Rin's POV:

“Do you want me to read Snow white for you?” a young boy not much older than me asked and I nodded. “Once upon a time there was a princess.” he began reading the story.

“The witch is bad.” I said as he got to the part where the witch appeared. “I’m scared of her.”

“Don’t be. Gege will protect you from her. No one will touch Ning.” He hugged me tightly and I giggled.

“Gege are you a prince?” he smiled before poking my cheek.

“I am your prince and you are my princess.” He stood up and bowed before me before grinning.

“I don’t want you to be my prince.” I looked at him, he was too precious to be my prince. I want him to be with me forever.

“Why?” he tilted his head to one side looking a bit disappointed.

“You are my xing xing.” I shouted and smiled. He was my one and only star.

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“Mei Mei!” he ran up to me and held my hand. “What do you want to do today?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged as I looked at my small hands.

“Want to see some flowers? Just outside our house there is a rose bush, the flowers are blooming.”

“Really?” I asked as I looked up and he nodded with a smile.

“Let’s go.” He held my hand and let me to the rose bush which was just a distance away from our house.

“It’s pretty!” I gushed and he smiled proudly. “I wished I have one.”

“Wait here. Don’t move okay? I’ll go and get the cutters from Uncle Lee.”  He let go of my hand and ran to the house. There was a loud screeching sound behind me and I turn around to see a black car, out came a man dressed in black. Just by seeing the look on his face, I knew he was good and I stepped backwards. He lunged towards me and I ran.

“Ge ge!” I ran as fast as my little legs could take me. He stopped and turned around. I was being pulled back and I screamed loudly as I was lifted over his shoulder.

“Mei mei!” he shouted and ran to me, the man was now carrying me to the car. I thrashed around hoping to break free but held me tightly. It was fruitless, a small child versus a grown man I couldn’t win.

“Ning!” the male shoved me into the car and closed the door. I screamed as I struggled, banging against the door. The car drove off.

“Yi ning!” I saw him crying, shouting as he ran after the car but he didn’t get any closer. Slowly, he became smaller until I couldn’t see him anymore.

 

“Xing Xing!” I gasped as I opened my eyes. My heart raced and my hands gripped unto the bed sheets. My head was fuzzy and my sight was blur from the sudden blood rush. My head no longer hurt, maybe just a tiny bit. Out of all the things I saw, there was only one thing I remembered really clearly.

Yi ning.

“Are you okay?” Soryong rushed in looking flustered. I looked up at him as he came to me. “You are all wet, what happened? Are you feeling better? Do you feel uncomfortable or sick anywhere?” he placed his hand on my forehead and pulled back. “No fever.” He grabbed some tissue and dapped it across my forehead. I looked around at the familiar room, it was my room. How did I get here?

“Do you know how worried we were? You just fainted on us just like that, Chanwoo was so shock he didn’t stop crying.” He sat down next to me and held my hand. “How are you feeling?” I looked into those worried eyes, the ones that cared for me since I was young. I reached out and hugged him tightly, I didn’t want to let him go. “Rin?” he rested his hand on my back as I hugged him. I closed my eyes and took in the familiarity.

“Thank you.” I whispered. “Thank you for taking care of me, even if it was from a far. It must have hurt you so much to see me like this.”

“It’s okay.” He patted my back.

“Thank you oppa. Thank you for being by my side.” he didn’t move or say anything for a while. Then he wrapped his arms around me.

“You-“

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” I loosen my grip and looked at his face, he was crying. “I remember now, at least I remember you and Dae oppa.”

He pulled me into a bear hug and cried. I remembered them, my brothers. I worked with them, eat with them and played with them. They comforted and took care of me. My chest didn’t feel so tight, that empty hole filled up a bit. I could finally remember something, my past.

“Tell me this is true, that you remember us.” He cried out and now it was my turn to pat his back.

“I really remember.”

“What’s wrong?” Daeyong came rushing in and saw us hugging. I looked up at him.

“Ge ge.” He stood there stunned he didn’t move.

“She remembers, she remembered us!” Soryong said and his mouth dropped slightly.

“Really?” he asked in disbelieve. I held out my hand to him.

“Really.” He came and we hugged, the three of us. The only difference was that I could feel their touch. “I’m sorry.”

“No no no.” they pulled back and wiped their tears away. “Thank you for remembering us.” they broke into a smile despite having a tear stained face and runny noses. I touched their cheeks and wiped away their tears.

“I have a question, do you know who Yi ning is? It seems like I can only remember you but I keep seeing images of other people and they called me Yi ning.”

“That’s your real name.”

