Ch. 23
When I Met Youa.n: This chapter consists a time leap.
Oh, before you read, I want to say sorry for the things that happened in this chapter.
Enjoy! ^^
Chapter 23
Jinyoung said something stupid. I didn’t know how much Youngjae heard our conversation. The important thing now is Youngjae’s feeling. I was afraid that Youngjae was hurt and probably angry with me. I should talk to him and explain the current situation. I couldn’t blame Jinyoung also, because he is like my little brother, but to have him confessed to me so sudden like this, I didn’t know what to feel about him.
I walked to the bathroom. When I was about to knock the door, Youngjae opened the door. No stain of tears on his cheeks, I guessed he was fine. Or I convinced myself to think like that.
“Jae-ah…” I still concerned about what he feels.
“I am hungry. Let’s eat, hyung.” He said with slightly fake tone. I noticed it. I always noticed it.
“Jae-ah… I want to-” before I finished what I said, he cut me, “I will eat breakfast first.” Then he walked to the kitchen again. I could feel something was off. I stood there for a while when I heard Youngjae was waking up Mark and Jackson.
We gathered in the dining table. Youngjae was all silent. Mark and Jackson, although they still had a sleepy face, they were aware about Youngjae sudden behavior. They stole glanced at me. I just shrugged it off, didn’t really know what to say.
“This is so good, Jinyoung hyung! As expected, you are a great cooker, more than me!” Youngjae suddenly complimented Jinyoung, making me stared hard at him.
“Isn’t he, Jaebum hyung?” he suddenly asked me. I hesitantly nodded, “Yeah. He is good.” He smiled at me.
“Th-thank you.” Jinyoung awkwardly said.
“What’s this all about?” Mark bursted.
“Huh? What, hyung?” Youngjae asked him back.
“Something is definitely happen here.” Jackson added.
“We are eating and Jinyoung hyung’s foods are really good. Nothing’s weird, hyung.” Youngjae said.
“You are the weirdest, Youngjae.” Jackson simply said.
“I… I… what?” he let an awkward chuckled. I could feel Mark and Jinyoung gaze at me.
“Baby…” I called him.
“I am okay. I am okay. I will always be okay, right? Just like my father said, I should be strong. So, I am okay. I am okay.” he blabbered.
“Jae-ah…” the guys concerned about him, just like me.
“I am really okay, hyung!” he let a laugh.
“Hyung…” Youngjae called after his laugh down.
“Yes?” I and the guys answered.
“I will go somewhere. Just enjoy your time here, okay?” he said.
“Where are you going, baby? I will take you there.” I said.
“No. I… I need some alone time.” He simply said before he abruptly stood up and headed to the bedroom. In a few minutes, he came out with completely different clothes.
“I am going, hyung! Bye.” He waved to us.
After he left, I felt all the gaze on me. Mark and Jackson’s gaze since Jinyoung hung his head low.
“What?” I simply asked as I continued to eat.
“What happened?” Mark asked.
“No-“
“Don’t say nothing, JB. I know something must be happened when we were sleeping, right? Youngjae couldn’t lie, you know. He definitely is odd. What happened?” Mark insisted.
“Ask Jinyoung.” I simply said. Jinyoung finally lift his head.
“Jinyoung?” Jackson asked in unbelievable tone.
“What’s wrong?” Mark asked again.
Jinyoung took a big sigh before saying, “I… I kind a said something to Jaebum hyung and Youngjae was there. And he misunderstood my words.”
“What did you say, Jinyoung?” Jackson demanded.
“I said that I miss the old Jaebum hyung and I like him for a really long time.” He said making Jackson and Mark gasped.
“How could you…” Jackson closed his mouth.
“Wait! So, you guys know about his feeling for me?” I asked them, confused after watching their expression.
“Yes, JB. We all know this, except you, because you are so oblivious even when Jinyoung gave you the definite sign.” Mark explained.
