I walked through the doors and the fresh air welcomed me. The smell of Korea, it’s been a while. People were on the move, welcoming their friends or family home. I stood there and closed my eyes. The sound of people chatting, luggage’s being placed on trolleys, the squeaky wheels, vehicles driving pass, the smell of the salty air combine with fumes.  

I let out a deep breath and started walking to the taxi stand, pulling my luggage behind me. My brown shoulder length hair was danced in the wind, not that it bothered me. It was a beautiful day, the sun is high in the sky, and it was blue with fluffy white clouds that provided some shade.

Stopping at the taxi stand, I waited my turn. Being back in Korea brought back a sense of belonging. Though the weather was perfect, people were smiling and enjoying their time out, I was indifferent. Everything to me was dull, boring and empty, just black and white. It’s been like that for the past 11 months, ever since I woke up.

The doctors said that it was a miracle that I woke up. They told me that the possibilities of me waking up or recovering were really slim. I was badly injured and on the verge of life and death. The first person I saw when I woke up was a blonde hair male. His eyes were opened really big and he was crying. He held my hand and called me a name, a name I didn’t recognised. I just stared at him. I didn’t recognise him or the other people in the room. I didn’t know where I was, let alone know who I am.

I had no recognition at all.

I remembered the very first question I asked the blonde hair male.

“Who are you?” followed by, “Who am I?”

I was always empty. I couldn’t remember who I was or what I did before. There were many questions in my head. Do I have a family? Why aren’t they here? But most importantly was, what happened to me.

Until I was allowed to be discharged, they kept me company, they never left me alone. Was it awkward?

Yes.

I couldn’t remember who they were and they were talking to me, cracking jokes like I was their friend. Maybe I was but that isn’t the point. They knew what happened to me but none of them said anything. Not a word. They didn’t want to tell me at all. The doctors said that I could have had a lot of unpleasant memories before and blocked them out. They could come back or they never will.

Seeing how I couldn’t remember anything about myself, I concluded that I must have had a really hard time and tons of awful memories for me to forget everything. It was like I wanted to forget about my existence. From then on, I stopped asking questions. I looked forward and lived the live I had now but a part of me will forever remain empty.

I noticed something different about myself, I couldn’t feel. I can’t feel when they touch me and I can’t feel emotions. They can laugh all they want but I’ll remain there with a stern face. Sometimes, the nurses would be afraid to enter and change the bandages. I didn’t know why until one day when I overheard them talking.

 

“You know that patient in room 1004? She is so scary.”

“I know right? Her eyes are so cold looking, I thought she was going to kill me when I went in.”

 

They were afraid of me.

I looked into the mirror, I saw a girl who I didn’t know. There was something familiar about her but I couldn’t quite get it. Her skin was pale, and she had scars on her face. They weren’t obvious but it is visible if you look closely. Her eyes are cold. She looked like she was glaring or staring at the mirror but she wasn’t.

I was different.

That was a fact. I was different from normal people. I didn’t smile, I didn’t get angry I couldn’t cry. Nothing. I was just like a robot.

When I was discharged, people would stare at me. I slowly got used to the stares. My friends, they stood by me and helped me a lot. From physiotherapy to bring me food. They were always there for me. Knowing that I met these friends before was a relief to me.

“Noona!” I looked up and turned to the voice. He came running to me and pulled me into a hug. “Noona, I missed you.” he smiled as he pulled back, I just patted is head. “Do you enjoy your trip to Guam?”

“It was okay. What are you doing here?”

“To pick you up of course!” he said proudly. “Come on, the hyung’s wanted to come but they have schedules.” He held my hand and took my luggage in the other. He pulled me to a black van which was parked at a corner. As we walked, people started looking and whispering at up.

“I think they recognise you.” he turned to me.

“Don’t worry about it.” we reached the car and his manager came out. I bowed and he smiled slightly. He was really nice, he went along with what the boys wanted to do and he knew about my situation. The boys could be a handful at times but he managed to handle them. It’s his job.

“Come on.” He pulled me into the car as the manager got into the driver seat. Once inside, he hugged me again and I saw his manager shaking his head from the front mirror before driving off.

“Noona, did you miss us?”

“I think so. How have you been?”

“Good.” He grinned. “Our schedule is always packed and we are really busy but it’s fun.”

“That’s good. But don’t over strain yourself.” I ran my fingers through his hair. Though I couldn’t feel, seeing how shiny and soft his hair looked made me wonder how it would feel like. “I brought presents.” His face immediately lit up. Immediately he lifted his hands in front of me asking me for it.

“Not now, later when the others are here.” he pouted.

“Yours is the biggest.” his pouted changed into a smile. He was like a kid really. Actually all of them were big kids, always fighting for toys and items. I couldn’t believe that some of them were older than me.

I looked out the window and watched the cars pass by. My life is filling up with new memories but a part of me still yearns to know about my past. That portion would not be filled until I remember what it s. It will be forever empty.

