Vinth. 18

Mars has more than fire in his eyes, blazing coldly yet soaring like phoenix wings. The sword in his hold transform into Mars’ obedient shadow once the aventador calls its shape out of its wrap. Mars rarely uses his sword. It’s one of three most deadly weapons he avoids to use unless it’s critical. Wood stick is enough for him to solve most problems. He had to pull his sword back in Cair’s royal hall because that warrior aimed for his neck without second doubt. That warrior wasn’t just buffing nonsense when Mars held Junsu’s hand. He met real fury, real will or raw destructive intention, real pure emotion of rage and ownership. Ownership? Yes. Over Junsu. The blatant raw drive of inflicting destruction screamed a violent defense against the possibility of someone taking precious something from the owner. Something valued and protected beyond authority that one might possess. He knew them well as he’s familiar of people’s emotion when it comes to exposed weapons against him in battle.

And now, he’s occupying the warrior’s place, the one he shouldn’t fail to control in any public sequence especially when his three other fellow Aventa/dors are doing their duties for the better of their lands. He’s abandoned his second identity of the Zhangs when his hand moved in sync with his head and heart swaying the sword onto the Cair warrior hugging Junsu. He’s in his first identity, a Mars, not an Aventador. The Mars people don’t usually see but few close confidantes and closer relatives. Funny how he is wearing the Cair warrior’s shoes now and the very said warrior is in Mars’ position back then. Junsu isn’t owned by anyone, not even Mars. He’s the owner of himself, free and untied of any sort as someone else’s belonging. Junsu is the master of himself, the master of Mars’ heart too which gives Mars no room for raising his sword for nothing. Especially not against Junsu’s rapid reaction blocking Mars’ sword an inch from cutting through the Cair warrior’s flesh.

It’s not for nothing. That warrior touches Junsu. That’s why.

      “Mars.” Junsu calls under his breaths, unheard by people who has stood at once at the sound of clashing metals. Both are Mars’. “No, please.” Its firm tone reaches out to the fire in Mars’ eyes.

The grip on his sword tightens as his Aventador brain processes rapidly, running side by side with his constant alert warrior instinct.

      “None is allowed to touch you.” The whisper isn’t caught by ears but Junsu’s and perhaps two other closest people around them.

      “I’m going to tell him myself.” Junsu doesn’t lower his blade blocking Mars’ intentional cut nor reshaping his defensive fighting arm and leg pose. “I’m holding your blade. Isn’t it enough?”

Mars sees the usual honesty in his heart owner’s eyes. They are looking at him clear and deep, speaking equity and half assurance none else dares to do. Not in the level and place of Junsu. “Let’s see.”

Junsu’s lips gives out a very thin smile, very thin and nearly unseen, to the Aventador. It helps Mars returning to his second identity as he slowly aborts the blocked move of his sword. His grip over the sword changes its pressure in a second together with his fighting body posture. Junsu still keeps his blade on his hand ready though, not showing any sign of sending it back to its cover wrap. It stands directed toward Mars’ figure in half mocking way, either it really is mocking the Aventador or simply Junsu’s better thought of something else.

      “Are you challenging me?” Mars asks in his usual tone, very much aware of the heated tension and people’s worried eyes on him. Them. By now, Juno, Zax, and few other men have formed barrier-like cross line between him and the Cair’s men who stand readily in striking posture.

      “I think I would.” Junsu replies as playfully. It’s never a good thing to see Mars and bared sword. All of the Zhangs people know it but the Cair people don’t. He is thinking of wording the information to Cair reps without much fuss. So he turns to the trigger of the scene facing the figure and name he’s been seeing in blur in some of his dreams. A wave of odd past feels crawls on him when their eyes meet once again. Those pair of sharp eyes has changed into deeper pool of shades and mirror Junsu doesn’t want to name. He’s thrown down to a stage of forgotten carrousel when he first caught the eyes before. He doesn’t want to deal with the spin of the abandoned carrousel revived by those dark brown eyes. He’s not Hanxi. Not a servant. Not a carrel. Not obliged to devote for Cair anymore.

“I would really appreciate it if you could keep your hands to yourself, warrior.” The tip of sharp blade is now pointing dangerously against Changmin’s throat.  Close enough to leave thin scratch along the unshielded neck. Not close enough to cut through the most crucial of survival veins in one wrong go. “I’m perfectly sure Lord Shim the third could help his hands free from any misunderstanding and unnecessary troubles.”

