I punch in the passcode and slide down the bar carefully. The house seems too quiet. I open the door to be greeted by warm smiles from the managers.

"Oppa, its already 1am and you guys are watching Ultraman? So childish." I come near them to hug them.

Seun Ho oppa smile at me,  "When can we sleep this late ever again?" he laugh heartily.

"Your Jung Wook oppa even think of going home to meet his family." Seun ho oppa mouthed to Jung wook oppa.

"Oh jinja? Then you should oppa. I mean, the boys doesnt have any schedule....". I pause as it hits me that i spoke about something sensitive.

Silence. Ah, this awkwardness talking about not having any schedule.

"Yeah, thats true. I just feel they need me here atleast." Jung wook oppa say getting up to the kitchen.

"But..... forget about that, i bought for you food." He say smilling taking out something from the microwave.

"TA DA!!! Your favourite chicken rice from Yeollang do!!"

I squeak running to him, "Ahhhh go ma wo oppa!!!!When did you go there? Thats 1 hour drive oppa!!!".

"Just now with your Sunggyu. He was acting like a kid not wanting to go out to have dinner at Dong Woo's place with the rest." 

"Ah, pabo. I forget about my husband!" I say slapping my head.

"Oppa help me heat it up, i will be down with our Sunggyu" i tease the both manager while running up the stairs like a kid.

"Ya ya ya yerin! Careful!!!" Seun ho oppa shouted as he shake his head at my actions.

Running up the stairs, i wonder why that grandpa havent come down after hearing the commotions me and the managers make. Wait. Didnt he hear us? Is he sleeping? Probably is.
I open our room's door quietly. That figure, lying motionless on the bed.That back view of his that i miss so much. I crawl up to the bed carefully. I look at my husband closely that our lips can touch anytime. Ah, so good looking. And.. he smells like home. I planted a soft kiss on his left cheek.

"Oppa. Irona." I say as i continue planting kisses on his cheeks.

He twitches. "Yerin ah, is that you?"

I lie down next to him, my hand on his waist and my face on his neck.

"Mmm. Oppa, palli. Irona".

 His eyes open slowly maybe from the heat of my breath on his neck. He turn his head only to kiss my forehead. And he move his nose to my hair, sniffing it. I can feel his smile.

"Ahhh wae... you say you miss me but you only sniff my hair.. you are no fun oppa". I say teasing him.

"Ah, ge re yo? Then what does my baby wants? Me to kiss your... lets say.... this?" He say as he poke my bra lightly.

I squeal getting up and beat his chest .

"Ya!!!! You molester!" i say acting childish.

"If anyone is a molester, its you!!! Palli na wa!!!" He say pulling me back to his chest. His chin is so close to my lips, i take a chance to kiss it lightly while smirking. He close his eyes as i leave small kisses on his chin.I lay my head on his chest making circles with my finger on his stomach.

"Jagi, i really miss you. Dont do this to me." He say carassing my arms.

"Do what oppa? Im just at work." I said.

"Thats the thing. Im fine but i told you i will support you. You dont have to work. And im reminding you again this is your last fashion show." He speak softly while sniffing my hair.

"Ah... this again? I've already ended my contract for modelling but as to not working at all, you know my dream is to be a singer. Oppa, you know i want to work as long as possible so we got much in hand for our future.. furthermore i will be bored at home " i whine.

He put his hand on my chin to lift up my face so that im facing him.

"You wont be bored if we have little us running around." The smile i have dissapear.

I hate this topic the most. He knows it. He is just bringing it up again and again.

"Here you go again.. oppa"

 He cut me off  , "You dont want to have kids now? I know. But when? We have been married for nearly 2 years, i known you for nearly 7 years jagi yaaa!!!".

I snap before he could say anything else , "THATS THE THING! Oppa, we are married for only 2 years. We still have a long way to go! We are too young for this! Look at the other celebrities, they only have kids like after 5 years of marriage."

He went silent. He sigh and move from my embrace.

"Its you, yerin ah. Its not we or us. Its you. You are the one who have a long way to go. You are the one who is too young. Dont even compare us with other celebrities. Are you married to me or them? And dont even make my career as an excuse. When i married you, i have decided to put everything on the line for you. And sadly, you know that. But you deny it because you were too young ? Then why did you marry me? You should be out there and do what people your age do. ONLY 2 years? I guess that doesnt meant anything to you." He squinch his eyes and look away from me. Without waiting for my answer, he walk away from me.

