Suddenly feeling tired, I decided it was time to go home.

“I’ll go first.” I said and stood up.

“I'll come with you.” oppa said and took my luggage.

“Noona, if anything happens, give us a call! We are just a door away.” Ricky shouted as we went out the door.

When I got discharged from the hospital, I stayed with Yongju eonnie. But now that I’ve recovered physically, I didn’t want to be a burden and try to live alone. Them being worried, managed to get the apartment next to theirs so they could keep an eye on me. I had no idea how they managed to do that but I became their neighbour.  A good point is that I’m never alone. Even if they are busy with schedules, at least one member would be home without a schedule. They will come over and accompany me. They could walk in any time they want since they knew my password. It was given by them.

I unlocked my door and walked in with oppa behind me. He placed my luggage by my bed and sat next to me. He held my hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he always knew if I had something on my mind. My face didn’t give it away, my face is always the same expression but he never fails to find out if I had something on my mind. It was amazing, sometimes I wonder if he could read my mind.

“I’m okay. This is the first time so I don’t know what that was.”

“Are you sure?” I nodded. He sighed and stood up. “Go and rest, you must be tired from the flight. Remember you are meeting Yongju eonnie tomorrow. You need all the rest you can get.”

“Goodnight.” I said as he opened the door.

“Goodnight, sleep well my angel.”

I couldn’t sleep. My mind prevented me from sleeping. The whole night, it was whirling around questions that remained unanswered. I stared at the ceiling.

Why is this happening to me? Why am I seeing these images? How are they related to me? Were they my memories which I forgot?

I reached out and touched the pendent resting in between my collarbones. A topaz stone, the only belonging I had left with me. I didn’t know how I got it or who gave it to me but whenever I couldn’t sleep, it helped. It was like my guardian angel, my lucky charm.

The sun stream into my room which meant the start of another day. I got up from bed, washed up and made breakfast. At about 9, and the front door opened. Eonnie was on time like always.

“You are up! That’s good” she said as she sat down by my table as I made my breakfast. She took a piece of toast and placed it into . I always made extra because I’ll never know if one of them would come. They always unexpectedly appear in my house.

“Are you ready for later? The kids there aren’t very good with strangers.” She said while munching on the toast. “They can be a bit harsh or over welcoming at times, it depends.” I just shrugged. What will I do there? I mean, kids are usually scared of me, even adults. I’ll probably just scare them away.

“Oh, I told the workers there about you. Don’t worry, they promise to keep quiet about it.” she dusted the crumbs of her fingers and I swept them away into a paper towel before throwing it away.

“You ready?” I went back to my room and grabbed my backpack and put on my shoes.

“Let’s go!”

 

The orphanage was in the outskirts of Seoul. The environment was quiet and there were fields where the children could run around. We walked pass the gates, it wasn’t very big or fancy, on the outside, it was cosy looking and it looked warm.

“Eonnie.”

“Noona!” the kids shouted and ran to Yongju eonnie who went down on her knees. They gave her a big hug, she almost lost her footing from the impact. About 10 little kids both male and females ran up to her.

“Hey, kiddos. How have you been? I missed you guys.”

“We miss you too!” they cheered and she smiled. One of them noticed me standing behind her and froze as soon as I laid eyes on him. I immediately looked away. Maybe it was a wrong decision to come here. I didn’t want to scare them and leave a bad memory for them.

“I see you have seen my friend.” She pulled me towards her, I kept my gaze away from the kids. “This is my friend. Be nice to her okay?”

“Hey, introduce yourself.” She urged me. I looked at her.

“They might be scared.” I pointed to my eyes. turned into an O shape. Turning to the kids she spoke.

“Children, let me tell you something about this friend of mine. She is different from other people, her eyes, they may look really scary. But don’t be afraid, she doesn’t bite. She is a nice person. Yongju can promise that this friend is a good person.” she nudged me and I looked at her. She gave me a wink and nodded her head towards the kids. Slowly I turned around and looked at them. They stared at me with their eyes wide open.

“My name is Jung Ye Rin. Nice to meet you.” I said softly before looking away quickly. I didn’t want them to be scared.

“We got another noona!” the boys cheered and the girls shouted.

“No, she is our eonnie!” they ran up to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the house.

“Eunjoo eomma! We got a new friend!” they shouted and I looked back at eonnie, she smiled brightly before following me into the house.

 

“I’m sorry about the children, they can be a bit excited at times.” The young lady named Eunjoo placed a cup of tea in front of me. I nodded before looking at her. She didn’t flinch or look away from me like what people do normally. She looked back at me and smiled brightly.

