Life in Jeju Island had become the easiest thing they’d ever done. With no schedules in sight, no appointments nor duties, they had nothing to do besides enjoying each other’s company. They spent their time at the beach, or simply lying around. They had reached this mutual agreement which ended up meaning that they were not avoiding the topic of Bomi’s death anymore. No matter how hard, they all seemed to be okay with it.

"I’m going swimming," Chorong announced that morning, like every other.

They’d been in the island for weeks, but it was still hot even though trees were already losing their leaves, preparing for the winter that would come in around three months.

"Let me go with you." Naeun appeared with a towel on her shoulder, sunglasses ready for her to go out in the sun.

So the two left, step after step towards the blue sea, which was competing with the sun in sparkle and brightness.

"Unnie, how are you?"

Chorong looked up from her towel and stared at her friend. She looked at her with a confused expression, a silent question of what exactly was she talking about.

"Bomi-ah…"

"I’m okay, I guess," she shrugged. "I think I might have gotten too used to this that I find it normal to feel like this. And that’s what scares me the most. How can someone be used to waiting for death to come? For their loved ones to leave?"

"I’m scared, unnie." Naeun stood up from her position on a nearby rock, walking along the shore. She stared at her feet, stared at the waves that covered them every few seconds, small pebbles rolling down towards the deepest part of the sea.

"I think we all are." Chorong walked towards her, grabbing her hand to stop her from going further. "I don’t think I’m going to encounter anything worse than this in my life. But, like I said, my mind’s already set. I know that I’m going to lose her, and that I’ll have to do something with my life after then. But I just can’t think that far."

She looked straight into Naeun’s eyes, the sea reflecting on them.

"She is everything I can think of, everything I want to think of."

"I know." Naeun stepped closer. "I want to say I know how you feel, what your feelings are towards her, but I’m not sure my relationship with Eunji-unnie is anything like it. I mean, when we’re alone I can feel it, how special we are, but then you say something, or Bomi-unnie acts in a certain way, and I see how that’s the love story everyone wants."

"Except from the ending," she paused, looking at her friend. "Honestly, you’re still at the beginning. That might be the most beautiful phase of being in love, so you shouldn’t be wishing it was different, no matter the love story you’re looking for."

Naeun nodded, and smiled at her unnie.

"I see. Thank you, unnie."

Chorong hugged her, her arms surrounding the younger girl’s body, trying to protect her form the outer world. But sooner or later, she would have to face it, so there wasn’t much she could do.

"There’s something else," Chorong said after looking into Naeun’s eyes. "What is it?"

The girl hesitated.

"I’m not sure I should be telling you this," she started. "But I just… I need advice on how to move on when this… ends. No offense, unnie, but we both know where this is going. And Eunji-unnie… She’s the one that’s going to suffer the most after you, but… I want to be there for her, and for you, but I don’t know how. And the others… I just don’t know what to do now that the older, wiser members are the ones suffering the most and I should be taking care of you all."

"Don’t be that hard on yourself, Naeun-ah. You’re not supposed to do anything. We are all here for each other. We will be here for each other. Always. You can count on me." 

Naeun nodded and smiled slightly at her unnie, thanking her. Chorong kissed the girl on the forehead and ruffled her hair like she was a kid.

"Come on, let’s do some exercise." Chorong took her shirt off and stretched her back, smiling at Naeun before running to the shore and jumping head-first to the water.

           ~

The morning wasn’t their best time of the day. It seemed like no one except from Chorong and Naeun woke up in a good mood. Bomi, who was getting weaker and weaker lately, liked to sleep until late, and Eunji was usually the one who took care of the house chores and prepared breakfast while the maknaes got ready for the day.

In some ways, it felt like they were on eternal vacation. It was still warm even though they were in mid-September, and they could still walk around in summer clothes and enjoy the beach. For the time being.

"Is Bomi-ah awake already?" Eunji asked as soon as Hayoung finished setting up the table for breakfast.

"I don’t think so, unnie."

"Could you go check?"

Hayoung looked at her unnie in silence, hesitance reflected in her eyes.

"No," she shook her head. "I won’t."

Eunji’s eyebrows buried in her hair out of surprise when she heard the maknae’s answer. After being on break for such a long time, there hadn’t been much stress among them except from Bomi’s illness, and they had all felt like they were closer than ever, not a single issue going on between them that could tear apart that peace.

"What?"

"I don’t want to." Hayoung sat down on one of the wooden chairs after putting down the last napkin, breakfast awaiting for all the members. Chorong and Naeun had already come back from their swimming session, and they were having a shower on their outside pool so they wouldn’t bother the sleeping girls. Namjoo was getting up slowly; Hayoung had offered to help Eunji with breakfast so she wouldn’t have to wake up that soon.

