“I need to say something.”

Eunji felt a weight in her stomach. She was shaking inside, but she did not want to show it. She could not show it.

Be the mature one. Stop whatever it is there’s between you before it’s too late.

“There’s something that should be clear, Naeun-ah.”

Tell her whatever you need to for her to realize it won’t work. Lie if you must. The crueler you are, the quicker she’ll hate you.

“I don’t love you,” she said, her heart almost completely shattered into millions of pieces. “I think I never have. It was all a huge mistake.”

“U-unnie,” Naeun stuttered and Eunji’s heart started to feel even heavier.

Break her heart if that’s the only way,

“I had fun, but I think it’s time to go back to what we know is real,” Eunji felt her own nails digging up skin on her arm, hurting herself so Naeun’s pain wouldn’t feel that real to her. “I’ve had my fun, but that’s all I wanted.”

Eunji stood up and left without saying another word. As soon as the door of the establishment had closed behind her, she crumbled down and let tears streak down her face, slowly at first but becoming sobs without her realizing.

“What have I done?” She asked herself between sobs, her back against the wall made of red bricks, cold against her skin. “What have I done?”

∼

“She’s the nurse that will accompany you home and stay with you for around a week, taking care of your medication.” The doctor pointed his chin at a young girl standing at a corner. Bomi nodded, her fingers intertwined with Chorong’s as a way of obtaining strength.

It was around nine in the morning, and Bomi had just signed the papers that got her discharged from the hospital. But there was one condition: a nurse would stay with her for a week, and then if nothing had changed, she would be free to go back to Seoul with the other members.

“So if you don’t have any further questions,” the doctor smiled at her, putting a comforting hand on Bomi’s shoulder, “you are free to go. Call me if you need anything.”

Bomi bowed slowly and smiled, grateful. But she was feeling good for now and she just wanted to run away with Chorong so they could finally be free.

“Unnie, let’s go.” She pulled Chorong by her hand so they walked out of the hospital room for the last time.

“Bomi-ah,” Chorong was smiling as well, “how are you feeling?”

“I feel bright new,” the younger girl said, before thinking about it quietly. “Well, my bones feel quite tired, but they can handle this.”

Chorong frowned in slight worry, but she let it go for now. She’ll confront her about it later on, when they weren’t as excited to be leaving the hospital as they were right then.

They walked hand in hand, shoulder against shoulder, followed closely by the nurse they still didn’t know the name of. The day was barely starting, but the sky was blue, the air was fresh and clean and their hearts were full of hope for a new beginning.

∼

“Unnie!” Hayoung was knocking on the door very hard now, considering even giving it a kick if Naeun didn’t open.

“Can you stop trying to break my door?” The Naeun that appeared at the door looked desperate and mad, her eyes puffy red and her cheeks full of salty paths from the tears that had obviously been falling.

Hayoung opened her eyes in shock when she saw the older girl, and she tried to break through and enter the room by pushing the door open with her elbow.

“Sit down,” she told Naeun, the older girl obeying without saying a word. “Spill the details. Now.”

Hayoung expected some sort of resistance from Naeun, but the shorter girl just shrugged and started talking, tears emerging as soon as she started. Hayoung could do nothing but try to hold the girl in order to comfort her.

“And then she said... she said...” Naeun was sobbing and stuttering. “She said it had all been a joke to her and that she’d had her fun with me. Why would Eunji-unnie say such a thing to me? I thought... I thought she...”

Hayoung put her arm over Naeun’s shoulders and sat back, their backs towards the cold wall. Naeun let her head fall down on Hayoung’s shoulder and rested it there.

“I’m sorry, unnie,” Hayoung hesitated before answering, but she knew complete honesty was her best weapon. “Honestly, I don’t know what to say… But what I know is that I want to go yell at Eunji-unnie for a while and get to know her real feelings.”

When Naeun looked at her in confusion, Hayoung continued.

“I don’t buy this “it’s all been a joke” thing,” the maknae shrugged. Things were always simple to her. “That’s not the Eunji-unnie that I know.”

Naeun shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her gaze travelling around nervously.

“That’s what I want to believe too,” she mumbled. “I want to believe that there’s another side of this, because honestly, Eunji-unnie is the compass that points towards my North, and I don’t want –I cannot– lose her and everything she means to me. It scares me too, you know? I was so happy during such a short time…

“You are the architect of your own unhappiness, unnie.” The maknae was becoming wiser every day. Don’t let her bring you down.”

∼

“Unnie?” Chorong could feel Eunji's worry from the other side of the line.

“Eunji-ah? What's wrong?” The leader wanted to ask why she's called her instead of Bomi, her eternal confident, but she wouldn't dare. There had to be a reason.

“Unnie... I've done something quite awful.” She then told her friend all the details, from her conversation with their manager to the words she'd told Naeun and the girl's reaction.

Chorong didn't know what to say at first. There was clearly a reason why Eunji was calling her and not anyone else, and even though she felt honored it was also strangely worrying. She decided to let Eunji cry her feelings out before answering.

“And I know I did what was right but I never intended to hurt her so deeply and now I feel awful and she has all her right to hate me and...”

Chorong cut her then, her thoughts in order.

“Eunji-ah.” She tried to be careful with her words. “I know this is not what you probably want to hear but I think you did well. I would have done the same thing, and I think that's why you called me. Bomi-ah would probably tell you to go profess your love for Naeun-ah no matter what.”

“I know. But unnie, she's in pain... And I'm the one hurting her.”

“I guess you really love her, Eunji-ah,” Chorong said. “More than I thought you did.”

Eunji stayed quiet for a while, thinking.

“I guess I really do.”

Chorong remained silent, waiting for her friend to continue.

“I know I did right; it's for the best of our members and the company alike. But the guilt is still there, since Naeun-ah is the one suffering from this all.”

Chorong didn't know how to console her. She knew the girl was right, and she could identify herself with the situation; she perfectly knew that she would have done what Eunji had, and that Bomi would have suffered just as much as Naeun, even if she wouldn't have ended up crying on her own but would've thrown the company an ultimatum instead and would’ve got very, very mad at Chorong. Bomi was stronger than her, after all.

“Naeun will understand,” Chorong added. “Just give her some time.”

“I really hope you're right, unnie.”