 

“We are back!” Ricky screamed at the top of his voice as we entered their dorm. I heard multiple footsteps running, it sounded a lot like a stampede. 5 males appeared in front of me and popped some party poppers.

“SURPRISE!” they all shouted at once. I blinked twice.

“It’s a success!” Niel shouted and fist pumped the air while the others cheered, making a ruckus. Ricky came over and placed a party hat on me so that I matched the others. They were all smiles.

“Welcome home, Jung Ye Rin.”

 

“Noona said that she got presents.” Ricky squealed as I sat down. The whole living room was decorated with balloons and ‘WELCOME HOME’. 

“You shouldn’t have.” Niel said. Though he seemed like he didn’t really cared, his eyes were glimmering with curiousness.

“Come on, let’s see the presents.” Changjo cheered.

“Noona said that mine is the biggest!” they all booed and pushed him away.

“Noona, help me, they are bullying me.” he scrambled behind me. They were really kids despite being the age of 25 – 22 years old. They were like 5 year olds to me. They were still squabbling about whose present would be the biggest.

“Do you want it or not?” I asked and they quieten down immediately before nodding. Like I said, they were kids. Slowly, I took out the gifts from my luggage and handed it to them personally. Everyone had a different present.

“Yes! Mine is the biggest!!”Ricky lifted his present over his head and jumped around. The others just scowled at him. They opened the presents one by one in the following order.

I got CAP a cap, Byunghun a T-shirt, Chunji a sling bag, Chanjo a shirt, Niel a pair of sunglasses and Ricky a teddy bear.

“Noona!” he looked at as he took the teddy bear out, the rest burst into laughter, rolling all over the floor.

“It looked like you. Out of the 20 over different kind of bears.”

“Thank you! I know you chose this for me, I’m happy!” he hugged me tightly and the others just laughed. I patted his arm and he let go all of them wore a happy expression. CAP immediately wore the cap and so did Byunghun and Changjo, both went to change into the T-shirts I got them.

“Thanks Rin.” Byunghun came over and sat next to me. “Thanks for thinking of us when you were having your holiday.”

“You guys just came to mind that’s all. It’s my way to thank you for all your help these 2 years.”

“Angel, don’t say that. You came a long way.” he patted my head. I would have loved to have felt that. “Oppa is happy.”

To have them by my side these 2 years was a privilege. Without them, I don’t know how I would have known what to do. I was like a child being tossed into another country. I had to start from the bottom, remembering everyone’s names and their interest. I even had to remember the roads and street names.

They never got mad at me for failing to remember certain things. They tried to find ways to make it easier, sometimes they sang, sometimes they rap or even did puns. They stood by me when I had a tough time. I couldn’t help but think that I was fortunate to have met them in my life. Without them, my life would be colourless. But there was something that I didn’t tell them, I kept it to myself. Even though having them around was nice, I couldn’t help but feel that my life was worthless.

I was empty, like an empty shell.

I didn’t have a purpose to live at all. I was just living everyday like it was just another. At some point in time, I had this thought, what’s my reason for living? Why am I even alive?

The bell rang knocking me out of my thoughts. Changjo went to the intercom.

“Yongju noona is here.” he went to open the door and came back with her. She smiled as soon as she saw me.

“Hey, did you have a good trip?” I nodded before taking out her present and handed it to her.

“For you.” she took hold of it and sat by my side.

“Thank you, Ye Rin ah.” She smiled. She gave me this name. She wanted me to have a new life and leave my past behind, she became my guardian. She wasn’t the mother figure to me but she took good care of me. I looked up to her as a sister. Just then, Jjong came up to me and nuzzled onto my lap. Instinctively, I reached over and scratched it behind its ear.

“Looks like Jjong misses you too.” Changjo said with a smile. I look down at the brown haired poodle curled up onto my lap. I ran my hand through its short fur, giving it a short but gentle massage as I did that.

“Oh I forgot. Rin.” I looked at eonnie, “What will you be doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing.”

“Great, want to follow me and do some volunteering? I’m going to an orphanage to help out. You should come too.” She smiled.

“Give it a go. You need to go out more and not coop up at home.” CAP said.

“Says the one who doesn’t leave the house because he is lazy.” Oppa shot back at him earning a whack on the head.

“So, how about it? It will be so much fun.” her eyes glimmer in excitement.

“Okay.” I said as I scratch Jjong on his belly, Meonji came towards me too and I did the same. Both dogs lied on their back, letting me scratch them.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 9 in the morning.” I nodded and focused on the dogs. Their expression when being scratched was fascinating.

“The dogs like noona better than their owners.” Ricky said and laughed.

“Ya! Let’s eat, I’m hungry.” Byunghun said before leaning onto Chunji. “Friend, can you make me food, please?”

“Go and make your own.” he scoffed and pushed Byunghun away. But he resisted.

“Oh come on, friend, how can you treat your same aged friend like this? Make me food.”

“Hyung make us food.” the maknaes started whining for food. As grown men, they sure did eat a lot, especially Changjo and oppa. Chunji immediately stood up and walked into his room before shouting.

