(credit to the picture owner from Tumblr)

 

Hi everyone i'm back ^^

Note: Before reading kindly note that i have nothing against Taekai and Taekai shippers. So kindly refrain from posting negative comments.

Main couple: Kaisoo

Breif mentions of: Sulay and Taekai

Genre: Non Au, Angst, Drama, InsecureSoo & fluff

Words: 3, 845

Kindly ignore grammatical mistakes. ^^

---

Jealousy is such a strong emotion that literally makes everything you see bitter. It’s such a strong emotion that you can’t control it, even if the person you love assured you that there’s nothing, you'll still feel insecure and become sour. Currently this is my state, I, Do Kyungsoo a person who rarely lets his emotions get the best out of him, literally let himself dwell in the feeling jealous, why? Because a certain someone was getting overly friendly with his best friend. Its harmless I know, I understand no scratch that I can’t understand! How can 2 people who were once together, shared so many things, eventually broke up, still act friendly? I feel somehow apprehensive as once this best friend was once occupying the place in his heart. It’s not my place to say anything but still how can you? Is there still some lingering feelings between these 2? Do they still feel something for each other? Am I the one who came between them?

 

 

“Aish!”

 

 

My head was pounding with all these negativities in my head. Why am I overthinking on this? I should concentrate on my schedule for my movie but yet I am here analysing everything. I sighed and laid my head back against the couch, while raising my hand to massage my temples. Somehow I was feeling guilty, I wasn’t acting normal around Jongin. I mean it’s not entirely his fault yet I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him properly, I was plainly rude to him these last few days and being the sensible guy that he is he let me be, thinking that it was my schedule that was making me cranky. Last night he wanted to cuddle with me so that he can sleep, but what I did, I pushed him away claiming that I was feeling hot even if the Ac was on, the hurt look on his face made my heart drop, yet he smiled, muttered sorry and turned his back to me.

 

It’s hurting me to inflict him so much pain, but what can I do? I was never a person who could deal properly with jealousy and insecurity. I felt like by hurting him I could find relief but no! Instead it’s hurting me more, yet I can’t bring myself to talk to him properly. I guess the others sensed the tense atmosphere around us, as they’ve been sending us sympathetic looks even if they don’t exactly know what happened. But the eyes of a leader can’t be deceived as I saw that that knowing look he was giving me as soon he saw me sitting alone in the living room.

 

 

“Can we talk soo?”

 

 

Even if I wanted to tell him to leave me alone I couldn’t, I needed someone to share this chaotic issue of mine

 

 

“Hmmm”

 

 

He nodded and sat next to me, we both stayed quiet for a few seconds, then he took a deep breath and said

 

 

“Kyungsoo what the hell is going on between jongin and you? You’re here racking your brains and there’s him spending most of his time overworking the dance routines! Can you tell me what did you do?”

 

 

I widened my eyes then glared at him

 

 

“Me?”

 

 

He pointed an accusatory finger at me and said

 

 

“Yes you kyungsoo as far as I know it’s not jongin, as if it was him he would have begged for your attention and ask for forgiveness, which is not the case! So would you please tell me what the hell is wrong before I have a breakdown with all this sickening stress!”

 

 

I clasped and unclasped my hands on my lap, wondering how can I explain it to him, but before I could do that he beat me to it

 

 

“I noticed that after we shared the stage with SHINee, most precisely after Taemin and kai interaction you turned sour! Is it what’s bothering you?”

 

 

I cautiously nodded,

 

 

“Oh for god sake kyungie you know there’s nothing between them they’re just friends! F-r-i-e-n-d-s! Why are you ing about this now? Even if you know that jongin loves you not him”

 

 

“Exactly! Jongin loves me now but what about the part where he loved taemin before me! How about the fact that they were always together that people began to have an impressiom that they were in a relationship which was clearly the case! How about the part where they spent all their time in the studio and slept together there! How about the part where they once shared their dreams together and were thinking about their future together! How do you expect me to understand that after spending all these things together, they broke up and are now still friends! How can you be so sure that there still no lingering feelings between them! Did you see jongin? Did you see how happy he is when he is with taemin, he is so alive, he is genuinely happy! So you don’t have right to tell me that I’m ing about this okay! Clearly you don’t understand as you’ve never been in this ty situation! So kindly shut the up when you don’t understand how I feel!”