Changmin’s subconscious guard tells him to shield his disadvantage exposed weaponless state from the threatening blade but his mind is too preoccupied with the way Junsu speaks to him. The warrior has already known that his carrel, let him assume so despite what’d happened, is a rebel at heart, an untamed soul through and through who would lash out at anyone touching him without second look at who that one is or what position Junsu is in. Changmin knows Junsu isn’t just another Kim since long time ago. He’s not a mere carrel or servant, not an unnoticed ignored fail white carrel like he made himself seen, not simply a taken person from Malthveck who then turned into Cair resident, not an usual presented gift for the current ruler. He’s Junsu, white carrel Hanxi who refused and denied his proper Kim identity till his last time staying in the palace.

And the way Junsu speaks to him bores another sting in him. What did he say again? Keep your hands to yourself? What has Junsu become now?

      “Sir..

      “I’ll keep my hands.” Changmin’s heart clenches at his own voice seeing how Junsu’s calm clear beady eyes saying nothing else but his spoken words before. “That was unintentional slip.”

      “A slip, I see.” The blade is lowered to Changmin’s chest. “No more.” He seems like saying something else but decides to dismiss it. The blade returns to its home safely. Junsu steps back, turning around to leave the scene. His steps resound in the still chamber. “Welcome to Windheart. I hope this small interruption doesn’t encourage the wrong picture of the Zhangs’ kindness. My bad. I’m sorry.” He bows his head and shoulder toward the direction of the ambassador, high royal officials and first rank warriors’ table who quickly bow their heads back at Junsu’s gesture.

The ambassador replies the polite apology in somewhat uncertain murmur. Mars exchange silent lines with straight-faced Juno and then with Cassius who slightly nods.

      “I’d better leave.” Junsu says. His skin feels the odd heat of being the object of someone’s open stare. “Would you excuse me?”

Mars holds out his hand as the answer. The audience gradually resumes to their seats and halted ongoing talks though their eyes are all on the Aventador and the man in dark green outfit.

Junsu hands the blade to its owner. “Thanks for lending it to me.”

      “Mine is yours.” Mars lets his sentence heard throughout the wide chamber. “Anytime.” He squeezes Junsu’s hand lightly before taking the blade from the hold.

It’s impolite to leave an unfinished  formal reception especially for a guard or soldier like this dark green clothed person but none in the chamber says a thing when the said person walks out the entrance door in fast pace. The ambassador and other Cair high profile official would feel insulted by such act hasn’t the fact that aventador Mars treats him differently strikes unavoidable question in their head. Not only that person got personal greeting from Mars, other Zhangs people including the three aventas/dor seem in a lot favor of this person. Who is that man?

      “He’s my husband’s cousin.” Vaya provides the unsaid question. “He’s quite a reserve person I hope you’re not offended by his unintended manner just now.”

 The ambassador hits it right away. He hastily stands and bows deep at Aventa Vaya and Maya. “My very awful misfortune and lacking knowledge, Aventa. Would you mind forgiving how disrespectfully ignorant and offensive my people are? We mustn’t treat your people carelessly. We really are in deep shame, Aventa.”

It dawns to the rest of Cair reps in the chamber not long after. It’s the very person described by Brierrie’s authority as the extension of the Zhangs’ aventadors. The Zhangs has four figures ruling the lands. Two Aventas and two Aventadors. One is a well known jokester as well as the Zhangs’ number one warrior. Careful not to cross weapon with him for any reason. Oh. And never offends his other shadow of Aventador. Yes. Aventa Vaya’s husband has a cousin who takes this Aventador’s every will and mood in his mercy. It’s as good as facing this Aventador himself or even worse if you happen to land in his disfavor. Just be careful. Standing before one of the Zhangs’ warriors is bad already, let alone the generals. Still, the generals are better than Aventador Cassius and Aventador Cassius is way much better than Aventador Mars.

It’s like the combination of leading general Prince Park Yoochun and one of the three royal Princes together.

And their new face and name of high royal force, Lord Shim Changmin has just angered Aventador Mars.

--

Hansol jolts up from his self debate when the door of the room he’s in opens revealing one tall figure progressing inside.

      “Kang Hansol?”

