CHAPTER  24- SKETCHES AND HIDDEN FEELINGS

SEULGI'S POV

    I walked into Big Hit building. A lot has changed inside. The last time I was here was that day Hoseok and I were inside the dance studio to practice for his performance in Inkigayo. Somehow, remembering it bore a hole inside me.

    I have been preparing for a week for the design of the clothes that they will be using for their comeback. In my hands are the sketches I did for their new concept.  Although the concept was winter, it was difficult because I rarely create male designs but I guess that was part of Cornelia's training.

    "Miss Kang! Great to see you again. Come, let's talk in the office." It was Mr. Bang, with his usual friendly face. I laughed again inwardly. I still wonder how this man, who looks like someone who just came out of a comedy skit be the one who handles BTS, a hip hop group with a strong image. 

    "Here are the sketches I made for their costumes." I handed him the folder with the designs and he scanned each of them. I studied his face, checking if he was satisfied with my creations. It was hard to make out his expression. I was nervous that he might not like it. If there is one thing I am afraid of, that is failure. I am not one who takes it easily. I want everything to go my way, to go perfectly. That has been my goal since I started training under seonsaengnim It was a difficult training with a lot of pressure being thrown at me but it was all worth it. I wouldn't be where I am now if not for all the hardwork I had to go though.

    "Is there something wrong, Sir?" I asked him. I was actually thinking that he seemed not satisfied with what I drew on the sketches.

    "Hmmm, there is nothing literally wrong with the sketches. They're beautiful, Ms. Kang but I think something is missing. I can't say what it is. I know you are good in terms of the technicalities of design but I think it lacks the feel," Mr. Bang said.

    "Feel?" I said, a bit confused with what idea he wanted to send to me.

    "Have you read the song?"

    "Yes, Sir."

    "What message does it deliver?"

    "A man longing to see the woman he loves, to get her back in his arms eventhough it takes him years to wait for her. But it seems a bit far from the usual concept they do sir."

    "I know, but I believe it's not bad to divert to a different style once in a while. What I am looking for is that their clothes will also deliver the frustration the man is feeling inside, the longing. It is not just about the aesthetic of their clothes. I guess you need to talk to the writer of the song, Ms. Kang, so you will understand how he felt during the time he wrote that song," he suddenly suggested, beaming at me.
    
    "Hmm, I guess that's a good idea Sir. So who wrote the song? It'll be nice to get to talk to him and hear his own views. It might strike something in my head," I agreed to the proposition.

    "It's J-hope. Hoseok wrote the song," he announced. I take back what I just said earlier. This isn't a good idea.

HOSEOK'S POV

    I sat inside the Bangtan room, our own studio in the building, mixing sounds for a new song. Mr. Bang just called me saying he will be bringing Seulgi here to talk about the song. This will be plain awkward, I thought.

    I heard a knock on the door, so I stood up and opened it. Right on the other side stood Seulgi.

    She cleared and started speaking, "Annyeong." I just nodded. "May I come in?" she asked.

    "Come." I let her pass and offered her a seat. "So, it seems like you are having trouble with your designs," I said as I casually sat back on my chair and continued with what I was doing.

    "I just want to understand what feelings were going through you to get to write that song. It might help me improve my designs."

    I turned my chair and faced her, looking at her straight in the eyes. "What do you think?" I simply answered her. "The answer to your question is very simple, Seulgi. Or maybe you've become to complicated these past eight years that you can't understand something as simple as that." I continued with the staring game with her. 

    "You think it was easy, Hoseok? Leaving everything behind? Paris is miles away from here. And that was my dream, my goal in life. I directed every effort to reach that dream." Seulgi said in between gritted teeth.

    "You think I was going to stop you? That's why you didn't tell. You just sent me a letter saying you want to break up. I was expecting you to come but all I get is a piece of paper saying you wanna break up. What do you think did I feel at that moment, Seulgi?" I held her arm, holding back my tears. 

    "You'll just be a distraction. If I have to be a fashion designer, I'll need to focus. I can't if we keep on going on with our relationship." That hurt so bad, I wanted to punch something. I held in my frustration and let her arm go. "You don't love me anymore then?"

    She was silent for a moment. "Aniyo. I don't love you anymore." Her voice was cold, it felt like an ice was pierced right through me.

    "Okay. So I guess we are over then? That's all I need, closure." I turned my back away from her again, fighting back the tears that were forcing their way out. We're over now. After all these years, this is how it all ends.

SEULGI'S POV

    I got out of the mixing room of Bangtan and went to the parking lot of the Big Hit Building. I slammed the car door close and put my head on the steering wheel of my car. I shut my eyes and kept repeating "It's okay, Seulgi. This is the right thing to do. This has always been the right thing to do. You can't ever hurt him anymore once your done. This project, this will be the last. After it you can get lost from his life for good."

    I raised my head and drove away from the building back to my studio. Everything felt heavy. I sat on my table to remake the designs I did earlier. It was still difficult and all I did was draw then erase, draw, erase. I slammed my pencil on my table and leaned hard on the backrest of my chair when I heard Joy's voice coming in to the studio.

    "Eonnie! Oh I thought you would still be in the meeting." She came in with a prettily wrapped lunch box in her hand and another box with a cake inside

    I stood up and cleared the table for her. "We finished early."

    "Oh, so how did it go? Did they like your sketches?" She took the cloth wrapping the lunch box and opened it. She handed to me the chopsticks so we can start eating.

    I took a slice of kimbap and stuffed it inside my mouth. I leaned on my backrest again. "We finally ended it." I felt my voice shake. The tears that I kept holding in for so long suddenly streamed down my face. Joy, who was about to put in an egg roll in , put down her chopsticks and came to my side and hugged me.

    "Eonnie, I don't know why you do this. Do you really need to hurt yourselves like this? It's absurd. I cannot understand you." I felt Joy cry too. "Aigoo, I should be the one comforting you but why do I also cry." She wiped her tears and chuckled.

    "He deserves someone better than me Joy. I turned my back on him to chase a different dream. I was so selfish to think about myself that time and not tell him anything. I'm guilty, Joy. Guilty about the fact that what I did to him was way worse than what had happened to us before. At least he faced me and told me we should break up, but me, what did I do? I can't even tell it to him in person. I was lonely in Paris so I buried myself with work just to forget him but why do I have to be working with him again. The song I'm working on right now. He made it." I sobbed on Joy's shoulder letting everything out. This is crazy. I just want it to all end, the hurt, the pain, everything.

JOY'S POV

    I waited until Seulgi-eonnie fell asleep in the bed inside her studio. I walked around and saw a folder with a label "BACK TO ME MV SKETCHES"

    I opened it up and saw the designs of Eonnie. They were wonderful. No wonder she was slowly becoming famous in the fashion world. I kept scanning until the last sheet. It was the song. J-hope's song, BTS' new comeback single.

Because I will be waiting
To see you, to feel you 
In my arm once again.
I will be waiting even if it takes me years
Because you are my soul
The one who makes me whole
So won't you please
Come back
Back to me.

    Just how can they be so plain stupid? This was a clear calling out from J-hope sunbaenim on how he truly felt, not for anyone else but for Seulgi-eonnie. Aish! Can I actually hit the head of this two to get them back to their senses? Jinjja! 

    I took my phone and dialled Taehyung's number.

    "Yeoboseyo?" said a sleepy voiced Taehyung on the other line.

    "Wake up you sleepy head. Bring with you Jungkook and Suga-sunbaenim, meet me in my shop. Arasso?" I closed my phone, walked out of Seulgi-eonnie's studio and drove off back to my shop.