Ch. 5
When I Met YouChapter 5
Today was my engagement day. I didn’t felt nervous at all. All I could think was Youngjae. I really didn’t want this. This wasn’t what I want. Youngjae hasn’t contacted me yet since the night I sleep over. Maybe he was busy, but it’s my “special” day.
I felt a light tap on my shoulder, broke me from the trance of my mind.
“JB.” –Jinyoung, Mark, and Jackson came to me.
“Hey, guys.” –I greeted them.
“You looked terrible despite today is your special day, buddy.” –Jackson said. I just shrugged it off, taking my phone, wishing that I could have any messages from Youngjae.
“JB, you know you don’t have to do it.” –Jinyoung said. I looked at him.
“We knew your soul and mind aren’t here. Why don’t you escape from here like you always did before?” –Mark continued.
“I… don’t know. Youngjae hasn’t contacted me yet. Not even a call or message. I felt like he ditched me because I didn’t get any news from him.” –I looked at them couldn’t hide my sadness. They patted my shoulder, encouraged me.
“I know I love him, but I am a fool to think that he maybe love me too, right?” –I said, voice a bit quiver as I held back my tears. I missed Youngjae so much.
“Jaebum, are you ready?” –I looked passed them through the door where my father stood there, calling for me. I nodded.
I felt so empty and wrong to be here. I walked pass the guests and didn’t even greet them properly. My mind was full of Youngjae and his smile and his voice and his… my phone buzzed off. I picked up my phone and saw Youngjae’s name on the screen. I quickly picked it up.
“Hello?” –I greeted him, not realizing I held my breath.
“H-hyung… I-I’m s-sorry to disturb y-you. B-but my mom… my m-mom… she s-she p-passed a-away.” –I heard a sob. Youngjae was crying hard.
“I’ll be there.” –I hung up and immediately left the engagement room. My mind was filled with Youngjae. I couldn’t even tell whose voices were calling my name or with whom I bumped my body. All I could think was Youngjae and Youngjae.
I speeded up to the hospital where I found Youngjae sat in the hallway. I walked towards him and stood in front of him. What I saw was beyond sadness. Youngjae was lifeless. Obviously he has been crying all night long.
“Youngjae-ah…” –I called him, lightly tapped his shoulder. He looked up at me and immediately throwing his body to me, sobbing hard, muttering about why his life so unfair to him, why did his mom had to left him alone in this world, and other depression sentences were coming from his mouth. I silently crying with him. Life must be hard for him.
I stood in the middle of Youngjae’s room. We’ve just finished a funeral ceremony for his mom and back to his home. This warm and comfortable home was turned to be cold and quiet. Youngjae was sitting on his bed, holding the picture of him, his father, and mother tight.
“Youngjae-ah…” –I called him, walking towards him and sat beside him. He looked and smiled at me briefly before resting his head on my shoulder.
“I am all alone now, hyung. I don’t know if I can survive this life.” –he said, like a whisper. I took his hand and inter winded our fingers.
“You are not alone, Jae-ah. I’m here with you.” –I said, squished his hand a bit. He lifted up his head to look at me. I stared hard at him before leaning in to close the gap. I gave him a light kiss. He was shocked. “I’m here.” –I repeated that words again, so Youngjae will understand what I felt about him.
“I promise to be here and always with you. I promised to your mom to keep you safe and never leave you.” –I said to him again as my mind played a flashback.
It was the night when I slept over in Youngjae’s house. Two days before my engagement day. Youngjae was in the bathroom, taking a bath. I walked slowly to her mom’s room. Her mom greeted me brightly before tapping a space on the bed beside her. I walked towards her and sat down on the bed. She took my hand and squished it.
“Jaebum-ah… you are a great person. I knew that you have a feeling with my son. No. I don’t blame you, Jaebum-ah. Just listen to me, okay?” –she asked. I nodded, listening to her.
“Youngjae was my one and only child. He was a bright kid, brighter than now, actually. His father left him since he was five. He really loves his father. When his father gone, he became quiet. Still bright, but quiet. Not until he met you. He told me that he first met you in the bus. You sat behind him. I never saw Youngjae so excited before when he talked about someone. He didn’t know your name yet, but he always called you phone guy. It’s a bit weird, right? He is, sometimes.
After the first meeting, he kept telling me about how he want to meet you again, but he slightly felt sad because he knew that you were just taking bus for sight-seeing. He came to me a bit disappointed for a few days before he met you for the second time.
The second time, he told me that you were lost so he brought you home. I still felt it like yesterday. He was so nervous around you and trying his best to look good in front of you which is he didn’t fail, I think.” –she paused. I suddenly remembered at that time when Youngjae became more talkative.
“And when he told me that you were scared of thunder because of your mother, I told him to not making a joke with you and keep you company whenever the thunder screamed.” –she took her breaths again. I remembered the next time I met Youngjae under the rain. He immediately hugged me when a flash light on the sky was seen. I smiled upon those memories.
“And now, I just want to ask you. Do you really love my son, Jaebum-ah?” –she asked straightforwardly before continued, “Because if I ever left this world, which I will, I want to make sure that Youngjae won’t be alone. I want to make sure that he has someone to lean on. Youngjae is just a kid, he isn’t as strong as he thinks. Deep inside him, he can break with just slight lie or disappointment. I know that you never hurt Youngjae, don’t you?” –she asked again. I nodded.
“Jaebum-ah, please, promise me, you will always stay beside Youngjae, no matter what. I need your promise, Jaebum-ah, so I can leave him peacefully.” –she smiled at me, whipping her tears away.
“I love Youngjae whole-heartedly. And I promise you, Mom, that I will always by his side no matter what.” –I promised to her.
With that, I promised to myself also to always take a good care of Youngjae. That’s why I felt so sad when Youngjae suddenly didn’t contact me today, I thought that he was mad at me.
“Youngjae-ah…” –I called him as I rubbed his hand, “Why didn’t you contacted me earlier? I could have been beside you all the time if you told me.” –I didn’t even care that my tone and words choice was a bit blaming him. I heard a fainted sob again. I reached out my hand to wrap him, keeping him safe in my embrace.
“Youngjae-ah…” –I called him again as smooth as I could.
“I-I am s-sorry, hy-hyung…” –he choked his own sob. “I didn’t want to disturb you since you were getting engage. I didn’t know why I was feeling this, but I was a bit hurt knowing you getting engage. So, I just kind of wanted to be alone. But, I was wrong since I realize that I don’t have anyone except you now.” –he told me between his cries. Silence surrounded us as we were drowning in our own thoughts.
“Hyung…” –he called me. His voice was small unlike his usual bright and loud voice. I hummed as the sign I was listening to him.
“I’m sorry that I disturb you today. And I’m sorry for ruining your engagement.” –he continued.
We ended up lying on the bed, with his head above my chest. I ran my hand around his hair, lifted his head a bit so that I looked directly in to his eyes. “Don’t say sorry. You never disturb me and you never ruin anything. I should be the one who say thanks after all since you got me escape from that hell and bull’s engagement.” –I said, smiled to him. He slowly curved his lips up, smiled at me. After that, we just lied in the silence for who knew how long.
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