Just like i promised to myself, i decided to leave town for a week. I packed my belongings and left the aparment cleaned. Just the way it always is. I took my key and took the extras key just in case. As i was locking my door.. " Are you leaving?". I swore i could have shouted or slap him and die on the spot but i managed to stay calm and turn around to look at the boy. "Great! you want me dead now? You could have waited till i turn around and looked at you before you speak anything" i said. "If i did that you might just ignore me and not say a word". Well, he's got a point though, i would do that. "Now get out of my way" i said calmly. "Are you leaving?" , "Isnt it obvious??! Yes! Im leaving!" i said angrily. "Do you want me to come with you?" He said and if i said yes, i know he would rush to his house and pack his things to follow me.

"No, dont follow me. Im leaving because i need some space, i need to go away from you since you wont go away from me. I'll come back in a week or two but dont even think of us being the way we were last time" i said as calm as i could. After a long pause he suddenly said.. "Why is it so wrong of me saying that i love you?". I looked at him staright into his eyes and said "Everything is wrong! Dont you see? I cant give you the love you need! Im cold as ice and hard as rock! I can never love you, never! So get a life and go away!" I screamed, hiding all the truth in me. Whatever i said disguised what i really wanted to say..

Truth is, i love him. I dont even know how he break the wall i bulit for the past year. But.. i just cant say it. Im not used to all these warm feelings yet. I could pour my heart  to him but i could not stand losing him someday. I could not bare the pain.. I bared the pain alone of what had happen to my dad and im not risking to be in that position again.

"If i love you, it doesnt mean you have to love me." tears are falling from his eyes and his voice changed. He continued.. "Before you knew me.. i loved you.." he paused and at that moment i started carrying my bag to walk away but then he continued again.. "The day when you spoke to me.. the day when you called me annoying.. i was really happy. All i wanted is you to look at me and see me as someone. Not a wall. The other day when you mad at me in front of everyone.. i was even happier, everyone witnesses you talking to me. Everyone knew im not a wall to you. It was the best birthday ever."

I was listening with my back in front of him and slowly i turned around.. seeing him smiling with tears while he speaks. "No please dont talk.. it only make me stop and stay with you" i thought to myself. "But .. Just dont keep secrets from me, tell me honestly.. you really dont love me?" There, he brought it up. I couldnt answer this. I just couldnt. I just had to go away, this is all too much for me to handle. In a few minutes, he was out of my sight.

He didnt follow.

He didnt call.

He didnt do anything just like how i am. Never did anything.

Enjoy!