"Hayoung-ah." Eunji left the cleaning cloth on the counter and walked towards the younger girl. "Is something wrong?"

"Why can’t you just go do it without bothering me so much?" The girl exploded, and Eunji took a step back in surprise. "I already said I don’t want to go wake her up!"

"Yah! Don’t talk back to me!" Eunji frowned. "Why can’t you just explain it to me?"

Hayoung opened to reply, but decided to keep quiet instead. Out of a sudden, she stood up and ran to her room, shutting the door closed behind her in a slam that would definitely wake Bomi up.

Eunji sat down after resting a hand on the table to support herself, her eyes opened in shock, when Namjoo entered the kitchen, worried.

"What happened?"

"Something’s wrong with Hayoung-ah. She just answered back at me like she’d never did before when I asked her to wake Bomi-ah up."

"She’s definitely up with all this noise," Namjoo sighed."Let me go check on her."

"No." Eunji shook her head and stood up. "I’ll do it."

~

"Hayoung-ah?"

Eunji knocked on the door, not wanting to push the situation too far. When she didn’t get an answer, though, she pushed it slightly so it opened on its own.

"Hayoung-ah, are you okay?"

"Leave me alone." Her voice was sharp, slightly muffled because of the pillow she was lying on.

"No." Eunji could be just as sharp, closing the door behind her and sitting down next to her friend.

The younger girl was quiet, her head against the pillow and her body completely still.

"Hayoung-ah," she tried again.

"What?" She lifted her head and locked eyes with her unnie, her stare too intense for Eunji to remain impassible.

"Yah! You must stop behaving like some teenager who can’t control her hormones."

Hayoung sat up at that comment, Eunji’s attack putting her on edge. When she did so, Eunji saw the tears that had left trace on the girl’s face, wet paths of what the older girl classified as anger and, overall, desperation.

"Hayoung-ah, let me help you." Eunji sat closer to the maknae, sliding an arm around the girl’s shoulders. "Tell me what’s wrong. Please."

"You can’t help me," she muttered. "No one can. No one’s going to save her."

Bomi.

Eunji stayed silent, thinking. She decided to let the younger girl speak before she said anything. 

"I wake up every morning with this weight in my heart, in my stomach," Hayoung spoke, her hands up in explanation. "This feeling that Bomi-unnie might die in her sleep, it’s just… It prevents me from sleeping, from waking her up, from even stepping on that room while she’s there resting. What if I just step in there and she… she’s gone?"

Eunji lowered her head, bringing Hayoung closer to her own body with her right arm.

"What am I going to do if I ever find her laying there… gone? I cannot deal with that." Hayoung sounded haunted with fear. "I’ve had nightmares for weeks now, but they just keep getting worse and worse and I can feel it…"

"Hayoung-ah." Eunji’s voice was barely a whisper. "I have nightmares as well. Almost every night. This is just something that’s meant to happen in a situation like this, no matter how much I hate it."

Hayoung looked up at her unnie, her eyes filled with tears, glistening in the dim light. The room she shared with Namjoo, its wooden walls and ceiling making it darker, the rustling interrupting their silence.

"I can’t tell you what to do with it because I don’t know, and I don’t want to tell you that it’s a bad thing that this situation is causing you so much fear because it’s not," Eunji’s words felt rushed. "It means you care. It means we do. Fear gives you strength. But I don’t want to see you like this."

"Unnie, you’re strong," Hayoung answered. "You’re the strongest out of all of us. How do you even do that?"

"I’m not that strong, Hayoung-ah. I just keep fighting to be like that. You need someone to act strong for you, for all of you, and I’m trying to be that person. But I’m not sure if I can. I’m not sure I can be strong enough."

Hayoung looked at Eunji, a frown on the maknae’s forehead. She shook her head, confused, right before speaking.

"You’re the strongest," she spoke calmly. "You will always be. I need you to be."

Eunji nodded, her head moving slowly, like any sudden movement could break the trance they were in, the calm before the storm.

"If she dies…"

"When," Hayoung interrupted. "When she dies…"

"We can’t get ready for that," Eunji shook her head once again. "No one can. But we’ll have to move on together. Be there for each other. I’ll be the rock you can lean on, Hayoung-ah, but you have to trust me."

"I don’t want her to die, unnie. She doesn’t deserve this." Hayoung cried on her shoulder, her body shaking strongly. "I don’t know what I’m going to do without her." 

"Me neither, Hayoung-ah. Me neither."