for Yeol_is_love.

this chapter surrounds the topic of seasonal affective disorder.

Myungsoo woke to his phone vibrating on the mattress beside him and squinted to make out the caller ID. He slipped a hand out from the warmth of his blanket and lazily tapped the green button. "Morning, Yeol."

"Morning!" Sungyeol's voice was just as warm as always. "Did you just wake up? Can I come over right now?"

"Mm, yeah. Sure."

"I'll be there in fifteen. Try not to fall back asleep, okay? You'll have to buzz me in."

"Okay," he yawned, "I'll get up now."

"Yeah, see you soon."

He ended the call and sat up slowly, still tired and groggy. He spent a few minutes checking the notifications on his phone – mostly messages from Sungjong and Dongwoo, asking if he wanted to go out. They extended the offer every weekend, even though Myungsoo rarely accepted, but he knew that they were just trying to make sure he was doing alright. Most days it was a battle to get out of bed, let alone out of the house.

Myungsoo stood slowly, stepping into his slippers and heading to wash up, not bothering to make the bed. In the bathroom, he ran the water until it was warm, then took his time washing his face. It had been a while since his last shower, and he felt gross, but getting himself into the shower always seemed difficult until he was actually there, warm water washing away all of his tension and carrying it down the drain. Just as he finished brushing his teeth, he heard the intercom buzz.

Sungyeol greeted him with a huge smile and a bag of groceries. He shuffled into Myungsoo's apartment, chattering about a neighbourhood cat he'd seen on his walk over. Then, he made a pot of coffee and sat Myungsoo at the kitchen table with a steaming mug in front of him while he prepared breakfast. The whole time, as he chopped fruit and popped frozen waffles in the toaster, he never stopped talking to Myungsoo, filling the space with life.

It was always like this with Sungyeol – comfortable and warm, judgement free and no questions asked about the last time Myungsoo had gone outside or done his laundry or attempted to cook a meal for himself. That was what made Sungyeol so special. He seemed to fully understand why Myungsoo got like this during the colder months of the year, and, even more than that, he was always there to guide him through all of it.

Sungyeol sat down next to Myungsoo and slid a plate in front of him. Waffles drizzled in strawberry syrup, and an array of fruit on the side.

"Thank you, Yeol."

"No need. Somebody has to make sure you don't get scurvy, right?"

Myungsoo smiled and bumped Sungyeol's shoulder with his own before digging in.

After breakfast, Sungyeol the TV to Sunday soap-operas and started on the dishes that had piled up in the sink. He looked up, pleasantly surprised as Myungsoo came to stand beside him, pulling on the extra pair of rubber gloves to help rinse. They finished the job quickly together, occasionally joking about the drama going down on the TV.

"Want to go take a shower?"

Myungsoo smiled, "Yeah, it's time I did."

"I'll leave the hamper right outside the door, just drop your clothes in right before you shower."

Sungyeol really was just too good to him. While Myungsoo took his time washing away the dirt on his skin, Sungyeol stripped the sheets off the bed and picked up the socks and shirts that cluttered the floor, piling them onto the already-full hamper. He tossed everything into the washing machine and got it running, then went to dress the bed in fresh sheets.

By the time Myungsoo stepped out of the bathroom, Sungyeol had settled down in the living room, growing more invested in the plot of a drama marathon by the minute. Still, he turned to look at Myungsoo as he entered the room, lowering the volume on the TV until it was nothing but a soft drone. "Come, sit with me, talk to me."

Myungsoo complied, settling down and leaning into Sungyeol, who threw a blanket over both of them. "What do you want to hear about?"

"Anything you want to talk about."

He hummed, thinking about what he should say. "I wish winter would end."

"It'll be over soon, though; it's already March."

"Well, yeah, but it'll still be cold for the rest of the month." He sighed, sinking further into Sungyeol's side,

"You're right. But summer will come again."

"And so will winter."

Sungyeol chuckled, "Yeah, it will. But we don't have to think about that for now."

