2008

“what are you thinking about Jongin?”

I end up asked this question to her. I don’t know why. Because I feel curious about Naeun feels toward Jongin or I want to help him. My mind is confused.

“Kim Jongin sunbaenim? Oppa classmate?”. Her answer my weird question with shocked face.

“Who else”, I bite my bottom lips, not patient toward her answer.

“Mmm… I don’t have a chance close to Jongin sunbaenim, so I don’t know about his personalities. But he is cute and charming, he handsome too. And he is cool when he plays basketball”. Why I don’t like her answer so much.

“Aahh.. gure?”, I slightly nodded and slurp my cola.

“why oppa? why you ask those question to me?”, her beautiful eyes stare at me.

“No, I am just curious”. I feel I must end this conversation. I feel bad for my appetite.

***

We finished our food silently. We barely talk.

We walk to Bus stop with blanked mind. I don’t feel easy about her answer. I keep thinking, are she interested with Jongin? He said him cute, charming, and handsome. This is good information for Jongin, but.. Ah.. I don’t know. I brushed my hair.

She must notice my strange action, “what’s matter oppa?”

I stop walking and face her, I stare her intensely, I held her shoulder and I said, “Naeunah.. if.. I say if somebody confesses to you, are you accepting him as your boyfriend?”, Why suddenly I feel nervous.

she blink her eyes, and her lips make a cute formation as she said “no”, 

I lose my hand on her shoulder and say, “why?”

“I feel I don’t need a boyfriend right now, school, piano, English lesson and ballet already confiscate my time. I don’t need another distraction”. I surprised. A part of my heart is happy toward her answer but another part feels sad. Not because I pity to Jongin, yes.. poor Jongin but why I feel uneasiness.

***

I reached my home about one hour. I took a bath and laid my head on pillow, staring at ceiling. I don’t know when this feeling come.

I reminiscing the past, when we first time met. That time I was 9 years old and she was 8. I was new at this neighbored. Since my father make moved to Seoul due to his job. When I was walking from school to my house, I saw a girl played with swinging ride alone. No friend around her. I thought I saw ghost that time, because she wore a white dress and had long black hair. I didn’t have courage to close to her, so I ignored her. But, almost every day I saw her played alone there. I feel pity for her. At spring day on Sunday, I make a moved to her. At beginning she just ignored my existence, she keep played with her own world until I spoke,

what’s your name?

I didn’t know, why I had courage to greet her. Nervously I waited her answer, she stopped played and look at me with curiosity. 1 second, 9 second, 15 second, 1 minute, I didn’t hear any word out of . I keep thinking, was she deaf or something? Why she didn’t answer my question. But after a while she stood up from the swinging ride and come near to me. I didn’t know why I felt nervous that time. She was smile and offered her hand and said,

My name is Naeun, Son Naeun.

My eyes might be mistaken that time. As I remember, I saw her has wings, a pair of angel wings. Like romantic drama, flowers were flying everywhere.

I feel asleep as I dreaming about the past.