JB saw how brave his best friend was when he talked about his deepest feelings. He thinks about how hard it must have been for Jr., seeing as Jr. always keeps everything inside and never shows anything less than his calm and controlled self to everyone, even JB. JB realized he had to do the same and take the golden information Jr. had to given to him and put to some good use. He snapped out of his thoughts as he decided what he was going to do. He saw Jackson go up to Bambam and then later saw the resistance Bambam put up. He sigh worriedly hoping they’ll make up. It also scared him seeing how Bambam reacted, it made wonder how Youngjae is going to feel and react. JB got up and walked over to Youngjae, "Hey, I think it's about time us two also have a chat, don't you think?" JB said only to be met with a blank stare and silence from Youngjae. JB sighed he really thinks they should talk, but unlike Jackson. He isn't going to force Youngjae to talk to him, mainly because he knows Youngjae's room, unlike Bambam's, isn't next to Jr.'s. So he wouldn't disturb Markjin's/Jinmark making up session. "Youngjae ah, I won't force you to talk to me. Whenever you're ready we can talk, but I do think we need to talk." JB said and waited for a response that he never got from Youngjae. He concluded that younger wasn't ready to talk to him and he shouldn't force him. So he got up and went back to his room. When he got there, he didn't realize that Youngjae was following him. JB went to close the door and that's when he noticed Youngjae. JB jumped a little startled and Youngjae just ignored the surprise in JB's face and locked the door to their room and sat down on their blankets, that JB obviously forgot to make up this morning.

"Why are you here?" JB asked still confused at Youngjae's actions, because regardless of whether or not he is here. The younger still looks like he isn't going to talk so, why did he follow JB. "It's also my room hyung, am I not allowed to be in here?" "No, that's not what I meant. It's just you don't seem to want to talk. So I guess I really want to know why did you follow me?" "I don't want to talk because i'm really not sure what I should say or how to formulate my thoughts in coherent sentences, but that doesn't me I can't listen hyung."

JB looked at his dongsaeng and thought back to how shy and scared he was when they first met him. He would have never been able to talk like that back when they were trainees or in the beginning of their debut. JB always thought about why it was so easy for the maknaes to love Jr. so openly, and looking at Youngjae now he realized the answer. It’s because Jr. helped them all grow up and become such independent and stronger people. JB always thought that Jr. babied the maknae line, but looking at Youngjae now he sees that might not be the case. Jr. may have babied them, but he also broke them out their shells and help them mature. JB felt a sense of pride looking at his dongsaeng and thinks he should be able to have all this strength that all his dongsaengs seem to be displaying.

JB took a deep breath and sat down next to Youngjae, "okay Youngjae, then I'll start off and you can just listen. If you feel like you ready to talk just go." Youngjae nodded at his hyung. " Well first off I want to, I'm sorry for the way I've acted recently. I've been avoiding you and I didn't even notice you were having a hard time, until Jr. made it apparent. I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you and I didn't even realize your feelings towards me. I know you must be sad and angry at me. You have every right to be, I was a horrible hyung and acted improperly to the situations that arose. I know I shouldn't even expect much from you, but i'm sincerely asking for your forgiveness. Youngjae ah, Can you forgive me?"

"No." "uh i-i-i under s-stand." JB said shocked and hurt by Youngjae's abrupt and curt answer "No hyung. You actually don't understand, I can forgive you for hurting me but I can't forgive you for what you asked. You say your sincerely apologizing. Either you don't know what sincerely means or you just think i'm some idiot, naïve child that will believe anything their hyung tells them. Do you think i'm easy or stupid hyung?" JB was so shock never has any of his dongsaengs ,or Mark hyung, ever spoke to him in that way. Youngjae was the last one of s that he would think would ever talk to him like that, well except for maybe Yugyeom. Youngjae himself was surprised at how he talked to his hyung, he never once dared of even thinking of speaking to the leader like that before, but he was so angry at JB not because of what he did, but rather for what he isn't doing. "Hyung, in order to sincerely apologize you need to tell the truth. Let's be honest here hyung. I love you, I don't think i've ever loved someone so much in my life before. You're always on my mind. Even when I don't notice it, i'm subconsciously thinking of you. At first it scared me to death hyung, because I never felt this way about anyone and much less a guy. I didn't I know I was gay and honestly i'm not sure if I really am. Though despite that, the one thing I really know for a fact is that I love you. It scared me at first because we are both guys and I didn't even know if you felt that way about me or what you even thought about being gay in general. I was scared you'd hate me and think I was disgusting or if you’d just act as if I wasn't even human. I thought that was the worst thing that could happen, but I was wrong then you were treating Bambam like he was the cutest, most amazing thing in the world. I was jealous and hurt. I thought my world was coming down, I began to replace my scared thoughts with depressing thoughts. I thought why I wasn't good enough? Or what am I lacking? Or why aren't Bambam? Or why am I not lovable? It really did feel as my heart was being ripped to pieces and I was being taunted for not being enough." Youngjae said with so much raw emotion in his voice and JB was speechless. He felt his throat tighten up, it was like something was lodged in his throat and it hurt to speak. JB felt like scum at this point and wasn't even sure what he should say to Youngjae.

