Jr. walked to his room despite all the yelling going on in the living room, but his mind was filled with worry over Mark. The only thing he could hear was his mind asking “is Mark hyung okay” “What wrong with him” “Why is he upset?” “How can I make him happy again?” Thing about Jr. is he cares so much for people and he goes out of his way to do things for people he cares about. If he can make the people he cares the most about happy, whatever sacrifice he makes is worth it. Which is a good and bad thing. Jr. knows it selfish of him to ask Mark to understand that he has obligations to the other members. As Mark's boyfriend he knows he has to make clear of boundaries, to show even though he takes care of the other members and loves them. He needs to clarify that Mark is number one to him and will always be his only one. Jr. acknowledges his own faults and tries to fix them. He just wonders if Mark notices the  small gestures he does everyday. The subtle ways he tries to tell Mark that even though he is busy and taking care of others, that  Mark is still on his mind and that the older never leaves his mind.

Jr. opens the door to his room and sees Mark on his bed, laid out flat on his back with his eyes closed. Mark didn’t have any reaction indicating that he was aware that someone came in. What is he thinking so hard about that he doesn’t even realize someone entered the room. “Thinking real hard over there aren’t you Hyung” Mark jumped and tensed up at the voice, not realizing someone came in. However, he could recognize that voice anyday. Normally, on any other occasion that voice would relax him and make feel safe and secure. But today isn’t one of those days because Mark just realized the depth of his insecurities and Jr. happened to be the last person he wanted to see at moment. The fact that the younger came to him so quickly only confirms Mark’s thoughts. Of course he knows something is up, he is Park Jinyoung, the most caring and attentive man in the universe. He can tell automatically when i’m upset without me saying anything. He reads me so well and i’m his boyfriend and can never tell what he is thinking. Mark sighed outwardly “I’m kind of tired Jinyoung ah, can I just take a nap in your room?” Mark said as he turned to his side, closing his eyes, in hopes Jr. would just leave him alone to wallow in sadness.

    “Okay hyung” Jr. said as he made his way to his bed and laid down next to the older and wrapped his arms around him. Why? Why does he have to be so sweet and caring “You don’t have to sleep with me you can go hang out with the rest of the guys, i’m really okay. I'll just a little rest and I’ll be fine I promise.” “You and I both know that’s not true. I don’t know why you don’t want to talk to me about what is bothering, but I won’t force you to tell me . However, even if you don’t want to tell me I not leaving you to be upset by yourself. So until you're ready to talk, i’ll just be here holding you” Jr. said as he hugged Mark tighter. Mark sighed “you're making this hard Jinyoung ah. I really just want to be alone right now” Mark said frustrated.”Why do you need to be alone? You're clearly upset by something Mark. I don’t understand why you just talk to me about. Maybe I can help you, even if I can’t just talking about it will relieve your stress.” “you know what ?! You can’t help me okay? You can only make it worse! So just please leave me alone Jinyoung” Jr. was taken back by Mark’s words and tone, he sound so tired. “I--I don’t understand? Did I do something to upset you? I mean i’m sorry if I did. I never want to make you upset or sad, but if I did something to hurt you. You need to tell me, I don’t want to continue hurting you. Whatever it is just tell me and i”ll fix it. I don’t like---what I mean is I can’t handling seeing you like this, especially if I caused it. Please Mark hyung just talk to me.” Jr. begged the older. Mark looked at the younger and his eyes were filled with worry and guilt, mixed with apologetic pleading. No, please don’t look at me like that. I don’t deserve your worry and concern, it’s not your fault Jinyoung ah. Don’t be sad over me, i’m not worth it. “Jinyoung ah, It’s nothing you did i’m sorry. I should  have never snapped at you like that. You're perfect, you're amazing! Don’t worry you didn’t do anything wrong it’s me. It’s always me!” Mark said as he stood up, loosen himself from the younger and looking down at him. Just before putting his head into hands, groaning loudly.

