“It seems that you can’t drive by yourself, is it right Doctor Im?” that was the first words of Yonghwa as he arrived at the spot that Yoona waited for him. He stared at Yoona first, trying to figure out the condition, before he finally spoke up.

Yoona nodded weakly. For the whole time, she just gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“You need to back to Jonghyun’s house, Doctor Im. Right now.”

Yoona turned her head at Yonghwa. “But he told me to—“

“No, please listen to me, Doctor Im. I think he can let you to see him.” Yonghwa said in pleaded tone. “After you saw him, you can ask me about everything later. But for now, come on, I’ll drive you there.”

Yoona carefully entered the house, the house that she just left a while ago. She held her breathe as she took the steps, trying to find where Jonghyun is. But it seems like Jonghyun is still in his room. Yooona approached the door, knocked on it softly, but there’s no answer. She gulped, trying to calm herself and slowly opened the door. Fortunately it’s not locked. And the thing that met her eyes is completely made her in panic. The first thing that she saw is a few pills scattered on the floor and a broken glass. And the next is Jonghyun. As soon as she saw Jonghyun’s condition, lying on the floor beside his bed, her chest became tightened and she ran in a hurry to approach him. “Oh my Goodness, Jonghyun??? Jonghyun???” she yelled in panicky when she found that Jonghyun is in unconscious state and what makes her panic is because she can feel that Jonghyun’s breathe isn’t normal. It feels like he’s hardly breathing right now. She tried to calm herself and forced her brain to think as a doctor as she moved him to a right position so she can do the CPR for him, but suddenly he noticed the oxygen mask not that far from him. She grabbed it in a hurry and give it to Jonghyun. “Try to take a deep breathe Jonghyun, please.” She pumped the oxygen into Jonghyun’s mouth since he is still unconscious. Fortunately, his breath started to get normal. Slowly, he opened his eyes, very weak. And Yoona could see how red and teary those eyes. “Are you okay?” she asked with soft voice.

“I’m… so… tired…” Jonghyun said, almost whispered with his husky voice. He really looks drained.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you to get up. You can sleep on the bed.” Yoona stood up, along with Jonghyun, although he still needs Yoona’s help. Fortunately the bed is just right beside them. As soon as he lied on the bed, he closed his eyes and started to fall asleep. Yoona helped him with the blanket and sat beside him. She stared at him while her mind is busily figuring out what kind of situation that she just saw a moment ago but suddenly a soft knock on the door, surprised her. She turned around and found Yonghwa is standing there, signaling her to come out from Jonghyun’s room and followed him. Yoona nodded silently, and before she went out, she checked on Jonghyun’s condition once again, to make sure that right now, he already slept peacefully. She then went out from Jonghyun’s room carefully, because the glass are still scattered around there.

“I let you to enter the house alone on purpose, Doctor Im.” Yonghwa started to talk while offering her a glass of water, after he talked to someone over the phone, which sounds like talking to cleaning service.

“Do you already expect this kind of situation, Yonghwa-ssi?”

“Yes.” Yonghwa nodded and pulled a chair in front of Yoona and seated down. “This is not his first time. And this one is way much better than before…”

“What do you mean?”

“Based on what you see, Doctor Im, can you make a diagnosis about him? I know you’re not a Physiciathry but… what do you think after seeing him like that?”

Yoona tried to recall again what she saw about Jonghyun’s condition. “I’m not sure, Yonghwa-ssi. But… based on the medicine which scattered on his room’s floor, I know that. It’s...” Yoona gulped. “How could he has Paroxetine so much like that?? You know, it’s not something that you can get easily in pharmacy. And his condition… he’s out of breathe, 99% unconscious, and I saw a few things got broken…” she sighed and closed her eyes. “Does he have PTSD*?” she asked while doubting her own diagnosis since it sounds impossible but that’s what she only can concluded based on Jonghyun’s condition that she saw just now.