“You have really beautiful eyes.” she sat in front of me and I couldn’t help but think.

‘What’s wrong with her?’

“If you are wondering why I’m not looking away from you,” she eyed me. “That’s before I can tell that you are a good person, children do not lie.”

“That’s right!” eonnie said nodding her head. The children were running around outside, I could hear their screams and laughter’s.

“Seeing them pull you to the house that means that they like you. They don’t usually do that to strangers. They tend to be weary of them.”

“I thought they will be afraid of me.” she let out a small laugh.

“If they are afraid of you, they wouldn’t be so happy that they have someone new to play with. They only had Yongju who tries to comes by as often as she can. But now that someone else came, they are overjoyed.”

I looked out the window and watched them ran around the grass patch. They looked so carefree, expressing their emotions right there and then. I wanted to be like them.

“Oh by the way, is Jungkook back yet?” eonnie asked Eunjoo.

“He and the others should be back from school soon.” she looked at me. “Jungkook is one of the older boys. He is 19 this year.”

A high school student.

Staying here and being surrounded by little children, he must really love this place or he really doesn’t have anywhere to go.

“Noona! I’ve been tapping your shoulder but why didn’t you respond to me?” I turned to a boy who was about 6. I looked at my shoulder where his hand was resting. I didn’t see him there.

“Sorry.”

“Didn’t you see me noona?” I looked at him, I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him right in the face that I didn’t see him. I didn’t want to hurt him but I really didn’t see him there. Maybe he was there but I couldn’t see him.

“Jaehwan ah, Ye Rin noona hasn’t been feeling well.” eonnie came over and comforted him. I looked at her and she smiled. She always knew what to do. “Why did you call her for?”

“We want to play catch. Will Ye Rin noona play with us?” he looked at me with big hopeful eyes. I stood up and dusted my jeans.

“Let’s go.” He jumped with joy and held my hand.

“I’ll come too.” eonnie joined us for a game of catch. I was the catcher and they ran, squealing and shouting as I ran after them. Their laughter filled my ears as I watched eonnie protecting them from me. It looked really fun. The innocence of a child, it was something I wanted.

After about 20 minutes, eonnie collapsed onto the ground.

“Let’s take a break. I can’t move my legs anymore.” the children booed and whined. “Rin will play with you.” she pushed me towards them and they ran away from me, this time all with smiles on. I jogged after them but stopped when I caught sight of a group of students walking our way. Most of them looked around 17 or so, there were a few which were smaller in size, maybe 15 years of age.

I thought that after school was the most looked forward thing when schooling, they should be happy. But their expression said otherwise. They had a grim and worried expression. They kept looking back at the other group a few meters behind them.

“Eonnie.” She looked in my direction.

“Jungkook ah!” she waved and one boy from the front group looked up. He smiled a bit but then it changed into a frown.

“Something is wrong.” I said and walked out of the gate. They walked along the path towards the orphanage. He made all the smaller boys walk in front of him, we was at the back, the closest to the other group. He increased his pace. The boys in front did the same but then suddenly the group of boys behind chased them. All of them broke into a run.

“Eonnie, get the kids inside.” I said and she nodded. She gathered the kids and brought them inside before coming out again.

The younger boys managed to reach the house first and made sure that they were inside. My eyes were kept locked onto the boy named Jungkook and another boy. The other group caught them and were yelling something at them. They struggled and was pushed onto the ground. I walked up to them.

“What are you doing?” they looked at me and out of the 5 boys, 3 flinched when they saw me. One of the benefits of having cold looking eyes. Everyone is scared of me. “Let them go.”

“Who are you?” one of them questioned me and I kept quiet. He scoffed and grabbed the other boy by his collar. “I will do whatever I want to them.” he was about to punch the boy but I grabbed it before he could even reach the face. He glared at me and I pulled the boy free with my other hand.

“Go, Yongju eonnie is waiting there.” He nodded and helped the other boy towards the house.

“Who do you think you are?” he glared at me, obviously really angry. He lunged at me and I dodged it. My body moved on its own. I watched his stance, there were many loopholes. It all appeared like I was playing a game. The hints or signs kept popping up. I knew where exactly their weak points were and I attacked. I kicked him right in the stomach and he stumbled backwards. He threw me a punch on the left which I blocked by grabbing his arm before throwing him over my shoulder. Someone grabbed me from the back and held me in a choking head lock. I stomped onto his feet and elbowed him right in the rib cage. He gasped in pain, letting me go.

