The days after Bomi passed away were nothing. They weren’t angry; they weren’t sad. They were just completely empty. Bomi’s presence could be felt in every corner of the house, in every inch of the yellow walls they had painted together months ago. Chorong had gotten the habit of spending the whole day sitting in the porch, not speaking more than what it was necessary with Namjoo, who was taking care of her.

"Unnie, you should have lunch," Namjoo tried again. They were all devastated, and their lives would be scarred forever, but they still had some common sense in their minds. Some of them, at least.

"What for?" Chorong answered vaguely, shrugging softly. She raised her eyes, now dark and sad, to look through the window. The living room was exactly like they had left it the other night. Blankets made a mess on the couch, pictures of Bomi and Chorong together decorated the place, together with the faces of the rest of the members, smiling from every corner. Now everything seemed like ghosts from the past staring back at the dark-haired girl. The pictures in their perfectly decorated frames completed a story made of memories, from debut to the marriage proposal to the house they bought. Whatever it is that happened that any of them considered meaningful, there was an image that froze that moment forever. 

"I want to have all the living room full of photographs," Chorong said. She had barely set a foot inside the house they had just bought, and she was already making detailed plans for it.

"Memories last forever," Bomi answered. "You’ll remember me forever."

"Don’t you dare say that again!" Chorong slapped the other girl’s arm, upset to hear Bomi talk about the future they knew they wouldn’t have. Since the older girl found out about the truth, she had been trying to act like nothing was wrong, like every day was just another second in an infinity of years, like time would never end for both of them and they could make life-long plans. Bomi, on the other hand, hadn’t wanted to tell Chorong because she hadn’t wanted the other girl to worry and sadden about things they wouldn’t be able to do, but this reaction from the older girl, this pretending-not-to-be-too-worried was worst. Bomi had heard Chorong cry at night. She had heard the sobs when the older girl locked herself up in the bathroom, and her heart broke every time Chorong came out smiling like nothing was wrong in life and she was the happiest woman on Earth.

"Let’s just take the first picture ever of us in this house." Bomi changed the topic.

They walked around the house, they looked through the windows to the bright green grass outside the porch, the sky blue see right there.

"You know what?," Bomi asked her fiancée. "I want to paint the corridor yellow. It’s the only part of the house with no light, and it really needs to be brightened up."

Chorong smiled widely and kissed Bomi’s cheek.

"You know I love you, right?" She told the younger girl, squeezing her hand. "Till the end of time."

"Forever," Bomi replied. "Forever."

Chorong stared at that picture of the two of them, standing in front of the house for the first time, and then the next picture, both of them with brushes and yellow paint all over their bodies, smiling in the corridor. She turned her head to look at Namjoo when the younger girl put a warm hand on her shoulder, concerned.

"Unnie, are you angry?"

"Why? Because of the completely unfairness of life? Or am I the happiest person alive, because I got to have Bomi next to me during all those moments that’ll last forever?"

-

Each of them found their letter in a different place. 

For Namjoo, it was in between her clothes. Or what she’d better say, Bomi’s clothes that she’d borrowed and never returned, like she used to. The fact that Bomi was aware of that but never asked her to bring them back made Namjoo’s heart beat louder.

On the other hand, Naeun found hers in the drawer of her nightstand, right over her diary. Hayoung’s took a long time to find, after they’d realized it was supposed to be in meaningful places for them, and it was only when she remembered Bomi’s promise of their driving sessions that she could find it. Right in the car’s glove box.

Eunji found hers right in front of her, in the most obvious of places. She had found Bomi’s pills there, many weeks ago, right when everything started and the events leading up to that specific outcome started happening.

She was, together with Chorong, the one who was taking it worse. No matter how strong she seemed to be during daylight, they had all heard how she cried herself to sleep every night, having abandoned the room she shared with Naeun plenty of times to spend the night with Chorong, the two hugging each other until they fell asleep in the other’s arms. They now shared a bond that no one could break, even though they wanted to join them. But each of them was mourning in a different way.

Chorong’s letter wasn’t complicated to find either. She only had to stroll to the last page of the album, the one she’d left empty for them to complete together. And now it was. Complete. As much as they’d ever be able to make it.

-

Unnie,

I have thought of so many ways of starting this letter, but none sounded right. There is no word that can define perfectly how I feel towards you, how you are the sun around which my whole life rotates. How you are the stars to my night sky, filling the emptiness with light and meaning. I have never been the poetic one; you are the one in charge of composing lyrics, but somehow this feeling of seeing the finish line so near has filled my head with metaphors and words that have power on their own.