The royal servant quickly nods and bows at the tall figure.

      “I’m Junsu’s step cousin.” Juno extends his hand. “Junsu talks about you a lot.”

The hand isn’t quickly accepted and shaken by the timid Cair royal servant. He murmurs his name a little bit too quietly. He doesn’t know why he’s requested personally to come to the big old house of the Zhangs’ rulers.

      “Junsu said you’re his friend during his stay in Cair.”

      “Erm.. No, Sir. I’m carrel Hanxi’s personal servant.” Hansol gulps. “I mean.. Carrel J-Junsu.”

Junso holds back a surfacing chuckle. “No. Junsu clearly said you’re his good friend. He never mentioned you are a servant or what. His friend is my friend, Hansol. I’m glad I finally meet you in person.”

Hansol risks lifting his lowered head seeing the look of Hanxi’s cousin. He’s been told that Hanxi’s step cousin is the husband of Aventa or queen Vaya who makes this tall handsome man equal to his majesty Jung Yunho. it means, Hanxi is also equal to Prince Park or Prince Jung or Prince Lee. The very thought that carrel Hanxi he’d served is in the same line with the high blue royalty of Cair is enough to send Hansol to endless overwhelming disbelief. That weird carrel Hanxi? Who was once sentenced as a low rank servant? Who almost lost his life during his sentence? Who was accused for stealing Hansol’s royal servant robe?

Juno smiles warmly at the royal servant. “We’d like you to spend your night stay here than in your royal ship, if you don’t mind.”

Hansol can’t process the request as he should. “I beg your pardon, Sir?”

      “Juno. No need that Sir addressing. I’m not a royal born. I’m like you and everyone else, Hansol.”

      “I’m sorry.” Hansol feels sweats begin to trickle. “I’m not.. err.. accustomed to.. um.. You’re a husband of a queen here, Sir. I’d be.. um.. please don’t get me wrong.”

      “I understand.” Juno pats the servant’s arm gently. “But again, I’m Junsu’s cousin. He’s your friend that makes me a friend to you too. I swear I’m not as frightening as I may look.”

Hansol’s forced grin is too obvious.

      “Would you rest here? Junsu must be delighted to spend time with you during your stay in our home. He doesn’t make friend easily, that stone head of his.” Juno scoffs. “I’m really thankful he found a friend in you to keep him company while I was not by his side.”

Hansol shakes his head. “Carrel Hanxi is- I mean, Carrel Junsu is not bad, Sir. He’s a bit weird but that’s all.” The servant’s eyes are on the floor again. Juno’s presence is too intimidating for him.

      “Weird he is.” Juno nods. “So, would you stay?”

Hansol considers the offer for a while. He would really love to see and speak to Hanxi again but the head butler in the ship stated firmly that no servant/maid/low rank ship crew to leave the ship without permission.

      “I have got your ambassador’s granted word that you are welcomed to spend your time here till they sail back to Cair.”

      “I am?” Hansol widens his eyes.

      “Yes.” Juno assures. “Only by your consent though. We would appreciate your agreement and understand if you prefer to spend your stay with your fellow ship crew.”

Hansol clutches the tip of his long sleeve. “Is it really okay, Sir? I mean.. I don’t even know how-

      “My cousin’s friend is our honored guest for the Zhangs.” Juno smiles. “From our deep heart, Hansol, you are more than welcomed here.”

The significant beaming happy look is apparent on the servant’s changed expression. “Thank you, Sir. Thank you. Thank you.”

Of all people in Cair and for ten years long of his stay in Cair, Junsu only has one friend? A royal servant too? Just how much pain and wound had Junsu been enduring? Mars grits his teeth. He’s leaning on the supporting roof pillar somewhere on the room where Young and Hansol converse. He was contemplating to meet Hansol before but changed his mind immediately. Young would look less scary than him to the servant. Junsu hasn’t been seen in the head quarter since his leaving the reception. It’s going to be dinner in an hour yet no sign of Junsu’s sight everywhere in their head quarter. Mars knows Junsu can be anywhere in the old ancient building, securing himself in one secluded corner of the head quarter yet after quick double scan of possible hideouts all over the building, he finds no trace of Junsu. It means one thing. Either the person capturing his heart is up in one of the trees out there or he wanders around the coast, preferably the unexplored seashore parts of the long coastal line. Both possibilities are far from head quarter and far means Mars needs to see Junsu soon. What he hears from the conversation boils his blood better than bad provocation in wars.

