“What the ..what is this?” Jongin mumbled to himself and started chuckling like a fool, a paper crunched in his shaking yet firm grip. He felt like his throat was burning up.

“Someone tell me this is not true.” Tears fell down on his face as he slid down on to the floor.

“Right..Right. This is some kind of a sick joke. Hyung will never do this to me.I..I will call him. He will pick up. He will tell me it’s a joke and we will laugh it off together. Right! Where’s my phone?” Jongin stood up abruptly and ran to the main bedroom to get his phone. With his trembling hands and with the tears blurring his vision, he dialed Kyungsoo’s number.

“Please,Hyung. Please pick up the phone.” However,what he got was a phone reporter telling him that the number he dialing was not available anymore. “Damn it. I—I will call Baekhyun hyung.” The call got in immediately.

“Hello, Byun Baekhyun speaking.” He heard the usual bright voice of Baekhyun on the other line.

“ This is Jongin. Is—is Kyungsoo Hyung with you?!” He bit the tip of his thumb nervously with his heart beating so hard.

“ Huh? Kim Jongin? What’re you talking about? Why are you asking me that?” The other replied with rather confused questions.

“Just-just please answer me! I beg you. Is hyung with you? Did he call you?” He choked out the last question.

“No. Of course not. ” Jongin hung up the phone abruptly.

Jongin tried. He really did try. He went to every places he had in mind of where Kyungsoo might go. But there weren’t even a trace of him.

“You are still very good at hiding, Kyungsoo. Where are you now?” he hugged his knees to his chest as he curled into ball at the corner of the living room. It was like 4 years ago all over again. Memories flashed upon him like he was watching a film. Kyungsoo’s hugs, his kisses, his smile, his gently words… He could only choke out a sob. His heart was being torn in pieces agonizingly slow.

“Kim Jongin?” The main door creaked open slowly and a tall figure came into the living room hesitantly.

“You should at least open the lights. Jongin,where are--- HOLY !” In a moment, Jongin was pulled up by a pair of strong arms to sit up properly.

“What the hell is happening!?” Park Chanyeol’s worried expression came into the view when Jongin opened his eyes.

“Chanyeol” He mumbled out his name.

“Yeh.I’m one and only Chanyeol. Now what’s happening here!? Baekhyun told me to go check up on you- I know that’s weird,him being worried over you and all-and oh my god. I’m glad I came.” The taller male talked fast with a frown when the other stared at particularly nothing with hooded eyes.

“He—he left me again,Chanyeol.”

“What!? Are---are you sure? I mean he might go out for a while and stuff—“ before he could finish his sentecnce, Jongin pushed a piece of paper right into his face.

“ ‘I’m sorry,Jongin. Let’s put an end to all of this. I’m sorry.’ Oh…” Chanyeol gulped down nervously,suddenly felt awkward. He obviously didn’t prepare for this.

“Did you..did you search for him?”

“Of course I did!” Jongin’s sudden loud voice filled the whole room, causing the other to flinch.

“I tried to search for him everywhere. But he wasn’t at any of these places. I don’t know what to do anymore.” He said in a lower tone, putting his face between his hands. Chanyeol suddenly let out a deep sigh.

“You know what? Come on, let’s get you to the bed first.” He put his friend’s arm around his shoulder with his hand around the latter’s waist.

“You need to sleep first. Honestly, you look like ,man. I know you won’t be able to sleep well but at least try.” He said as Jongin sat down on his bed, still staring at nothing with his dead eyes.

“Tomorrow is Monday. So maybe Kyungsoo might come to work.”  Jongin’s head perked up at those words.

“So try to sleep. Get some shower. Dress well. You don’t want him to see you in that state,right?” He asked his friend who was now nodding eagerly.

 Jongin pulled his coat closer to stop himself shivering. He was now waiting for Kyungsoo in front of the building where he worked as a music teacher together with Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

 It might have been umpteenth time that he prayed to god about seeing him here. Jongin rubbed his hand together and looked up at the main door of the building.

Suddenly his breath hitched. There he was, wearing his blue coat with his long sleeve shirt underneath, pairing with faded blue jeans

Without any other thoughts, Jongin took long strides toward the man who was now about to enter into the building

“Hyung!” He called out, holding Kyungsoos back by his wrist. The latter looked back at him with eyes that were filled with surprise which,however, instantly faded.

“What are you doing here?” there was nothing but impatient and coldness in his tone but Jongin chose not to recognize it.

“Of couse I’m here to get you back to home.” He said with a grin though he knew his voice was shaking. He was taking unsure steps towards Kyungsoo in the dark. He knew it. He knew that this wasn’t the matter that could be solved that easily.

“Jongin, have I not made myself not clear?” the older male asked calmly though his eyes were blank.

“Of what? Come on,hyung! I know this is a joke! You can stop pretending now!” Jongin chuckled though his eyes were not really laughing.

“ You pretended to do that to me and I----“

“Jongin!” Kyungsoo called out loudly and sighed deeply.

