"Hey baby.. are you awake? Can you hear me?"

I try to open my eyes slowly when i feel my husband's cold hands on my cheeks. When i see his face on my blurred vision, i winch in pain. The pain was overwhelming now that my eyes are fully open.

"Ouch.. what is that pain?"  I forcefully pinch my temple in my attempt to make the pain go away.

"Hey hey hey honey. Dont do that. You are alright. Come here, give me your hands." Sung gyu said as he grab my wrist softly and holding on to them.

"Its only a little bit honey. Hold on. I'll tell the nurse you are awake." He said pressing the emergency button still holding on to my wrist.

"Where am i babe?"

"Hospital, or in my heart if you prefer that?" He smile as he lift the jug to pour water in the empty glass.

"Here honey. Come on, you've been asleep for god knows how long. You must be drained jagi." He carefully help me up and pass me the glass of water.

"But why? What happen? I was watching running man with Sung yeol oppa."

My question was left unaswered as the doctor and nurse came thru the door.

"Hi Mrs.Kim, you are alright and ready to go back. Nothing to worry about. You are just stressed and lack of proper sleep.Your body couldnt handle that, so it gave out on you."  Dr.Seo smile at me gently. He is Woollim's company doctor and he always have taken good care of the boys ever since they debuted. And ever since i married Sung gyu, Woollim CEO Jung Yeop sunbaenim told me that i can visit Dr Seo if anything is wrong with my health.

"When i heard you fainted, i thought you were pregnant. I will be so happy if you were! But turns out its just a false alarm. Wouldnt it be great if you were pregnant Mrs.Kim?" The nurse looks at me happily and i can see alot of hopes in her eyes.

I just smile and nod while looking at my husband's reaction. He just smile, because he knows pregnancy and us having kids is a sensitive issue to both of us. One wants kids, one doesnt.

"Mrs.Kim, please take this prescribtion 3 times daily. Its important for you to finish this. Your body is alot weaker than you think. Can you do that for Mr.Kim who is worried waiting for you for 10 hours to wake up?" Dr.Seo gave my husband a tap on the shoulder while looking at me.

"What?10 hours? Insane. Wow. One thing im sure, i wont be sleeping early tonight. " I smile clumsily thinking how can i sleep that long.

"But thank you Dr.seo for everything and i will eat the medication well."

Dr.Seo nod and shake my husband hand before leaving the room.

"Here, i have pack up everything for you. You are ready to leave , Mrs.Kim. And oh, the next time i see you, i hope there is a little kim in that stomach."
The nurse blush as she bow and leave the room.

Now its only the both of us in the room. My husband wasnt looking at my eyes as he took out my clothes to change out of the hospital clothes. I grab his wrist and pull him to sit on the bed beside me.

"We gotta go honey. Its 10 am, before the sun becomes too strong. Its not good for you." He said still not looking into my eyes.

"What is it? Is it because of  the word pregnancy?"

"What? No. Why the sudden question ? Wait.. are you sure you ok? I need to get you  check again."

"Im not joking. Look at me. Tell me that you wasnt affected by that."

"What do you want me to say? "

"That you are affected when you hear the word pregnancy"

He gave a deep sigh. "Alright, yes im deeply affected. How can i tell the world that my wife dont want to have my kids because of her career? How could i, Yerin ah?"

"What? No wait, you know thats not true! I want to have your kids. You know i do. And its not because of my career. I just think we are still young. Shouldnt we enjoy ourself first?" I reach out to touch his elbow. Any type of skin contact with my husband is good for now as he is still avoiding my eye contact.

He grab my hand and rub it softly. "Yerin ah.. I wish you knew why i marry you. That i want you to be the mother to my children, to grow old together. I wouldnt have ask for anything more. That i love you so much and wish you love me back the same way. That my world revolves around this mad crazy girl named Choi Ye Rin and i wouldnt mind a world with just her. I just wish... you knew" . He gently place my hands on my thigh and get up from the bed.

"Come on, get change. I will wait outside."