      “Aventador Mars.”

Mars ignores the call. He moves fast amidst the busy maids and servants preparing for dinner. Zax and Cassius see his back some seconds before the shadow disappears in the next left turn.

      “Mars!” Cassius calls out.

They see Mars’ back again not long after. The called name is heading to the side exit door of their head quarter. Cassius and Zax fasten their pace to walk after the slick Aventador. “Mars! Wait!”

Mars has disappeared once more. Not among the busy people this time. His shadow is fully lost in the dark after nightfall air.

      “Does he bring his sword again?”

      “Yes, Aventador.” Zax confirms. “Should I go?”

Cassius sighs. “That would be a waste. Mars doesn’t care about rules and etiquettes when Junsu is involved. We’d better keep eyes on that warrior. Is Seth there?”

      “Yes, aventador. Seth and General Aaron are doing your order.”

      “Good. Aaron knows how to deal with Mars if that Cair Lord repeats his provoking slip. God knows Mars could be a d*** when he wants to. I pray no blood scenes from both sides though I have to admit that Cair Lord was very lucky Junsu was there.”

Zax looks aside. He knows that Cair Lord. He, Seth, Aventa Vaya, General Young and the men going to Cair two years ago know who that Lord is.

      “Zax.”

Mars’ second right hand in command brings his head to meet Aventador Cassius’ knowing eyes.

      “I know what you are thinking about that Lord. Stop thinking aloud.”

      “It’s.. going to be bad, Aventador.” Zax admits, exhaling deep breath. “We lost good men, a reliable ship and treated more than twenty badly injured warriors two years ago.” He bites his lip. He shared Aventador Cassius’ suggestion of keeping the royal ships afloat on the open ocean until Mars approved of their harboring. Aventa Vaya might know better in diplomatic and negotiation art than all of them but this Cair thing isn’t merely diplomatic relation of two nations. It was. Before Mars lost his heart to Junsu.

      “I know it’s bad the moment Mars stepped in the reception.” Cassius walks back inside their head quarter followed by Zax. “Though I registered how bad it is when I saw that Lord’s eyes looking at Junsu. I knew it right away it’s the person behind our lost men and burned ship.”

Zax can’t agree more. Those looking eyes are far from polite to begin with. And then there’s a slip of hugging. It’s very short, can’t be classified as a hug yet for that one two seconds body movement but enough to unleash the merciless in battlefield Mars. If it wasn’t for Junsu’s quick reflex, blood would have tainted their floor and the ugly mess of Cair-the Zhangs’ relationship would forever stay frozen.

They meet Young outside his wife’s work chamber door.

      “Junsu isn’t home yet?” The general asks. “I’ve arranged Hansol’s room. He’d better be home soon or I’ll kick his for the trouble.”

Cassius raises his eyebrow. “No. Mars is looking for him.”

Juno’s expression darkens. “Don’t tell me he carries his sword again.”

      “He does.” Cassius sighs. “Seth and Aaron are pulling clovers for the poor Lord.”

Pulling clovers is their code for going undercover keeping watch or protecting someone.

      “You think Seth and Aaron are enough for Mars?”

      “You’d make better clover but Vaya would be seething if you are not beside her at dinner. We are hosting dinner for Cair reps, remember.”

Juno is silent for a while. “I’ll talk to Vaya. Someone please inform Aventa Maya about the change plan.”

      “Young..

      “No, Aventa. Hansol shared horrible things about Junsu’s carrel days in Cair. If Mars overheard our conversation, Lord Shim the third would have no chance seeing morning. I have to get to him first before Mars does.”

--

Changmin receives the hefty cold long lecture from the ambassador half-heartly. His straight squared up shoulders and held up head are enough message that he ain’t taking any word shot to his ears. He met Junsu. He met and held Junsu. It feels surreal yet true that it freezes his other functioning brain cells to deal with the consequence. The brief two-three seconds body brushing leaves the ever irreplaceable tingling sensation of warm embracing Junsu in his arms. In those short seconds, Changmin swam in the old days of carrel Hanxi-Junsu’s river. How Junsu’s scents changed, how the dark green fabric rubbed against Changmin’s plain on duty guard uniform, how Junsu’s voice was firmer and more in command, how easily beautiful his fingers gripped over the blade hold, how Junsu’s beady eyes were clearer and more defiant, how stunning the emotions displayed on them were. Changmin is deep absorbed in the showering thoughts and feels that he doesn’t a bit mind standing through the reprimanding lecture.

