I thought I’ll never be able to feel something like that again. But I am.

The warm in my chest whenever I see her. Think about her. Or see anything that I car relate to her. The want of spending whole time with her. Going to work was never so hard before. Because that would mean, that I have to leave the bed, where she was. Sooner or later, she would kick me out anyway. That happened unfortunately too many times before. I wish I could just lock her in my house and spend as much time with her as I wish. But, I know that won’t happen. Not in the near future… or maybe...

“And why not?” I yelled angrily. We were fighting once again. About the same damn thing. The only thing we have ever fought.

“Because I don’t want to. I’m not like that!” SooMi yelled back “I never wanted a relationship that would lead to something like that”

“Every relationship lead to this, sooner or later!!”

She growled from anger and went to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. I rushed after her, my body was trembling. But when I opened the door furiously, my heart immediately softened. She was sitting on the floor, her back leaning on the bed. Her favorite, yellow pillow in her arms. She was trying to calm herself down. That pillow was always for calming her down. Every pillow that she had, and she had tons of them, were meant to a different occasions. There was a ‘I’m happy’ pillow, ‘I’m scared’ pillow, a pillow for movie watching and even a special pillow that she has to have near her when she was eating Chinese food at home.

Someone would say that that’s childish. But those pillows, were the only way to feel safe. At the beginning, I was even jealous of them.

But now, seeing her, holding tight her ‘Everything’s goin’ to be okay, don’t worry’ pillow, I knew what I should do. I knew I was pushing her too much.