 

 

I was now trembling with anger, suho was quiet all this time, though he had a concerned look on his face, still he managed to speak

 

 

“You’re right I don’t know anything about this but what about the part that even after jongin once loved taemin, he now entirely belongs to you. He loves you and can do anything for you just to see you happy? Kyungsoo don’t be blinded by the past, or else you’ll be missing the best time in your present. Taemin was his past, but he chose you, you’re his boyfriend, the man with whom he wants to stay in the future. Why are you overthinking this?”

 

 

I brought my hands to my face and sighed heavily and then looked at suho,

 

 

“Maybe I’m overthinking it. But you and I both know that I’m the reason that they broke up in a way. If I didn’t appear they would’ve been still together, if I didn’t confess, taemin and him would’ve still been together. I feel guilty okay! I know how much they loved each other but I wanted kai for myself and didn’t think twice and just confessed, and what he did was accept my feelings! In the end I just separated them didn’t I? I know that jongin loves me a lot, he can do anything for me but what about taemin? Didn’t he cry when jongin broke up with him? Wasn’t he hurt? Still he is such an amazing person that he didn’t even blame me for anything instead he accepted our relationship wholeheartedly. I can still see the love shine in his eyes when he sees jongin or even when they share the stage together. I don’t even know what can I do? I feel so guilty but I love jongin, I love him so much! I want to let him go but the selfish me wants him to be with me! I’m lost”

 

 

All this time suho held my hand and squeezed it lightly, but before he could talk jongin appeared out of nowhere, I momentarily felt scared that he heard me, but he was neutral,

 

 

“Suho hyung I’m going to meet taemin. I’ll be late. See you”

 

 

With that he spared me a last glance and then went away, I could feel my breath getting shallow, this look that he gave me meant something yet I couldn’t decipher it.

 

 

“Kyungsoo stop crying!”

 

 

“Y-you heard h-him! Y-you heard what h-he s-said”

 

 

“Ssshhh I heard. Calm down kyungie, calm down”

 

 

With that he hugged me and began to rub my back comfortingly,

 

 

“Kyungsoo if hyung tells you something would you please listen to him?”

 

 

I nodded, he took a deep breath and said

 

 

“Talk it out with him before its too late kyungsoo. Unwillingly or willingly you’re pushing him towards taemin. Just talk to him, he needs some explanation too. Otherwise if you’re feeling guilty like this… break.. Break up with him!”

 

 

I gasped and pulled back from the hug and looked at suho disbelievingly

 

 

“W-what are you saying?”

 

 

“I only said what I think is right. If you’re feeling guilty and will feel insecure each and every time you’ll see them together better break up with him rather than being like this.”

 

 

With that suho got up and joined yixing hyung who just came home, he gave suho a disapproving look and then gave me a little sympathetic smile, before dragging the leader away.

 

 

~-~

 

It was already half past one in the morning and jongin wasn’t back home yet, and I was getting more and more anxious. I was sitting by the window and was looking at the traffic but yet my mind was stuck on what suho told me. Breaking up, I never had the thought in my mind before but now the possibility that it can happen is making my stomach churn in anxiety. I sighed while closing my eyes, but soon the bedroom’s doorknob sound made me open my eyes, while turning around I saw jongin who was standing awkwardly and was now looking at me

 

 

“Uh hyung why aren’t you asleep yet?”

 

 

With that he proceeded to take off his pullover and threw it on the bed,

 

 

“Not sleepy.” Because I was thinking about us that’s why.

