A/N: I updated! Aren't you proud of me? Keke. 

It's an awfully long chapter, the longest one so far in fact at 8,056 words. Perhaps a little too descriptive? In order to write I have to imagine the scenarios taking place in my head, down to every detail, so I have a hard time describing what I see/feel in words.

I'm honestly not much of a writer. I'm more of a math and sciences type of girl, ie. a succinct and to the point writers. So when I try to write this fanfic, I tend to have trouble conveying what I imagine in my head. The words do not come to me easily, and I tend to fall back on the same words frequently. I hope you don't find me too repetitive.

This is going to be the only update for a long while. With exams and end of the semester projects, I am already overwhelmed. Grad school is hard...

PLEASE COMMENT! I want to know what you all think. If you have any ideas, write them in the comments. I always need new ideas :)

You probably don't want to read all my babbling, so I'll stop here. 

~.*.~

The park was deserted as per usual at that time of night. Though the surrounding streets were lit up, the trees blocked the light from reaching the playground where Taecyeon waited in the shadows. He stood on the familiar bridge with a beer in hand. He remembered the day Yoona came and comforted him on that very bridge.

Thoroughly soaked in cider, they laughed together.

“Geez, it’s been a while since I last did that,” said Taecyeon, his smile fading as he recalled a memory.

“Really, I find that it is a great stress reliever,” said Yoona, still smiling.”The girls don’t do it much anymore since it means there’ll be a mess to clean up.” Taecyeon chuckled.

“No kidding,” he said. The cider was already drying and his skin felt sticky. He looked at Yoona who had just he arm. He gave her an incredulous look.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“Did you seriously just yourself right now?” asked Taecyeon. Yoona smiled sheepishly.

“So what? I taste good,” she joked. Taecyeon laughed at the playful and funny girl that stood before him. She stuck her tongue out at him cutely.

“Cheers,” she said as she raised her can towards him. He tapped his own can against hers and took a sip. It was flat and syrupy, yet somehow it tasted just right in that moment.

That night she was able to make him forget about all his troubles. With her arrival, everything just felt better. They didn’t talk about it and he didn’t really feel a need to. They joked around and talked about everything else. She was simply someone he enjoyed being with. That day she made him feel better, but today she was the source of his troubles.

The memory of Yoona’s guilt-ridden face flashed across his memory. He winced slightly at the pain of his heart clenching. He coughed as his body reacted to relieve the pressure in his chest. His eyes became watery from the coughing fit. Once the coughing subsided, he took a swig of his beer. He squeezed his eyes shut as he focused on the cool liquid running down his throat. The image of her face blurred away in his mind. He sighed and relaxed a little. He heard the sound of a car nearing and turned expectantly in the direction of the sound.

The familiar headlights of Jessica’s car appeared on the nearby street. She parked it underneath a streetlamp by the path that led to the playground. Taecyeon watched silently as Jessica got out of the car. The driver door opened and a head popped out. The orange tinge of the streetlamp made her hair shine a soft, golden color. Pretty, thought Taecyeon absentmindedly.

Her head disappeared as she ducked back into the car. When she emerged again, she was wearing a familiar white knit beanie. She closed the door and made her way around the car towards the path. She had walked several steps before coming to an abrupt stop. Her hand formed a fist and she lightly tapped the side of her head. Taecyeon chuckled and watched her adorable antics.

She fumbled around in her purse for a while until a set of keys fell out of her bag. She stomped in frustration, causing Taecyeon to laugh again. She swiftly picked up the keys and turned to her car. She finally turned around a looked towards the playground after the lights on the car flashed. Taecyeon raised his arm in greeting. She saw his gesture and made her way over.

As Jessica walked, she stared at the ground in front of her. Was it hard for her to see where she was stepping? It was only after stepping foot in the woodchip area that encompassed the playground that she looked up at Taecyeon. Her eyes widened at the sight of him. Her eyebrows furrowed and her lips parted slightly. He guessed he looked pretty awful. He ran the fingers of his free hand through his hair and gave her his best grin to indicate that he wasn’t as bad as he looked. Instead she looked even more upset.

