This chapter is almost 90% base on true story about me and my high school love, Park Tae Min. He is basically the first guy who told me "Its okay, you will fit here somewhere, if not my heart always has a space to fit you in." . We dated for awhile until we graduated and we went our seperate ways due to our career. He is in the US and im currently in Japan. But whenever we are in Seoul,we will always remember to see each other. Enjoy this chapter! 

Early 2010

"Yerin ah, sorry im late. Have you ordered anything?" Sung gyu pat my shoulder as he took off his cardigan.

I just smile and shake my head.

"Shall we order? Im hungry. What do you want to have?" Sung gyu looks at the menu in his hands , his lips in the process, probably too hungry.

"Mmm, i will have what you have oppa." 

He politely calls for the waitress and make his orders. As soon as the waitress left, he grab my hands and play around with my fingers.

"Yerin ah, how long has it been? 2 weeks? I miss you, really." He says as his eyes lingers on mine.

I smile and rub his fingers, "Me too. I miss you. How is training?"

He puff out his cheeks and rub his face with his hands.

"It was brutal. Like the kids is not even working as hard as the company wants and they shove all the blame on me. Why? Because im the leader. Why have me as the leader?" Sung gyu gave an expression that makes me smile at his b**chy attitude.

The waitress carefully put down the drinks we ordered.

I pick up the drink and have a gulp while looking at him.

"But oppa, you are the one who will go on a hunger strike if they didnt choose you as the leader. But honestly, i think the members choose you because you are the olde..." He spit the water in his mouth at my face.

"Ya ya! Ahhh bo ya!! Oppa!!!!" I frantically try to wipe of the water from my face.

Sung gyu laugh looking at me but holds my hand and use his fingers to wipe off the water on my face.

"That is what you get, Choi Ye Rin, for calling me old." He is still busy wiping off the water as i pout. He casually tap my lips with his fingers and laugh again.

"I will miss you, Yerin ah" . He fiddles with my fingers not looking at me.

We both know what is coming. Where its bringing us. Even when its a thing called "dream" for the both of us, its still hard to achieve knowing time is not siding us. He was just my Sung gyu. My guy that loves to sing but never got recognize. My guy who is happy just to show off his talents to me. But who am i kidding? Some day he got to show it off to everyone. He wants to be recognize. He wouldnt want to forever be my Sung gyu whom the world doesnt realize his talents. And i have to let go. I have to let my Sung gyu go.

I rub his cheeks with my hand as he close his eyes and sigh.

"I will miss you more oppa. But this is for the both of us isnt it? We both wants this as much as we want each other."

"You would forget me once you debut. YG is such a high standard agency. You will be very busy being perfect for them. My Yerin will be perfect for them." Sung gyu says as he sigh once more.

The food arrived and we just plainly look at the food. We were hungry just a minute ago. Atleast he was. But now even tho when it smells really nice, it has to attraction. 

"Come on, lets eat. We are such a drama couple. We should act together after we debut." Sung gyu laugh as he blow the hot food and gesture me to eat.

The words i wanted to say in my heart is too much even for myself to say. I will miss him. So much, im sure it will hurt me. I assure myself that it will be okay. We both are just going to be chill about the whole situation. That Sung gyu and me will be able to go thru those hardship of being in love as idols. We have to. No, we must. We must never be apart. I will break, Sung gyu oppa. So please, dont ever let go. 

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Do note that from here on is a real conversation between me and Tae Min many years ago before both he leave for the US. Only i change a little bit to fit the story and to Sung Gyu's character. 

My eyes was fix to the TV. I dont really know what i was watching. Maybe its a comedy. Maybe its a chaebol drama. Maybe its a music show. I dont know. I grab the blanket and wrap myself warm. Was it January? It was cold. Living with my brother is some how disturbing. Him being in a popular group and me training in the same company as him is too much of a hassle. He is not home tonight, maybe in the studio, writting some songs.

Its was 9pm as i glance at the digital clock beside the TV. Should i call Sung Gyu? He must be busy practising as their debut is near. Very near. Too near. I dial his number anyway.

It took him quite some time to pick up. As i was just about to hang up, his voice beam over the phone.

"Hey Jagi. I will be there in a half an hour, okay?"

"What? You didnt tell me you were coming. I mean you can come by? Did they let you?"

"Errr, yeah they did. Mmm talk later jagi. Bye bye". 

He hang up before i could answer. Half of me was elated that i got to see him. Half was sad because i know he wont stay for long.