“My real name?” they nodded. “Do you remember that you were adopted?” I closed my eyes and focused. A few images of my parents telling me that I was adopted surfaced. It followed by their death and me grieving. Quickly I opened my eyes and took a deep breathe. The memories were coming back faster than I thought.

“I think so.”

“You found out your real name and identity 2 years ago while working. Your real name is Zhang Yi Ning.”

“Zhang Yi Ning.”

“You should rest, you must be tired. Chanwoo is resting outside.”

“Could you bring him in?” he nodded and brought him into my room. I reached out and carried him into my arms. He snuggled against me and I his hair. “Sorry, I must have scared you didn’t I? Sorry.” I whispered as I rocked him gently in my arms.

“Rest, we will call you when dinner is ready.” Both of them stood up and ruffled my hair. “Good to have you back mei.”

“Me too.”

They went out of the room and I stared at my empty wall. Their images kept appearing, the tall one and the one with dimples. There was something distinct and familiar about the 2 of them. The one with dimples gave of the feeling of protection, calmness and it was soothing. However the other was different, whenever his image appears, it came with bitterness and heaviness. It felt tight and suffocating. These 2 guys must have been somewhat important to me since they were the only 2 people I seem to keep seeing. How are they related to me?

“Who are you?” I sighed and adjusted Chanwoo’s position and placed him next to me on the bed and brushed away some hair covering his face.

Beep. My front door opened and I heard multiple footsteps.

“Oh you are here?”

“Is she okay?”

“She is awake.” I heard then there was a small knock on my door and oppa popped his head in.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Good, better than before actually.” He walked in with the other members.

“You actually look much better, how do you say it.” Ricky looked at the members. “Don’t you think noona looks more normal?”

“Oh, I think you are right. Noona looks a bit happy?” Changjo tilted his head to the side and I looked at him before doing the same thing.

“Huh?”

“See! Noona is changing!” Ricky pointed at me smiling.

“What do you mean?”

“Rin, you are frowning.” My hand went up to my face and I touched it. My eyebrows were gathered at the centre of my forehead.

“How…” I looked back at them and they looked really shocked.

“Niel, get the mirror.” He speed walked to the toilet and came out with a small mirror and passed it to me. Taking it in my hand, I looked into the mirror. My eyes grew bigger as I saw my reflection. I have never thought that I could have an expression. Just to make sure that it was me making the expression, I touched my face.

“How, I-no my face…” I didn’t know what to say. This is the first time that this has happened. I was baffled.

“I don’t know what’s happening but it’s a miracle.” Oppa smiled. “It’s a good thing, you are becoming more like the Rin I know.”

“Are you saying that I’m not the old Rin?”

“What no that’s not what I sa-“

“Ge ge! Oppa is bullying me!” I heard footsteps running over and they appeared with a pair of chopsticks and a ladle.

“What’s happening?” they looked around and I pointed to oppa.

“I didn’t do anything.” He raised his hands in defence. “Since when were you so close and when did you speak Chinese?”

“You haven told them yet?” I shook my head. They let out a small laugh and looked at the boys.

“Rin has regained her memory, or at least part of it. Probably until the time she started work. He doesn’t have a clue when she started working or the people she met when working.”

“REALLY?!”

“Not all but at least who I am I think.” He broke into the brightest smile but it didn’t last long, it soon faded into a frown. I could sort of guess what was running through his mind. Remembering my lost memories maybe a something to celebrate but to him it’s not. It would mean that I have to remember the things that happened to me that made me like this. He did say I had a hard time or those probably weren’t good memories. That made me think of the 2 guys again. Were they part of the bad memories?

“Are you all staying for dinner? Because dinner is almost ready.” Dae oppa said cutting me off from my thoughts.

“Yeah, we have time.” They all nodded and they all went out one by one and soon it was just me and oppa.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” I said to him. I knew he cared for me and was worried but what do I have to lose?  I already died once, I should be able to handle whatever that comes my way. He was about to say something when my phone rang.

“I’ll be outside.” He smiled slightly before leaving the room.

“Hello?”

“Noona! Will you be coming tomorrow?” I turned to the calendar on my desk, tomorrow was a Wednesday which means lessons at the orphanage.

“I’ll be coming.” I heard cheers over the phone, the kids were screaming. “You have me on speaker?”

“Yeah, the kids missed you.”

“I just saw you guys 3 days ago.”

“Still, they miss you a lot. You have no idea how I had to put them to sleep. My life.” He exaggerated.

“Okay, I’ll be there same time. Do you want snacks?”

