. She’s helping our family since long ago. She’s the head house-maid of Lee’s family.” Jonghyun answered. “It’s been a long time I didn’t see her… I hope she’s fine.” He muttered.

“You can visit her if you miss her…” Yoona tried to bring up the topic again.

“Yoona, I left that house.” Jonghyun’s voice turned stiff.

“I know. You left that house, but your parents never said that you shouldn’t come or visit again, right? It was your decision… so after all, it’s still your family house. There’s nothing wrong to pay a visit to people that you love who lived there…”

“No…”

Yoona stared at him and sighed. “I didn’t know that you can be very stubborn…”

“Im Yoona.” Jonghyun’s voice turned firm—as a warning. But Yoona ignored it.

“You’re not the only one who suffered after Jaehyun’s death. Everyone who love both of you will feel the same. Lucky for some people who can still meet you or see you regularly. But imagine of Anny… Did you just say that she’s like your mother? The one who took care of you the most since you were child? Then how could you left her since six years ago and never had any intention to see her again? Are you planning not to visit her anymore? Is this your act towards a person that gave you so much attention, care and love since you were born?”

“Yoona, stop!”

“No, let me ask you. What’s your purpose of bring me to New York? To introduce me to someone whom very close to you, right? Then… is it mean I can meet Anny too? Because I want to meet her.” Yoona said it with firm voice. She knew she had to ‘push’ him a little more. It was just very spontaneous but she suddenly have a feeling she has a chance to make what Yonghwa asked him to be happened.

“You made it hard for me, don’t you understand??”

“If you want me to know more about Jaehyun and your close people, let me see her. Let me take a look at the place where you’ve spent with them before it happened. Is it hard, Jonghyun?”

“Because I already told you that I already left that house, Yoona!” Jonghyun clenched his fist as he talked with shaky voice.

“So it means you won’t bring me to meet Anny and to see your family house?” Yoona softened her voice although she still showed the disappointment in it very clearly.

Jonghyun didn’t answer her. He stared at the other way except Yoona. It made her sighed loudly.

“Then I guess it’s a no from you.” Yoona stood up and about to left him. “Jonghyun… then how can I agree to your request if you can’t even trust me to see the real you. I don’t want to be with someone who lived by wearing a mask for the rest of his life…” she felt that a tears just dropped from the corner of her eyes because of the disappointment that she has right now. “If you can’t even share your sadness to me, then how did we suppose to understand each other?” she caressed Jonghyun’s arm—who is very stiff—lightly and about to go to other room, when her hand was suddenly being held by Jonghyun. She turned around and saw Jonghyun was looking at her with hurtful eyes.

“One hour. No more than that.” He said it hardly. “It’s enough for asking you not to leave me, right?”

Yoona couldn’t help but hugged him right away. “Thank you…” she whispered while caressing his hairs. “You’ll be okay. I will always be on your side.”

“Promise me...” Jonghyun’s voice is very weak.

“I promise.”

hello

i am very sorry for not updating this story for months

my job is very hectic--and even forced me to stay at office until the next morning--for a few times *sigh*

and also I am currently working on another story--not a fanfiction, I'm writing a novel, perhaps if it's completed I have a wish to send it to publisher--sadly it hasnt finished yet, still a long way to go.

okay, I know this chapter is... flat and boring. bear it a little more, please. I'm starting to reveal the truth one by one.

once again thank you so much for your attention and patience

see ya next chapter - i hope it won't take too long