Act 1: Eyes

He wakes up to the eyes he's become so familiar with, the same beautiful, captivating eyes that he has woken up to every day for the past six months. They crinkle up as the owner smiles, warmth seeping from them. Myungsoo leans towards the other's face, and then everything disappears.

The alarm clock is too loud and the sunlight is too bright and the emptiness left inside of him as a result of his dream makes him want to get up even less than usual. There's no eyes staring at him, waiting for him to wake up in the morning to enjoy another day. There hasn't been for a while now. Nonetheless, he drags himself out of bed and does his daily morning routine.

While he sits alone, sipping his coffee and scrolling through his social media feed on his phone, he can almost see Sungyeol sitting across from him. There's a bowl of Cocoa Puffs in chocolate milk in front of the tall boy, because there's no such thing as too much chocolate. Myungsoo realizes how much he misses it. Just sitting together, without feeling the need to exchange any conversation, simply enjoying the presence of one another during the half-asleep state of the morning. But then Myungsoo lifts his gaze and there's nobody there, no cereal on the table, just the same window with the same drab view of skyscrapers upon skyscrapers, all doused in grey.

On the train to work, Myungsoo stares up at the sky through the windows. It's extremely light grey, edging on white from the sun trying to push its way through. Maybe if the sun could find a way to keep the sky blue forever, then everything would be okay. People wouldn't complain about the drab weather or the constant drizzle and the need to lug around umbrellas. But then they would start complaining about the heat and the sunburn. Many things are taken for granted.

Myungsoo took Sungyeol for granted.

Act 2: Nose

He hates coffee shops. Every time he enters one everything is too familiar. The deep, rich aroma of a freshly brewed pot or the smell of fruity muffins coming out of the oven. But he's trying to do this strange, twisted attempt at self-therapy where he exposes himself to the things that hold the strongest memories to see if he'll ever get used to them again.

It seems to be going well. Myungsoo stands in line calmly, orders calmly, and takes his coffee out of the shop with him like a normal human being. Then he gets back to the photography studio he works at and it begins to feel like the scent is reaching out and choking him, forcing old memories to wake up and attack his mind. He can't stand it so he gives it to a coworker and pretends he bought it for them in the first place. The window of his office stays open for a while afterwards.

When Myungsoo gets home, he s his shirt and he can practically feel Sungyeol's warm, soft breath against his neck from his welcome home hug. He lets himself stay there for a moment, eyes closed as he relishes the feeling of the other, and he catches a faint whiff of mint shampoo before his eyes open again. The temptation is strong, but Myungsoo is stronger and he's fought too hard to keep his longing for Sungyeol at bay to give up now, so he doesn't go open the bottle of shampoo that the other left behind.

Sunggyu comes to visit him that night, to see how he's doing and make sure he hasn't gone off the deep end yet. Myungsoo invites him in and offers him a drink, and while they're standing in the kitchen chatting he realizes something about Sunggyu that bugs him.

He's chewing mint gum.

Act 3: Lips

It's nearly the end of summer holidays for students and Myungsoo can see them swarming the streets outside his office. There's a little stand selling fresh mini watermelon halves that's been there for years, and it's absolutely booming with business.

Myungsoo brought Sungyeol there sometime early on in their relationship. They began dating at the start of the summer break in junior year and wanted to go out before school started up again, so after hours of window-shopping in malls and wandering around downtown they stumbled upon the stand and shared some watermelon. That day was also their first kiss. It was a mix of bitter iced coffee and sweet melon, something that Myungsoo can't seem to forget no matter how hard he tries. But he's at work right now, so he closes the shutters and goes back to editing photos.

Sunggyu calls him that night saying he found tons of pictures from their university years and telling Myungsoo he should take a look, so twenty minutes later Sunggyu is kicking the door and yelling for him to hurry up and answer because the boxes are heavy.

From the moment they crack open the box, they immediately begin cackling and pointing out everybody's horrible hairstyles.

"Remember when you thought you looked good with your hair spiked up?"

"Remember when you forgot to straighten part of your hair?"

"Oh my God, look," Myungsoo's struggling to breathe, "Sungjong when he had a bowl cut,"

"Howon's glasses,"

"Your blonde hair,"

"Woohyun's chubby cheeks,"

"Dongwoo's pink hair,"

Myungsoo pauses. "That one looked pretty good though."

"Yeah, it did. Oh holy," Sunggyu holds up a picture. "Sungyeol's blue hair,"

"The blue was bad, but the red was worse."

Sunggyu starts laughing uncontrollably, "I forgot about the red! There has to be a picture of it in here somewhere." He tosses a few photos onto the floor and a familiar one catches Myungsoo's eye.

It's a picture of Sungyeol on his 21st birthday. His hair was a long, wavy chestnut at the time and Sungjong had tied it into little pigtails that day. He's smiling wide for the camera and Myungsoo is beside him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"What's that one?' Sunggyu leans over and pauses.

"I almost forgot about this."

Silence lingers in the room for a moment.

"You're still not over him, are you?"

Myungsoo shrugs, eyes still glued to the photo.

"You know, you can take as many of these as you want. I'm going to call up the others and show them too, but you get first pick."

Myungsoo places the photo up on his coffee table and smiles at his friend. 'Thanks."

There's something warm on his lips when he wakes up, but the moment he opens his eyes it's gone. He misses Sungyeol's morning kisses more than he'd like to admit. Always minty fresh and enough to leave Myungsoo wanting more. That's the reason he switched to fruit toothpaste. It's blue and for kids and tastes disgusting, but if it does the job then he doesn't see a problem.

His morning tea reminds him more of coffee today, which is strange because this hasn't happened before. But then again, he hasn't imagined being woken up with a kiss either up until now.

Everything seems to remind him more of Sungyeol today. It must be because looking at all the old pictures last night refreshed his memory.

The coworker that he gave a coffee to before surprises him with a drink when he gets to the office. It's something new and fruity, not something that Myungsoo would order for himself but still nice. It sits on his desk untouched until lunch break comes, and he brings it out with him even though it's no longer ice cold.

As he walks down the routine street, he notices something familiar about a man a few steps ahead of him, so he stares and sips his girly drink while he tries to figure out who they might be. And then he realizes that it's Sungyeol and he's just stopped outside a restaurant and if he looks up from his phone right now he'll see Myungsoo.

His hair is dark brown and styled back neatly and he still looks good even though he's just wearing a v-neck and jeans. Myungsoo tries not to be obvious as he glances at the other sneakily, slowing down his walk a bit. At any moment he could call out to him. But he doesn't.

Myungsoo walks by him into a coffee shop where he sits down and notices that he's drinking a watermelon slush. He ends up skipping lunch, leaving the café with only an iced coffee in his hand. On his walk back to work, he nearly freezes in his tracks when he hears an all too familiar voice call his name, but he pretends he didn't hear and continues walking.

He doesn't bother brushing his teeth before bed that night even though he knows it's disgusting not to, but he can't find the energy because all evening thoughts were eating away at his brain of what would have happened if he had done something different. If he had called out to Sungyeol, or turned around when he heard his name. But now it's too late to know.

Eventually Myungsoo falls asleep, traces of Sungyeol still in his mind and the taste of bitter iced coffee and sweet watermelon mingling together on his lips.

. . . . . . . . .

Oops  

It's been almost a year since I started this story and it's not even halfway done, so I'll try to step it up a bit. No guarantees though, because school is still trying to drag me away from leisure.

~~Unspeakablesecret