“It’s okay I don’t want you to spend money. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, Jungkook. Remember to do your homework.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye.” I hang up and thought of meeting the children. They were a mischievous bunch especially the boys but they were lovely kids. I would do anything to have them adopted into good families but it isn’t easy. I looked down at my little boy and it was amazing to have him in my life. Imagine what they could do to someone else’s’ life. Despite all the racket, my little boy slept through it all.

“Chanwoo ah.” I shook his shoulder gently and called him until he opened his eyes. “It’s time for dinner. Teen top uncles are here.” he sat up and looked at me.

“Eomma are you feeling better?” I nodded and smooth out his messy hair.

“Yes, I’m much better. Sorry for scaring you.”

“That’s good.” He opened his arms and wrapped it around my neck. He was so young but he seemed so mature for his age. It was like he was like an adult stuck in a child’s body. “Eomma, don’t be in pain anymore. It makes Chanwoo sad.”

“I won’t. Eomma will get better you’ll see.”

“Okay.” He smiled and I squeezed his cheeks. “Uncles are waiting outside and tomorrow we will be going to visit Jungkook hyung.” His eyes lit up at the mention of his name.

“Yay!” he cheered before climbing off the bed. “Eomma come out soon!” with that he left the room and the uncles cheered with his entrance in the living room. They themselves were idols but they made it seem like Chanwoo was one. I couldn’t help but shake my head. I couldn’t help but think that I was blessed, we, I and Chanwoo were blessed to have people like them as friends. I am really blessed. I got out of bed and headed to the living room where there was a spread laid out on the tables. They saw me and all smiled, I felt something warm inside, it was a pleasant feeling.

We chatted over dinner and it was nice to see everyone together. I seriously thought, what more could I ask for? My life as of now was the best ever, I wouldn’t ask for more. And I’m having this life without remembering my past or at least that certain past I couldn’t remember. Would it be better for me to not remember it?

“Oh noona, will you be okay without us?” I looked up from my bowl of apples.

“What do you mean?”

“We are going on our tour, did you forget?”

“Ah, sorry I forgot. Tonight isn’t it?” Ricky nodded.

“You will be alone for 5 days.”

“I’m not a small kid, don’t worry. If I need help or anything, I’ll call them.” I pointed to Daeryong and Soryong who were playing with Chanwoo. “I’ll be fine.”

Then CAP’s phone rang and he looked down at it. “Time to go guys.” They all groan, they wanted to stay longer. Slowly they picked up their belongings and headed for the door. Good thing they lived next door or they will be late. I watched as they put on their shoes and held unto Chanwoo’s hand.

“Bye Chanwoo, make sure to take care of eomma.” They ruffled his hair and gave him a hug each.

“If you want to talk, I’ll be a phone call away.”

“I’ll be fine really. This is not the first time I’m alone.”

“Still, I’ll be worried.”

“Oppa-“

“I know I know, I worry too much. But it’s because I care.” He raised his hands in defence.

“I wonder how your girlfriend will be next time. She will have to deal with your nonstop nagging. Oppa, you really need to stop worrying so much.”

“She will have to deal with it, it’s in built. And besides, who doesn't want to be cared for? I'm Teen Top's L.joe.” He shrugged before grinning earning a smack from me. He was half joking. “Take care, we will see you in 5 days.” I nodded and waved them goodbye.

“I guess it’s also time for us to go too. Call us if you need help.”

“I will. Drop by anytime you want, just give me a call.”

“We will. Bye Chanwoo. See you soon!” with that they all left. We went back inside and brushed up before reading some books. I felt a weight on my arm and I looked down to find Chanwoo was fast asleep.

“Aigoo, you must be tired.” I carried him to his room and placed him on his bed. I gave him a peck on his cheek after I tugged him in. “Sleep well.”

I walked to my room and sat on my bed and thought about what oppa had said. Do I really need to remember my past? Will it do me any good if I remembered them or will it be the opposite? A part of me wanted to remember but another wasn’t that enthusiastic about it. Right now, I know who I am and I’m living my life like it has always been like this.

“Zhang Yi Ning.” my real name. Who am I really I thought. It’s a Chinese name, not a Korean name.

“Zhang Yi Xing.” There was something about the name, it brought comfort. It was similar to mine as well. “Zhang Yi Xing.” I said again a picture appeared, a boy first then the male with black hair. There was something in me that kept thinking about him like we were linked to each other.

 “Yixing……”

“Xing xing” I continued as the name rolled off my tongue. It was the same name as the one in my ‘dream’ I was calling out to him. “Yixing ge.” For me to call him 'Ge' means that he is someone really close to me, someone close enough for me to call brother. I only use that term for the twins and they are Chinese. Is he Chinese? Why was I speaking in Chinese? Who am I really? I stared at the ceiling.

“Who should I live as now?”

 

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