Jessica pursed her lips and rushed up the steps of the playground tower to his left. Once she reached the end of the bridge he stood on, she stopped and walked over to him slowly as if causing the bridge to move too much would make him crumble. Once she stood next to him, he leaned down and pulled out another beer from the white plastic bag on the other side of him. He twisted off the cap and held the bottle out to her.

She looked at the beer bottle for a moment before gazing up at him. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she stared into his eyes for several moments. He could see her pupils waver side-to-side as if she was trying to read his thoughts. He did not break the eye contact. She frowned and let out a slow breath. She looked like she wanted to say something.

Taecyeon was not sure exactly what he wanted to say, and was trying to anticipate what she would ask and how to respond. He called her because Jessica was good at getting him to talk and sort out his thoughts, but he wasn’t ready to talk yet. He was about to tell her just that when she silently grabbed the beer and turned away from him. She took a swig and looked out at the empty baseball field beside the playground. She did not utter a single word.

Taecyeon looked at Jessica intently. Her silence had surprised him. He knew she must be aware of his gawking, but she gave no indication of it. Not a smile. Not a sigh. She just stared out at the field. She emitted an aura that felt distant and chic, but Taecyeon could tell that she was simply lost in her own thoughts. That’s why they call her the ice princess, he thought. He joined her, staring out into the empty space. They both leaned on the bridge’s chained handrail and for several minutes they just stood there, looking at the field and the surrounding trees. Though her expression earlier clearly revealed that she was concerned, she didn’t push him to say anything. She just waited until he was ready. Taecyeon was thankful that she understood him so well.

A faint clinking sound stirred him from his dazed thoughts. He glanced at Jessica who was in a daze. Her fingers were trembling, causing her nails to tap lightly against her now empty beer bottle. A soft smile crept across Taecyeon’s face. Even when he was having a hard time and his mind it full of other things, he still felt a need to take care of Jessica. This girl was sensitive and kind, but also naïve and inexperienced. Most of the time she was capable of taking care of herself, but sometimes she seemed forgetful or unaware. Like now she was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she did not even realize she was cold. She seemed so fragile beneath her indifferent exterior.

Taecyeon drank the rest of his beer and took her empty bottle from her grasp. Jessica jumped when she unexpectedly felt her bottle taken away from her. Taecyeon chuckled and shook her bottle in the air to show her that it was empty. He set them aside and sat down on the bridge, his legs dangling over the edge. He patted the space next to him. Jessica clutched onto chain handrail as she eased herself down. He reached for her hands and cupped them in his. Her fingers were cold to the touch and her hands so small he could envelop them completely in his. He brought them to his lips and blew on them with his warm breath. He rubbed them gently to get them warm. Jessica held her breath as watched him at work. When he was satisfied that they had warmed up enough, he intertwined his fingers with hers and tucked them in his jacket pocket. With one hand he opened two new beers and gave one to her. He picked up the remaining beer with his free hand and took a few gulps. Jessica faced forward and drank as well.

“We were sitting here that night,” said Taecyeon, breaking the silence. Jessica did not react to his voice. “Just like this. The night after Jay left.” Jessica took a sip of beer and her lips. She nodded that she did remember.

“You called Yoona that night didn’t you?” he said rhetorically. “I guess you knew how I felt before I did. I don’t know if it was before or after that night, that she became more to me than just a friend. But that night I definitely felt something.”

Hearing Taecyeon speak affectionately about his feelings for Yoona was more than Jessica could handle. Afraid of showing her tears, she abruptly guzzled down the rest of her beer. She kept her eyes closed as her head tilted back. She gasped for air as the bottle left her lips. Her fingers loosened their grip and let the bottle fall to the ground beneath their feet. She untangled her fingers from his and tucked both her hands in her jacket pocket. With her eyes still closed, she lay down backwards and supportively continued to listen.

 “It was less than three months ago, but it feels like much longer,” continued Taecyeon. His eyes glazed over as he drew out the memories. “We met up regularly since then. Sometimes we would go out to eat, watch a movie, or even meet up with other people.” He laughed pitifully at himself. His head hung down and his shoulders slumped forward. He distractedly rotated his bottle between his fingers over and over again.