 

 

He briefly looked at me and nodded, he was now sitting on the bed and took out his mobile while tapping away something,

 

 

“So you had fun with Taemin?”

 

 

He averted his eyes to me and then nodded

 

 

“Yea we did had a great laugh together and ate loads of food. So yea it was fun”

 

 

I smiled lightly while seeing his face lightening up with the prospect of spending time with Taemin,

 

 

“That’s good. Atleast you had a great time”

 

 

I nodded to myself and averted my eyes to him again, he was now smiling at his mobile, needless to say it’s been a while since I last saw him smile so beautifully, narrowing my eyes at him while pursing my lips together, I closed my eyes and whispered

 

 

“Jongin what would say if I told you I want to break up with you?”

 

 

I was afraid, I’m sure my voice cracked, but still I had my eyes tightly close, afraid to see his expression, I wasn’t ready to face him, but still the deafening silence was scaring me more, tentatively I opened my eyes and locked my eyes with him, his eyes were wide open and his lips were pressed tightly against each other, he looked bewildered yet hurt,

 

 

“H-hyung what are you even saying?”

 

 

“I thought about it since a while jongin ah. Maybe it’ll be better if we break up.”

 

 

He immediately threw his mobile on the bed and rushed towards me and sat next to me while cupping my face, his expression was hurting me, he was so hurt right now I could tell

 

“Baby why are you saying this? Did I do something wrong? If I did forgive me. But please don’t tell me you want to break up! Anything but that! Please tell me if I did something that made you angry I’ll rectify it, I promise I will try”

 

 

I placed my hands over his and said

 

 

“N-no it’s me—“

 

 

“What do you mean? Did you c-cheat on me—“

 

 

“NO! God no! Never! I’ll never be able to do this! Jongin it’s difficult to put it in words, i love you okay, and I love you a lot. But there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s me I’m stupid, I’m feeling guilty I just… I don’t want to make you suffer any longer jongin”

 

 

He let go of my face and then backed away a little from me, still keeping his gaze on me

 

 

“What do you mean hyung? You don’t want to feel guilty? You don’t want to make me suffer? Where is all that coming from?”

 

 

I took a deep breath and said

 

 

“Jongin do you still love Taemin?”

 

 

He gasped and then furrowed his eyebrows at me

 

 

“What sort of question is that hyung? Of course I don’t! Is it because I went to spend some time with him earlier---- Wait! Is it about taemin and me again? Hyung how many times did I tell you that there’s nothing between us! I don’t love him maybe I did before but not now I only have you baby just you! What should I do to make you believe me when I say I only love you and not him?”

 

 

“Then why jongin? Explain me why you guys are overly friendly with each other even when you guys broke up? Why do you seem genuinely happy with him when you guys are together? Why do your eyes shine literally when you’re with him and vice versa? If there’s no lingering feelings between you 2 then maybe I’m just being delusional!”

 

 

“Yes you are hyung! You’re being delusional!”

 

 

I widened my eyes, jongin never raised his voice when he talked to me and yet now he’s literally yelling at me

 

 

“I’m genuinely happy around him it’s because we share the same passion, which is dance! I’m happy to dance next to him as we both know that this is what we live for! And you’re questioning our friendship well let me tell you one thing, yes maybe there’s some platonic lingering feelings between us but the one who owns my heart is you. Since we debuted I was smitten by you hyung, you meant something for me, even if I was scared of you at first, I was still attracted to you. So when you confessed to me I couldn’t help but say yes, but at that time Taemin and I already broke up even before you confessed to me. So there’s no need to feel guilty or whatsoever you were never the reason we broke up, him and I both understood that we weren’t meant to be together so that is why we settled on being friends! Baby there was only you and it’s always gonna be you who own my heart, there’s no taemin or no one else its only you just you.”

 

 

By that time I was bawling my eyes out, all my insecurities, my guiltiness, my frustration was coming out. Why did I deserve someone like him? Why does he need to love me to this extent? This is ridiculous!