I was taken aback. He never talk to me in a sarcastic way. He never... walk away from me. Was i too much? Did i hurt him this much? Tear swells my eyes as they fall uncontrollably. In my mind, im answering all the questions that he ask but never waited for me to answer.

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Without knowing i fall  asleep from all the crying. I woke up when i hear different voice whispering. It almost sounded eerie. I thought i was dreaming. I open my eyes to see Woo hyun oppa and Dong Woo oppa sitting at the edge of the bed talking discreetly. I move my arms to feel if my husband is beside me. I was dissapointed that he wasnt there. Both of them look at me with a worrisome face.

"Wae? What are the both of you doing here?" I said rubbing my eyes. 

Dong woo oppa look at me ,"Yerin ah.. did you and Sunggyu hyung have a fight?".

I get down from bed to my closet, "Ani..we are fine. Wae? Did he say anything?" . I am tired to explain things to them right now. I just want to shower and speak to my husband.

Woo hyun oppa walk to stand infront of me ,"Yerin ah.. Sunggyu hyung sound and look really hurt when he left just now."

I turn my sight to him ,"So? Does it mean its my fault now? Did the both of you come here to rub more salt to the wound?".

Dong woo oppa puff a sigh, "You are impossible sometimes. Ok, we will leave. And Yerin ah, your eyes are too puffy to lie that nothing happen. Woo hyun ah, ka ja."

Woo hyun oppa just blankly stare at me before he walks away following Dong Woo oppa. Whats with EVERYONE? Am i so IMPOSSIBLE?

I walk down the staircase to the living room after i showered. Hoya oppa and Woo hyun oppa is playing game console and paid ZERO attention to me.

"Do you guys wanna eat?" 

"Nope, we are going out later to eat." Woo hyun oppa said,eyes glued to the tv.

I didnt reply him and when to the kitchen to wash the dishes when all of a sudden, tears start streaming down my eyes. The boys... they are hurting too. They are ignoring me because their leader is hurt because of me. I look at my phone.. no messages or call from him. I wipe my tears away. Maybe.. he just needs time.

I cook chicken herbal soup and kimchi and bulgogi beef and rice even when they say they are going to eat outside

I went up to Hoya oppa's room. Hoya oppa is getting ready and he smile at me as he saw me standing at his door. He signal me to come in and sit on the bed.

"Oppa, are you all not going to eat? I've cook." I said rubbing off dirt on his shirt.

He look me thru the mirror as he adjust his collar ," Did my yerin cook today? I will eat it for supper later. Go ma wo". He said patting my head.

I hug him , "Oppa, do you hate me too?"

He pull out from the hug and look at me, "Yerin, no matter what happen between you and Sunggyu hyung, i wont hate you. Couples fight all the time."

"But Woohyun oppa and Dong woo oppa..."

"Aish, ignore them. You know how they are like. Unlike them, your Hoya oppa knows abit more about couples fight and of course girls". He said as he chuckles softly.

"Is Sunggyu oppa gonna be eating with you all too?".

"Yup, its his idea. I think he wants some boys bonding session." Hoya oppa laugh and take his phone and wallet before spraying his collogne.

"Ok i will go now. And dont eat all the food. I will eat when i come home.. if im not drunk enough. It will be okay ,yerin ah. I promise." He smile kissing my forehead.

I look at him as he walks down the staircase. My husband.. he must be really upset with me. The house is now empty.. i feel so empty. My husband and the boys is not here to pester me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The clock state 8pm and im restless at home alone. I took my phone to call my manager.

"Yes unnie, you need anything?"

"Kate, can you book for me a flight to Jeju like right now?"

"Wae? Why suddenly?Did something happen?"

I sigh. " I want to see the world. Im suffocating in this house. Just please? Jebal?"

"Araso. I will call you back. But you know i cant promise you anything? CEO will kill me if he knows".

"Thanks Kate. Just do your best. I just need to get out."

Kate was afraid of what CEO going to do to her so she plan for me another alternative. She decided to bring me to to a place so familiar it shaken me how witty my manager is.

"Why you didnt call me when you are sad or feeling down? Am i not in your list of people with a good heart?" GD oppa look at me.

"Ani oppa. I just dont want to be a burden."

"Well i tell you now, you are not. We have been family for almost 10 years. There is nothing in this world i wouldnt do for you". He look at me so sincerely. I sometimes wonder how he can stay in this big house on his own?