“Until today, I thought that just maybe,” he trailed off and sighed. “Just maybe… she liked me too.”

Taecyeon’s hands were sweating nervously as he gripped the steering wheel of Nichkhun’s car. He had to promise to treat Nichkhun to three meals of samgyupsal in order to borrow it.  The plan was to eat dinner and then go to his friend’s New Year’s house party. With much effort, he was able to make reservations at the Parkview restaurant at Shilla Hotel. It was going to cost him a pretty penny, but the exclusivity of the hotel would ensure that no rumors would spread.

Taecyeon turned down the familiar street of SNSDs dorm. As they had planned, he passed the entrance and turned the corner into the building’s underground parking lot. He typed in the code Yoona had told him, and the garage door opened. He made his way down to the third floor basement and waited by the elevator. Right on cue, Yoona appeared and swiftly hopped in.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hey,” said Taecyeon, simpering. He drove out of the garage at which point Yoona ducked just in case paparazzi were around. Taecyeon wore a scarf that covered half his face to hide his identity. Once they were clear from SNSD’s dorm, Yoona sat up. She looked uncomfortable and rigid. She must be more nervous than I am, thought Taecyeon.

He made conversation as per usual, but Yoona was acting strangely. Her responses were very polite and brief. She also seemed uncomfortable and fidgety. Taecyeon knew what was coming, but he refused to admit it to himself. He chose to believe that he was over-thinking, and that everything was in his head. He was driving across Dongho Bridge over Han River when Yoona finally burst out, “Mianhe!”

Silence filled the car. Taecyeon’s knuckles went white as his grip tightened around the steering wheel once more. He cleared his throat and swallowed before he spoke.

“What are you sorry about?” he asked.

“I…” Yoona hesitated. Taecyeon could not look at her while driving, but he could hear her breath become uneven.

“C-could you stop the car?” she asked pleadingly. Taecyeon turned off Dongho-ro road and into a random parking lot. He found a spot facing away from the building and turned off the engine. He looked straight ahead at the Han River. His heart was pounding in anticipation of what would happen next. He did not have the courage to face her.

“Oppa… I’m so truly sorry,” she stammered. He turned to face her. Honestly, he was upset and possibly a little angry, but all his negative feelings washed away when he saw her guilt-ridden expression. Her eyerbrows were furrowed and she looked like she was about to cry. He calmed himself down and attempted to appear more understanding and easy going than he felt. His expression softened and a smile appeared across his face.

“Calm down,” he told her calmly. “I promise I won’t be mad no matter what you say.” Yoona turned away from him and stared down at her lap.

“It’s just that I was so shocked,” said Yoona. “I didn’t expect you to seriously ask me out and… and I agreed without thinking.”

Yoona turned and looked up at him hesitantly. Her eyes looked up at him sadly. She bit her lip nervously and blinked several times as her eyes flickered back and forth. He undid both their seatbelts and reached his arm around her shoulder. He pulled her into a hug. He felt the tears drop as her head rested against his shoulder.

“Shh…” he hushed her. “Why didn’t you just tell me when I called you to make plans?” Yoona pulled away, but did not look at him.

“I thought it was something I should tell you in person. You mean so much to me. I’m scared that our friendship will change.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. Finally, she looked him with tears in her eyes. “I don’t want that to happen,” she said.

Taecyeon did not respond immediately. He leaned back into the driver’s seat and looked out the window, away from Yoona. He thought about what he wanted. Yoona evidently did not think of him as anything more than a friend. Was it wrong for him to hope that there was at least some chance that her feelings might change? He didn’t want her to be gone from his life just because she didn’t want to date, but he also didn’t know how he should act around her, knowing that she is aware of his feelings. Was he supposed to pretend that those feelings don’t exist anymore, or be more open about them?  Every second he stayed silent was compounding the level of awkwardness in the car. Taecyeon decided that he needed to handle the current situation first, and would figure the details out later.

“I can’t say I’m not disappointed and even a little hurt,” said Taecyeon with a light chuckle. “But I hope you don’t think I’m the kind of guy who would hold that against you.” Yoona’s head hung low and her shoulders slouched forward.