I remember that night fondly. I showered, wore my denim jeans and a black hoodie. Thats how Sung gyu likes it. Simple.

It wasnt long until i hear my intercomm signalling me i have a guest. And my guest happens to look hot with black jeans and a white sleeveless. 

Sung gyu hugs me tightly as soon as he saw me. I smile, as i bury my face to his chest. Taking in the faint smell of his cologne.

"Lucky you, i decided to atleast wipe my armpits." He chuckles as he get off from the hug.

"Oppa, you are disgusting!"

"But you love me anyway."

"Yeah, i would love you always." I join him to sit on the sofa.

His eyes gets smaller as he hears the sentence.

"Please do, Yerin ah." He mumbles but im sure i heard him

"Hmm oppa? What? Why are you mumbling." 

He turn to look at me as he grab my waist. 

"Please do love me. Always. Dont.. dont ever stop." His eyes slowly fall from mine.

"Of course i will always love you. Silly." I move forward to kiss his cheek.

"I have something i need to tell you, jagi." He take a deep breath, carassing my waist. 

I know this day would come. The day he says he have to stop seeing me. That this relationship will be a secret and no one must know about it. That his career is going to take off and mine too. That my Sung Gyu wont be mine anymore. I never stop looking at his eyes. I dont know when i will ever see that face again.

"Okay. What is it?" My voice was soft. Because any louder and my tears will fall.

"I love you,jagi. I really do. We come so far together. I known you for so long. And i dont even think that i have to do this someday." He look at me and hold my chin so our eyes meet.

"We have always has the same dream. But we never think of going this far to achieve it. Then i saw how your brother become from nothing to almost everything. I saw how he work so hard to achieve his dreams. But what moves me was how hard he works to give you a better life. And that is what i want to do. To give you a good life."

He sigh before continuing, "You do understand.. why we have to stop this relationship do you? Im debuting in a few months and you might be debuting anytime soon. I wanted to be selfish and just says from the start that i have a girlfriend but damn jagi, its not only my dreams here. Its 6 other guys dreams in my hand. They are all depending on me. For me to lead them step by step. I couldnt.. i cant bear to betray those innocent dreams. But i love you, Yerin ah. I will never stop. We.. we can still call each other every now and then but you know the chance of us meeting is zero to none.. but if along the way you find yourself another man, its okay. I would understand."

The tears betrayed me. By now, i was crying rivers but its a silent one. He look at me lovingly, wiping my tears away. I remembered his face clearly. How he wants to look strong infront of me.

"I.. i... dont cry yerin ah.. i.." he hiccups as his tears stroll down his cheeks. 

"What can i do. How i can i be such a bad guy doing this to you. How can i tell you dont find or love some other guy because that will destroy me. How it hurts me to imagine you needing me and im not there. How i would want to see your face in the crowd holding my fan board. How proud i am when you debuted and will be love by everyone. How jealous i will be when other male idols hovering over you. And all that, still i cant hold your damn hands and tell the world you are mine."

Sung gyu words got stuck as his tears choke him up.

After all his words, i still havent figure out what i wanted to say to him. I just cry. And cry some more.

I finally take his hands and put in on my chest , right where my heart it. He look up to me, still with small hiccups and tears.

"Oppa. I have love you ever since i could remember. And i will always do. We have to do this right? Right?"

He shake his head profusely refusing to look up to me. "We dont have to. We can run away now to some where. We dont have to be idols."

"What are you saying,oppa. You are so frickle minded. Come here, hug me"

I hug him as his face rest ob my shoulders. I could feel his tears wetting my hoodie. 

"Ya, after all i said how can you be so calm? Dont you.. dont you love me anymore?" Sung gyu runs his hands thru my hair and tightening the hug.

I smile weakly before answering to his questions, "Because i know that my Sung Gyu will come back for me one day. Because i know my Sung Gyu is worth the wait. Because i love you."

His cry gets louder almost filling up the entire apartment.

I dont know how long we stay like that. Crying, kissing, hugging, repeatedly saying i love you. What i remembered was when i was awake, he wasnt there. He was gone. But i know i will see him again.

I know this might be a little to personal to write but i feel it blends well with the chapter before Sung Gyu and Ye Rin debuts. I have a surprise for the next chapter, anyone can guess what? ^ω^ 

*Happiest birthday Park Tae Min( Dec 2nd 1990). Gosh, time does flies*