Boyfriend for Hire - Tiffanyisim
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TIFFANYISIM
REQUEST ON: 7/26/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 8/22/15
SCORE: 86/100
TITLE: (5/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - I CAN SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TITLE AND THE PLOT.
EYE-CATCHING (1/3) - I AM SORRY TO WRITE THIS BUT I DON'T THINK THAT YOUR TITLE IS REALLY EYE-CATCHING BECAUSE: SURE IT IS AN INTERESTING TITLE BUT THERE ARE MANY OTHER STORIES WITH THE SAME TITLE SO WHAT MAKES YOUR STORY DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS WITHOUT READING IT?
ORIGINAL (1/4) - AS I ALREADY MENTIONED ABOVE YOUR TITLE IS NOT ORIGINAL WITH MANY OTHER STORIES WITH THE SAME TITLE.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - I REALLY LIKE YOUR DESCRIPTION, IT IS INTERESTING AND MADE ME CURIOUS ABOUT HOW YOU WILL DEAL WITH THE PLOT. YOU DON'T REVEAL TOO MUCH OF THE STORY.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - YOUR FOREWORD/ DESCRIPTION IS NOT MESSY BUT APPEALING FOR THE EYES. THERE IS A STRUCTURE AND I LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A PLAYLIST OF SONGS THAT YOU RECOMMEND TO LISTEN TO WHILE READING THE STORY.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (9/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (4/5) - THERE IS INDEED A CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN YOUR STORY AND YOU SHOW IT PRETTY NICE, IT IS NOT TOO FAST, LIKE ONE MOMENT TIFFANY AND TAEYEON DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER BUT THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE DEEPLY IN LOVE. YOU SHOW THAT THERE HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER BUT THEY DON'T REALLY WANT TO SHOW THESE FEELINGS. FOR YOONA AND YURI, I CAN'T SEE A REAL DEVELOPMENT IN ONE OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE NICE TO EACH OTHER AND BEHAVE LIKE A COUPLE FROM THE BEGINNING BUT THAT IS NOT A MINUS FOR ME BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE LIKE A SIDE COUPLE FOR ME.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - I TOTALLY LOVE HOW YOUR CHARACTERS INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER. I LIKE THE FRIENDSHIP OF TIFFANY AND YOONA THAT SEEMS LIKE NOBODY CAN BREAK. THEY ARE REALLY CLOSE AND I LOVE HOW THEY CAN TEASE EACH OTHER OR DO STUPID THINGS BUT THE OTHER ONE OF THEM WILL EITHER HELP OR LAUGH, BE A FRIEND AND NOT LEAVE.
IT IS THE SAME FOR THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN YURI AND TAEYEON THOUGH IT WAS HARD AT FIRST TO BUILT A REAL OPINION ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU ONLY MENTIONED IT SHORTLY, YOUR FOCUS IS MORE ON THE RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOONA AND TIFFANY. BUT WHEN SOONKYU APPEARS I LOVED HOW YURI WAS PROTECTING TAEYEON AND SHOWED THAT HE REALLY CARED FOR THE OTHER AND WILL DO EVERYTHING TO PREVENT THE OTHER FROM GETTING HURT.
SO NOW ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE GIRLS, I WILL BEGIN WITH THE TAEYEON/ TIFFANY RELATIONSHIP. IT IS CUTE AND FUNNY HOW YOU DESCRIBE THEIR INTERACTIONS AS A COUPLE THAT OFTEN FIGHTS WITH EACH OTHER AT FIRST BUT ACTUALLY LIKES EACH OTHER WITHOUT WANTING TO ADMIT IT. THEY DON'T WORK OUT AT FIRST BUT HAVE TO GET USED TO EACH OTHER WHICH BRINGS THEM CLOSER TO EACH OTHER.
THEN YOU HAVE YURI AND YOONA AS A SIDE COUPLE AND HERE I LIKE HOW THEY ARE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF TIFFANY AND TAEYEON. IT IS A NICE DIFFERENCE WHILE READING BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY LOVEY-DOVEY MOST OF THE TIME WHEN THEY ARE TOGETHER AND REALLY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, THEY DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM SHOWING THE OTHER THAT THIS PERSON IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO THEM.
THEN YOU HAVE YURI AND YOONA AS A SIDE COUPLE AND HERE I LIKE HOW THEY ARE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF TIFFANY AND TAEYEON. IT IS A NICE DIFFERENCE WHILE READING BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY LOVEY-DOVEY MOST OF THE TIME WHEN THEY ARE TOGETHER AND REALLY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, THEY DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM SHOWING THE OTHER THAT THIS PERSON IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO THEM.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (37/40)
LOGICALLY (9/10) - I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT THE FIRST WAS A BIT STRANGE FOR ME BECAUSE THEY SUDDENLY GET A PHONE CALL WITH AN ADVERTISEMENT ABOUT A BOYFRIEND FOR HIRE. IT WAS WEIRD FOR ME TO IMAGINE THAT SOMETHING LIKE THIS CAN HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE SO I WAS SKEPTICAL ABOUT THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS OF THE STORY. BUT AS THE STORY CONTINUED I ACTUALLY STARTED TO LIKE THE CONCEPT AND HOW YOU DEALT WITH IT BECAUSE IT MADE SENSE AND AT SOME POINTS I COULD RELATE TO THE RELATIONSHIPS OF YOUR CHARACTERS.