“I don’t think that,” she whispered. “But it might be awkward. I’d understand if you wanted to cancel our plans tonight.”

“No, we should still go,” said Taecyeon casually. He tried hard to play it cool. He was the oppa afterall. “We’re still friends, so we can just have dinner like we used to, and enjoy the party after. Besides, I already told people I would be bringing you with me. They’d kill me if I came alone,” he joked. Faking another smile, he buckled his seatbelt and turned the ignition key.

“I don’t know,” said Yoona. “Is that a good idea?”

“If we don’t want to become awkward, we should just act like everything is the same as before,” said Taecyeon firmly. He pulled out of the parking lot and turned back onto the main road. As he drove, Taecyeon quoted Bob Dylan in his head,

“Act the way you’d like to be,

and soon you’ll be the way you’d like to act.”

At dinner, Taecyeon attempted to make light-hearted conversation like everything was normal, but tension filled the air. It did not help that The Parkview Restaurant was at least 10 times as luxurious as anywhere else they had gone to eat together before. Taecyeon’s feeble attempts at conversation were thwarted by Yoona’s hesitant and succinct responses. She was so uncharacteristic of her usual animated self that Taecyeon struggled to think of topics that would not cause conversation to come to yet another halt.

Taecyeon could tell she felt guilty more than awkward as she kept masking her feelings with small smiles. He was hurt, yet he did not want her to feel guilty either. It was not her fault. He shouldn’t have sprung it on her. Throughout dinner he thought back to every interaction they had previously and analyzed them. Had he completely misread their relationship?

Taecyeon rang the doorbell of his friend’s apartment. Music could be heard from outside the door. After a minute or two passed Taecyeon was about to ring the doorbell again when the door swung open. Before them was a handsome young man. He stood an inch or two shorter than Taecyeon with sharp, angled eyes, but otherwise soft facial features.

“Yo!” he greeted Taecyeon. They clasped hands in greeting and pulled in for a one-armed hug. The man’s jaw dropped when he recognized Yoona.

“Man, I didn’t think you’d actually bring her,” he said to Taecyeon, never looking away from her. Yoona blushed as he continued to stare. He wiggled his eyebrows sillily.

“So, are you two dating?” he asked. Taecyeon saw Yoona’s body noticeable tense up at the suggestion. She redirected her attention down the hall, away from Taecyeon. To diffuse the awkward situation, Taecyeon wrapped his arm around the shoulders of his friend causing him to face Yoona.

“Don’t go starting rumors. Look, you’re making her  uncomfortable,” nagged Taecyeon mocklingly. “We’re just friends.”

Yoona looked at Taecyeon and smiled appreciatively. It was the first genuine smile she had graced him with all night. He smiled back and gave her a wink. He was happy to see she seemed more like herself. He didn’t know what he would do if she forever remained awkward around him. The friend ushered them inside and offered them house slippers to change into.

“Yoona, this is Jung Hyun Ki. He is a backup vocalist for JYP. Hyung, this is Yoona from SNSD,” introduced Taecyeon.

Hyun Ki stepped backward and made an extravagant, sweeping bow in front of Yoona. He then smoothly got down on one knee and took Yoona’s hand in his.

“It is my great pleasure,” he said greasily and winked at her. Yoona struggled to not burst into laughter. He pulled her hand to his face to kiss the back of her hand. However, his plan was thwarted by an embarrassed Taecyeon who grabbed him in a neckhold and pulled him down the hall in the direction of the music and chatter.

“Please excuse my friend,” Taecyeon said as Hyun Ki struggled to fight him off while being dragged backwards. “He’s not erted, just incredibly and hopelessly cheesy.”

“Yah! Don’t say that in front of SNSD,” exclaimed Hyun Ki. He blushed. Yoona laughed wholeheartedly and followed them down the hall. Just like that, their awkwardness disappeared.

“Drinks are behind the counter. Help yourselves,” yelled Hyun Ki before he left to tend to his other guests.

“Thirsty?” mouthed Taecyeon. He mime