 

 

“Hey hyung uljima”

 

 

And soon those arms that always make me feel secure was wrapped around me, I pressed my head against his chest and held on tight to his shirt,

 

 

“I-I’m s-sorry that I hurt y-you for the past f-few days! I’m truly s-sorry”

 

 

He pressed a kissed on the top of my head and began to rub my back comfortingly

 

 

“It’s okay baby, its okay. Next time don’t scare me like this by saying that you want to break up with me, I could have a panic attack right now. Next time if you feel like this, talk it out with me will you? I’m your boyfriend not a stranger, if something is weighting down just tell me, don’t keep it to yourself neh?”

 

 

I rubbed my face against his chest and then detached myself from the hug, I looked at him, his eyes were full of tears,  yet I knew how much he was holding it in so that he doesn’t cry, without giving too much thought into it I pressed my lips on his, and tentatively placed little pecks on his plump lips, after a few seconds he reacted and we both started to kiss fervently, it’s been so long since we kissed like this but right now this moment was blissful.

 

~-~

 

After the heart to heart talk and the brief make out session, jongin and I were cuddled up close to each other on his bed, my head tucked under his chin and his arms were wrapped tightly around me, I was contemplating this moment, and sighed blissfully,

 

 

“Hyung I will never accept that you and I won’t have a happy ending! Scratch that I don’t want to have an ending, I just want you to myself forever, and so you better stick to me okay?”

 

 

I smiled and pressed a peck on his jaw line

 

 

“Of course, I guess after all these years being with you it’ll be difficult to remove you completely from my system. So I better stick to you.”

 

 

He chuckled but then caught me off guard

 

 

“But yet the idea of breaking up with me crossed your mind and eventually you voiced it out.”

 

 

I bit my lips in guiltiness,

 

 

“I’m sorry jongin ah. I’ll never say this again. Saranghae.”

 

 

“Me too. Noemu saranghae. So much that it hurts”

 

 

“Pabo”

 

And with that we again became quiet, and to be honest I was a bit tired, with all this emotional stress I could feel myself drained out of all my energy, and now jongin rubbing my back wasn’t helping me much, as it was making me fall asleep, so this is what I did, I closed my eyes, and could faintly hear the soft thumping of his heart beats, which was making me feel calm, after I was half way in numbness I heard him saying something

 

 

“Baby who told you about the break up thing? I know you’ll never think of that by your own.”

 

 

“S-suho”

 

 

And that was it I was completely knocked out, but I guess I missed the grumble of jongin saying “this hyung needs to watch his mouth” and a soft “sleep well love”.

 

~-~

 

After a good night of sleep, I opened my eyes and found out that I was alone on the bed which is quite weird as jongin always sleeps till late, I pouted at the idea of not seeing his sleepy face, however before I could do anything I heard loud voices booming in the living room, I ran out of our shared room and saw that lay hyung was acting like a protective shield between suho and Jongin. Suho had a scared expression on his face and was saying sorry repeatedly, Lay hyung who was between them, was half assuring suho that he got him and was scolding jongin for hitting his loved one, yet jongin was still trying to hit the latter who was pretty much protected from lay’s body

 

 

“Kai ah I told you I’m sorry! Mianhae I never intended to tell him that but he was so miserable.. you were so miserable that's why I suggested it.”

 

 

I rapidly ran towards jongin and grabbed his armwhile pulling him away from the elder, he looked at me and then threw a glare at suho yet again, but didn’t make any move to hit the latter again, he bend his head down while holding my hand tightly, he sighed and looked up

 

 

“Do you even realize what damage you could have done hyung? Kyungsoo is everything to me! He’s the reason why I’m happy every day, he is part of me, just like dancing which is like living part of me, Kyungsoo is the same, he is the one that keeps me sane, and he is the one that brightens my days. How could you even suggest that he should break up with me! How could you? Hyung just like Lay hyung is your everything the same goes for me when it concerns Kyungsoo. If there’s no kyungsoo besides me there’ll be a dead jongin, a jongin who’ll be breathing but will forget how to live. So please hyung before you suggest those nonsensical things please remember that it concerns people’s feelings.”