I stepped away from them and looked at them, the techniques they used weren’t official techniques like what people normally use in Karate or Taekwondo. They were more of street fighters.

“On your right!” I heard eonnie shout before I was hit in the face, my head turned left. I didn’t move for 3 seconds before looking up at him. It didn’t hurt. I turned around and did a reverse kick, he fell on his back with a loud thud. The others backed away from me.

“Do you still want to fight?” he spat onto the ground and stood up.

“You better watch out.” he hissed before walking away, the others followed him.

“Rin! Are you okay?” eonnie came to me and touched my face.

“I’m fine.”

“No you are not, you have a bruise forming on your jaw.” She sighed. “I’m not fast enough huh?”

“I didn’t react fast enough. You already did your best when you told me he was coming on my right.” I started for the house. At the gate waited Jungkook I think.

“But Rin, seriously don’t go around fighting like that. What if I wasn’t with you, you will be totally exposed on your right side.”

“It’s a handicap I have to live with.” I walked up to him, he looked bigger close up, had chubby cheeks and droopy eyes. A cute combination.

“Are you okay?” I asked and he looked at me in the eye.

“Can you teach me how to fight?” I looked at his determined eyes. “I want to be able to do what you did there just now. I want to protect my family.”

“Let’s go in first.” I turned away and walked into the house. Eunjoo made me sit down and she took out her first aid kit.

“You have no idea how thankful for what you did. Those boys have been disturbing my boys and they needed to be told off.”

“Have you contacted the police?”

“They couldn’t do anything about it. We called the police 5 times, and each time, it’s the same responds. They would say that they found nothing against them.” she sighed. “There is nothing much we can do.” there was a long pause. Jungkook who was sitting in front stared at me.

“Are you done?” I reached out to touch my right side of my face. There wasn’t a response.

“Ye Rin ah.” I turned to the voice, she looked at me shocked. “Your right eye, you can’t see in your right eye, right?”

“How did you know?” she looked at me with pity. She must have thought, such a young lady and she is handicapped. I didn’t want to be pitied. “You don’t have to feel sorry or pity me. I can very well get on with life. It isn’t much of a deal.”

Even if it was a deal, what could I do? I would need a transplant. Where would I find someone who is willing to give me their cornea? There are other people who are waiting for a chance to see, I still had my other eye, and I’ll live. At first, I thought that I couldn’t see because of the eye patch that was over my right eye. However, when the doctor took the bandage off, it was the same. All I could see was black. It was never ending darkness.

It did bring about some difficulties in my life but nothing severer. I could still do my things as per normal, I just need to tilt my head to the side, just a little bit to see what I was doing. I relied on my left eye.

“How did you fight like that?” He asked me and I looked back at him.

“I don’t know. My body moved on it’s own.” I looked at eonnie who came it. “Yongju eonnie told me that I was really good at martial arts. I don’t remember.”

“She was the best ever.” Eonnie boasted. “Taekwondo, Karate, Judo everything, you name it she knows it.” he looked at me wide eye.

“Can you teach me?” he looked really sincere. “I’ll pay you if you want. Please!”

“I don’t even remember knowing how to do all those.” His shoulders slumped and he looked disappointed. That look in his eyes, they were so sincere, he really wanted to learn how to defend himself. He wanted to protect his family.

“Give me 3 days. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Really?” his eyes were full of anticipation.

“No guarantees.” He nodded immediately and broke into a smile.

“Thank you noona. You are a nice person.” hearing those words were somewhat an encouragement to me. That there are people who will look past my eyes and treat me nicely.

“Eunjoo!” one of the workers ran into the room. “I think you need to see this.” She got up and ran out, we all followed. Next to their gate was a little boy, he wasn’t there before. She kneeled down and looked at him. He held onto a blanket tightly and stared at her with his dewy big eyes. He wore a small backpack.

“Hello, where are your parents?” he stared at her. Trying again, she asked a different question. “What’s your name?”

His lips quivered and he burst into tears. He must have been scared, surrounded by adults whom he doesn’t know. He was just an innocent kid.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay, you will be okay.” Eunjoo hushed him and carried him into her arms before walking back to the house. She comforted him and said sweet nothings into his ear. There wasn’t any name or identification left on him. He just stood right in front of the orphanage.

“Goodness! Who would do such a thing to a lovely child?” she exclaimed. The workers began scrambling around, getting some food ready and some hot water. “Hush, you are going to be okay. This will be your house from now on.” he cried even louder. He squirm in her arms.