I can imagine your face while reading this, a smile of pride from cheek to cheek, accompanied by the mixed feelings towards my light way of dealing with all this. Because it is true that, since the day you finally found out, we haven’t seriously talked about it, pronouncing every sound of your greatest enemy. More than me, it is you who’s the most afraid, and there’s nothing I would like more than to take that from you; seeing you scared breaks my heart.

Remember how we were, back when we met? They said I was a heartbreaker, but how could I ever break your heart, since it’s a half of mine? I’ve known that for so long... I still remember that leader they made me follow, the unnie I looked up to and slowly, day after day, that admiration bloomed into something deeper. I wouldn’t believe it. You wouldn’t believe it. But this is how it is now, how we always knew it had to be. 

I know you. You are the type of person that’s going to end up writing a song with lyrics like “colours have become dull without you”. I know you. And I am so sorry. I am sorry because of the hardships you had to encounter because of me. It wasn’t fair of me to hide it from you for so long, but it wasn’t fair to tell you either. You do not deserve that pain. You do not deserve to have to endure the weight of my fears on your shoulders, because that only makes my weight heavier. But knowing how much I love you, I can understand how you might have felt in that moment, and I will always try to apologize for the pain I occasioned you then.

My intentions were to give you this when I feel my ending coming, but I don’t really know if that’s a feeling I am supposed to get or if it’s going to surprise me on my sleep. I wouldn’t really care, but I have started to think about all of you so much lately, about the pain I produced, the tears I caused. Please, continue to be the one who guides the kids through the rough world where we live. If not as Apink’s leader, as a sister, a friend and everything they need you to be. And I hope they take care of you too, just like I would if I were there. Because it’s coming onto me now; I won’t be there for you. I don’t know when I became this emotional, but nowadays, thinking about my future, or your future, makes me tear up and wanting to hug you tightly. So tightly, that not even death could bring us apart.

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to live the greatest life anyone could ever ask for. I’m sorry it took me such a long time to realise what I really felt, but that’s why I’m writing to you now. And I don’t want this to be something you hold tightly and you cry over. I want you to keep this as a way of giving you strength, a way of reminding you how I will always be right next to you in every single step of your way.

You made me fall head over heels for you when I wasn’t even comfortable in my own skin, and you say you had no intention of causing that; it just happened. But I am so thankful for whoever in the universe decided to cross our paths in life. I hadn’t known what really loving meant to me until I met you. Now I know the meaning of love, and I know that I love your swollen face when you wake up, I love your tears when they fall down your cheeks in emotion. I know I love the excited glint in your eyes when you’re up to something new, and I know I love the soft strength of your body when you are still challenging yourself after a whole day of training. I also love your peaceful look when you’re asleep, immersed in a dreamland that’s only yours. I love your voice and your smile, your slender arms around my neck and the strength of your stomach against my palms when I back-hug you. I love how you guide us, how you cook for us, how you take responsibility for the maknaes and never get tired of fixing our mistakes. I love how you have grown to be so meaningful to me that I have your name engraved in my heart with a permanent fire mark. I loved you as a girl, and I am the luckiest person in the world because you love me as a woman. Don’t let the world fall down on you. Don’t let adversities crush you, and don’t let anyone underrate you. Think of your pabo Bomi that’s watching your every move and sending you all the strength you need to survive. I want to be there to take care of you, but when I’m not there anymore, I need you to promise that you’ll take care of yourself for me. Please.

I hope you will forever have me safe and protected in your heart.

 And I will forever be drenched in your love.

  The end.  

A/N. I can't believe we're here already... In the ending page. It's been five months of a journey that has only been possible thank to you all, who have been here in every step giving your love and support to this fic. To those of you who've been here from the beginning, commenting in every chapter: thank you. You made every day special. To those who have been reading in silence... thank you so much for your silent support. The fact that all of you subscribed and followed this up to this moment means the world to me. And to all those people who showed up to comment in chapter 69... something like that had to make you all show up. 

I don't know how many of you thought that I would really end the story with Bomi's death... It was fun and also sad to see all your mixed reactions and hopes and dreams all along the different chapters, all leading to this moment. Because the fic was based on its ending [you have @Kaisoo88EXO to blame for that], and it was heartbreaking to write everything that I knew would lead to this. But it's over... for real. Bomi's left peacefully, leaving a trace of memories behind that would make her live forever, and each of the girls have got their letters and now they need to find a way to move forward, as hard as it seems... Sometimes a miracle isn't what's going to change the course of history. Sometimes a miracle is simply looking back and realising how lucky you were right then and there, during those moments that made you who you are and that you would never take back. 

I love you all, and I hope to see you again soon <3