 

 

I was moved by what jongin said, I could feel myself getting emotional again and somehow feeling a bit guilty for what I did, I glanced at Suho who was already looking guilty, and I could tell that he was on the verge of crying, yet Lay managed to saved him from saying anything else, he advanced towards us while looking genuinely apologetic

 

 

“Jongin and Kyungsoo mianhaeyo for the trouble caused by joonmyun. I believe that he wanted to spare you both from being miserable. But I guess his way of doing it was wrong, and if someone suggested him to break up with me and I got to know that I believe I would’ve the same reaction. But jongin please forgive him, he was just concerned about you 2. He didn’t mean any harm, so please jongin ah, kyungsoo ah forgive him”

 

 

Jongin looked at yixing and then glanced at suho he sighed and said

 

 

“Just this once I’ll forgive you hyung. That’s because I respect you a lot”

 

 

And with that he went back in our room, I glanced  his retreating back and then looked back at them, I smiled lightly and said

 

 

“Kamsahamnida lay hyung for everything. And suho hyung its okay no need to fret for it. Jongin already forgave you so did I so please no need to feel guiltier”

 

 

They both nodded and smiled at me, I nodded and went back in my room, jongin was now seated on the bed and was pouting, I smiled lightly and then sat down on his lap, he briefly looked at me with raised eye brows, I chuckled and pinched his nose lightly causing him to whine

 

 

“H-hyung!”

 

 

His whine was so endearing  that I smiled widely and pinched his puffy cheeks,

 

 

“Aigoo nini is looking so cute right now that I want to bite his cheeks”

 

 

He gasped, and I could see that he was blushing a little

 

 

“Baby stop! You’re weird when you act so cheesy! Acting cheesy is my role not yours”

 

 

“Aish paboya! Still I could never think that you’ll hit suho hyung. You’re quite unpredictable huh jonginnie”

 

 

“Of course I’m unpredictable. He never had the right to tell you this so this why I tried to hit him. Kyungie i said it once and I’m gonna say it once again, you’re my everything, you mean a lot to me and I can never express it in words on how much you mean to me. So I just need you by my side, that’s all I know.”

 

 

I knew what he wanted to say and I know how much it is difficult for him to explain it to me on how much I mean to him. So to cut short I pecked his cheeks lovingly and said

 

 

“I know jongin and I love you for loving me so much”

 

 

He made a duh face and rolled his eyes

 

 

“So yeah now that you know so much, I also want to tell you I love you too a lot”

 

 

“I know”

 

 

“Good”

 

I hugged him fondly, again thinking what did I do to deserve such an amazing person in my life? I now know that I should no longer be pre-occupied by his past, instead I should concentrate on my present and future with him. And all I know is that he loves me so much and I love him too equally and I know that our love will be everlasting.

---

Edited on:06/06/16

So How was it? 

 

Anyways my trip to Singapore and Malaysia was superbly awesome ^^ I really enjoyed it. Also i hope you guys had a great new year with your family and loved ones ^^ And for those who were alone do not worry i'm here ^^

 

Also since the Exo tour started, i've been in bliss and i know all kaisoo shippers were too especially for what happened in Singapore. I was literally squealing when i saw Kyungsoo iniciating the skinship himself. 

  

   

 

I know that some people found their interractions awkward but we should also remember that they've always been a 'behind the scenes couple'. so yep.

 

Anyways their birthday are nearing  so i'll see if i'll be able to write a one-shot soon. 

 

And lastly: Thanks for those who subscribed ^^ and to the new readers do not forget to upvote, subscribe and comment. It means a lot to me.

 

P.s: all gifs used here are not mine so credit to the owners on tumblr.