"But I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I just– I get so bad in the winter, you know? And it's not fair," he sat up a little to face Sungyeol better, "It's not fair to you, how much you do for me, and I just sit here and take it all but I don't give anything back, but I don't know what to do because I feel like I don't even know how to take care of myself, I'm an adult and I should be looking after myself, but I–" he squeezed the blanket in frustration, "I feel like I can't, and it makes me feel so stupid. All I do is act like a child, and you do my dishes and laundry and you even cook for me most weekends, and I'm taking advantage of it."

"Myungsoo, hey, it's not like that. You can't control how you get in the winter, and we both know that. It's not your fault that you lose energy and motivation. It's just that I'm here to make sure you get through it. That's all I'm doing; helping you through it until spring comes again. You don't have to feel like you're taking anything from me. Just knowing that you're making it through alright is enough for me."

He scowled, still upset and nowhere near convinced. "Am I really making it through alright, though? I've probably gained ten pounds in the past two months alone, because all I do when I'm home is sit around and eat junk and watch dramas and throw pity parties for myself."

"It's all about what you make of it. Personally, I don't think your weight gain shows much. Sure, your face is a little fuller, but you've always been slim to start, so it doesn't seem like a huge problem." Sungyeol watched Myungsoo roll his eyes, and continued to explain, "Yeah, maybe the fact that it's caused by unhealthy foods is bad, but it's not putting you at any large risk. And what's wrong with watching dramas? They keep your mind off everything else; they're good for you."

Myungsoo stared down at his lap, picking little lint balls from the blanket.

"Hey, let's go for a walk. It's not too cold out today, I'll take you to the music store with the cats. It'll be good for you, I promise."

Sungyeol made sure Myungsoo was layered up in multiple sweaters and pairs of socks, and then they set out to get some fresh air.

The air wasn't too cold, true to Sungyeol's word. Myungsoo closed his eyes for a moment as they waited for the crosswalk light to change, relishing the warm sunlight, getting lost in the red-orange spots swimming behind his eyelids. Sungyeol brought him back to reality, gently taking his arm to lead him across the street. They spent the rest of the afternoon in the music shop, flipping lazily through albums, but mostly doting on the owner's cats that roamed the store freely. The shopkeeper didn't seem to mind their loitering, engrossed in updating the shelves with new inventory.

It was still early in the evening when they returned home, but the sun had already gone down, leaving the sky a dim shade of grey that grew darker by the minute. Sungyeol took Myungsoo's clothes from the dryer and sat on the couch as he folded them, humming an old song he'd been reminded of back at the music store.

"Are you going to be alright finding dinner for yourself?"

Myungsoo smiled, "Yeah, you've already done enough for me today."

"Okay, then. Make sure you take your vitamins. And try to use your lamp before bed. Text me if you need anything – or even if you don't. Text me if you feel like it."

"Okay; I will." He made his way to the door to see Sungyeol out. "Get home safe."

"Thanks, Myungsoo."

They embraced for a moment, gentle and honest, and then Sungyeol was gone. It was difficult for Myungsoo to explain, even to himself, but in its simplest form, it felt as though the moment the door shut, he was thrown back into the same state of mind he had been in before Sungyeol arrived. It was always like that.

Nonetheless, he attempted to move on with his night. He pulled a can of soup from his pantry and threw together a sandwich while he waited for it to heat up. Then, he sat down on the floor at his coffee table, a blanket draped over his shoulders, and ate his soup directly from the pot. He stared blankly at the cartoons flashing by on the TV, not really thinking about anything.

After dinner, he swallowed down his vitamins and retreated to his bedroom. He sat down at his desk, flicking on the tall, white, screen-shaped lamp and sitting back to complete the puzzles in the daily newspaper.

Later, as he lay in bed, suspended in the quiet darkness that seemed to close in all around him, Myungsoo curled onto his side. He sighed, shutting his eyes. Summer would come again, and so would winter. But for now, all he needed to do was make it to summer.