*PTSD : Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Yonghwa’s face turned bitter when he nodded. “Yes, he has PTSD.”

“Oh God…” Yoona covered her face with palms. “How bad is it, Yonghwa-ssi?”

“It’s not frequent, Doctor Im. It just appeared when he forced himself and his brain too much to recall clearly what happened between him and Jaehyun. Such as if he told the entire story about them, it can make his PTSD came up.” Yonghwa explained. “Honestly, the worst was until two years after Jaehyun died. After got so many theraphy, fortunately he’s getting better. Good enough to make him passed the healthy test to enter medical school and surgeon.” He sighed. “Honestly, before I went to you just now and ask you to get back here, I already ordered my PA to check his condition. That’s why I dare to let you come to him alone, without me. I know he still managed to take his medicine before his PTSD came up again. At least it can helped to keep him alive…”

“How about the worst?”

“He nearly died, a few times in the past. He totally lost of breath, and his heartbeat was so weak. And then he was in comma for a month, Yoona. I almost thought that I already lost him that time. He hurted himself, he even couldn’t breathe anymore…” Yonghwa shook his head, trying to erase the bad memory from his mind. “He just entered the early stage of death—that was the doctor said to us that time.” He sighed again. “Jonghyun suffered a very big trauma, Yoona. What do you think if you’re in his shoes? Your twin died in front of you, while you can’t do anything? He saw the car flipped frantically in front of him, and when he approached, he only can see, someone—who really looks like him—died already. It feels like seeing yourself die in your own hand. And to make it worse, Jaehyun’s death is because of him—or that was he believed.”

“Why??? I mean, of course he should ran after his twin. But the accident, it’s something that beyond our control…”

“We already told him like that. Numerous times. But he won’t listen to us, Yoona. Up until now, he blames himself for the death of Jaehyun. And that’s why, he got the PTSD. He felt like crazy whenever he remembered the accident, the death body of Jaehyun, and him, who is the murderer of Jaehyun. Yeah, he called himself like that.”

Yoona couldn’t help but tearing up when Yonghwa said the last sentence. “How could he said like that…”

“I know.” Yonghwa nodded with gloomy face. “After Jaehyun’s death, Jonghyun had to be under theraphy for six months. He still managed to graduate from high school and he finally started ti live normally again—or ‘looks normal’. But he changed a lot, Doctor Im. A lot. Jonghyun, since he was a kid and until first year of high school, was a very bright person. But after the accident, he… it looks like he doesn’t want to live as Jonghyun anymore. He turned so quiet and introvert like Jaehyun. And he started to avoid other people, although they were his friends before. And what makes me shocked when he graduated from high school, he choose to enter medical school.”

“What’s wrong with medical school?”

“Honestly it was Jaehyun’s dream, for being a doctor. While Jonghyun is… or was…” Yonghwa bitterly smiled. “Jonghyun always wanted to enter business school.”

“Unbelievable…” Yoona muttered. “I mean… look at his amazing achievement as a surgeon, Yonghwa-ssi…”

“He managed it good, right?” Yonghwa smiled, this time it’s a proud smile. “Although he said that he already buried his dream to become a business man, but I know it’s still there, deep down in his mind, eventhough he didnt realize it.”

Yoona was silent for a while, trying to absorp all the surprising information that she just heard today.

“I know there must be so many questions from you, Doctor Im. But I don’t think you can think clearly right now, beside you’re tired already because of many things happened in a flash.” Yonghwa concluded. “Do you want to go home? I’ll ask my driver to drive you home, if you want.”

Yoona shook her head in a hurry and gave Yonghwa a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, Yonghwa-ssi. And if you don’t mind, I still want to stay a little longer.”

Yonghwa gave her a meaningful look before he finally nodded. “Sure. Please take care of my brother, Doctor Im. If you need some help, you can call me.” He sincerely smiled. “And thank you for not leaving him although you already heard about his past.”

