i was in a state of shock for the next few days. i felt like i was still stuck in the nightmare that started more than a month ago. i was just as lifeless as sehun was and we couldn't grasp our souls if we tried.
at night, in Sehun's apartment I would ley in his bed, and in the middle of the night while he thought i was sleeping he would scream,cuss,and throw things around in the living room.
and that was an every night thing.
on one particular night i had heard him say he wished he was dead and that i was lucky i was the only thing keeping him alive.
that hurt me.
it hurt me that he had to go through the pain of wanting to commit suicide because his life wasnt fair. he had said it out his own mouth...
"i would rather be dead than be in the mafia like my father."
and that i belived.
after he would explode in the living room he would crawl back into bed snuggle up against me and fall asleep. this seemed like the only alternative that would make him fall sound alseep:take his anger out by him self. 
i wanted to help him,but i needed to help my self first. i was in just as much pain as he was because i knew i was losing him.
yea i still had him but soon i knew he would be gone and i would wake up in this bed alone one day.
that....
that was enough to make me go insane.

soon school in america was starting and i had enorolled us in classes at the school i used to go too. i thought mabey it could get his mind off things.. but as things kept getting worse for us i realised that it was only going to make matters much worse and there was no room for a thing as such.
but who knew.
everything seem unpredictable. 
so who was i to judge.

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