2012

You debuted, had a few come backs, top charts songs and album, your own solo concert in Seoul and your first YG Family concert too. LIFE WAS GREAT. You move on from what you had left 2 years ago but never from the person. You can never move on from that particular person.

No calls, no text message, nothing. He have been doing well with INFINITE. Surprisingly, both of you never had music shows together or any music awards that both is present. You honestly wouldnt know how to react if you would see him again. Will you smile or will you look away or will you pull him in for a hug? What will you exactly do?

"You have NO say in this, Yerin. Its final that you are performing at the Mel0n awards." YG, ceo of YG ent look at me as he rubs his palm together to cup his face.

"But..." I stutter only to get cut off by him.

"But what Yerin ah? You love to perform, why is it so difficult now? Is it because you debuted as a model and you get too engross over it?" He frown.

"Aniya.. its just that INFINITE sunbaenim will be there and i.."

He chuckles and get up from his chair to sit beside me on the sofa. "Are you having a fan girl moment ,Yerin ah? Seriously? Because of INFINITE?"

"Ya, do you like any of them? YA YA YA! Dont tell me you are dating secrectly behind my back? Your brother will kill me!" I look at him amused with his antics.

"Old man, please. Stop assuming. And yes, i am one of their BIGGEST fan, talking about them, YES, dont you think Hoya is really really good looking? Have you even seen their new MV? The chaser? No?" I rattle on, even getting up to show him The Chaser dance point.

He scoff , shaking his head. "Whatever. The chaser or you chase them or they chase you, you ARE attending the award show this coming Monday and thats final. The press will release a statement to confirm your attendance later noon"

This COMING MONDAY? What the actual hell?

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The day before Mel0n Awards

Your most googled topic is "How to be invisible?" , "How to ignore someone?" , "Can i just dissapear tomorrow?" .

You are not amused , its tomorrow and you are dragging your feet to practice. Once you reach YG, your brother signals your from far end of where you are standing that he is there "acknowledge me". He was tall enough for you to notice him. He doesnt have to waste his energy to make himself noticeable.

"I heard" He casually starts a conversation while waiting for the coffee machine to fill up the cup.

"What?"

"That you were shy because INFINITE will be there tomorrow. I should have known. You are still not over him huh?" He shift his attention to me. Carefully reading my face like a fortune teller.

"Oppa, you know the answer. Why are you even asking?"

"Well , you knew the boys before they debuted too. So, talk to them instead of Sung Gyu. INIFINITE is not made up of only your Sung Gyu, you know."

"I know that. Its just weird..."

"But you have seen L and Woo Hyun during variety shows, so it shouldnt be as bad."

"Thanks oppa."

"For? Im not encouraging you to talk to him. Its just that the both of you are practically adults now so act like one." He brush my arms and points at the watch. Time to practice.

Tomorrow. Will you be okay?

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Mel0n awards day

You were in your van when you saw many other artist's vans trying to find their way in after dropping of their artists near the entrance so that they can greet the reporters and fans. Your eyes were fix when a familiar body shape drop off from the van infront of you. Your heart beats as you shift in your seat, trying to get a better view.

Sung Gyu. Kim Sung Gyu. The man of your dream, is infront of you. The man that kisses you to sleep, that swore to protect you his whole life, is just aa few steps away from you. He is waving to the fans, stopping to get his photo taken.

"Unnie, lets get off." Grace look at me.

"Wait, do i look okay?"

"Why not? You have a mask over your face" Grace sense of humour again.

"Lets go lets go. The van behind us needs to enter as well."

Grace slide open the van door and i step out, smilling out to fans and bowing to them. I quickly hears "Yerin here" , ''Yerin over here please".

I turn around to find familiar faces of my fans that usually took photos of me at the airport or events.

I smile happily, not thinking that INFINITE is still infront of me, wherever they are. "YERIN,FIGHTING!Bring back alot of awards today!" A fan screams, making me blush and bow at them. But i wasnt the only one who hears that. He hears it too. I saw those pair of eyes looking at me despite him being sneaky about it. He was trying to make eye contact but i cant. Not here. Not like this.The boys were still talking photo when my manager urge me to walk in the venue place faster. She holds my hand as i walk past INFINITE. Walk past Sung Gyu. Funny, but his scent never change. They quickly bow as i walk pass them and i bow back looking at all of them except him.

Rehearsal, sound check and make up is already done. I look at the line up for today and i will be performing a few artists after INFINITE. I close my eyes, trying to absorb everything that happens today. Up till now. A knock on the door startle me.

"Nervous?" Taeyang oppa peeps thru the door.

"No oppa. Its just an award show." I smile at him.

"Liar. Sung Gyu is outside." He tease me, his eyes nearly dissapears.

"Oh, does the whole YG ent knows about this now? That ahjussi really has a big mouth!" I mentally slap him on my mind.

"Yerin ah, we are all your family. If we are not , this so called you fan girling over INFINITE is already spread thru the news". He continues, "Except you are not only a fan girl. You WERE his girl." He smirks at me while specifically highlight the word WERE.

I punch his arms slightly , "SHHHHH oppa. People might hear."

"There is no one here!"

"You are just mean. But being a good dongsaeng, im going to wish you luck for later. Hope Big Bang wins something later." I got up and shows a merong at him.

"No worries there. We always win something. You need the luck more" He wink as he ruffle my neat hair around before turning to open the door.

"Ya! You mean jerk!"

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I sat at the artist waiting area. Daesung oppa sat on the sit beside me after they receive the award for best male group.

The stage dims to signal us that the next artist is about to perform. The music were so unfamilar at first. Then i saw Hoya making an entrance and a solo dance. Remix, i thought. I was a nervous wreck. My first time ever to see Sung Gyu performs after he debuted.

Mianhe ma
Dokhage nal borigo ttonado dwe
Niga wonhandamyon geure Good bye
( Don’t be sorry, you can abandon me spitefully and leave
If that’s what you want, yeah, good bye)

Geunyoreul jikyora
Naritji mothage
Nae nimi gyesin got
Kkeutkkaji garyonda
(Protect her, so she won’t forget me
I will go till the end to the place where my person is)

Mianhe girl
Jolde noran kkeuneul nochin aneulle
Nega ni mam dollilkkoni gwenchana
Gaseum jwi tteutgyodo byolgo aniya
(I’m sorry girl, I don’t ever want to let go of the line that is you
But it’s okay because I will turn back your heart
It’s not a big deal even if my heart is ripped apart)

I dont know why but everytime he sings his part, there is a familiarity. There is a sense of home. Its so comfortable. The producer came to me to inform me to prepare to announce the nominees and the award for the next category. Why do i feel uneasy.

Part two of this next week *hugs and kisses*