“I don’t see any reason to avoid him, Yonghwa-ssi. But if I can ask you one question, why you decided to tell me about him? I mean... it must be something that you keep from outlier...”

“If Jonghyun already told you about him, it means he already accepted you to enter his ‘circle’. And so do I, Doctor Im.” Yonghwa smiled. “I think I have so much hopes in you, Doctor Im. For the sake of my brother…”

* * *

Jonghyun opened his eyes slowly and automatically blinked several times to gather his mind. It took a few second until he got his sense back. His hands went trough his temple as he feels that he’s still a bit dizzy, but he insists to get up. He sighed when he finally remembered what just happened to him. Everytime I experienced this, I still always can imagine very very clearly what just happened to Jaehyun. He shut his eyes and as he opened and gazed around, that’s when he finally spotted someone who was sleeping on the couch in his room. In a hurry, ignoring that his body is still a bit weak, he went off from the bed and approached her quietly. Carefully, he lifted Yoona’s body and bring her to the bed. After he covered her with the blanket, he turned off the light and went out from his room.

“You’re conscious already.” That’s what the first words that Yonghwa said through the phone as soon as he answered the call from Jonghyun.

“Hm.” Jonghyun mumbled. “You brought her back?”

“Of course. It’s not a good behaviour to tell a woman to get out from your house, you know it?”

Jonghyun sighed. “I don’t want her to see—”

“She already saw everything, Jonghyun.” Yonghwa cutted his words. “And I bet she’s still there. Waiting until you’re conscious.”

“Hyung—“ he wanted to say something but suddenly being cutted again with something else. He turned his head to the door. “Hyung, I’ll call you later.” He ended the call and approached his room. Carefully he opened the door and found that Yoona just about to get off from the bed and stopped when she heard the door was opened.

They were staring at each other without any words for a while until Jonghyun gather his sense first. He looked away and cleared his throat awkwardly. “You wake up.”

Yoona stared at him with unreadable expression until her eyes are getting teary. She approached Jonghyun in big steps. “Are you okay??? You should get some rest, Jonghyun. Why you’re still up?”

“Yoona…” Jonghyun called her name in cold voice. Honestly for him, seeing her getting teary and looks worry like that, somehow it feels hurt inside him. “Why you’re here?”

Yoona stared in disbelief at Jonghyun, but she didn’t let out any words. She just stared at him with her teary eyes, seems like she didn’t believe that Jonghyun just asked her that kind of question.

“You…” Jonghyun found it hard to speak, it feels like something got stuck in his throat. “You shouldn’t be here, Yoona. Didn’t I tell you to leave? So why do you have to come back here? Why you should follow what Yonghwa hyung told you?? Didn’t you hear me before?”

“Jonghyun… how…” Yoona felt difficult to speak since she hardly hold her tears which is going to burst out again upon hearing Jonghyun’s firm voice.

Jonghyun let out a heavy sigh before he finally took a step towards the couch. He took Yoona’s bag along with his car key on the end table. “C’mon. I’ll send you home.” He said, still avoiding her eyes.

“Are you crazy, Jonghyun??”

“Yes, I am.” Jonghyun said in flat tone. “I think you already saw it. Why you should ask me then?” he finally stared at Yoona with his cold gaze.

“Jonghyun, you know what I mean. I don’t mean—“

“Doesn’t matter.” Jonghyun cut Yoona’s words heartlessly and held her arm. “Let’s go.” He tried to drag her but Yoona stands still.

“I don’t want to leave, Jonghyun. I don’t want to repeat my stupid act for twice.”

Jonghyun sighed loudly. “The stupid act of you is staying here. And I don’t need any acquaintance for now, Yoona. So, leave. I’ll drive you home.” He tried to hold her arm again but this time Yoona dodged him.

“I don’t want.” Yoona shook her head firmly.

“Why you have to be so stubborn??”