      “You are not to join the Zhangs’ dinner!”

He doesn’t want to see those faces either. He’d prefer use his time far from the people taking Junsu away from him.

      “You are to stay in the ship till we leave for Cair.”

Changmin calmly says. “Are you imprisoning me in the ship, my Lord?”

The ambassador is well aware of the double message. “Yes. It’s for the sake of Cair and our people, warrior Shim. You know how delicate our ground with them is. We can’t afford one more slip like what happened today.”

      “It’s always for Cair and our people, isn’t it?” Changmin suppresses the scowl. “Am I not one of Cair people, grand General Choi?”

      “You know what I mean, Changmin.” The ambassador replies as cold. “His majesty Jung entrusted this sensitive matter to me on behalf of Cair future and wellness.”

      “How unlucky me.” Changmin’s colder tone matches the piercing icy eyes. “Serving a country that doesn’t value a darn of its some citizens. Should have sentenced me a life time prisoner.”

The ambassador inhales cold air that feels like pointy needles invading his respiratory course. “I do understand your side, Changmin. We know you’re just reacting spontaneously. We know it’s hard to keep our composure in check being in your end but please bear in mind, Cair and the Zhangs are risking the bigger bridge for better future. Their successor father is our royal consort’s far cousin. Think about the damage if we are at cold war with them. They have undeniably wide access over trading business. More than half of our mutual trading partnerships chose the Zhangs’ side than ours. They have better army too. Cair will suffer unaccountable loss if we don’t mend our burned bridge with them.”

Like Changmin hasn’t heard it enough. “Send me back to prison as soon as you reach Cair.” He remarks. “I’m not stripping for the Zhangs’ favor.”

He doesn’t care how powerful or feared Mars is. Cair has Prince Park Yoochun, Prince Jung Il Woo, Prince Choi Siwon, Prince Lee Min Ho and long list of well skilled first rank warriors and soldiers. Cair has ten Kims with them, for God’s sake. Three of which are the most skilled first rank warriors. The Zhangs might win Kim Juno’s side and Mars’ unbeatable record but Cair hasn’t really known how much potential their ten Kims posses. Look at Junsu. Two years and few months away from Cair and now he’s as good as Mars, if not better. Who knows what consort Heechul could be if Siwon allows him joining the training.

The half moon shines shyly in the floating clouded sky. Changmin can’t find himself sit or lie still in his cabin after two and half long hours effort to call for peace of mind. He’s told Hansol was requested in the Zhangs’ mansion which left him totally alone with his swirling thoughts of Junsu and his repetitive dreams. The weather rises after a while as his restless body keeps trashing and moving in the cabin. He needs fresh air. He refused the dinner offer an hour ago, not feeling like chewing any food which he regrets it by now. The other low rank crews must have had their share of early dinner leaving no option of available ready food for him or so he concludes.

Perhaps, if he’s doing it right, he may get a sneak out of his under strict watch cabin. Yeah. Why not? All he has to get through is the fellow soldier and crews. Local men or people wouldn’t recognize him as good as Cair crews do. Right. Let’s see how good he could pull a sneaking out Junsu on himself.

Seth coughs twice, the code for general Aaron to check around for any suspicious movements.

      “It’s me.”

Aaron, the man who was seen in Cair’s port together with Young and Mars, shoves his small knife back inside the cover. “Good time, Young. I’ve been wondering when you’ll join us tonight.”

Juno nods acknowledging the other general. “How’s the deer?”

      “Caged well inside the box.” Seth answers. “He was sent back to one of the royal ship before nightfall. I bet he got himself nice round watchers there.”

Juno follows the direction of Seth’s chin gesture. “He hasn’t made any move?”

      “Soon, I guess. The cage is ridiculous for some deer like him.” Aaron sneers. “What did I miss? Your son scares the reps? Aventa Maya sat Mars a good earful story?”

      “Mars carries his sword.” Juno replies shortly.

