I don’t know how many call I missed from hyungs, how many messages, even how many video called I missed. My phone was already running out of battery. I don’t even want to go back to dorm tonight. I will definitely receive punishment for not being present in dinner but I don’t care. I was thinking about having a me-time in Hangang River but my feet bring me back to home. My parents’ home. 

Sitting in my bed, I put the brown envelope in front of me.

“I saw her two weeks ago. It was a bit late than usual and she was helping me clean up library. She only said to give this to you in case you’ll look for her. I never ask what it is and I never know she would move somewhere so I keep this envelope. I guess it’s for you.

Some days later I found out that she will go to USA to continue her study there since she accept a scholarship. So she leave Korea. But I took my pregnancy absence just a week ago so I cannot stay in library.

Take this envelope home, open it, and see what she left for you. I saw you in news and I guess it’s been hard lately. You might curse her for not being in your side these times but I hope you can understand her.”

I open the brown envelope in front of me and find two sheets of paper and two books.

One of the paper has ‘Read this first’ and the other one has ‘Read this after you read the first’. I opened the first paper. A handwriting letter.

Hi, Hun!

I’m going to be direct. I’ve been thinking to move somewhere new. I cannot stay in hell I created by myself. I’m not going to suicide, if you worry. I don’t want to bother you no more with non-sense story of my life. Let’s go our own way from now on.

You never were a useless-idol. You never were. I thanked you for every single time we spent together. See you in the future!

Warm hug,

Your sunbae, book-partner, and bubble tea-partner.

That was all she wrote. I was hoping for more, but there was none. So I opened the next paper.

‘ACCEPTANCE LETTER’

It was telling that she has been accepted in university, in America, start study exactly two weeks ago, three years of full scholarship. That was all.

I reached the other books she gave me. Both has a post-it notes in the cover. One was ‘I recommend you this book. Enjoy!’ while the other has ‘My very first one’.

I opened the ‘My very first one’ book and read it carefully.

Passerby

Novel by:

Lemon.

Special thanks to:

God, for giving me this unfair-yet-precious life.

For everyone taking part in my life.