He walk out of the room but that doesnt hurt. You know what hurt ? That all these times during our conversation, he still didnt look at me in the eyes. He only do that when he is either sad or hurt. What exactly is he feeling now? Why cant i know just by looking at him just like i normally do?

"Thank you Mr and Mrs Kim. Get well soon Mrs.Kim. and fighting for the promotions Mr.Kim." The nurses hovered over the counter as we complete the registration and payment.

Sunggyu gently held my waist as he helps me to walk to the car ,"Oppa, i can walk on my own. Really." He ignore that and still held on to me.

"And the payment? Why? I thought i was covered too."

"I told them you are my responsibilities, not WOOLLIM."

I just kept quiet at my husband's ego. Kim Sung Gyu.. always a protective freak when it comes to me. Over protective, i mean.

As we reach the car, my husband blocks me from entering the car. I just throw him a confuse look as he grab the small cushion from the back seat and put in on the seat next to the driver seat.

"Here, so your back wont hurt that much." I smile at his actions. Even tho he's mad at me, he still, is of course my little Sunggyu.

As i get comfortable and waiting for my husband to enter the car, my husband phone ring and he close the driver seat's before he picks it up.
It doesnt make me feel insecure as he might just be talking about work. Trust me, being the wife of Kim Sung Gyu doesnt gave me the big pleasure to hear their songs before their fans or knowing their album concept or the lyrics to the songs.
But this time it makes me uncomfortable. He look dissapointed. Like as if the "pregnancy" thing wasnt much to his dissapointment.

He open the door and sit on the driver seat, looking for his keys.

"Honey.. you saw my car keys?"

"Babe.. you are holding to on to it" . I look at his palm as his eyes trace where im looking at.

"Look at me, i dont even have a sense of feelings anymore." He try to laugh it off but i know he wasnt trying to be funny.

"Are you okay? I'll drive if you are tired".

"No honey. Im not tired. You know you could trust me with your life." He smile as he starts driving out the carpark.

"So.. who called?"

"Oh, Dong woo. The boys are worried about you."

"But why you look dissapointed just now when you spoke over the phone?"

"Oh? I didnt. Im just tired."

"But you just said you werent tired".

He sigh, "Maybe i was a little bit tired. Thats all". I didnt respond to him as my eyes glued to the road.

"Do you want to have take away? We will stop to get some porridge if you want."

"No thanks"

"But you need to eat before the medication right jagi?"

"We have instant soup at home right? I will just heat up the soup".

"Its not really a healthy alternative."
 

I paused as he park his car just outside a food street market.

"But its not that bad either."

Sung gyu turn to look at me for the first time since when we are at the hospital. "What do you want honey? Really. Tell me"

I shake my head, taking off my seatbelt.

"Where are you going?"

"You said you wanted to get porridge." I shoot him an annoyed look that i cant imagine me doing it to my husband.

" I'll go, you stay. The heat is not good for you. STAY" He stares at me while leaning forward to put on my seatbelt.

When im finally alone in the car, i let out a high pitch but short scream. I dont really care if people hears me. My body ache and my heart hurts and my head is just in a mess. Im trying to digest why i fainted and then my husband's attitude toward the whole thing is not helping. Without me knowing , tiny bead of tears drop down my cheeks. I instantly wipe it away , afraid my husband would see the pathetic state im in now. Why is this marriage seems not lack of many different things that we cant just sit down and talk about? Why do we have to beat around the bushes to get an answer ? When my husband ask me what do i want, i wish he knew that is exactly what i wanted to ask him right now. I need my brother now, im really going to break down. Im scared. I really need my brother now.

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was inspired by Kanto feat Kim Sung Gyu - What you want . Such a y song, dont you think?

on another note, thank you for the 650 views! wow! i didnt expect that when i first started! and thank you for subscribing too! to all who comment negative and positive comments below , im really grateful. thank you!

*why do you think Yerin doesnt want children? and will they ever get one? if not , what will gyu do?"