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Author: VioletPrincess
Reviewed By: kpoperrose

Requested Date: 11/06/15

Review Completion: 12/06/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

The title relates to the story as for Kyungsoo and Jongin, their forever isn't enough because Kyungsoo is dying.

Eye-catching: 3/3
It is a pretty intriguing title.

 
Original: 4/4
It is pretty original as I haven't seen a story with an identical title. 

Description/Foreword: 8/10

Summary: 3/5

There was a grammar error in the summary. 'But everyone knows that happiness never really last' should be 'But everyone knows that happiness never really lasts'

The summary itself also tells most of the story so people might not be so intrigued.

Appearance: 5/5
Everything was organized nicely so it wasn't an eyesore.

Character Development/Showcasing: 8/10

Development: 3/5

Since this was a pretty short story and only told the part where Kyungsoo is very close to dying, there wasn't really much character development. Kyungsoo himself has pretty much given up and Jongin is deperate but has come to terms with the situation.

Relation/Cast: 5/5
It is pretty realistic as Kyungsoo and Jongin love doesn't falter no matter how close Kyungsoo is to dying. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 28/40

Logical: 10/10

It is pretty relatable as Kyungsoo and Jongin acted like people would under the same circumstances.

Original: 7/10
Points were docked for this section as it is not a first time someone wrote a story with a similar theme.

Tone: 3/5
There wasn't really a tone in the story but the author portrayed Jongin's desperation pretty well.

Naration: 1/5

The tense of the story wasn't consistent. It was supposed to be written in past tense but the author accidentally wrote in present tense. For example, in chapter 1 'Jongin can't hold back his tears' should be 'Jongin couldn't hold back his tears' and in chapter 2 'His eyesight begins to blur' should be 'His eyesight began to blur'

The note about the disease being fictional could be put at the end of the chapter as it ruins the mood.

'This is where the story starts' could also be replaced with 'This is where their story starts' to make it more personal.

Storyline: 7/10
The storyine was pretty smooth and it taught readers that you have to constantly persevere no matter what. Sadly, it dragged on for a while and the ending was a bit too rushed.

Proper Use of the English Language: 20/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 6/10

There were some typos and I'm going to point some of them out.

In chapter 1, the word 'intensely' was spelled as 'intensly'

In chapter 2 the word 'I've' was written as 'I'v'

Also, 'He can't bare not seeing Kyungsoo' should be 'He can't bear not seeing Kyungsoo'

Termonology: 3/5
The vocabulary was pretty limited.

Language Barrier: 10/10
There was no problem with this at all.

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 4/5
The plot itself was great but the typos were a turn off. I liked how Jongin stayed true to Kyungsoo even when he was dying and I really liked the words engraved on Kyungsoo's tombstone.

Total points: 77/100

A little note from me

The story wasn't bad and it was a pretty enjoyable read. The plot was a bit too rushed but it was overall okay. I'm also very sorry that I just submitted a review right now :(. Just keep in mind that I am a harsh marker and you shouldn't be discouraged^^ Fighting! :D