Yoona tried not to change her expression, although she is very surprised and shocked with the way Jonghyun acted towards her. But she knew that she should win over him this time. That’s the only way. “Tell me then, Jonghyun. Tell me that you don’t need me. Then, I will leave this place. You don’t even need to drag me out.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” Yoona approached him and took her bag from Jonghyun’s hand. “If you want me to leave, then tell me that you don’t need me at all.” She managed to looks firm again although her chest feels so tightened right now.

Jonghyun turned his head away, looks frustrated. “Leave, Yoona.”

“Then say it, Jonghyun.”

“I said, leave me alone!”

Yoona took a step closer towards him and his face gently, while her tears started to flow over her face. “You shouldn’t be alone, Jonghyun. I’m here. I want to be beside you.” She spoke gently and cupped his face until their eyes met. She feels more hurt as she saw how painful and sad Jonghyun’s eyes are. “I’m here, Jonghyun.” She knew that all she has to do is trying harder and harder. The more Jonghyun rejected her, the more she shouldn’t leave him. “I’m here, Jonghyun. You can tell me anything, you can cry, laugh, anything in front of me. I’ll listen it all. I won’t leave you. You heard me, didnt you? I won’t ever leave you, Jonghyun. I promise.” She sincerely said and before she realized what just happened, she felt that she’s being pulled and hugged tightly. And the first thing that caught her attention after she realized that it was Jonghyun who finally hugged her, is Jonghyun didn’t just hug her, but he’s crying. Although he didnt make any sounds but Yoona can feel it, clearly. She knew that Jonghyun is not very good to express his emotion out. It must be so hard for you to hold these all alone... She caressed his back softly although she, herself, couldn’t help but also cried a lot, seeing how painful he is. She closed her eyes as she hugged him back tightly. All he need for now is only this...

* * *

Yoona slowly opened her eyes as she heard a familiar sound is ringing softly. But before she can even aware what sound is that, it stopped. Sounds like my morning alarm, she thought as she tried to regain back her senses and gazed around, trying to recall her memory about last night. Yes, after Jonghyun finally gave up his cold act, they were hugging each other for a little longer and they finally ended by cuddling into each other in the bed until both of them fell asleep. They even didn’t talk about anything. She knew how tired Jonghyun was, mentally. That’s why she didn’t give him any questions and just let him to let all his feelings out.

She stared at Jonghyun’s peaceful face right beside her and without Yoona realized it, her lips formed a smile. Omo it’s strange. This is the first time I slept, oh please don’t misinterpretated my words, with a guy, and what’s wrong with me? Rather than feeling embarassed or what, I’m feeling so peaceful right now...

The phone is beeping once again, makes Yoona turned her attention. She grabbed her phone on the end table and opened the popped up chat.

This is me, Jung Yong Hwa. I already took care for both of you, today.

Yoona furrowed her eyebrows, didn’t understand what Yonghwa talked about. But the next chat answered all of her questions.

Doctor Im Yoona, Pediatrician. One day off, approved. Doctor in charge : Kim Shin Ah.

Doctor Lee Jonghyun, General Surgeon. One day off, approved. Doctor in charge : Chief of Surgical Department, Jung Hae Ra.

“Woah... daebak.” Yoona muttered. But still it makes me wonder how could he get the permissions? Even for both of us... It’s not an easy thing to do, as far as I know.

“What?”

A husky voice suddenly heard beside her. Yoona turned her head in surprise and found that Jonghyun is already awake, half awake, actually.

“We got a day off.” Yoona showed her phone screen to Jonghyun, which she doubt Jonghyun can read it because his eyes were still half closed. “You can continue to sleep.”

“Arasseo...” Jonghyun mumbled and without any hesitation, he buried his face in Yoona’s neck then fell asleep once again.