But Youngjae made that easier for him as he continued to speak, " But you know what hyung I was wrong again. Seeing you and Bam Bam and knowing my love was one sided was not the worst thing ever. Right now is the most unbearable and heart hurting thing, you say you love me, but it's obvious that we are on different levels. Not have having my love returned isn't nearly as painful as this moment right now.  To know that you don't love me as much as I love you and That you don't love yourself like I love you. Hyung I would show you every part of me in a heartbeat if you asked. Without hesitation i'd allow you to see parts of me I try to hide from even myself. But, you won't do the same for me, but apparently you can tell Bambam. Hyung, I can forgive you for anything, but not if don't tell me truth. I have only ever admired 2 people in my life and that's you and Jr. hyung. I've always looked up to you because you were so strong and so talented hyung. I was intimidated at first when I met you, but I realize now the nervousness and anxiety I felt when I first met you, was because I fell in love with you from the beginning hyung. I admire you for your work ethic and professionality, but I love you for you and everything little piece that makes you up. Whether or not you're proud of it yourself. Hyung how can you say you love me, but not trust me enough to tell me how you really feel. But you tell Bambam, hyung you loving Bambam would have hurt me less, than you not trusting me. I would never judge you or think less of you, you know that. So why can't you let me in hyung?" at this point Youngjae didn't even know he was crying, JB on the other hand was openly crying and it honestly hurt Youngjae to see his hyung so broken. He just wanted to fix him, but JB wouldn't let him in to help him.

JB felt so stupid, he has been hiding all his feelings for Youngjae and trying not to love him. It's honestly impossible not to, JB concluded, cause in this moment it’s clearly evident to JB how undeniable perfect and angelic Youngjae. Youngjae has grown up more than JB gave the younger credit for. JB felt so loved and only wanted Youngjae to know how much he really loves the younger. " Youngjae you're right i've been treating you poorly. I convinced myself it would be easier and better for you if I stayed away and shut you out, but honestly I was just being a coward. I was scared of confronting my feelings, because I love you. It is so easy to love you, but I know i'm not good enough or deserving enough of your love. I have a horrible temper, i'm almost like Jr. in being a perfectionist, but unlike Jr. I can't be perfect. I am too old for you, and i'm obviously unattentive to people's feelings because I can't even sort my own out. I think i'm not fit to be leader and honestly it really should be Jr. He is much better a fit for it and if you should love anyone, the only person I know who is even on your level of amazing and deserving of you would be Jr. That could possible be your only fault, you have bad taste in who you should love. I am flawed and probably will die alone because I would be the worst person to be in a relationship with. I don't deserve your love Youngjae, you should be with someone like Jr. Someone who can treat you right and not unintentionally hurt you all the time." "Hyung, Jinyoung hyung is so in love with Mark hyung. It would physically kill him not to be with Mark. I mean look at Jr. hyung. I didn't know it was possible for him to breakdown like that and it's all because of Mark hyung. I don't think I deserve Jr. hyung either and Mark hyung sure as hell doesn't deserve him. But when you love someone it doesn't matter, as long as you as your willingly to bare with all the pain and hurt that is bound to happen. Which i'm willing to do try, if you want to try, because hyung we can both be lost and figure this out together. Jr. hyung may know me better than myself, but if you want to, then i'm willing to give myself completely to you and allow you to know me just as well as him. But only if you give the same in return." Youngjae said with his hopeful and now swollen eyes.

JB smiled and wondered how he was lucky enough to get the love of an angel. "I would be more than willing to give you all of me. I just hope your ready to see the most ugly sides of me and still feel the same." "Hyung, if it's you i'd take all the side I can get. Plus, I can't stop loving you even I tried." JB pulled the younger into his lap and hugged him so tight, he was really scared it was just a dream and he'd wake up. "Hyung promise me something?" "anything you want babe." Youngjae blushed at the new nickname and JB spazzed at his new adorable boyfriend's cuteness. "You have to promise me that we'll tell each the truth. No matter what and that you will try to stop putting yourself down because you're AMAZING just the way you are. Okay?" "I promise, but you have to help me, okay?" "of course hyung, you didn't need to even ask". They smiled at each and just hugged each other tightly until Youngjae pulled away looking shyly at JB, "Youngjae ah what's the matter?" "ummm... hyung .. can I .. umm kiss. you?" Youngjae whispered as if he was telling JB a national secret. JB’s smile got bigger, if that was possible and said "no”. Youngjae looked devastated and was about to ask why, when JB kissed and he gasped, surprised. JB took that opportunity to slip his tongue in Youngjae mouth, and Youngjae let out a moan and they continued like that till they felt the need to breathe. JB pulled away and pulled them both down to lay down in each other arms, "no you can't kiss me, it's my job to do it first. Since you took over being the mature one in our talk. I'm older stop trying to do things i'm suppose to do" JB said slightly pouted with his pride slightly wounded, but since it's Youngjae he doesn't mind much. Youngjae just giggled at his hyung's pride and buried himself in JB's chest and they fell asleep like that.

Author Comment

sorry for the wait I did finish it yesterday, but it all got deleted and I had to rewrite -_-.

Yay for 2jae! Poor Yugyeom is still left at the table though aww :(

next chapter is probably not gonna be up till thursday, i'm busy with classes and stuff.

But i'll try as soon as possible to update

Thanks again keep subscribing and commenting!