“Hyung.Please.” Jongin’s muttered pleasdingly. “Please.Please don’t do this to me.” This time,his voice was barely a whisper.

“Let go of my hand!” Kyungsoo mumbled,staring at the younger male’s hand on his wrist.

“You can’t—you can’t just do that with a letter. You—you just can’t.” Jongin shook his head like a mad man.

“Kim Jongin,let go of my hand. Children are starting to arrive.” Some of the parents stared at them openly with an obvious frown on their faces because of the scene they were causing in front of the building.

“Who cares!”

“ I ing care. All right!?” Kyungsoo sighed frustratedly.

 “Just wait for me at the café at the end of the street,okay? You can go back if you can’t too.” Kyungsoo removed Jongin’s hand and abruptly went into the building with a flushed face.

Jongin tapped his finger on the table nervously,constantly checking the café’s door to see Kyungsoo. He was sitting at the pretty much at the very corner of the café where they could talk freely. Suddenly, the door bell chimed and there came in the familiar figure he was looking forward to meet.

“Hyung,here!” He raised his hand,waving at Kyungsoo who was now walking rather stiffly towards him.

“I thought you are not coming.” He said softly with a smile. “I will order you a cup of coffee. Your favorite as usual right?”

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo’s voice was calm but cold.

“I’m here to talk. Not to have coffee and have non-sense chit chat with you.” He said,staring at Jongin with the look on his face that Jongin hadn’t seen before.

“I…… I just want to talk about us.” He muttered, looking down at his hands instead of facing Kyungsoo.

"You read the paper I left right?” Jongin nodded.

“I don’t understand what that meant. What..what are you trying to say? What do you mean to end things?” He asked with a frow, his heart beating so fast.

“it means what it means. We..we should stop doing this. I want to end things. I..I can’t do this with you anymore.” Kyungsoo rubbed his temple and sighed.

“Why? Why so suddenly? We were doing fine before that and…..”

“It has been on my mind since long ago. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. I...I didn’t want to hurt you,Jongin” Jongin scoffed at the older one’s words.

“it’s not like I am not hurting now either.” Kyungsoo put up his glassed which was falling down the nose.

“But it will pass.”

“What the hell do you mean by it will pass!?”Jongin raised his voice, earning a few looks from the waiters.

“Listen to me first!” Kyungsoo demanded angrily.

“I thought we were doing fine. But I didn’t feel right. It’s just that…..it’s just that it wasn’t the same as before. I..I felt empty.Here.” Kyungsoo said,resting his hand on his left side of the chest where his heart was.

Kyungsoo gulped down before continuing. “ My feeling weren’t same as last four years anymore,jongin-ah.”

Jongin let out a choked sob at that.

“Hyung please don’t say that. Did I do something wrong? Is it about the engagement case!? I’m sorry I hid it from you. Please just tell me what I did wrong and I will do everything to correct.” He said,taking Kyungsoo’s cold hands into his own.

“Jongin. I’m sorry…You..you did nothing wrong. It’s just me. I don’t want to stay with you, lying to myself and to you that my feeling are same as yours. I’m sorry.” Tears were now falling down on Jongin’s face but Kyungsoo’s face expression remained unchanged. He was still wearing a distant look.

“What went wrong? Please don’t do this to me. I can’t…I can’t.. I will try everything to make you love me again. So please..Please. I will quit my modelling career and I will be by your side all the time. I will not do anything that you don’t like.” Kyungsoo inhaled sharply.

“I won’t be happy…I won’t be happy with you anymore despite whatever you do,Jongin.” He drew back his hand from Jongin’s. “I don’t want to live my life, lying to myself and to you!” He said looking out the window. “You deserve to be with someone you love.”

“That’s ing bull!” Jongin said angrily at how Kyungsoo could say that so easily.

“Then what do you expect me to say!? I don’t love you anymore! I did love you with all my heart. Yes it was freaking 4 years ago! I thought I loved you like back then when we got back together again. I mistook it. Don’t you get it already!?” kyungsoo spitted out the words as angrily as Jongin now. Their faces were both flushed now.

“Why..but why….can’t you stay with me? Hyung,why not? I knew I was a selfish bastard back then but I’m trying to change… I will wait! I can wait for you. I don’t care if it takes years. I will wait!” his eyes were now red from crying. Kyungsoo put his hand on top of Jongin’s and squeezed it gently.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I should not have done this to you since from the start. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I know you got tired of me saying I’m sorry but those are the only thing I can tell you right now.” Jongin’s one hand went to cup Kyunsoo’s cheek. His thumb brusing over it gently.

“I love you so why. Why do you have to do this to me?” Jongin whispered rather in a pleading tone. “I love you so much that it hurts so much.” Kyunsoo bit his lips and took Jongin’s hand over his cheek, gently placing on the table.

“Let’s not..let’s not see each other anymore. I’m sorrry” He stood up, walking out without sparing Jongin a last look.

A/N- I'm sorry. I just love angst stuff too much. :') Thank you for reading !