“Let me try.” One of the workers took him in her arms and patted his back soothingly. “You must be scared right? Sorry.” She rocked him back and forth but it was no use. He didn’t stop crying. His face was all red and he was coughing.

“Hey, do you want something to eat?” eonnie asked him.

“Do you want to play with hyung? We got lots of toys.” Jungkook smiled. They tried everything, giving him food, to bribing him with toys. None of it worked.

“What’s wrong with him?” they asked each other worriedly as I watched from the side.

“Rin, you try. You were good with children in the past.” Eonnie took the boy out of the worker’s arms and placed him on me. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around him. I was never good with children, that what I’ve always thought. I mean even adults are afraid of me, wouldn’t kids be to? I thought he would have cried even louder but the unexpected happened. He stopped crying and leaned against me more. For the first time, I felt something. It was something I never experienced before. Something slightly heavy on my lap, his weight. Confused, I ran my hands on his arms, I felt how smooth his skin was, it was soft and squishy. I could feel. I looked up at eonnie and she smiled.

“Told you she is good with children.”

‘I must be dreaming.’ I thought and lifted him up, making him face me. Then he giggled. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. He looked at me with those big eyes, I could drown in them.

I held him closer to me, I rested him on my shoulder as my arms wrapped around him. He rested his head on my shoulder and his hair tickled my neck. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, I didn’t want to let go. I felt the warmth, it was nice. I held him like that for a while.

“He fell asleep.” Eunjoo said.

I felt his chest rising against my chest. I have never felt these, feelings. I’ve never experience it since I woke up, they were strange to me. But it got me thinking, why could I feel so suddenly? I looked at him through the mirror, his chubby cheeks were squished to the side, and he slept with his mouth open slightly. He had long eyelashes and dark brown hair. He looked like he was about 2 years old. The more I looked at him, the more I thought that there was something about him that stirred something inside me. Something that I’ve never felt before.

“We will bring him to the clinic for a check-up when he waked up. Let me have him.” she reached out to take him away but he held onto me tightly, he didn’t let go.

“It’s okay, let him sleep.” I said softly. “He must be tired from crying.”

“Do you think he has a name?” eonnie asked. “He didn’t have any identification on him. And seeing him carrying the backpack, it seems like he was abandon.”

“We should give him a name, a temporary one. Maybe someone just left him here for a while. We will wait a few days before reporting him to the social services.” Eunjoo looked at me. “Why don’t you name him? He seems to like you a lot that he isn’t letting you go.”

“Me?” I asked. Naming a child is something big. Giving them a name that will last them a lifetime, it’s some serious business. Even if it means giving them a temporary name. She nodded and so did the others.

“How about Taeyong?”

“No, Taemin!”

“Minhyun is nice!”

“How about Minhyuk?” All sorts of names were suggested, however none of it had that certain ring to it. I adjusted his position so that I was cradling him in my arms. He felt so frail, I hugged him tighter. The feeling of being able to feel something, was a feeling that I could never forget or get used too. I was so unique. There was something about him makes me want to look after him. There is this connection of some sort, I don't know how to explain. It was like we were meant to meet.

“Chanwoo.” I said while looking at his sleeping face.

“Chanwoo……..That’s a nice name.” Eunjoo smiled before bending down, touching his hair. “Chanwoo ah, welcome to the family.”

It was in the evening and we needed to go back home. I was still holding onto Chanwoo who was peacefully resting in my arms.

“Here pass him to me.” Eunjoo said softly and I lifted my arms up towards her. She got hold of his small frame and carried him, she didn’t get far with it. He stirred and grabbed my shirt tighter. We were stuck in an awkward position.

“Looks like he likes you.” she smiled and handed him back to me. He rested his head on my chest, I felt his heart beat against my skin.

“So what are you going to do?” they asked me and I looked up.

“Either I stay here or I bring him back with Me.” they looked at each other.

“I guess you can stay here. We do have an extra room behind. It’s a bit small though.”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“Then I’ll stay too. We have to go meet Byunghun tomorrow remember?” I nodded at eonnie. They led us to the back of the house and we went into the small room. It was just big enough for 2 people to lie down. I laid down and left him on my chest, my hands were still wrapped around him. I didn’t want to let go of that warmth, his warmth. I’ve been craving to feel for a while, to touch, to feel. I wanted to know what it felt like and now my wish came true.

Looking at the sleeping child in my arms, I felt more alive than I’ve ever felt before. Maybe, just maybe, life won’t be that bad after all.

 

 

~~~~~~`````~~~~~~

 

 

 

Updated. Something new about Rin.