    Jr. stood up in confusion “Hyung if i didn’t do anything to upset you, why can’t you talk to me?” “Because ----*sigh* because talking to you will only reinforce how perfect you are in my mind and remind me how much I don’t deserve you. And that I shouldn’t be holding you back from finding someone better than me” “what are you talking about of course you are deserving enough. Where would you get a crazy idea like that, I love you.” “jinyoung ah, you can find someone better than me” “hyung I don’t--” “Jinyoung ah your so talented and sweet, you can sing, dance, and act. Yet, you are also so humble and kind. You're the most nurturing and attentive person I have ever met. You're so selfless and would sacrifice your happiness or time for another without a second thought. Your everything i’m not” “Hyu---” “No Jinyoung ah it’s the truth. I’m the least talented in the group. I only think about myself and never act my age. I am jealous and possessive over you. I hate when other people come near you and I want to be the only one in your life. You can do much better than me” Mark said with his voice cracking. Jr. was shock he had no idea where Mark was getting these ideas from. “hyung what are you talking about, none of that is true!” Jr. said raising his voice because he couldn’t believe how the older could think any of that stuff.

    “Jinyoung ah it’s the truth. I know you see the good in every one, but i’m stating facts here and i’m being realistic.” “What the--” “Jinyoung, do you know why i’m so jealous and possessive? Why I don’t want anyone to touch you or take your attention away from me? It’s because i’m scared and I know the truth. There are so many options for you out there, so many other people better than me. For example, JB has been with you the longest and is just as talented as you. Jackson is your age, a gold medalist, and you guys have a bond where you build each other up from your negative thoughts, Youngjae is a such an amazing singer and a adorable dongsaeng that respects you, Bambam is fashionable like you and a cute dongsaeng that energizes you. Yugyeom is like your baby and a dancing god like you, he looks up to so much and in his eyes you're his beloved hyung that takes good care of him. Everyone else is amazing in their own way and so much better and deserving of your love. I'm scared they will all finally see your greatness that I see and love, and want you for themselves. I know you love me but that’s because you don’t see how much better everyone is in comparison to me. I'm scared that  if you hangout with them more, you will just see me for the loser I am and leave me for someone obviously more deserving.”

    “I know if I didn’t have my looks I would have never debuted. I can’t rap, I mess up tricking on stage more times then I succeed in them, I can’t sing, and i’m mediocre dancer. I’m nothing like you guys, you're all talented and handsome. I all have are my looks and nothing else, i’m a useless, expendable member. Not only am I useless member, i’m y boyfriend too. All I can do is make you worry and sad. I made you cry and hurt you all the time, unintentionally. I can’t understand your feeling, like you understand mine. I always need you to come and help me, when i’m older and I should be helping. I love with every fiber of my body, but even that is not enough because I still hurt you or worry you. I’m suppose be a stress relief, but I only add on to your stress. I'm so sorry and I always tell you that, I always have to apologize to you because i’m constantly doing something wrong. Yet, I feel entitled to be your one and only, I want you to be happy like how you make me. I am just not good enough to be your boyfriend. I am not enough, i’m not able to love you properly. The way angel like you should be loved. I don’t deserve to be your boyfriend, you deserve better than me” Mark choked out all his feeling despite crying throughout his whole speech. He knows that Jr. is going to finally understand how weak he is and break up with him, he is just waiting for those words.

    *SLAAAPPPPP!!!!* Mark felt a heavy stinging on his cheeks that burned. He looked up towards Jr., the younger’s eyes were furious filled with rage and tears, that were falling down his cheeks. “Jinyoung ah” Mark whispered still in shock that the younger slapped him. “how dare you!” the younger whispered so low, shaking barely audible, but Mark heard him. Mark braced himself for the break up he knew was going to happen. “MARK YIEN TUAN, HOW DARE YOU!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE” Jr. yelled, Mark has never in his life seen the younger so enraged. “ DON’T YOU EVER! AND I MEAN EVER! Talk about the man I love in that way ever again. How could you talk about yourself like that?” Mark was speechless he thought Jr. would break up with him. He never thought Jr. would ever get so mad at him for talking about himself in that way. “Jinyoung I - ah ---um I” “NO SHUT UP!!! It’s your turn to listen! I don’t know where you got the idea that you can say those thing about yourself and that I would be just fine and dandy listening to it. I don’t know who you think Mark Tuan is, but I can assure you the man you described is not him. That man you just talked about does not exist because I know Mark Tuan and will not anyone let talk down about my boyfriend in front my face!”

