REVIEW PICKUP: kpopulzzangforever

Title: 3/5 The title is common and it didn't really fit with your story.

Description: 4/5 Maybe, to make it a bit neater and easier to read, you can keep it all in the same font and size. It's nice how you added in quotes from each character. If you want, maybe you can keep the quotes together and all in the center since it was so spaced out.

Vocabulary: 7/10 

Grammar: 7/10 There were many mistakes, mainly in punctuation. Don't put a space after the first quotation mark. Ex: " Hello." It should be, "Hello." Remember to add a punctuation mark (period, exclamation mark, question mark) at the end of your quotes. If someone is doing an action that's something besides talking, use a comma. Ex: She said, "Hello." or "Hello," she said. If they aren't then: She laughed. "That's so funny! or "That's so funny!" She laughed. Also, there were a few misspelled words: 'gentlely' should be 'gently'. Another was, "Thats quiet a unique name." It should be, "That's quite a unique name." 

Plot: 7/10 There were only two chapters so I didn't clearly find the plot. I can't say anything about this yet.

Flow: 7/10 In my opinion, I think that the flow was a bit too slow. But don't worry, this is just from me. 

Effect on reader: 7/10 It's just the beginning of the story so I can't say it affected me. It was confusing. There are some dragging words that make the sentence lose all of it's emotions. Try to cut out the extra/repeating words and get straight to the points in your sentences. You can also describe more as well. It might bring more emotion. If you're confused then here is an example: "It was so hot and I was sweating when I played tennis." You can try describing it and start with the subject as soon as possible, "Sweat trickled down the sides of my head as I hit the tennis ball to the wall under the scorching sun." 

Overall: 70/100

***If you notice a similar review to this then it's because doubleabs and I reviewed your story in Floral Review Shop. 

REVIEWER: Jindos21

REVIEW FINISHED ON: 07/14/2014

Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read her story here!