NOTE: 11 chapters - ongoing

(3/10) Title: Yeah I can see how that title would sound attracting. Confusion? Confused about what? But for me I saw it as a common name for a story. It could summarize what the whole story is about, but really it's not eyecatching. 

(3/10) Character: I'm not going to list the characters one b y one and start going into depth for description because the way I view them, most of their personalities don't differ that much for each other.

Each of them definitely have short tempers and there's no backstory to either of them, except Sehun. I see how making them like this does progess the story faster but it's unorganized like that. Slow them down.

You know one second the manager, or whoever he was, opens the door and tells the ladies that they've got the wrong room and Yuri's cursing him up. I get that that's her personality but at least stretch out the scene by adding about how the girls were confused. With Yuri's one explosion you just ended that right there. 

Anger was really the only thing I noticed in them. Now, Baekhyun is the only one I will personally comment on because after one of his thoughts I was baffled. 

I love you? Baekhyun you litteraly just met Taeyeon. You could've said something like how Baekhyun fell for her like the term love at first sight. More details could've been in there. 

(5/10) Originality: I'll just comment on each sentence here.

"Tiffany Hwang and the rest of the eight girls are going to be SM trainees. They are also going to live with EXO. Sehun hates TIffany because she remind him of his ex-girlfriend. Tiffany found out she is a vampire....." 

First sentence, unoriginal. Wow, how many times have I crossed a story were the main characters are going to become scouted and famous? I'll leave that for you to answer. 

Second sentence, cliché. Of course, of course. Every person that gets scouted gets to stay in an idol's dorm. If the company was out looking for new trainees shouldn't they make sure they have rooms avaible first?

Third sentence, cliché. I laughed. Ohmy, yes that happens to me all the time man. After I get scouted, I get to stay in a famous group's dorm, and one of the members hate me for a reason I don't know! Ha, I wish. Please, don't take the easy way out of things. Create a back story because mostly everyone has a plot like this. 

Everything above this was why you lost five points. Unoriginal. 

Fourth sentence, wow if you saw me faceplant my face into my desk when I read it. Can I just ask you where in the world did that come from? What kind of life is Tiffany masking? Please tell me where I can get one too, I'd love it. A part of me is saying that this attachment is completely unrelated but because you really caught me off guard with it, I gave you five points. Not saying that I like it, but that's original. I guess. 

(10/40) Storyline/Plot: 

I really don't know where to add this, I was thinking characters but since that portion is only worth 10 points I didn't want to bring it down too low so I'll stick it here. 

The way you switched POVs so often was really messy. Maybe I'm just being biased and hating on it because personally I dislike it. Either way I can't change the way I think about it so I deducted 5 points. Plus if you're going to switch can I request for each point of view to be longer than just a few paragraphs? 

Okay now moving onto the actual storyline, I completely disliked it. Maybe even hated with the strongest passion you'd ever find after it was constantly run over by road rage drivers, picked up, and slapped against the wall repeatedly. Like I said with the characters, it was moving way too fast. Add more details, and I don't know just something. Make it interesting, pace it at a steady speed. 

(10/25) Grammar/Errors: When I got your form the format was a bit messed up so I don't know if I read write but you said that English is your first language. 

First off, if someone is talking you quote them with quotations, not apostrophes.

This is a quotation "

This is an apostrophe '

Second when another person starts talking you start a new paragraph. For example if I said "Wow your shirt looks so nice today." And then you'd have to start a new paragraph. 

"Wow thanks." Blahblahblah, whatever you want here. 

And since we're talking about punctuation you forgot a period for Mr.Black. 

Third sometimes when the person is asking a question about what you did already in the past, or was supposed to do, you'd type out the past tense. So when Yoona asked Tiffany if she had revised her paper yet it's not revise but revised. 

Once again since we're talking about past tense and present tense, let's talk about two things from chapter two. 

"I hold her hand and ran toward the cafeteria." Hold and ran is present. 

But just after that line in the next paragraph you wrote, "I rolled my eyes." Rolled is past tense. 

(-/-) Overall Enjoyment: Since I don't like stories that are idolxidol, famous idols, or just the main character being an idol I didn't want to include this part because it'll mostly just be biased towards other genres. 

(31/95) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Authors note; Alright well you didn't tell me what you specifically what you wanted the reviewer to focus on so I graded this plainly. 

And apologises if I'm not the reviewer you wanted, or you don't like how I judged your story.

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