NOTE: 

(6/10) Title: The title for me isn't really unique since you could search AFF and similar titles would pop-up. I think that maybe a more relevant title could have been made. A title relevant to the locker room incident.

(8/10) Character:

For Sehun's character, he's quite strong instead of being cool. I would have liked it better if he was acting cool instead of having a stronger persona. Sehun, for me, has more of a "I'm a cool maknae" kind of vibe so when he appeared so dominant in the story, I couldn't help but feel slightly off.

For Luhan's character, I think that it was okay overall. I'm not much of an EXO fan so I can't really judge well but for me, I think you could have lessen his weak side since he did cry quite a lot here. Just by being jealous, I think any person would have been frustrated or mad but I don't see the point where there would be a need for tears. Being a little sad is okay but I don't think crying was necessary.

(7/10) Originality: It may be because I've read quite a lot of HunHan fics that I don't appreciate it being another HunHan fic. Thanks to that scene where Luhan kissed Sehun, it's quite different from the others since you'll usually see Luhan being quite powerless but in this story, he at least took an initiative and even sneaked into Sehun's bedroom for a kiss.

(33/40) Storyline/Plot:

I like how the genres harmonizes well with each other. The romance, drama and comedy went really well together so two thumbs up for that one.

Although english is not your first languange, there are are some parts of the story that is quite hard for me to visualize like in Ch. 6 where in Sehun wounded his hand. I couldn't quite visualize how it have caused a wound? Did his hand got slammed at by the door or was it because he pulled it to hard? It really didn't made much sense to me. 

Overall, I like how the plot goes. I can easily follow it and I didn't get confused whatsoever. Simple, sweet and light to read.

 

(15/25) Grammar/Errors:

There were a few grammatical errors and they mostly the use of the comma and the use of verb tenses. Especially in the chapter reminisce, there was a sort of flashback moment there and that should have been in the past tense since it has happened already even though it was a dream.

Also the usage of the words seems to be amiss. I think that some of the words you used are quite strong but are not exactly needed. Like in Ch. 3 where you used the word depressed in Sehun's situation, Sehun should been really depressed but it's more on frustration really. 

(4/5) Overall Enjoyment: I haven't read fanfics in a long while but this got me fanning myself as I started to read it. Although the end was quite hard for me to visualize already (since it's the part and it's really hard to write that scene), i really enjoyed the story.

(73/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Grammar:

What really bothered me was the use of the commas abd the use of the verb tenses which I have already explained on the grammar part of the story.

Does the characters' feelings come across well?
Yes! Their want for each other can be clearly seen and I can actually feel it. The fact that I didn't see it as lust was really good since you can easily misinterpret lust from longing the one you love. Really great job on portraying their feelings.

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