I went inside the pool for a dive to avoid the conversation. I close my eyes shut as i dive, not giving a care if i were to bump my head on something.

"YERIN AH....PHONE CALL", i hear GD oppa voice but couldnt be bothered. I stick out my head and he look at me in disbelief while holding on to my phone looking at the called ID.

"Dont tell me you had a tiff with your husband? Ahhh boyaaaaa. I thought you were stress about work". He look at me dumb-founded.

I get out from the pool and wrap myself with a towel due to the coldness that suddenly struck me. I took my phone from him, without answering his question.

"Oppa, does it hurt when people you love ignore you?" I brush all the questions he bombared me and ask him instead.

He light up a ciggarate, "Well, it could be totally two different thing. If im ignored by a person i love, i will be sad. But if im the one who ignored them, i will be in pain" .

"Why pain? You choose to ignore them."

"Because pabo, we dont really ignore people we love." he said pouring wine for me.

"So he is in pain now?" I alienly question myself but GD oppa hears it clearly.

"Your husband? Knowing him as the leader of Infinite, he is not. But knowing him as Kim Sung Gyu, probably that boy is hurting so much."

I shiver from the coldness and drink down the wine.

"Oppa can i sleep here tonight?"

Knowing me too well, he didnt question and nod. Im glad i have so many people i can trust and rely on. Im glad i bump into this people in my life. Top oppa, all i need is you now. Stop being so busy and have some time for your little sister. PLEASE.

I wash up and lie on the bed at GD oppa's guest room. I took my phone that were charging since i showered just now and on silent mode. 12 missed call, 18 messages. Hoya oppa, my husband, L oppa, Sungjongie and Woohyun oppa.

From : Hoya Oppa 01.45Am SKT

Where are you?Its 1 Am. And you are not picking up our call. Kate says you went to the cafe at Jamsil with your girl friends?

I smile because Kate acting skill has definately improve

From : My Life 01.15Am SKT

Jagi. Eo di? Did you went to a cafe with some friends?I will pick you up there. Are you still at Jamsil?

From : My Life 01.22Am SKT

I called and they are closed. Means you are not there. Now Kate says she doesnt know where you are. You are not picking up my calls. What is this about?

From : My Life 01.29Am SKT

If its about yesterday,im sorry. I got too emotional about it. You have never ignored me like this. Pick up. The food you cook gone cold. We are waiting for you to eat together.

From : Myung Soo Oppa 01.33Am SKT

Choi Ye Rin. CALL ME BACK. YOU ARE MAKING ME ANGRY

I sigh... im confuse.. why are they like this when they are the one who acted so cold. Then a voice mail came from Woo hyun oppa "Ya ,ppalli jib-e waseo!! What are you thinking doing out there at this hour?are you driving me crazy?". Tsk, that oppa.

To : My Life 02.01Am SKT

Oppa, mian. Im not coming home tonight. Im sleeping over at a friend's home. Dont wait up for me and heat up the food before you eat it.

A call came straightaway after i send the text. I ignore it, tossing the phone beside me. After the call end, a text came in.

From : My Life 02.03Am SKT

Jagi.. come back home. Dont sleep over. Am i spending another night without my wife? Where is ur friend's house? Do i know this friend? I pick you up.

I feel hot tears drown on my own face. I ignored that text msg and force myself to sleep, with my phone still bombared with calls and messages.

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I carefully slide down the bar and push the door. Its 10am, are they still sleeping? I walk to the kitchen to find all my food finished and the dishes done. Then a figure sleeping at the sofa caught my eyes. My husband, what is he doing there? He must be so cold... he must have waited for me. His phone were in his hand. I took a blanket and put in in the tumble dryer to warm it up. I gently put it on top of my husband. I have a schedule today at 3pm. I cant be late. I got up to our room to find it messy with all his clothes on the floor. I was picking up all the clothes when a pair of hand grab me and hug me so tightly from the back. That hand then push me on the bed and hover over me.

"Oppa, what are you doing? That hurts!" I say rubbing my arms.

"Oh? It hurts? I thought you dont feel hurt. Do you now? So didnt i feel hurt when you stay out?!". He was shouting so close to my face that i tilt my head to not directly look at him.

"Oppa, get off me. You are scaring me!" .

