REVIEW PICKUP: GetLayD

Title: 4/5

'The Wind That Vanished Into The Twilight', the title in itself is extremely unique. Normally the term 'Twilight' would be used to introduce vampire or supernatural themes. So I liked how you used the element of surprise there.

Description: 4/5

It was well written and left me in shadows while trying to predict what was the actual content. I was still thinking of Vampires, though.

Vocabulary: 5/10

It was simple, but a little too simple. In some areas, it conveys the basic meaning with not the dept you would have wanted it to. 

Grammar:  6/10

Most of these are simple mistakes.

" He never once flashed his dimpled-smile or have eyes smile like moon crescents "

C: " He never once flashed his dimpled-smile or eye smile like moon crescents" Since you already used a verb in the first phrase, it isn't necessary to add 'have'

"falling onto the concrete floor with his hands burying his face."

C: "falling onto the concrete floor with his face buried in his hands."

"making Yi Xing whine at the lost of contact "

C: making Yi Xing whine at the loss of contact 

"could say while letting out three fingers."

C: Since fingers aren't like the spawn of Satan to be let out, you have to replace it with 'he brought out' or something that suits the sentence more.

"riding his orgasam"

C: Riding his

The almost excessive use of the semi colon [;] which is commonly used to express a period or a pause in a sentence without having to use an actual period or full stop.

These are not major mistakes but in the end, they do deserve to be pointed out.

Plot: 8/10

It has a relatively good plot for a one-shot, with meaningful beginnings and the wasn't all over the place. 

Effect on reader: 7/10

Truth be told, there  isn't much of understanding to do as it has a very simple introduction. There in, the plot being simple enables the reader to expercience the anguish that YiXing felt. 

Flow:  7/10

The plot doesn't break off at any point point and stays consistent throughout the whole story.

Overall: 87/100

The grammar was the only thing that did it in for me, but other than that, excellently handled and it didn't seem too unrealistic.

REVIEWER: TheSparliestVampire
FINISHED ON: 6th July 2014
Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read her story here!