“I’M NOT DOING IT.” the others then ran to his room and dragged him out into the kitchen.

“Argh!” he groan. He was always the one making food for them. I picked up Jjong and placed him onto oppa’s bed and stood up. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge while they were still trying to persuade Chunji to make food for them. My hands moved on their own, I began to take out ingredients and placed them on the counter.

I rolled up my long sleeves and placed a pot with water on the stove to boil. Next I cut the ingredients, placing them onto a plate. Once done, I went to cook rice.

“Rin?” I turned around to face Chunji and the others. “What are you doing?” I looked at my hands that were in the middle of washing the rice.

“Cooking?”

“But do you know how to cook?” I shrugged and continued. I placed the ingredients into the boiling water and stirred. Suddenly everything seemed familiar to me, from the cooking part to the setting of the table. I did it like my body was programmed to do it.

Scooping out the soup into bowls, I heard someone said.

 

“Something smells good.”

 

“It’s kimchi chige.” I turned around only to find no one standing there.

I was alone in the kitchen. Wait, how did I know that I was making Kimchi chige? I just took out random ingredients. Thinking I heard wrongly I placed the bowls onto the table and went to take the plate of omelette I made.

 

“This is the best Kimchi chige I have ever eaten!”

 

“There is more of it.” I turned around again but there wasn’t anyone. I was talking to myself. But I swear I heard someone speaking, it was a few to be exact. Just then, Chunji came into the kitchen.

“Are you okay? You look a bit pale.” he went up to me and touched my forehead. “No fever.”

“I’m okay. Time to eat.” I pointed to the table.

“KIDS! FOOD IS READY!” they came walking in and sat down. They all took a bite and looked at me with wide eyes.

“This is the best ever!”

“How come I didn’t know you cooked?”

“Can you give me the recipe?” they said all at once. Did it really taste that good? I don’t remember knowing how to cook. I moved on instinct. It was a reflex.

I watched as they ate heartily then something flashed pass my eyes. An image of guys eating. My head started to hurt a bit and I stumbled backwards, hitting against the counter.

“Are you okay?” eonnie came up to me worriedly. I held my head as the pain subsided.

“I’m fine.” I said and walked out of the kitchen to Byunghun’s bed. I laid down and closed my eyes. That image came back. 6 guys eating. I didn’t know what that meant. Is it linked to what I heard just now, those voices? One by one questions popped up, I got thinking. I didn’t get far into that as my eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep.

 

“Hey, we are here.” someone called me and I felt my body shake a bit. I looked out and realised that the car was parked outside a bungalow. Everyone else were already outside. I lifted my head off someone’s shoulder.

“Sorry.”

“No problem. You need to sleep more. You were smiling in yours sleep. It must have been a good dream.” I looked at him as he smiled. His voice, it was really calming and familiar.

 

I opened my eyes, bright lights blinded me. I raised my hand over my eyes and adjusted to the brightness while my head was throbbing.

“And she is up.” Eonnie said as I sat up. I looked at her and she smiled.

“Did you have a good rest? You knocked immediately as soon as you laid down.” I couldn’t reply her, my head pounded even more. I closed my eyes and took deep breathes. But it didn’t work, it got worse. I stood up immediately ignoring the sudden blood rush and went into the kitchen. I searched their cupboards.

“Rin?” they came in. “What are you looking for?”

“Painkillers.” I rasped. The pain was getting worse. I was hearing voices in my head.

 

“You sure? Are you feeling alright?” 

“If you are bored, just call one of us to accompany you.”

“Are you okay?”

“It’s okay, it was an accident.”

 

The voices continue to come and I covered my ears.

“Stop it.” I gasped in pain as I stumbled backwards. “Stop talking!” I hunched over in pain and lost my balance.

“Whoa!” Byunghun oppa caught me and held me up. “Get the painkillers, quick!” they all scrambled around and brought back a painkiller. Chunji handed me a glass of water and placed the pill on my hand.

Shakily, I put the pill into my mouth and gulp down the water. I rested my head on his shoulder, taking in deep breathes as the medicine took effect. Soon enough, I calmed down a bit and I didn’t have any strength left. Oppa swooped me up into his arms and carried me back to his bed, placing me gently on it. Kkangkkangie came over and placed its head on my lap. It was as if it knew that I was in pain, it was comforting me. I rested my hand on it and closed my eyes.

Why was I seeing or hearing all this things? I had no clue at all.

“What happened?”

“My head hurts. Then I heard voices.” I whispered. “I must be going crazy.”

“Do you want to see the doctor?” I opened my eyes and saw 7 pairs of worried looking eyes staring at me.

“I’ll be fine. This is the first time but hopefully it will be the last.”

“If it happens again, you have to let us know okay?” oppa held my hand. “We will bring you to the doctor.”

I nodded and they all left it as that. My head was working. I couldn’t help but wonder what these things were and why I was seeing them, hearing them.

Am I really going crazy?

 

 

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One more assignment and 4 more test to go! After that I'll update more often :)

Enjoy!