Yoona wait until Jonghyun finally in a deep sleep so she can got up without being noticed. It’s not like she wanted to leave him, but more like she didn’t want to disturb him. Slowly, she put his arm aside and got up from the bed. She glanced at the clock which showed 6 in the morning. It’s better to take a bath first before having breakfast, she thought and grabbed her car key to get the things that she needed in her car.

It took almost an hour until she finished shower. She changed her last night outfit into a simple white shirt and short jeans. She tied her hairs into a bun as she walked to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast for both of them. While she’s cooking, her brain started to recall what was happened last night. It hurts, for me it’s still hurts. Seeing him suffering like that. When I first know him, I thought that he might experienced something in the past which makes him has the cold act and those lonely eyes. But I never expected that it was that... sad. Imagining how he hold the painful memory for all the times makes me feel hurt too... She was busily talked in her mind when she heard something just dropped on the floor and the sounds came from Jonghyun’s room. She ran in a hurry and entered the room. First thing she saw is Jonghyun, who was squatting on the floor.

“Oh, I accidentally dropped my phone.” Jonghyun muttered as he took the battery and put it back to his phone. “Sorry.”

Yoona sighed in relief as she saw what just happened. “I almost got a heart attack.” She said while approaching Jonghyun. “You’re awake.”

Jonghyun scratched his hairs awkwardly. “Yes... Uhm... Seems like I have to take a shower first.”

Yoona smiled. “Sure. Let’s have a breakfast after that.”

* * *

“Why you don’t ask me anything?” Jonghyun asked as he watched Yoona prepared the breakfast for them.

“Ask about what?”

“Anything...” Jonghyun paused for a moment. “About last night. About me.”

Yoona turned her head at him and smiled. “I already heard your story, Jonghyun. And I won’t force you anymore. Beside... I’m kind of afraid.” She said and continued to cook the soup.

“Afraid of what?”

“That you’ll tell me to leave you alone again.” She glanced at Jonghyun and gave him a grin. “Better not.”

Jonghyun turned silent over Yoona’s words. And before Yoona turned her head to see what happened with him, a pair of arms suddenly circled around her shoulder from the back along with Jonghyun’s chin rested on her shoulder, made their faces are side to side. But he still didn’t say anything. Honestly Yoona also surprised with his sudden act. About hugging and sleeping together last night, she tried to think that Jonghyun did it because the situation last night, that’s why she reminded herself to not have any hopes for both of them. But with this kind of act, hugging her from behind, makes her heart is going to burst.

“If you’re curious about something...” Jonghyun started to speak in his husky voice. “Just ask me. How am I supposed to explain if you didn’t ask me?”

“I will. But all you need for now is fulfilling your stomach with food, okay?” Yoona smiled. Oh my God, my heart! Why his face is sticked to my face like this?? My leg feels like a jelly right now.

Jonghyun ruffled Yoona’s hairs before he broke the back hug. “I’ll help you.”

“No, you sit down.” Yoona pointed the chair with the spatula that she’s holding. “Be a good kid, understand?”

Jonghyun can’t help but smile. “Yes, ma’am.” But he paused his move when he saw Yoona was staring at him with unreadable expression. “Why?”

“Uh? A—anii.” Yoona shook her head. Honestly she was thinking about how lonely Jonghyun’s life is. And it makes her feel sad again. But when Jonghyun kept staring at her with curious expression, she gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m just happy seeing your smile.”

* * *

“He’s starting to open his heart.”

“You’re joking.”

Yonghwa laughed as he heard the voice through the phone. “I’m not lying at all.”

“Is it you?”

“Eeiy, anii. It’s someone else.” Yonghwa grimaced.

“A woman?”

“A woman.”

“Who is she??”

“Someone that you can meet at the Hanhwa Hospital.”

“Name?”

“What will you do to her if I give you her name?” Yonghwa’s voice turned serious.

annyeong :)

sorry for the late chapter.

and also sorry for the lame chapter T.T

thank you for keep reading this story.