Chapter 15 – Rush

            “Are you sure about this,” Jungsu whispered, helping me into my coat.

            I slowly buttoned it, careful not to wrinkle my suit.  “Of course not,” I muttered, looking myself in the mirror.  “But it’s what I have to do, right?”

            He brushed off invisible specks of dusts from my shoulder before looking at me in front of the mirror.  He looked into my eyes, pain flashing for just a second before turning into flat out pity.  I wanted to yell at him from the top of my lungs.  He shouldn’t pity me.  I brought this to myself.  But I stopped, knowing he meant well.  “You never have to do anything Kyuhyun,” he whispered, patting my shoulders once more. 

            “I don’t think anyone’s ever taught me that,” I responded, trying to keep myself in check. 

            “It’s never too late to learn.”

            I continued to look him in the eye until he decided to turn away and walk out my office.  I turned back towards the mirror and fixed up my tie, trying to forget what had happened.

A couple of days ago…

            The door slammed open, causing me to flinch just a tiny bit.  However, I managed to control myself enough to continue my work on my laptop.  I knew what this was about and I couldn’t react.

            Not if I want to pull off the biggest lie of my life.

            “Kyuhyun, I couldn’t stop him,” Jungsu said, completely flustered.

            “What gives you the right to control my life,” Sungmin screamed out simultaneously.

            I took a deep breath before stopping my work and looking up, taking my glasses off my face.  “It’s fine Jungsu, you can go,” I muttered.  I watched as he looked back and forth between Sungmin and me before giving me a concerned look.  I nodded and he sighed before stepping out of the room, muttering something underneath his breath.

            I glanced back at Sungmin before looking back down at my laptop.  I couldn’t bear to look at him.  Not now.  “What did you want?”

            “Mr. Kim is sending me to America for work,” he yelled, gritting his teeth.  “Under your recommendation!”
            “I thought it would be a good opportunity for you,” I whispered, trying my best to control myself.  When did this get so hard?  “Don’t you want to get better?”

            He laughed bitterly and I could feel his eyes on me.  “Don’t you mean a good opportunity for you to get rid of me,” he muttered. 

            “It’s a good job opportunity Sungmin,” I said, typing away, trying to distract myself.  “Plus you deserve it.  You’ve worked too hard to let me stop you.”

            “What makes you think I would ever let you stop me,” he fought back

            “Love makes people blind,” I said simply.

            He paused for a second, scoffing again at my clichéd words.  “I can’t believe that, after everything we said and did, you’re still going to go through with it.”

            “What made you think I wouldn’t,” I asked, looking up to meet his eyes.

            He flinched at my words and I saw a flash of pain in his eyes.  But it was gone as quickly as it had come.  I watched as he opened and closed his mouth, as if he didn’t know where the boundaries were anymore.  Just please, please don’t say anything anymore.  I’m not a good liar.  He closed his eyes for a second before looking back to where his desk used to be.  It was empty.  Any trace of him was gone.  Packaged and sent back to Heechul’s company.  He then looked back and looked me in the eye.  He let out a bitter chuckle.  “I guess love did make me blind.  I should have known.”

He took another deep breath and dropped his hands to his side.  “Do something for me, won’t you,” he whispered.

            I didn’t respond and simply looked him in the eye.  “T-Tell me you don’t love me,” he begged, closing his eyes.  “Tell me that everything we did was fake.  That you led me on.”

            My heart felt like it stopped.

            I can’t do that.

            I can’t.

            I can’t lie to him.

            Not like this.

            “I don’t love you,” I whispered.  I love you.  I love you so much it hurts.  “I simply enjoyed playing with you.”

            I heard his breath hitch and watched as tears started to flow through his beautiful closed eyes.  I wanted to run to him and hold him tight.  I wanted to whisper sweet nothings and apologize.  I wanted to tell him I loved him and I was only doing it for him.  It was always only for him.  But I couldn’t.  So I stayed seated, watching the love of my life cry.  Because of me.  Me.

            I closed my eyes for a second.  Just for a second.  I couldn’t risk having him see me.  I couldn’t bear to watch him anymore.  No.  No more.  Please stop crying.  Please stop.  Let’s not fall even further in love.  Not now.  Not ever.  Please.

Back to the present…

             “I love you,” I whispered to the memory, wanting to get it off of my chest.  I gently clutched at my heart.  This is it.  I need to let him go.  I need to move on.  Last I heard, he quickly left for America.  He had said his good byes, telling everyone that his return date was still unknown.  However, he never came back to say his final good byes to me.  He simply told Jungsu to thank me for my wonderful hospitality.

             Take a breath.

             No more.

             I looked back at myself and fixed my tie once more. 

            “I’m thinking sapphire blue,” Siwon said blandly, showing him some table cloth.  “Over white.”

            “Sure,” I muttered, trying my best to show interest.  But dear shisus, if I have to look at another table set up or eat one more piece of cake, I’m going to throw something.  I thought wedding planning was supposed to be fun. 

            “You’ve said that about the last ten things I’ve showed you,” he muttered, handing the cloth over to the wedding planner.  “We’ll go with this color.”

            “It’s just not as fun as I thought it would be,” I whispered, running my fingers through my hair.

            “Don’t think it’s any more fun for me,” he snapped, looking through some silverware.  “I’m stuck with you and your sad attempt at convincing me that you’re okay with this.”  He picked up a fork and started waving it around.  “I can’t believe that you told my father yes.  Do you think I want to get married to someone who doesn’t love me?”

             “Then tell him no,” I proposed.

             He scoffed.  “Like I could reject him when you’ve agreed,” he growled.  “It needs to be a mutual understanding that we don’t want to get married.”

             “But you’ve wanted to marry me.”

             He looked me straight in the eye.  “Not like this Kyuhyun,” he whispered.  “Never like this.”  He picked up the matching spoon and knife and handed it over to the planner.  “I think we’re done for the day.  I’m too tired.”

             “But we’re not done yet,” I argued, not wanting to have to do this for another day.

             He shook his head.  “I’m honestly not in the mood right now Kyuhyun,” he said, frustrated.  “You know, I just wish that you would give me even the slightest hint that you’re not in love with him anymore.”

             I flinched at his words but decided to stay quiet as I followed him out of the place that’s supposed to bring happiness.

^^^^^^^^^^

A/N:  You have no idea how sorry I am.  I’m down on my knees and begging you to forgive me.  I’ve had to study for my ACT and so many college essays man…I’m drowning in them…

Acchhh….this is such a bad chapter.  Seriously.  I’m so sorry.  This is so incredibly short and it feels so rushed, but I didn’t want to drag it on any longer.  However, you will get more information in the next chapter about what else happened to Sungmin and Kyuhyun.  Also, who misses KangTeuk?  I kind of do.  They haven’t appeared for quite a while.

Again, I’m so sorry!!  I’ll make sure to put lots of information in the next chapter.  I’ll start it right now!

Plus!!  Please give love to SJ’s new album coming out on 9/16!!  They need lots and lots of love before EunSiHae leaves!