REVIEW PICKUP: nutellapopsicle-

Title: 3.5/5 I think the title was actually quite attractive- it gave off a cheery vibe and it attracted me more than many other titles did. However, the one thing I do not understand is why Mr. Right? Why not Miss Right? Because it is Yongguk meeting someone who looks like Kyuri right? Not the other way around. Also, the full stop behind 'Right' was not needed. 

Description: 3/5 To be honest, the description didn't pull me in as much as the title did. For one, I think that the ~*~*~*~* after 'He was no longer smiling, his world became dull and grey.' was kind of extra. Also, a grammar mistake, 

"Who exactly did he met?"

C: "Who exactly did he meet?"

I think that this description was only suitable for the front part of the story, and since it is chaptered, I am sure you will need a lot of time to develop the love between Yongguk and Sarang, right? So then when they fall in love, (which at Chapter 5 I can already sense) won't the description be a little off? That's just my opinion though. I like how you ended the description with a question.

Vocabulary: 5/10 There wasn't really much vocabulary used.

Grammar: 5/10 There were quite a lot of grammar mistakes in your story, but compared to a few other stories I've reviewed, I think yours is one of the better ones. Here are a few examples: 

"It's really thoughtful of them. I smiled at their tweets. The throbbing lessen. I took a sigh of relief. Eventually I fell asleep."

C: "It was really thougtful of them. I smiled at their tweets. The throbbing lessened. I sighed in relief and eventually fell asleep."

"I opened his room. No one was inside. Same goes to the other room. I was surprised. What time is it? ten in the morning..."

C: "I opened his room. No one was inside. The other rooms were the same. I was surprised. What time was it? Ten in the morning..."

" "Zelo why didn't you tell me that he was awake?" Himchan asked Zelo. "He just woke up when I went to check on him," the maknae answered with a pout. "

C: " "Zelo, why didn't you tell me that he was awake?" asked Himchan. 

"He just woke up when I went to check on him," the maknae answered with a pout."

Whenever a different person speaks, you have to make a new paragraph. In 'Himchan asked Zelo', Zelo was redundant since Himchan has already indicated that he was talking to Zelo. There are many more mistakes but because you didn't allow text selection, I didn't point them out.

Plot: 4/10 I've seen many plots like yours. The girl dies, the guy is sad, and suddenly woah, somebody that looks alike as the girl pops out in the story. I find some minor parts of the story unbelievable or mildly ridiculous too.

Jongup once asked if Yongguk was alright, right after the funeral or something, and Yongguk lied in order not to make the members worry. You wrote that everyone believed it except for Himchan, but that is ridiculous because nobody is okay after losing somebody dear to death. His lie was too easy to see through but yet the rest of BAP believed it? 

Another part was when Zelo pulled out a whiteboard and marker from the closet and Yongguk was all surprised. But what's there to be surprised about though? It's just a marker and a whiteboard. I understand if it is just mild surprise but he was really shocked, from how you described Yongguk.

I'll still give you points though, because I like reincarnation stuff haha, I'm quite curious if Kyuri actually reincarnated or is it all just a coincidence.

Flow: 5/10 It was extremely choppy. Very, very short sentences. I am going to suggest again that you join your short sentences together to make it not as choppy. Lemme use an example from above:

"I opened his room. No one was inside. Same goes to the other room. I was surprised. What time is it? ten in the morning..."

Edit: "I opened his room, yet I found nobody inside. The other rooms were the same, and I was surprised, so I checked the clock for the time and it was...

Ten in the morning!"

Effect on reader: 5/10 I was actually quite bored when I read through your story. But I think if you improve your grammar and add a twist somewhere later in the story, it'll be awesome. Don't give up!

Overall: 50/100 (Sorry for the extremely delayed review)

REVIEWER: kaepie

REVIEWED FINISHED ON: 07/30/2014

Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read the story here!