    Jr. was so red and wouldn’t stop shaking from his anger, he couldn’t believe Mark thought those things about himself. “Not talented? Are you insane or just dumb!? I’ve never seen someone catch on to tricking so fast and do it so well as you have. Jackson was an olympic athlete and JB was a BBoy, and yet neither of them can trick as well as you can. Can’t rap? Sure you may not be a great rapper, but your voice and tone are so mesmerizing and captivating. I have to remind myself when we perform, that I am also performing and can’t stare at you. Sure you may be introverted, but that doesn’t mean you are any less friendly than the others. You may not be Bambam level, but you’d be right after him in Fan service. You take such good care of your fans and that's why they love you. You put just as much effort and passion into your dance as Yugyeom. You may not have his raw talent, but that never stopped you from giving your all when dancing. You are by no means mediocre in anyway. You want honesty and facts then I'll give you them.Yeah you're handsome and that may have been the reason you were recruited to JYP, but that is definitely not the reason you debuted. You came to a foreign country that you have absolutely no affiliations with. You adapted to the culture and language. You worked and trained so hard while learning a new language. You physically and emotional went through some tough times and never gave up. Mark you're so immensely strong, there are few people that can just leave their life and start a new one in a foreign place. You've done so much and yet you think you're weak?!. Why? Because you're insecure and can't handle everything all on your own. You keep telling me you know the truth, but guess what? You don't know ! It takes a strong person to recognize how much they can handle and when they should rely on someone else”.

“Mark I don't know why you think i'm perfect. I mean i'm faltered but I'm also flawed. If you're a terrible boyfriend then I must be one also”. Mark was trying to remain quiet the whole time to let Jr. speak, but he couldn't allow the younger to say such things about himself. "Don't say that you are a great boy--" Jr. Sighed "I already told you I'm speaking and your listening. This concept must be another thing you thought you knew, but look how shocking you have the wrong idea about the concept of listening also. I think I'm starting to see a pattern here Mark. I'll put it in laymen terms for you. I am talking and you are going to be quiet. Which means your lips shouldn't be moving and I shouldn't hear your voice." Jr. said with a hard voice, getting pissed off about Mark talking about himself, but the moment Jr. talks about himself badly the older takes issue with it. “I’m going to to say this once and only once, If you ever talk about yourself in that way ever again. I will personally beat some sense into you, Do you understand me?” Mark just nodded, Jr. has never threatened some with violence before and he was dropping the hyung. Mark knew Jr. was dead serious and it was scary. Jr. took a deep breath to calm himself down before he continued. He know he getting too enraged and it was scaring the older.

“Mark, i’m not going to lie to you, yes you hurt me and make me cry sometimes. Honestly, there are times where I wish I never loved you or I could control my heart to not love you.” Mark bowed his head, he knew this was coming. However, Jr. wasn’t about to let him off that easy. “Look at me” but Mark couldn’t move his head, he didn’t want Jr. to see him crying. Jr. let out a heavy sigh, he sat back down on the edge of his bed. He patted the empty space beside of him, motioning for Mark to sit next to him. But the older just stood in front of him with his head facing towards the ground. “Idiot” Jr. muttered before pulling the older’s hand, taking Mark by surprise and knocking him off balance, causing him to fall into Jr.’s lap. Mark face was 4 cm away from Jr.; with his hands on Jr,’s shoulders, one knee on the bed beside Jr.’s thigh and the other knee on Jr.’s lap, causing the younger to hiss in slight pain. Mark blushed being so close up to Jr.’s face but was mentally beating himself up for his lack of balance, feeling embarrassed. Which caused more tears to fall out his eyes. “So--s-sorry” Mark barely got the word out of his mouth before rushing to remove himself from Jr. Though Jr. wasn’t allowing him to put anymore distance, be it physically or mentally, between the two of them. Obviously his hyung was not only Brainless, but he’s blind too and Jr. is taking upon himself to enlighten Mark. He puts one arm around Mark’s waist and the his other hand on Mark’s lower back, pulling Mark to sit on his lap. Mark began to shift to get out of his lap, but Jr. only pulled the older closer so their chest were touching and Mark was forced to face him.