Then, they all took their turned to explain to me about Jinyoung’s feeling. I really didn’t know that Jinyoung has some feelings for me. I really didn’t know. I just see Jinyoung as my little brother, not more. And when I told him for the first time about Youngjae, I thought that he supported me, I didn’t know that he was hurt and go to Jackson and Mark for comfort. And when he came with Mark and Jackson, I didn’t know that he faked all his behavior. How could I be blind all this time?
Suddenly I remember when Youngjae was jealous over Jinyoung. Sure, I assured him that I saw Jinyoung only as a friend and little brother, but the next few days he told me again about his worrisome, about something that he caught when Jinyoung looked at me. Again, I assured Youngjae that because Jinyoung were the closest to me. I didn’t know that he meant something.
“But, Jinyoung-ah… how could you say it now?” Jackson asked again, “more over in Youngjae’s house. You know that he can hear you.”
“I… I don’t know… I just feel like… I can’t hold it anymore, seeing them being so lovey dovey in front of my eyes.” Jinyoung began to sob.
“Jinyoung-ah…” I called him.
“I love you… but…”
“But, the important point now is what about Youngjae?” Jackson asked in a concerned tone. He still couldn’t believe that Jinyoung did stupid thing. Jackson loves both of them, Jinyoung and Youngjae.
“I will be fine, hyung!” we all heard Youngjae’s voice.
“Baby!” I exclaimed as I stood up from my seat.
He breaths hard. “I will be fine, right?” his voice quivered. I scooted closer to him.
“Youngjae-ah…” Jackson called him.
“I… I will be fine. Just like before I met Jaebum hyung. I’ll be fine.” He kept muttering that words. I walked towards him.
“Jae-ah…” I stood in front of him, looking at him in the eyes. He looked at me.
“Come to Jinyoung hyung, hyung. He loves you. He is the first one who loves you.” Youngjae said, holding back his tears.
“Jae…” I could only said his name. I tried to hold him, but he back away from me.
“I used to be okay before you come. So, I’ll be okay, hyung.” He said.
“No, Jae.”
“Go to Jinyoung hyung. I am fine.” Youngjae said.
“Jae-ah… don’t do this to me.”
“We both will hurt him, hyung.”
“But, Jae…”
“No, hyung. We are over.” I couldn’t believe what I heard.
“Baby… don’t…”
“I don’t want to be bothered for you.”
“Jae…”
“I will be fine.”
“Youngjae…”
“Go to him. He loves you.”
“Don’t you love me?” I asked him. He stared hard at me.
“I do. But, Jinyoung…”
“Stop talking about Jinyoung! It’s about me and you!” I lost control. I yelled at him. He flinched a bit hearing my yell.
“Youngjae-ah… can’t you see that I need you more? Stop talking about someone else. How come you said over so easily like that? What about our great times that we spent together? What about us? Why can’t you for a little consider my feeling too? You can’t be selfish, Choi Youngjae! I love you and that’s all I really know! I don’t ing care about others!” I screamed my lungs out.
“Hy-hyuuung… it’s the best. Let’s get back to the way we used to be. When we were both strangers.” He walked passed me towards Jinyoung.
“Hyung, I am sorry. I know that you have feelings for Jaebum hyung since a long time ago. I am sorry for being selfish even when I know your feelings. I am sorry. Please, take care of him well. I know that you will take care of him better than me.” I heard Youngjae said to Jinyoung.
“Youngjae-ah… but, you misunderstand everything here.” Jinyoung faintly said.
“No, hyung. I’ve heard enough to know you confessed to Jaebum hyung for having feelings for him since long time ago. I noticed it though. So, I am sorry for getting on your way.”
“Jae…” Mark and Jackson said altogether.
“I will be fine.” I heard Youngjae said that words again. I knew him better.
“Aaarrrgghhh!” I yelled my frurstration.
“Jaebum hyung…” I heard Youngjae called my name. He walked closer to me again.
“Please…” he took my hand and looked at me.
“Baby…” I looked at him, couldn’t control my tears anymore.
“No. don’t say any other goodbye words, baby.” I begged to him.
“I am sorry.” He said, slipping his ring and put it on my hand before dashing to his room.
I ran after him, knocked the door of his mother room desperately.
