Kyungsoo’s

Having dinner today wasn’t as usually. I kept on remembering her figure back there in Sehun’s work place. She’s different and somehow made me felt attracted. Park Yoojin was something. She looked genuine and real. The way her hair tied in a bun made her looked like one of the ballet dancer; gracefully yet amazingly beautiful.

I heard my mom giggled and I turned my gaze at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She said, continuing eating her meal. I realized I wasn’t even touched my own food. What was I doing just now?

Her smile. Her laugh. Her eyes.

I smiled and slowly eating my food. I don’t know why I have this kind of feeling. I felt something. Ever since my dad left us, I felt empty. Even my sister’s gone was too tragic to remember. I was very lost back then. All of my hopes flew away.

But as I grew older now, I found out that being alone somehow help me feel better but not overall. I kept on talking to myself that happiness can be gained anywhere. I grew with all the past that haunted on my dreams and I would wake up, frighten as a kitten and there’s my mom would comforted me whenever she heard me screaming in the middle of the nights, saying everything is okay. Sometimes I eventually wondered, how can she say that kind of thing when everything is not? Until now, the past are still haunting me. It’s not like I don’t want to be in love but I’m just afraid.

I felt like my mom was staring at me. Her eyes were locking at my every movement. She left as soon as she finished her own food while I was still eating. I felt full all of sudden and took the remaining dishes on the table back into the refrigerator. My mom noticed me and helped me out.

“Sleepy already?” She said when she saw me walked to the stairs. My cheek was burning by just remembering her figure but I don’t the reason why. I just smiled at her and she chuckled, continuing her work. I climbed upstairs and locked myself in my room. I put away his comics away from my sight and sat at the end of my bed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now.

Sleep

That was the only thing I could thing right now. I tugged myself in but I can’t get myself to sleep. I glanced at the clock and it was only 9:15 p.m. I ruffled my own hair and bit my lower lip.

Music

Yeah music, I thought. I began on searching my earphone and plugged onto my phone and I played the music as loud as I can. I began on humming the song – growl, and then started to sing. I rapped and sang at the same time. I tried myself to be exhausted so I can fell asleep. I danced and I felt sweats on my forehead. I smirked. I sang again and the next song was more energetic; machine.

You are a cold machine,

 You are a ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, machine

 You are a ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, machine

 A beautiful and sharp goddess

 You are a ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, machine

 You are a ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, machine

This is so relaxing and retiring. The rap is coming up.

I have to find out

 (Hey hey) Yeah you know

 Her feelings are locked with a difficult password

 A room that is closed for no one to open yeah

 Hacking hacking a heart that has been closed, gotta get to her heart

I threw myself on the bed and breathe heavily. I closed my eyes and not less than a minutes, all I see was my dreamland.

*

My phone rang quite loud and it revealed that Chanyeol was calling me. I ruffled my hair and lazily picked up his call.

“Anyeong Kyungie..” He voice was husky in the line and the way he talked just now told me he must have awake.

“….”

“I’m sorry about yesterday. Okay, okay, how about the park for today? It’s Saturday today and your mom told me that both of you don’t have any plans.”

“My mom already had her plans, Chanyeol.” I said, sitting up at edge of my bed. I looked around and found that my room was in completely mess. There were socks at the corner of my study table, probably from last night and some of my sweater that unfolded. I picked up and threw it on my laundry basket, outside from my room for my mom to wash it.

“I don’t even mention to bring your mom along. Besides, I already knew she had her plans.”

Damn. I was trying so hard to avoid him for today because I also already had my plans for today.

“Come on, Baekhyun and Kai are insisted me to bring you along.” I sighed.

I guessed today was not the day and it has been a long time now we didn’t meet because of the exams and school work. We also seldom hangout like the other kids do. It’s not like we are nerds, we just had to happen our time is too limit. School works and whatever it is, was our barrier to have a bonding time together. But it‘s okay, we’re know we’re strong enough and even Joonmyun hyung always shouted ‘We are one’ whenever we separated to each other plans.

I opened up my wardrobe to find my favourite sweater. I tossed my sweater on my bed.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

“Great! See you there. 11 a.m. sharp.” And he hung up on me.

I heard noises from downstairs and assumed it was my mom who was preparing breakfast. I gazed at the clock on my phone that says, 10:15 a.m. Maybe last night was a blast and now I end up waking up late.

Having a bath at this time made me shiver because the water is too cold to feel or it due to the season; autumn. I wore my grey t-shirt beneath my black sweater and a pair of brown trousers. I sat down on my bed, wearing my white socks and bought a spare one because one, those kids are unexpected, two, they might having a thought on playing water fight in the middle of autumn and three maybe today would be a bit windy and chilly outside.

For not getting my hands col