He laugh, "no, im not going to. You want me to beg you,to plead you. Is that what you want? Sure!!" he suddenly crash his lips on mine so forcefully i swear i can taste blood. I try to push him away but he force himself. With all the energy left i push him to the side of the bed. I rub of the saliva on my lips as tears starts falling. He on other hand just lay there looking at the ceiling. He comes closer to me, i try to avoid. Im scared.

"Yerin.. come here honey. I wont hurt you. Im sorry. Does it hurt?" He touch my lips as i winch in pain.

"Ottoke yerin ah. I hurt you. Ottoke. Mian. Mian jagi." Tears is falling from his eyes. I close my eyes as he kiss my cheeks and i felt his warm tears on my cheeks.

"I will leave you alone for now. Im sorry." he said as he went out the room. Who is that unfamiliar person?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 weeks later.

"Jagi.. jebal.. i cant lose you. Im losing myself. I will die if i lose you. Jagi.. i wont ask you for children anymore. Please. Take back that seperation appeal. Until the day i die i wont sign it. Its ok if you wont speak to me just dont seperate from me..plese. jebal. Yerin.." i turn around when i hear a thud.

He was on his knees. "Oppa, what the hell are you doing? Get up!!!! That seperation deed was when i was really emotional. I didnt think of it now!! Get up!!!" .

He get up hugging me ,"Jinja yo? Jeongmal??? Gomawo yerin ah. We dont have to have kids. Just the both of us is enough." I can hear sadness from that sentence. He was lying. I hug him back tighter.

"Oppa, shhh. You are too noisy. Just hug me".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a hard month, we decided to go for a short vacation in London to reconcile our feelings.

We were walking casually at the shopping centre in London city when we pass by a children department store. My husband eyes light up. But he immediately change his expression when he saw me looking at him. Its been almost a month, how can he live his life lying that it doesnt matter even if we dont have kids?

The hotel room was luxurios and we both simply awwed by the sight the hotel provides.

"Oppa. Can i say something?" I say as i kiss his cheek and put my hand around his waist.

We both have showered and lying down on the bed but my husband is busy watching soccer on tv.

"Mmmm. What is it honey?" He smile but his eyes glued on the tv.

"Mmm oppa. Im serious. Look at me. Juseyooooo" i pull out my aegyo killer.

"Aigooo. Wae.. hahaha. Deh, jam kan man." He took the remote to off the tv.

He turn to look at me while pushing strands of my hair behind my ears.

"Im ready oppa. I have thought about it. And im ready". I say biting my lips.

"Hmm? Ready for what?" He look at me with wrinkled face.

"For this..." i say as i pull in to kiss his lips. He was clearly surprise but doesnt complain.

He kiss me back so passionately i thought i was going to suffocate. His tounge beg to enter mine. His palm is on my cheek, rubbing it slowly. I moan as i feel the sensation hit up at my lower region. Clearly , he gets what im ready for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oppa.."

"Mmmmm jagi?"
We were in a spooning position after the bold we have, right after i said im ready for a baby. My husband leave kisses on my shoulder.

"Go ma wo."

"For the ? Anytime jagi" he said while chuckling. He pull my shoulder so i turn to look at him.

"But dont ever thank me for what you will be suffering for 9 months." He pull the string of my hair back.

"Will you get dissapointed if i dont get pregnant?"

"No. Its our first try.. so its okay."

"But we will keep trying right?" He look at me with glimpsy eyes.

"Yes oppa. We will keep trying until little yerin is inside my stomach".

"Oh? It suppose to be little sunggyu" he pout.

"Ah wae? You get pregnant and give birth then!"

"Then why not... you get me pregnant?mmm jagi?" He say while closing up on my lips.

"Thats doesnt even make sense oppa!!" I chuckle as i nibble his lower lips.

"Thru your first pregnancy to your second or even third, i will be there for you jagi. I promise i will make this family a very happy one. I promise your mood swings, nausea, giddiness and swellling legs wont go unappreciated. Im sorry jagi, for wanting to make you go thru so much pain for what i want. But i cant wait and imagine an angel that looks like yoou, have your eyes and mostly, your kind heart. And that angel is gonna be ours. I love you Choi Yerin." He was carrasing my cheek as he say what he kept all these while in his heart.

I smile, looking at this angel infront of me. I cant wait, for another one that will light up our life.

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Longest one ever! Oh, its 4th november today! Happiest birthday to TOP from Big Bang :)