The nurse was kind. She was used to this kind of patients, so she was extremely gentle and patient while explaining how everything worked in chemotherapy.

“You came alone?” She asked, surprised. “Most people bring their family to the first session.”

“I came on my own.” Bomi didn’t want to sound rude, but she didn’t have anything to say. She was just thinking about how lucky she was that no one in the hospital had recognized them yet.

“I see,” the nurse didn’t say anything else about it. “Okay, now you need to lie back and think of something else. You’re going to feel a sting that may hurt at first.”

The pain Bomi felt wasn’t unbearable, but it truly hurt a lot. She tried to move her mind to other things so she wouldn’t start hyperventilating during the first minute.

“Am I allowed to use my phone?” She asked.

“Not really, not in the whole hospital,” the nurse said, but the smile didn’t abandon her face. “But I see you came alone and you brought nothing to do so I might be looking elsewhere for the next five minutes while I go get some magazines for you.”

“That would be amazing.” Bomi smiled.

When the nurse left, Bomi looked around. Luckily, she was alone that day, but she knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that. There were many people with all sorts of problems that needed the same therapy she did, or even more aggressive. People suffered.

Her phone beeped, and when she heard it she remembered that she had to call her mom. So she did. While talking to her, her mind wandered around the tubes surrounding her, the bags of whatever it was she was being injected with, the needles and machines that made her so nervous. Bomi didn’t want to look weak in front of her mother, so she tried to smile into the phone and ended up promising that they’d talk every day Bomi had her chemotherapy to see how the girl was doing.

“And your dad is so worried about you,” Bomi’s mother was on the verge of tears. “He still hasn’t recovered from when Chorong-ah called us when you were in the hospital in Jeju. I’m still mad at you, by the way. How could you hide it from us? We’re your parents!”

“Mom! We’ve talked about it!” Bomi realized her voice was loud and lowered it. “I already apologized.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she answered. “I’m just worried about my little girl, that’s all.”

Bomi didn’t even complain about being called a little girl. It was her mother she was talking to, after all. They had no secrets, and of course she would worry about her daughter.

“I’ll be there to see you soon,” Bomi’s mom ended the conversation. “I want to take care of you from there.”

When she hung up, Bomi remembered the text message she had gotten, the beeping that had made her look at her phone.

Unnie!  I hope you are feeling better than alright and you really are as strong as you say you are. We all need people like you in our lives. Please, unnie, be okay. I really care about you and want to see you smile. Fighting! – Hayoungie

∼

“We’re home!” Chorong announced as soon as they walked through the door.

The members approached the two older girls, but asked no direct questions about chemotherapy; they imagined Bomi wouldn’t want to talk about.

“How are you feeling?” Eunji whispered in her best friend’s ear.

“A little dizzy,” Bomi answered. She winked after that. “But I’ll survive.”

Eunji shook her head, but she smiled anyways. It was time for dinner, so Chorong made some soup for them, not feeling too hype to do anything complicated.

“I want pasta letters in my soup!” Hayoung acted so childish sometimes.

“Okay, letters it is.” Chorong laughed but did as suggested.

When they were all sitting around the table, Namjoo caught Bomi and Chorong up on their talk about the disbandment statement earlier that afternoon.

“It’s supposed to be tomorrow just after lunchtime,” Eunji explained, and Chorong nodded. She knew.

“I’m too tired to hear the details now, but we’re meeting with manager-oppa in the morning and we need to decide stuff.” Chorong couldn’t contain a yawn, which made Bomi laugh. She had been dizzy when they got home and hadn’t wanted anything in her stomach, but as soon as she had seen the soup some unknown feeling of excessive hunger had possessed her and she was over with her second serving.

Talking about disbanding darkened the mood, and soon the six girls felt tired and down.

“Unnie,” Hayoung tapped Bomi’s shoulder with her finger, “I don’t want Apink to disappear.”

“Apink will never be over,” Bomi replied, her face deadly serious. “I believe in “forever”, and we’ll be Apink for more than that. We are Apink. No one can ever take that from us. Not even me…”

“Yah!” Eunji interrupted the conversation. “This is not your fault! Why are we having this conversation all over again?”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Bomi tried to smile. “I’m just getting emotional.”

Hayoung laughed softly at that, and Bomi ruffled her hair.

“Don’t worry, Hayoung-ah. No matter what, Apink will always be together.”

The members all looked at each other, gaining strength from their expressions. They’d been together for so long, they were each other’s family. And family is forever.

“So are you sure you can manage making the announcement tomorrow?” Chorong’s frown was due to the worry she was feeling, crawling inside her. Bomi looked confident, but she’d been through a lot in the past hours, the past few days, and she wasn’t exactly spilling how she was feeling about every single thing.

“I’m positive.”

∼

Chorong woke up to find the night silence disturbed by the flushing of a toilet. She rubbed her eyes and looked around until they grew used to the darkness. The emptiness of Bomi's bed was like a bucket of ice water unpleasantly thrown at her, and she was suddenly wide awake. The girl walked carefully towards the bathroom, pushing the door open with care. She pushed her sleeves up to her elbows and held Bomi's hair behind the girl's neck while she emptied her stomach.

The pasta letters of the soup they'd eaten for dinner earlier seemed to be mocking them, reminding them how this was all a side effect they wished wouldn’t happen, so Chorong flushed the toilet as soon as Bomi stayed still, still kneeling on the bathroom floor in her now wet and dirty pajamas.

Chorong helped the girl to her feet and let water run so Bomi could wash her face in the sink. The younger girl also moved her right hand towards her toothbrush, and it was Chorong who put the greenish mint toothpaste on it.

When Bomi was done brushing her teeth, Chorong handed her a towel so she could dry her dripping face, and Bomi nodded in thankfulness.

Chorong pulled the younger girl closer in a hug, not caring about how wet Bomi's clothes were or how bad they would both smell after that. She couldn't care less about all that when she was comforting Bomi in her arms. She hugged the younger girl tighter when she felt Bomi start to shake in her arms, her silent tears of confusion and embarrassment becoming full sobs.

“Bomi-ah…” She didn’t have to say anything else. The only mention of her name was everything Bomi needed from Chorong, everything she needed to calm down and realize that it would really be okay.

Chorong held Bomi tighter, their hug as close as they could make it.

“Bomi-ah, let’s go to bed.” Chorong kissed her on her forehead. “I’ll help you change.”

Once they were back in their room, Chorong helped Bomi out of her wet pajamas and gave her clean ones. The girl, still holding the towel in her hands, look innocent and fragile, like the slightest breeze could make her fall or burst in tears. Bomi’s eyes were open like a child’s, her lips slightly opened and as pale as the rest of her face. Chorong felt a weight in her chest.

“Unnie, can I sleep with you tonight?” Bomi’s words were too soft, barely a whisper in the night.

“Of course.” Chorong smiled, trying to comfort her.

Less than a minute later, the two girls were covered in Chorong’s bed sheets, hugged in an embrace. Bomi felt protected inside Chorong’s arms, just like the leader did in hers.

“Are you okay?” Chorong asked, laying her lips against Bomi’s cold cheek.

“I am now,” Bomi said, pulling Chorong closer.

A/N. It's not April 19th for me just yet, but it is for the girls. So happy 5th anniversary to Apink!! I'm so thankful and so proud of these girls <3 Happy anniversary, Pink Pandas!