Chorong was startled by her phone ringing. She had left Bomi at the hospital barely half hour ago, so there was no way she was done yet and she had been trying to get some sleep on the couch while waiting, all alone in the dorm.

“Hello?” She suppressed a yawn, even though it was only five in the afternoon.

“Park Chorong?” When Chorong answered, the manly voice continued. “I am Yoon Bomi’s doctor, in charge of her chemotherapy sessions with the head nurse.”

Chorong sat up on the couch, suddenly concerned. Why was he calling her?

“Is there something wrong?” She asked, suddenly very awake.

“You see, Bomi-ssi hasn’t showed up to the last two sessions. Last time I contacted her and she said something had come up that was more important to her and she promised she would come the next day, which she didn’t.” Chorong felt a weight go down in her stomach. “And she keeps dodging my calls. So the head nurse told me to call you when she didn’t show up this afternoon either.”

“I had no idea she was missing her sessions,” Chorong was shocked. “I keep driving her to the hospital because she doesn’t want me to go in with her but she must be waiting for me to leave to escape… That’s so not like Bomi-ah.”

“I guess it’s her choice after all.” The doctor’s words hurt Chorong deeper than she thought they could. “But I thought you should be aware of what she’s doing and maybe confront her. Obviously, patients who don’t want to be healed have no way of doing so, but in her case… You should try to talk to her.”

Chorong stayed quiet for a while, thinking. Bomi was missing her sessions in purpose, and, more importantly, she had been doing so without telling Chorong or her members about it. Why would she be neglecting her health in such a way?

“I will,” Chorong answered, and thanked the doctor for calling her. When she was about to hung up, though, she came out with the question she really wanted to ask. “But… even if she does get treated in chemotherapy and she undergoes the next operation, like it was planned, can anyone assure me that she will survive this?”

Chorong was getting teary-eyed, deep pain growing in her chest.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, Chorong-ssi,” when the doctor said those words, Chorong knew what was coming, “but her state is very serious. She doesn’t have many chances of surviving for long. In the best of cases, if she got it treated in every way we’ve discussed, she could live up to two, three years at most, before a relapse surged. And the relapse would be much worse, the chances of survival minimal. Even though, I think there are always chances of medical miracles where patients suddenly recover, but you should be ready for the worst.”

Chorong felt her heart stop. She had known that, in the bottom of her heart, but hearing it from the doctor in such straight-forward terms was too much for her. She thanked him for his help and hung up as fast as she could, lying on the couch in order to stabilize her breathing, which had become fast and brief. This can’t be happening, she thought. Bomi-ah obviously knows about this and has decided to surrender already. How could she? Chorong was mad, but she also knew exactly what must be going on in Bomi’s mind, how the younger girl must be feeling. And that was even more heart-breaking. She wanted to believe in that small chance of surviving, that miracle they could still try for a better future. But Chorong wasn’t a child; she understood that the odds were against them this time. Really against them.

Her first decision was to look for Bomi. She was obviously not at the hospital, so where was she? Chorong tried calling her girlfriend, but she went straight to voicemail.

“Bomi-ah… why are you doing this to me?” She muttered to herself.

Bomi wouldn’t pick up no matter what, so Chorong sent a text message to Eunji telling her about the situation and grabbed her jacket and the car keys on her way out. The parking lot was almost empty, her Mini one of the only cars parked there, so it made it easier to get out. Once she was sitting in front of the steering wheel, she realized she didn’t know where she was going. And that’s when she got a text from Eunji, telling her that the members would all split out and go look for Bomi.

Chorong looked at Eunji’s message, and suddenly she knew where she was going.

I’m going to the river. That’s the place where she usually goes to think. Text me if you get anything on her; I’ll call you later. – Chorong

∼

“Where are we going, Bomi-ah?”  Chorong just let her girlfriend pull her hand into some specific direction, no idea where they were going. Bomi had just asked her to get in the car and then out of it when they arrived at some green zone near the Han River. Chorong hadn’t been there in ages, since she was a trainee and had free time. But for some reason, her girlfriend seemed to frequent this place a lot.

“This is my special place.” Bomi looked at Chorong, her eyes bright. “This is where I come to think when I need calm and silence. This is where I came to think about you.”

Chorong tilted her head so she was looking straight into the younger girl’s eyes.

“You really thought about me, right?” Chorong’s joking tone made Bomi laugh light-heartedly. “You must really care.”

“Of course I do, unnie. That’s the reason we’re together, after all. Not because of you, that’s for sure.”

Chorong shook her head at that, but Bomi just shrugged it off and kept walking, the leader trailing behind her. The bridge over the Han River wasn’t lit up even in the middle of the night, the few scattered streetlights poor for them to see each other properly. And the wind… the silence wasn’t uncomfortable because of the breeze.

Bomi waited for her, and the two girls walked hand-in-hand across the bridge. They stopped right in the middle, the two girls staring at the immensity of the city right in front of them. Chorong shivered because of the wind, and when she felt a pair of arms embracing her waist her heart beat in comfort. That was what being in love felt like. A heart beating in a certain direction; someone’s direction.

She turned around to face Bomi and hugged her tightly, protecting each other from the cold breeze of the evening.

“I am glad we’re together.” Her lips were warm against Bomi’s cheek. “Because of you.”

∼

“How is she missing?” Hayoung was almost shouting. “How can she be missing?”

“Hayoung-ah, lower your voice!” Eunji ordered, and the maknae shut up. “Keep calm.”

“How can we be calm in a moment like this?” Namjoo chipped in.

Naeun was the only one staying quiet, staring at the message in Eunji’s phone screen. I’m going to the river. And where should they go?

“Unnie, we should go and look for her,” she suggested, standing up from the couch. “We’re not helping by sitting around complaining and arguing.”

“You’re right.” Eunji stood still. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s go.” Namjoo grabbed Hayoung’s hand and walked her towards the door, throwing the dorm keys at Eunji while making their way out.

“We should go to the company,” Hayoung suggested. “She loved spending time on the rooftop.”

“I don’t really think she’d be there, after everything that’s…” Naeun cut herself. “But we should check it out either way.”

Eunji nodded and linked hands with her girlfriend. The weight in her stomach wasn’t lifting any time soon; until they found Bomi, nothing would be okay.

∼

Chorong was walking next to the Han River when she saw her. Her poor heart almost stopped beating when she saw Bomi sitting on the edge of the bridge, above her, so close to the emptiness of a sure fall that would lead to death.

Bomi was leaning forward, her face buried between her arms, her shoulders shaking. She was crying. But why would she? The bridge was her place of thinking, her place of intimacy and silence where no one would bother her. Chorong wanted to text Eunji and say she’d found the girl, but she wouldn’t dare take her eyes off her. She wouldn’t do anything stupid, right? There is no reason for her to… No, Chorong, don’t think about that.

The situation suddenly changed. Bomi opened her eyes, standing at the edge of the cliff, over the rough and fast water of the Han River. She opened her arms, like she was embracing some heavenly situation that Chorong couldn’t see, and she bent her knees slightly, preparing for a jump.

Chorong’s eyes opened in shock. No. She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t. Would she?