ORIGINALITY (8/10) - AS THE TITLE THE PLOT IS NOT REALLY SOMETHING NEW AND THE WAY THE THINGS TURN OUT AT SOME POINTS TOO BUT I HAVE TO GIVE YOU CREDITS FOR THE FACT THAT YOU PULL THE PLOT OFF IN YOUR OWN WAY, A WAY I DIDN'T READ BEFORE THAT MAKES THE STORYLINE MORE UNIQUE THAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
TONE (5/5) - THE TONE OF THE STORY IS LIGHT AND FRESH. IT IS NICE TO READ IT BECAUSE NOTHING BAD HAPPENED SO FAR THAT COULD BREAK YOUR CHARACTERS APART THOUGHT I THINK SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE. AND IF I AM RIGHT WITH THIS GUESS THEN IT WILL MAKE THE STORY EVEN BETTER BECAUSE IT GIVES THE STORY VARIETIES.
NARRATION (5/5) - YOU WRITE IN THE THIRD PERSON WITH FOCUS ON ONE PERSON THAT APPEAR AT THAT TIME IN YOUR STORY. BECAUSE OF THIS I COULD EASILY RELATE TO THE CHARACTERS AND TO THE WAY THEY BEHAVED TO EACH OTHER. ALSO YOU DIDN'T CHANGE THE POV TOO OFTEN IN ONE CHAPTER WHICH COULD CONFUSE THE READER.
STORYLINE (10/10) - ALL IN ALL I REALLY LIKED YOUR PLOT AND THE WAY YOU LET THINGS HAPPEN BECAUSE IT WAS NOT TOO RUSHED AND YOU REVEALED THE PERSONALITIES OF YOUR CHARACTERS TO THE READER BIT BY BIT. IT WAS LIKE WE ARE PART OF THE STORY AND GET TO KNOW THE CHARACTERS LIKE WE ARE FOR EXAMPLE TAEYEON WHO MET TIFFANY AND LEARNS MORE ABOUT HER WITH EACH NEW CHAPTER. YOU WRITE LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE SO IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU LOSE YOUR PLOT, THE RED THREAD. ALSO WHEN YOU LET SOONKYU APPEAR YOU LET THE READER KNOW THAT SHE MEANS TROUBLE THAT THAT SHE COULD DO SOMETHING TO RUIN THE BLOOMING RELATIONSHIP OF TAEYEON AND TIFFANY. THERE ARE ALWAYS THINGS THAT MAKE THE READER KEEP ON READING BECAUSE HE/ SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (20/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (5/10) - THERE ARE SOME GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES IN YOUR STORY THAT YOU CAN PREVENT IN THE FUTURE. I WILL SHOW YOU THREE EXAMPLES:
THAT'S WHY TIFFANY SELDOM GO (GOES OR WENT) INSIDE HER ROOM, IF THEY'LL HAVE A GIRL TALK, NOT ON (IN) THEIR ROOMS, BUT HERE ON (IN) THE LIVING ROOM.
(THE MISTAKE WHEN YOU USE ON INSTEAD OF IN IS MADE QUIET OFTEN IN THE STORY SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK SOMEONE IF YOU ARE UNSURE WHICH ONE IS RIGHT)
(THE MISTAKE WHEN YOU USE ON INSTEAD OF IN IS MADE QUIET OFTEN IN THE STORY SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK SOMEONE IF YOU ARE UNSURE WHICH ONE IS RIGHT)
TAEYEON GLANCED TO (AT) TIFFANY AND HE JUST ROLLED HIS EYES AND FOCUSED AGAIN HIS ATTENTION ON HIS PHONE. (AGAIN)
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS GOOD AND YOU DON'T USE THE SAME WORDS OR PHRASES TOO OFTEN.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - THERE WERE NO KOREAN PHRASES OR RANDOM KOREAN WORDS IN THE STORY THAT I CAN REMEMBER.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
I REALLY ENJOYED READING YOUR STORY BECAUSE AS I ALREADY MENTIONED ABOVE I LIKE YOUR PLOT AND YOUR CHARACTERS. ALSO I AM CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT AFTER TAEYEON'S AND TIFFANY'S SECOND KISS AND IF SOONKYU APPEARS AGAIN I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE SHE WILL MEAN FOR THEM BECAUSE SHE SEEMS TO BE A CRAZY GIRL.
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