“Youngjae-ah… Listen to me. I don’t want to break up with you. Whatever you said, I won’t leave you. I have a promise to your mother.” I yelled, banging his door.
“Forget your promise to my mother, hyung! You’ve been burden because of it.” I heard he said.
“Youngjae-ah… baby… open the door, please…” I begged.
“Jinyoung-ah… say something. Please, help me.” I begged to the guys.
“Youngjae-ah… you misunderstand this matter. Sure, I loved Jaebum hyung, but that’s in the past. I am happy now seeing you with him. I will be sad if you like this, Youngjae. Please, let me in to talk to you. Youngjae-ah…”
“No, hyung! I said, I’ve enough!” he yelled.
“It’s all because of you!” I couldn’t hold my anger again. I blamed it all to Jinyoung.
“Hey, JB. You can’t blame Jinyoung.” Mark defended him.
“I think it’s better to leave Youngjae alone for now. He needs his time, hyung.” Jackson said, dragged me by arms.
“Let’s go to my place.” Mark said as he took Jinyoung in his arms. Jinyoung was sobbing. I know I hurt him. I hurt both of my precious people.
“Baby… I will leave you now so you can’t think clearly. Call me if anything happens. I… I love you so much.” I lastly said to him.
That’s really the last day I saw him and heard his voice. It’s such a big and great turn of my life and my relationship. I still found our break up was childish, immature, and unbelievable. After I have this amazing boyfriend, he left me. We broke up just like that, just after an amazing kiss we shared the night before. I still couldn’t believe that Youngjae broke up with me. I still thought he was just stay far away from me and we just having our cold times for a while.
However, after that day, I really didn’t met Youngjae again, even when I visit his home the next day after break up. I thought about giving him a day to think, but I didn’t think that Youngjae would disappear forever. Everyone said that he was back to Mokpo, even my father didn’t know his where about. My father was the next person who crashed because of this. Youngjae was his best friend’s son that he searched for a long time. And once, he almost became the part of family, he was gone, just like his father. I couldn’t really move on from him.
And since that day, my relationship with Jinyoung drew apart. Jinyoung felt guilty and I didn’t really do anything to make him better. Up until no, I didn’t really know the real reason why Jinyoung said those words that night. He kept saying about misunderstanding and that the feeling was in the past. Sometimes, Jinyoung was really hard to read. I really didn’t talk at him. I know I hurt him, I hurt both of them, Youngjae and Jinyoung. My life is .
The guys told me that Jinyoung really did his best to go search for Youngjae and talk to him. He met Youngjae once and tried to convince him that what Youngjae heard was wrong. But, the rice is gone to be porridge, we can’t do anything. Youngjae is nowhere to be found, and he changed his number too. Jinyoung was staying more in Japan now and I heard that he found someone there, a Korean guy, and that he is happy now.
7 years later…
I am thirty first now. I’ve just finished my duty to my country. I’ve been in army for the past two years. I will start my life again. I am not 100% move on from Choi Youngjae because he was my first for everything. And, to be honest, I still have feelings for him. I still cherish him.
After that break up, I really didn’t see Youngjae. For the past five years, before going to army, I always searched for him. I always took the bus that Mr. Kim drove. Sometimes, I met Dahyun too and she would kick me or punched me every time she met me, saying that I’ve been hurt Youngjae. I guessed I deserve it. I asked everyone that I thought will know about Youngjae, but they all said the same. Don’t know.
I’ve been so desperate and I almost give up. I lived with my father again. He treats me better even though he must be hurt because of the break up. It’s not only me who hurts, my father also. He even entered hospital when he first knew my break up. I felt guilty for him.
I resigned from my previous jobs and I began to work with my father again to take care of the mall since my father kept saying I should do it to distract me from Youngjae. I know he knew that I still think about Youngjae, but he said nothing now. Jackson and Mark did the same. They kept supporting me and always there beside me.
a.n: 2Jae broke up! Aaaarrgghh!
It's a nightmare! But, that wasn't a dream. 2Jae broke up.
Believe me or not, I was crying while writing this chapter. T.T
I am sorry T.T
Comments