“Mark, It hurt me alot to love you. It hurt so much to be in love with you, but I couldn’t help it. Yes, I wished at times to stop being in love with you, because it didn’t seem like you’d ever love me back. Just that thought of that hurt me so much, so I settle into to thinking that if you were happy I could deal with the pain for you. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you and that I wasn’t enough. But guess what, you did love me and you washed away all those nasty, negative thoughts from my mind. You helped me get rid of those insecurities. Most importantly you made me realize how much happiness I could feel. Mark you make me feel so many intense emotions, yes that also includes sadness and hurt. But the amount of love and happiness you make me feel over shadows all the past pain. We are both human Mark and we’ll make mistakes, we’ll hurt each other and make one another sad at times. We’re in a relationship and it takes more than love to keep it going. But we have forever to figure it out, so we don’t have to hurt each other and can just love each other. Forever is how long I want to be with you and you know what i’m selfish, now that I finally got you I don’t plan on letting you go.You need to trust me with your emotions Mark, I love you and I will always listen to you. I will never think you're weak for having insecurities, everyone has them. No matter how small they may seem or petty, I want you to tell me them and I promise I won’t think you're acting stupid. If something is hurting you I want to help you, because no matter how much you hurt me or make me sad. It hurts me more to see you hurting and thinking so lowly of yourself. I love you because your Mark, I could care less about who’s more talent or more handsome than you. Because no one will ever be Mark Yien Tuan and in my eyes despite your flaws, you're the best there is. I never could control my love for you, when I am with you it’s like my emotions are on overload. Whether it be good or bad, I wouldn’t change it because I know your worth it. Your worth all the pain Mark, even if you can’t see it. I know it and It’s my job as your boyfriend to make you see that and if you can’t see it i’m not being a good boyfriend.”

Mark was balling at this point and he couldn’t care any less about it. Jr. just made him feel sorry, guilty, stupid, so very loved, and most importantly valuable, all at the same. He was so moved and thankful he couldn’t stop crying. Jr. was worried with all of Mark’s tears, his body was violently shaking from all his sobs. The younger cupped his boyfriend’s face, brushed off his tears and the leant in and kissed him. Mark was taken by surprise with the sudden kiss that his mind went blank for a good ten seconds before kissing Jr. back. Jr. took dominance and slipped in his tongue into Mark’s mouth intensifying the kiss. It was intense, but not lust driven, It was if Jr. was trying desperately to show Mark what the elder meant to him. Jr. made sure he thoroughly kissed Mark, in order for Mark to get it through his head, that Mark means the world to him and that he’ll never leave the elder, because Mark was more than enough for him. Mark was getting light headed from the lack of oxygen and intensity of Jr’s kiss (more like 5 minute long make-out session). Jr noticed Mark’s lips getting slower and sloppier, so he pulled away. He rested his forehead on Mark’s “you’re more than enough, you’re all i’ll ever need. Thank you for showing me what love is and thank you for loving me, for choosing me! I don’t need anyone else but you Mark. Just you, as long as I have you I know I’ll be able to face anything.” Jr breathed out looking into Mark’s eyes expressing such raw emotion that he never shows anyone else. It made Mark feel special, he was so grateful for Jr. Jr. knows exactly what to say and do to knock sense into Mark and make him feel worth it. He didn’t even realize he stopped crying, when it felt like not to long ago he was hysterically bawling.

“Thank you for loving me Jinyoung ah. I can’t thank you enough for loving me. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m sorry being so stupid, you are the best boyfriend.” Mark said smiling at the younger which made Jr. automatically smile. “I love your smile hyung! Don’t ever lose it” “If i’m with you I’ll never be able to lose it” “yah! that’s so cheesy hyung” Jr. whined but he was still blushing at the words. “so cute” Mark muttered before burying his head into Jr.’s chest.  “Hyung promise me you’ll come to me whenever you are upset and feeling down okay?” “neh, Jinyoung ah I promise, but you need to do the same.” “araso hyung!” Mark smiled at Jr. How can lucky can I be to have Jinyoung as my boyfriend, he is so cute!

“Mark hyung, I going to make sure you know how much I love you. I will mark every piece of your body and make you feel my love. I’ll make love to you, to the point your body will physically be unable to forget my love for you.” Jr. whispered in Mark ear lustfully, making the older turn bright red and forced him to look at his boyfriend’s face. God help me! Jinyoung will the death of me. How can he go from cute to unbearably y in .02 seconds. God his voice and words alone are already making hard. Before Mark realized a moan escaped his mouth after hearing Jr.’s words, making him turn even more red, if it was even possible. Jr. lifted Mark up, squeezing his as he moved to place the older on his bed, causing Mark to let out another soft moan. Jr. hovered over Mark “I’m going to make sure you’re a mess, the only thing you’ll be saying is my name, over and over again” Jr. said before attacking Mark’s mouth.

Author Comment

This chapter turned out longer than I expected, so I had to upoload it today, instead of yesterday as a planned.

I was wondering if you guys wanted anymore Markjin ? Which is why I left off the chapter the way I did.

So what do you think? Comment and let me know your thoughts. Thanks for subscribing and reading!