Middle Summer 2014.

Seoul.

 “I don’t know why they even fought over a small thing like that and blaming everything on me. I’d been away for two years and when I came back wishing everything will be fine, I was actually wrong. It even gets worse. I think I born in the wrong family, don’t you think?”

I took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Another inhale. Another exhale. I take a sip of water. The picture of last visit to my own home was played back, I remembered hearing a woman’s shouting, then replied by a man’s shouting even in bigger volume. It was the first minute past seven in the morning. They were arguing over the ripe level of toast, who to blamed, and my name was mentioned when she challenge him to mention of her biggest mistakes in his life.

 “Or I’m just a curse for them. They never happy whenever I home. They even prepared divorce paper ready and blame every misfortune in the family was because of me. Why didn’t they kill me back then when I was born? So that their misfortune will stop. Don’t you think so, Kirin-ah?”

Kirin stays in silent. He didn’t even blink his eyes. He didn’t even move any inch. It would be even weirder if he responded, no? He’s just a giraffe doll with basketball clothes on and a big nametag with ‘Kirinie’ on it.

“Daegu girl take me to her professor today. She advises me to stay in contact with her professor until this things lift off from me. This one, my heart, and this one, my head. He explained me in a clinical term, what was it? A little of consultation time, he said? I know he meant by I’m nearly crazy and needs some mental treatment.”

I’ve always wanted a life with much trouble in it. It would be so much fun, I thought. But I half-regretted it now. Why so? The tendency to have problem rising the number of consult to other people. The more you consult to other people, the more you depend on them. The more you depend on them, the more you can’t lose them. And when you lost them, your world will break apart. It’s like losing a rib, you can life but you lost a glimpse of soul.

So here I am now, in my bed, at three in the morning, have a great talk with my giraffe-shaped-doll, named Kirin. I can say everything to him, cry, curse, hug, but I never get one: an advice.

Ting tong!

A line message come.

Sehun: Wake-up-bear ticker.

Bananay: Wakey up? G’morning munchkinJ

Ting tong!

Sehun: Moning. You not sleep yet, do you?

Bananay: Me having some conversation.

Sehun: With?

Bananay: Hmmm… A doll.

Sehun: You should stop it. She told you not to do that and talk person more.

Bananay: No one’s here.

Sehun: Alone? In your room?

Bananay: Well yeah.

Sehun: Thank God. At least you’re home.

Bananay: Where do you think I would be?

Sehun: I don’t know. Bar? Night club? Places I never want you to go to?

Bananay: I’m freaking twenty three years old, Oh Sehun.

Sehun: And I don’t want you to do stupid things, sunbae.

Bananay: Let’s stop this debate. Good night, Sehun. Have a good dreamJ

Sehun: Good night sunbae.

It’s freaking 3 in the morning and there’s no way I can sleep that fast. He should know that, but he doesn’t. Then who is this Oh Sehun? He just someone I know lately. I met him somewhere – which I clearly remember where. Is he an EXO member? Yes, he is that Oh Sehun. That youngest that all girls screaming to. He seems to know you? I don’t know. We just happen to know each other. Are you friends with him? No. I am not. He never was my friend, and he will never be.

♪

It’s impossible not to notice an idol in your college. Just find any person with mask and low-cap on, surrounding by girls waving and stand-by camera phone: that person got to be an idol. One of many, is EXO’s Oh Sehun. His picture was in every corner of the city, building, bus, wide-screen TV, promoting new song called Overdose. It was his first year here, while I’m in my second year, we are a year apart. I found out later we are in the same age, I just couple of months older than him.

And how did we meet?

It was last late spring. The air started to get hot because it's going to be summer soon and no matter how thin you wear clothes, it will never get better unless you stay in a room full of air conditioner. One of the best room with air conditioner in my college is library. This ty place created with the best air conditioner but not many people comes here. I assume because summer break is going to come and everybody take an early leave. But me? I have this stupid class by the most killer lecture ever – Mr. Shin – and his Management in Practical class. Take a leave? Do not ever think about that.

Library has become a runaway place for me this summer. I found a corner full of fiction books and no one ever come there. I simply bring my earphone and sit in the floor, reading a book that looks like made for kindergarten student. The book, music, and I has made an alliance called Heaven.

A hand wave in front of my eyes when I let out a small chuckle. Rising up my head, I saw this tall guy standing in front of me. It was simply white t-shirt, denim jeans and a black cardigan but he really looks so idol-like. Oh Sehun.

He mumbled something but I can’t hear it well.

“Huh?” was all I said.

He mumbled again but I still can’t hear it.

“Huh? What?” I said louder this time.

He pointed to his ears, like taking off something. Then I realized I had these earphone to the