Both of the men under clovers’ mission exchange serious look. “Mars is out?” Aaron welcomes the sudden cold breeze over his hair. “You mean he’s out for playing and carrying his sword again?”

      “My cousin hasn’t been seen in head quarter since the reception either.” Juno takes long breath. “I suspect Mars heard my conversation with Hansol, Junsu’s friend you both saw in the reception today. Aventador Cassius said he saw Mars leaving headquarter like an hour ago. He could be everywhere.”

      “He’s finding Junsu, right?” Seth is uncomfortable. Mars carrying sword wandering alone alerts every single warrior on their lands. It’s either he’s targeting unforgivable criminals or.. let’s not dwell on bad thoughts for the moment.

      “I really hope so.” Juno blows air from his mouth. “Junsu could appear any moment in the head quarter as usual but Mars..” He leaves his sentence unfinished.

      “What do you think?”

Aaron gives Cair royal ship view a long look. “We can’t tell them without proper explanation. I’m sure they have worked on some preparation for the deer to be out of sight. Let’s wait.”

      “Generals.” Seth alternates his eyes between Juno and Aaron. “How long do you honestly think it would take Mars to find Lord Shim?”

Not long, they both know the answer. Mars is good at finding people however slippery the people are. Sooner or later, Mars would stand face to face with Lord Shim the third. Not good.

      “They know calleph Seth and me.” Juno agrees with Seth. “But not you, General Aaron.”

      “This is getting annoying.” Aaron mumbles. He hates to act dumb or drunk or whatever in accomplishing a task. “What’s his name again?” He makes a face at his two companions.

      “Shim Changmin. Ex Cair assistant general.” Juno supplies. “Hansol said he’s spent eighteen months in royal prison before he rejoined royal army.”

      “Prison, huh?”

      “Is he any Zax? Or Cassius?” Seth randomly asks. Just curious. Assistant general wearing a soldier outfit? Presenting gift to them hand in hand with a servant? Sounds interesting.

      “I’m afraid he’s closer to Mars.” Juno replays Hansol’s words in his head. Warrior Shim the third is said the new appointed rival of Prince Park in the arena. He’s changed a lot after he’s released from his sentenced prison. I don’t know much about him but nearly everyone in the Palace makes way for him when he’s summoned by his majesty.

      “Closer to Mars? You are not kidding me, are you, Young?”

      “I gather so.” Juno says. “I hope I’m wrong.”

      “What are waiting for?” Aaron rises from his position. “Locking someone who has the skill close to Mars is big stupid trash. You should have warned us earlier.” He disappears from the two companions’ sight in the following minute and reappears in pale face ten minutes later.

      “You’re right. The cage is abandoned by the deer. Split up. I keep some arrows near the horses’ turn. Dig down the perimeter. Three shoots per each. Clear?”

      “Clear.” Juno stands up first. “I’ll run the southern coast.”

      “Seth, stay here in case you see Mars or the Lord nearing the ship. Pull a frog string for either of them. We didn’t see him leaving the ship. He must take his own passage of escaping. Damn, he’s smart.”

      “Should I send word to Cassius?” Seth begins to sort out possible scenarios of Mars suddenly seen on the royal ship’s bridge or the Cair Lord is found lying between life and death somewhere along the shore. Either does them any good.

      “He has enough on his plate already.”

      “I’ll send word to Vaya.” Juno decides. “If Junsu is back to head quarter, he’ll be a great help for us.”

      “You do that. Now go!”

--

Changmin has no idea that sea water could be this cruelly cold. He knows the weather drops lower than Cair usual cold night sea air but he doesn’t expect that it will be this cold. He dives down into the coastal wave on purpose in his first trial sneaking out of the ship. It sounded a very bright idea half an hour ago but it’s the opposite of good one now as he’s battling endlessly with the merciless waves and the semi freezing water temperature. Damnit, Changmin. You can’t lose it. You took those long swimming session with Changwook for this moment. You know well swimming in the sea is a hard task yet you have decided to test how useful your long swimming practice is right now. Are you going to commit defeat? Are you going to let nature take over your body control? damnit! Swim farther. The ship crew might have found out your disappearance by now. There’s no way you’re going back to them risking ruler’s important mission for nothing. You have swum this far. Come on! Swim a little bit more. Junsu had been thrown deeper in the pit floor of the sea and he’s still alive. Would you take humiliation that Junsu, your beloved carrel is better and more capable than you? The one who promised to protect and love him with all you’ve got. How would you get to his heart if you can’t even cover a short distance of swimming?

The screaming thoughts motivate him to keep swimming despite the painful cold and protest from his body. He hasn’t chewed any food since noon and the temperature is too cold for his not so prime stamina. He’s indeed a land creature. Sea water and him are unmatched combination.

Come on! his heart urges him to swim forward. It’s not that far.

Salty cold water slaps him on and on his eyes are sore, his lung kicks badly, and his arms and legs start to get lazy. The water is too mighty to be crossed against. Changmin has no time to think better. His feet are going funny. He swallows the salty water whenever he tries to fill air to his lung.

Are you really losing it? Just like this?

Junsu’s cold still lifeless body floated few inches above the sea ground. Pale and surrendering.

Changmin swallows down big gulp of salt sea water by mistake. Why is he seeing that dream now?

The still body dove slowly onto the sea floor, dark liquid stained the clear water around his chest. The skin had turned bluish white. No more living sign. No more heart beats.

      “No!” Changmin screams allowing more water rushing into his throat and nose. “NO!!” his suddenly triple times weighted body flails in desperation. Water fills his lung like hard rain running along the drainage pipe. He struggles in vain, half of his awareness has welcomed the illusion of deep ocean embrace. He fights the whirling twist his remaining survival force out of his flesh.

      “No!”

He’s alone. The crashing waves are sweeping him inside its beautiful tide up before leaping and landing on to the shore. He’s fighting a lost battle.

Junsu’s still lifeless figure looked so calm and serene. No more pain. No more hiding. He chose to reside here, safe and sound from worldly riots. He slept in peace; beautiful, breathtaking yet so white pale and empty.

Junsu, can I go there with you? Changmin can’t breathe anymore. The acid pain in his chest races with his sore arms and legs. He has no will to fight the power of nature anymore.

Junsu, can I see and hug you for the last time before I go? Can I see your genuine smile once more? Can I look back into your defiant eyes for three last seconds? Can I say I love you? Just once more time?

Changmin gives up. At least, he saw Junsu today. If this is his end, in the hand of the Zhangs’ heartless sea waves, he’ll accept it because it’s his choice. He has seen and met Junsu today. It’s the memory he could take with him happily.

The pain and numbing sores send him further into oblivion. Is it how the ending looks like? Feels like? Cold and dark? Shivering? Wet and chilling?

      “What the hell are you doing?”

His chest is pressed, pumped. The salt water rushes back to the surface burning his lung like the tip of hell. The pumping pressure repeats forcing his mouth to burst out the sharp salty taste of sea water.

      “Changmin!”

Yes? When will the burning pain stop? Is it still long?

      “Changmin!”

More water runs through his throat to and fro. His stomach is so sick it feels like all his internal organs are running on opposite direction. So hurt.

      “Changmin! You snobby brainless assistant general!”

It’s weird. The pain lingers but lessened. The pumping motions stop as he coughs badly. The burning in his lung and chest escalates that the cough isn’t enough helping him to breathe.

…

…

…

Changmin slowly opens his eyes, bewildered and registering. The awareness is dancing somewhere along the crashing wave and the sandy floor where he finds his body lying on. What? What? How? His eyes close feeling the warm encounter calling his breaths on to work. The warmth source blows air into him again and again, encouraging his respiratory system to start functioning.

He recognizes the warmth slowly. Like a dip of plain honey he had ever tasted. His shivering cold lips are in contrast with the warmth of this source.

      “I thought you are smart enough not to swim in the sea when the tide and wind are not friendly! Whatever are you doing there drowning yourself? Do you even use your brain?”

Changmin holds any surface his cold weak fingers could reach.

      “Do you hear me?!?!”

He coughs again. How long has he been longing to hear this voice?

      “Yes, Hanxi. I hear you.”

And while he is still wearing his victim card, he forces his head and shoulder in difficulty leaning upward meeting the pair of warm lips helping him to breathe. He kisses those lips not minding any damn thing hitting him later. He doesn’t care if Junsu breaks his bones right after his kiss ends. He doesn’t give a damn if he is sent back to the ocean repeating his nearing end experience because of it. He just wants to feel his Junsu, real and close.

      “I told you I would go find you wherever you run from me.”